Barrel of Crude Oil

you firmly confidently with 0 doubt remember someone saying something, and later you bring it up in conversation. "what?? i never said that." "what do you mean? of course you did!" so you go back through messages to find it and. it's not there. they never DID say that. but you were so sure?

you have vivid, clear memory of putting an item in a specific place. you go to find it and... it's not there. it's where you put it before that. did you just imagine moving it? it felt so real...

you're laughing along with someone telling a story of a shared experience. you add a detail that you remember pretty clearly. "wdym?? that didn't happen." you're confused. you go through the pictures and see that they're right, that didn't happen. but you remember it clear as day??

so every day, you doubt yourself. you become super easy to gaslight because you legitimately are "crazy" and "making shit up" and you have no idea WHEN it's happening because the fake memories feel exactly the same as real ones. but on the other hand, you don't actually care very much. you can't care very much. it's profoundly existentially horrifying, but also, it's just whatever. life goes on, right?

pt: Echopraxia Pride Flag /end PT

ID: a five striped flag oriented diagonally from the top left corner to the bottom right corner over a bluish cyan background. The colors of the stripes are, from top to bottom, cyan, reddish magenta, reddish orange, reddish magenta and cyan. end PT

Echopraxia: a disorder characterized by the involuntary copying or imitation of another individual's actions or behavior. A person suffering from echopraxia will compulsively imitate the movements or behaviors of a person around them. Echopraxia is sometimes a symptom of autism spectrum disorder, schizophrenia, catatonia, tourette’s syndrome and many other conditions.

For example, when observing a person near them touch their nose a person with echopraxia may involuntarily begin to touch their nose.

SCHIZOTYPAL - warped perception ✶⠀⠀⠀💬

pt: schizotypal warped perception pt: end

───⠀⠀⠀a flag for those with StPD who struggle with warped perception in terms of interacting with people . They might feel like they

- constantly misunderstand conversations

- come off as awkward or " stupid "

- become paranoid with the person

- etc..!

───⠀⠀⠀Inclusive of all schizotypal experiences. Inclusive of schizotypal adjacents , undiagnosed beings& and beings& with symptoms. Not intended for transSTPD folks , however I can't stop you from using this .

‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿⠀⠀⠀⟡⠀⠀⠀‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿

pt: a flag for those with STPD who struggle with warped perception in terms of interacting with people. They might feel like they constantly misunderstand conversations, come off as awkward or "stupid", become paranoid with the person, etc.

Inclusive of all schizotypal experiences. Inclusive of schizotypal adjacents, undiagnosed beings& and beings& with symptoms. Not intended for trans STPD folks, however I can't stop you from using this. pt: end

───⠀⠀tagging: @museedu, @mad-pride, @radiomogai . No DNI , however transhatefuls get sniped .

Notes game !!!

spam is allowed and encouraged, almost all are repeatable.

not reached

reached but incomplete

completed

5 notes — change clothes

10 notes — practice for band camp

20 notes — drink a cup of water

25 notes — proper hygiene besides just sitting in water and wearing deodorant

30 notes — quit c ai

40 notes — finish pluralspace profiles

50 notes — no sh for a week straight

80 notes — eat an actual meal

100 notes — clean my room

150 notes — wont relapse for a month

200 notes — finish any incomplete artwork

300 notes — eat something everyday for a week

500 notes — take my meds everyday and night

550 notes — no p0rn for as long as possible

700 notes — tell my therapist some small things ive been hiding

1000 notes — wont relapse for as long as possible

1500 — tell my therapist EVERYTHING

3000 — come out to my biological mom

5000 — start going outside more

10000 — make new friends at the start of the school year (im so fucking scared)

100000 — come out to my adoptive mom

I enjoy the creativity and unique way of thinking it gives me. people love me specifically for my eccentricity, and while it's hard for me to maintain relationships, it helps that people actually want to be my friend. hanging around goths and emos since middle school has its perks.

of course there are the parts that suck, like paranoia, hallucinations, and ideas (milder delusions), but even then I think it brings some caution to me, and I don't get hurt or into trouble often. I also tend to not mind visual hallucinations. my large dogs will warn me if something is actually there.

these symptoms have been mostly alleviated by medication, thankfully.

For Social Anxiety, the root is in the fear of embarrassment or negative evaluation by those around them. The fear of how others often perceive them

But with StPD the root lies in mistrust, paranoia, and distorted thinking