pickupstix

nick cage, internet explorer, comic sans, and crocs

WHAT IF TUMBLR WAS A SCHOOL?

“this is the only sex gif i’ll ever reblog”

posts written as an anNOYING CRESCENDO

david karp unironically being called daddy

Everything is about race or gender, even when it has absolutely nothing to do with either of those.

It’s okay to twist a news story to be something entirely different than what really happened, so long as it suits your purposes to do so.

It’s also okay to make up total bullshit, and circulate it as though it were truth.

You are only allowed to express sadness over what others demand that you talk or care about.

It’s not enough to be marginalized:  You need several additional layers of extremely specific marginalization that exists nowhere outside of tumblr.  You’re not “cool” unless you identify as a diabetic, octogender, buttersexual, transethnic can openerkin.

Sexuality in fandoms is horrible and wrong, except when women or minorities do it–then it’s totes okay.

All forms of media must be picked apart for anything even slightly “offensive”, because “oppressed” suburban teenagers have no distinction between fantasy and reality.

“Callout culture” is the new Salem witch hunt.

Ignorant teenagers that don’t understand what Communism actually is (and have apparently never picked up a history book), trying to convince others that “It might work this time!”.

Shoplifting is “cool” and “sticking it to the man”, even though it actually raises prices for everyone else, and hurts the employees far more than it could ever hurt the corporations.

You’re not allowed to be happy about anything ever.  You need to be in a state of constant misery, or else you clearly don’t care about the world’s ills.  This is because it reminds lonely, hypocritical teenage social outcasts with severe victimization complexes and entitlement issues about how completely alone they are outside of tumblr.