doing petplay and gunplay at the same time im a horse with a broken leg and you have to just shoot me

My WIFE (ao3) has been SHOT (is down for maintenance) and is DEAD FOREVER (probably will be back up in a few hours)

Billy being pissed at himself like “why would I fall in love with this pasty dude from the Midwest what is wrong with my brain???? Do you know how many surfer hunks I pulled in California??? Do you????” And then Steve looks at him and Billy goes “oh 🥹”

you’ll be fine. you made it out of impossible situations before and you will do it again

ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? YOU WILL DO IT AGAIN.

“i never see you at the club” ok well i never see you on ao3 at 2am reading about the same two bitches falling in love for the 1000th time in the 500th way

remember to eat all of the delicious summertime fruits you can before theyre no longer in season. my final message. goodbye

walks out of a bar covered in kisses and I say "you should see the other guy" and you look in the bar and he's dead in a pool of blood