first-drafts

It’s not you it’s me

Especially since you’ve gone around telling everyone I’m the problem

Yeah definitely

You’ve done nothing wrong

Even though I’ve sat through fifth period countless times

Counting the times you’ve made me cry

Am I dating a boy or an onion for god sakes

I read the texts that proved you were cheating all along

So I convinced myself to be strong

And ask you what was going on

Only to be convinced I’m the one in the wrong

So i thought we made it through

You said it would never happen again

So I’m trying to apprehend

Why you then

hit on my best friend

What kinda fucked up mentality must-

I have had to believe her.

When she’s only ever told me the truth

But every time

You told me lies

Made me lose my mind

And somehow persuade me with those ocean blue eyes.

I don’t get it.

But I guess I should be thanking you, right?

At least in some way you want me.

Better than nothing huh?

But you wanna know what

No.

After a little bit of thinking

I realized

There was a reason we ended the first time.

And I realized my mistake wasn’t that I consistently accused you,

It was that I was with a guy who had a reason to be consistently accused.

And I realized

It is not my fault you cheated on me

Something that was my fault is

I was so damn gullible.

I honestly thought you meant all those

I love you’s

What I failed to see is that

When you said I love you

What you meant is

I’ll love you enough to get in your pants

And honestly,

I’m worth a hell lot more than that.

So now when you send that apology text saying

“I’m sorry, I miss you”

And all that clique bullshit

Instead of running back to your toxic embrace

I will laugh in your face and say

Fuck you

Cause I don’t need it anymore

I don’t need the lies

I don’t need the heartache

And I sure as hell don’t need your goddamn approval.

I am not beautiful because you say I am

I’m beautiful cause I got my mamas genes

I’m not funny because you think I am

I’m funny cause I got my dads sense of humor

And guess what

I don’t wear combat boots because I know you like them

I wear combat boots because I know they’ll leave a mark

when I kick your deceitful ass out the door.

And don’t try to peep through the window

Because this time

I’ll just shut the blinds.

I don’t need you anymore

And more importantly,

I don’t want you anymore

And I have finally come to the conclusion

That after all the pain you put me through

That it’s not me