𝐅𝐀𝐃𝐄 * / 𝓪 𝔀 𝓪 𝔂 .

slater was aware this was out of character for fin,  also knew maybe he didn’t know fin just as well as he thought anymore. time had certainly passed between them, the smallest of hints now that there was someone else there now taking his place, doing things he used to. wasn’t something he should think about, it elicited a weird sense of happiness and hurt. couldn’t quite comprehend what it was in him, he did know that there was a  place in his heart feeling pain, the way fin looked… spoke to him. he’d brush it off, he asked for it when he stopped what they had, knowing if fin hated him at least he’d move on easier. ❝ did i? you think ruining the best thing i had was a favour to myself. interesting if you ask me. trust me the only person i was doing it for was you because it would’ve been more selfish of me to keep us going then do what was best and end it. regardless of how i pretended i felt.❞ was usually so composed, so blunt and honest but even these words came out frantically. was sure fin would be able to feel the emotions dripping right off him, tensions running high between them. was certain the weight of peoples eyes were starting to shift between them but the last thing he wanted was a fight, especially with fin. ❝ fin i’m just trying to be honest. you should probably just tell me to go, and i should listen. right. i know i did, but that’s.. it’s not what i was feeling at all. i know, i didn’t realise how easily you’d believe it. i’m sorry fin fuck, i know it’s not fair to ask or to want that. i didn’t think… it was even going to affect you that much, i didn’t think… you wanted us that much.. that’s the truth, i thought i was doing it before you ever really got.. attached.❞ couldn’t admit that it was what he wanted, that even if he knew he would never have fin like before, he’d take anything. it just wasn’t something he was sure fin could do. a quiet passed over them, he was a little too late, the apology should have come sooner. had always been afraid. ❝ i wouldn’t be here if i didn’t. i just wanna fix this us. i don’t want to think every day.. that you’re out there hating me.  don’t know why but that.. hurts to think about.” slater nodded, accepting the subtle offer. ❝ wanna just go talk out there..? feel like people are starting to stare. and i could use a distraction too.❞ knows better than to take a step too close, as if things weren’t difficult enough between them.  grabbing the drink sitting between them as a buffer he made his way out. eyes looking back every so often, those words, however, had him catching his breath, turning back to find his eyes. ❝ what..?❞ it was a surprise, even though someplace in slaters heart told him maybe fin was just hurt it wasn’t hatred. tonight convinced him otherwise. ❝ would it have been easier for you if you did..? i wanted you too, or i thought it did. but i don’t anymore ❞ knew exactly what was coming next, anything else would’ve been wishful thinking. ❝ right. because of our past..? it’d mess things with theo too right? ❞

fin would regret this in the morning. regret being so rude to slater. expressing himself in a way that wasn’t like him. he’d feel awful about it later. but right now  ,  he’s not even feeling any remorse in what the’s saying. it’s not that he thinks slater needs to hear it as much as he needs to say it. there were so many things he never got to say because one minute slater was there and the next  ,  he was gone. and that’s just the type of partner fin usually was. if they left  ,  he wasn’t a chaser but we always come back if he was asked. so fin just waited for slater to come back and he never did. so finally  ,  fin moved on. met theo  &  the idea of giving his heart away again was terrifying  –––  couldn’t even process it before it was happening. and as he thought things were finally settling down with that  ,  here comes slater. wasn’t that slater was making him question being with theo  ,  he just knew it wasn’t good news in general.  “  the best thing you had.  ”  it’s painful for him to repeat  ,  but he can’t think about it sympathetically right now. his brain can only get mad. mad at slater for telling him they shouldn’t do this. mad at slater for clearly not wanting them to have broken up. mad that they could’ve had something good and it was ruined. wouldn’t usually hold a grudge. didn’t really think he did until he showed up again. wasn’t even sure why. he had plenty of time to sit on it  ,  get over it. but he assumed it’s because he didn’t get it. at first  ,  it was easy to tell himself that slater just didn’t want him. now  ?  it was worse knowing that wasn’t the case.  “  what the fuck  ,  slater  ?  ”  what else was he supposed to say  ?  “  how was telling me we shouldn’t do this a fucking favor to me  ?!  ”  profanity really only came out when he was pissed.  “  how was breaking my heart what was best for me  ?  ”  it’s not that fin doesn’t get it. he just can’t process right now. can’t think straight.

he’s just trying to be honest. what more could fin really ask for at this point  ?  he wanted honesty. but it hurt.  “  slater.  ”  voice is calmer now. had he not made himself clear when they were together  ?  “  i was falling in love with you. when we were together.  i  –––  ”  shakes his head. can’t get choked up right now.  “  maybe that was just me. but i thought you felt the same way too and then all the sudden  ,  you think we shouldn’t keep seeing each other and god.  god.  i can’t even explain how badly it hurt. it felt sudden. like everything was going so well. and then  –––  you were gone. how do you think i felt  ?  i know that you had your reasons. but i never heard time. i never got them. you just thought for me and walked away from something that was really really good.  ”  and now they were here. fin’s heart belonging to someone else  &  slater finally giving him the honestly he had wanted for months. didn’t want to tell slater that he couldn’t hate him  ,  but it was just true. he wanted to hate him so badly  ,  but he just didn’t have it in him. just nods  ,  follows him out. wants to be away from everything. badly wants to grab another drink  ,  so he does. not that he needs anything else  ,  but gets something in his hand before they get outside.  “  i said that i don’t hate you. i could never.  ” words are finally soft.  “  no. it wouldn’t matter. hate wouldn’t make me have hurt less. hate wouldn’t make this any easier. i’m not the type of people to just tell someone to fuck off. so maybe if i hated you and i wasn’t myself.  ”  sighs softly  ,  shaking his head.  “  i don’t know what theo would think. i don’t know if it would mess anything up. but i’m not risking it.  ” didn’t want to give away any details about theo. had already told slater too much.  “  but yes  ,  because of our past too. and i’m drunk and i’m still obviously mad at you and that’s not helping.  ”

would offer that they could probably study together,   try to help each other out since their majors were in the medical field,   but theo knew that if they were by themselves,   not a lot of studying would get done.   so he won’t mention it.   ❛   yeah,   me neither.   i keep getting distracted.   ─   lucky.   i’ve got four more.   ❜   would it be too much to ask for fin to kill him ?   not just the amount of finals,   but his lack of preparation that was definitely going to bite him in the ass later.   ❛   no,   i got it all.   just need to know where we want to go after spain & portugal so i can book everything.   ❜

“  is that my fault  ?  ”  he knew the answer  ,  but would that stop fin’s apologetic nature  ?  nope  !  absolutely not.  “  just one more week and then we can focus on our trip.  ”  fin hasn’t been excited about summer like this  ,  well  ,  ever.  just wanted to be with theo was nothing else to worry about. would it actually turn out to be that easy  ?  he wasn’t sure.  “  france. if you’re okay with that.  ”  felt a little weird to be so easily planning a trip around europe. still felt weird that he wasn’t paying for any of it.  “  maybe italy  ?  honestly  ,  i   –––   anywhere else you want to go. i’m just  –––  it still feels a little surreal to me  ,  the whole thing. so anywhere. really.  ”  thankfully  ,  fin could hold by the theatrics of telling theo how lucky he felt for once. 

❛   how’re finals going ?   ❜   why even bring it up !   they’re probably going horribly,   just like they are for u,   to where you don’t even care about the grade anymore…   just getting it done.   ❛   we should’ve been planning our europe trip a bit better.   ❜   god,   he didn’t even have tickets yet…   not that it’s a problem but !

@finleytm.

“ they’re   ––––  ”  hesitates slightly. so maybe he’d been a little distracted  !  fin was generally a pretty good student and he wasn’t worried  ,  but hadn’t really paid as much attention as he usually would.  “  i honestly haven’t studied all that much but i had one today and i think i did pretty good. two more and then i’m done.  ”  it is what it is at this point  !  “  is there anything i should do to help plan  ?  i feel like i’ve been distracted from everything lately.  ”  all he wanted to do was theo  &  paint  –––  not that that was a bad thing  !  

FIN : hey , hope.

SLATER: dunno how to make that go away.

SLATER: i wish it had been the good.

SLATER: but i made it so you'd think of the bad, thought it would be easier for you that way.

SLATER: doesn't mean... it's what i really wanted it.

SLATER: that doesnt matter though.

SLATER: i know, maybe if i had a bit more self control i'd stay away like i was supposed to

SLATER: i hope you know.. i never did anything maliciously with you.

SLATER: i can't i dont know. you're a bit hard to stay away from. maybe i'm starting to regret my choice.

SLATER: you don't have to. we know the answer.

SLATER: oh..? but your happier at least right?

SLATER: thought i was doing right by you.

SLATER: i didn't think i was gonna be able to give you what you wanted.

SLATER: freaked a little.

SLATER: you think we could've been happy?

SLATER: sounds like a goodbye.

FIN: i don't think it will, slater.

FIN: i can't think about the good. it just reminds me of the bad.

FIN: then why? why make that choice. why do that to me? to us.

FIN: i just don't get it. i don't understand why you're here now. wanting to be friends.

FIN: i know. i know you wouldn't. it's just hard to not think like that.

FIN: regret what choice? leaving me, or coming back?

FIN: please stop trying to get me to compare the two of you.

FIN: doing right by me? by breaking my heart? god. i want to understand. i'm trying to understand.

FIN: it just doesn't feel like that. it felt personal. like i wasn't enough.

FIN: yes. of course i do.

SLATER: think a part of us always will

SLATER: of all the good... or the bad that i put you through?

SLATER: it's hard for me too. i have to watch you hurt knowing i did that.

SLATER: oh.

SLATER: i'm glad your letting yourself fin..

SLATER: you think i'm trying to fuck with that?

SLATER: ruin it, is that it?

SLATER: trust me, i'm trying to hard to not. i wanted to stay the hell away.

SLATER: because i knew there was better and i was right wasn't i?

SLATER: i would've fucked things up eventually, i didn't even truly know what i was doing, or what i wanted and you.. always did.

SLATER: i wasn't going to string you along, though i should let you go. be happier.

SLATER: with someone a little less complicated.

SLATER: you.. made me happy too.

SLATER: i'm sorry..

FIN : yeah. i know.

FIN : the bad.

FIN : that was your choice to make, slater. you made it for a reason.

FIN : if i'm being honest? it's hard not to think you're trying to ruin it.

FIN : and i don't think you're doing it maliciously.

FIN : then why didn't you?

FIN : i'm not comparing you. that's not fair of me to ask.

FIN : i can tell you there isn't anything less complicated about this.

FIN : complicated was never an issue for me.

FIN : you just assumed it was and left.

FIN : you just couldn't let yourself be happy.

SLATER: i don't know that anymore.

SLATER: and you think... we don't know each other anymore huh?

SLATER: you don't know if we can be .. friends. or if that'll get too confusing? what..?

SLATER: you falling for him..?

SLATER: but you don't..? think i came back to ruin things for you.

SLATER: a lot. when i was with you.

SLATER: i always thought i was going to be the one to do that.

SLATER: i'm sorry i couldn't.. but i'm really happy someone else has.

FIN : i... maybe we do.

FIN : it's just hard for me. to look and you and not think about everything that happened.

FIN : yeah. i am.

FIN : i don't know what i think. i don't know why you came back. it's just like... you picked up on me and theo really quickly. and now you're here. good timing.

FIN : so why did you leave, huh? why did you say we shouldn't do this? why?

FIN : you did make me happy.

SLATER: it's fine. don't really have a heart anyways so

SLATER: theres nothing to hurt.

SLATER: it's impossible for us isn't it?

SLATER: to ... be civil?

SLATER: because of him?

SLATER: honestly, maybe a little of both. mostly care though.

SLATER: i remembered, guess i got soft.. and let myself feel a thing or two.

SLATER: you happy now though..?

FIN : we both know that's a lie, slater.

FIN : you want to be heartless so badly. but that's the whole problem, isn't it? you're not.

FIN : i can try. i can try i just... i don't know.

FIN : yes. because of him.

FIN : i want to believe that.

FIN : and what did you feel?

FIN : yeah. it's... private. just for now. and that's okay with me. but i'm happy , slater.

SLATER: you don't regret what you said though.. just that you think it hurt me?

SLATER: does it still hurt?

SLATER: i know... it probably never will be again

SLATER: i only ask.. because i care.

SLATER: don't know, i saw you again after a while and just.

SLATER: you waited?

FIN : i wanted to hurt you. and that's not fair of me.

FIN : but i don't take back what i said. i won't tell you i didn't mean those things. i just shouldn't have said them maliciously.

FIN : no. not in the same way.

FIN : but are you asking if things have changed because you care or for selfish reasons?

FIN : and just what?

too many feelings hit him all at once,   emotional & physical,   & there wasn’t really a how - to book designed for this type of scenario.   for falling in love for the first time in a situation like theirs,   or how to not let his head get too wrapped up in what - if’s.   all he could do was remind himself to breathe & everything would be fine.   it had to be.   theo wants to immediately say no as quick as the question hits his ears,   but then takes a second to make sure that fin is on the same page as him…   doesn’t think he can handle it to just assume & expect things to go the way he wants,   has never been in a situation that meant so much to him before.   ❛   no.   ❜   he says at first,   eyes taking in the sight before him,   skin begging for more heat from the other.   it was a short pause before he was asking the same question back.   ❛   do you ?   ❜   didn’t think that fin’s answer would be any different,   but it never hurt to make sure,   especially since it wasn’t something random for him anymore,   since it wasn’t somebody he’d be fine with forgetting when the sun came up.   theo knew that with fin’s affirmative answer,   there really wasn’t much else to stop him from cementing their relationship once & for all,   after all this time.   because the more he laid over top of him,   even without the reply he was dying to hear,   he could feel himself starting to get worked up at the mere thought.   so please,   to whatever god or gods or whoever that was up in the sky handling every & all situations,   he couldn’t bear to be told to wait.   ( even if that’s what he’s done to fin multiple times before. )

          looks up at theo  &  can’t help the feeling that’s building in his chest. like all his love  &  care was just piling up and making themselves known all at once. it was almost overwhelming  ,  but watching theo calmed him down. the way he looked on top of him was enough for fin’s mind to be distracted. be distracted from every what if had been in his head when he started this conversation. instead focused on how badly he wanted this. really was all he could think about. almost wants to lean forward  &  recapture his lips immediately when theo says no  ,   but return on the question stops him. head shakes immediately  ,  so sure of himself. every time they had decided to not progress things had made sense but now  ?  there was nothing stopping them. no reason they shouldn’t. especially now that they were about to be on the same page. knew that this was a step in their relationship. felt like a positive step. everything they talked about  &  now this felt like they were finally steadily headed in the direction that fin wanted to be heading. not that there wouldn’t be speed bumps along the way. they’d get over them together. had been sure the whole time but now it felt like everything was solidifying around him.  “  no. god  ,  no.  ”  comes out almost hushed  ,  lips hovering over theo’s. hands come to theo’s neck  ,  moving to rest of either side of his face.  “  want this. want you. can’t even come up with the words to tell you how badly.  ”  actually speaks up this time  ,  wants to make sure it’s conveyed that this was what he wanted. almost hadn’t even realized how badly until he was placed in this situation.  underneath him  &  body practically aching for theo. hand snakes to theo’s hand  ,  cementing a soft grip within his curls.  

              dainty fingers grab the tissues he offers up  ,  and now   ,   more than ever  ,    she realizes how pathetic she probably looks   .     at least the tissues can replace the sleeves of her shirt  .   hope wasn’t sure what reaction she was expecting from fin  ,  but    his  OH  seemed to be enough for that moment   .   it was better than the alternative   .   a part of her is happy she came out to him  ,   a sober part of her   ,  buried deep in the back of her head  ,   regrets it   .     it’s a problem she’ll stress about  ,    with her hangover   ,    in the morning  .        “   i tried to tell them  ,   i   know   they know  but   .    ”     SHE SHRUGS  during her explanation    ,    words probably sounded slurred  ,   her intoxication making her feel slightly discombobulated   .    she was still able to note  ,    again  ,     how soothing   he was   .    even while she sat there blowing snot into a tissue  .    “   i don’t know  ,   i know it’s stupid   .   i feel like a gay troy bolton   .    ”     she breathes out a laugh with her last sentence   .   “   they just   ,  they    mean-well   but   i think they’re just old-fashioned   ,   you know   ?    i think it’s just that   .    ”     the excuse was weak   ,   ignorant   ,    but it was one she’d grown to reason with to not feel so alone   .

          “  they don’t want to accept it  ?  ”  voice is soft  &  hinted with a touch of sadness.  felt for her as she explained the situation. wished there was something he could do to help. to make her feel better. but this wasn’t something he could ever fix. could only be there for her  &  let her talk for as long as she needed to.  “  gay troy bolton.  ”  shaking his head and lets out a soft laugh. wasn’t laughing matters  ,  but couldn’t help it at the soft joke she made.  “  yeah. but that’s not  –––  i’ve never really felt like that was a good reason. being old fashion. times are changing and they should love you regardless of who you love. never understand why it mattered. do you think you want to try to tell them again  ?  ”  muses softly  ,  fingers aimlessly tapping against his leg. remembers his own parents not really understanding his bisexuality when he told them about the first guy he dated. wasn’t sure if they understood it to this day. got that some people just didn’t want to get it.  “  does anyone here know  ?  ”   not that fin would ever share her business  ,  but he was curious. 

❝ i should say it more, i know i’m not always good at doing that. yeah? i love you a lot too fin. i’m here.. hope you realise that ❞ the little pit in his stomach almost grew seeing fin genuinely surprised, not sure why, ares knew fin was probably one of the best things to come out of lexington. his downfall was maybe he didn’t show it. maybe the words would never measure up to how much he appreciated him but now he’d try. fin deserved that, he had always truly mattered to ares. ❝ i’m… really happy to have you in my life. i kinda don’t know where i’d be without you.❞  ares groaned, knew that fin was only looking out for him but tonight he really needed the comfort more than ever, not only did it drown out the constant invasion of painful thoughts but drowned out any good decision making and inhibitions and he did not need that.❝  i see the alcohol means you’re playing dirty with me tonight. well guess i’ve had my last drink, if i keep going you’ll end up on the floor and i really do care too much to let that happen so. water for me it is ❞ a small teasing tone escaping his voice as he spoke, deep down he would be thankful. you would’ve regretted it if you kept going ares, the voice replays over and over. ❝ thanks fin really ❞ words came out a little more quietly, wasn’t embarrassed just… emotional. the description of how fin was feeling was so familiar, it was what had always drove him to the bottle in the first place. ❝ i’m glad you’ve had fun though right? i know, it’s kinda nice what it does.. guess it’s why i like it so much. i just let it become a habit, but you won’t. wouldn’t let it happen anyways.❞ it was ironic how protective ares was of fin when it always seemed the other protected him. wasn’t much to say, hearing the words from fin. he couldn’t pinpoint exactly what he meant but didn’t want to keep it going. ❝ you.. can’t? or … you think you shouldn’t? ❞ standing up ares nods, his eyes flickering to the bonfire lighting up in the distance. ❝ wanna go outside for a little, away … from all this?❞

           “  i do  , it’s okay. i didn’t mean to make you feel bad  !  ”  soft pout finds it way onto his lips  ,  didn’t want ares to think he didn’t know their friendship was important to both of them. he knew that it was. knew that ares loved him.  “  i know you are. i’m sorry i’m  –––  i’m not good at talking about myself. i don’t want you to think that you’re not good to me. you are. i  –––  it’s just complicated.  ”  fin wasn’t good at talking about himself. he liked talking  ,  but he wasn’t really someone to spill his problems onto people. was easy to just listen to ares.  “  i’m really happy to have you in my life too  ,  ares. you’re my best friend.  ”  maybe he was just drunk  &  emotional  ,  but he truly felt his heart swell when he said it.  “ then water for me  ,  too.  ”  smiles when he says it  ,  knows that he was playing just a little dirty but he didn’t care. just wanted ares to be safe  &  if he was trying to drink less  ,  then fin would make sure he drank less.  “  maybe i just need to be drunk so stop being so soft.  ”  he was still soft. would always be soft. and kind. and caring. they were things that were just built into him.  “  i would do anything for you. don’t thank me.  ”  words are so casual  ,  but it’s true. really would do anything for ares. even get shit faced just to teach him a lesson.  “  yeah. i never really do this. but i don’t think i’ll make a habit out of it i just  –––  i had a lot of my mind and i wanted to let loose and just have some fun for once.  ”  spend a night not being the mom friend.  “  no  ,  i  –––  can’t.  ”  doesn’t want to phrase is as he’s not allowed to. it was just their agreement.  “  yeah. that would be nice. it’s loud in here. can we get that water first  ,  though. ?  ”

didn’t know how badly he’d been waiting for this moment,   with fin,   until it was the only thing occupying his brain.   the walk to fin’s apartment,   that first day,   when he couldn’t take his eyes off of him,   when he liked making him nervous,   when he didn’t run away the first time he was asked a direct question he couldn’t answer.   maybe there was a little part in the back of his mind that always knew it’d be like this,   that they’d be there,   in that moment,   falling in love in every way.   could feel the halt in fin from hitting the bed,   doesn’t want to stop,   but takes just a second in the movements to place one leg between fin’s,   promising a safe falling back onto the bed.   light amount of pressure placed on the other to initiate the drop,   careful to do it softly so that he doesn’t land right on top of him.   it takes a second to regain their placements on the mattress,   a small laugh flowing through as lit - up eyes glanced at him,   his hands were on either side of fin’s face to break his weight before one came up to rub a thumb over his cheekbone.   & if the heart eyes emoji could translate into a real life person,   it was theo right then & there.   this time when lips connected,   it was slow ( even if he wanted to tear fin out of the rest of his clothes ) it was meaningful & it said everything theo had been too afraid to say his entire life.

           for all the times fin told theo he was sure about this  ,  about them  ,  he really felt sure in this moment. more sure than he ever felt. wasn’t sure why  ,  but it was like all his thoughts just solidified. there was something different about being with theo in this way. an intense passionate feeling that he had never experienced before. maybe it was just everything mixed together but it was almost overwhelming. almost. only reason fin wasn’t freaking out was because all he could really think about was theo’s lips against his  ,  body against his  ,  the feeling of himself falling back against the bed. gently guided by theo  &  adjusting himself underneath of him once his back hits the bed. momentarily took in the sight of the other over him. watching his eyes  ,  trying to memorize how good he looks. laugh hits his ears  &  fin is smiling  ,  most prominent thought in his head being how beautiful theo looks like this. how he loves seeing him like this. looking back at him with the same look in his eyes. eyes that just scream that he’s falling even more in love as every second passes. hands rest on theo’s shoulders  ,  just looking at him until their lips collide again  &  hands are touching anywhere on theo’s body he can reach. lets everything he’s felt for him come out against his lips , doesn’t  doesn’t want to rush  ,  but can’t help the way his nails drag against theo’s skin.  “  do you want to slow down  ?  ”  barley pulls away from his lips  ,  only just enough to get the words out. tone makes it clear that he doesn’t want to slow down  ,  but needs to make sure this is okay. needs to make sure theo wants this as bad as he does.

♡ — art was something she really missed. the aching of her fingers after painting for hours. creating something absolutely beautiful. her mind was always far away from ever being able to create lately. art was a stress reliever why didn’t she think of it sooner? it’s really what she needed. some paint therapy. in the back of her mind, she figured telling fin wouldn’t bother anything. since knowing they where passed whatever they had. if she had confided in anyone else. she was sure they might not agree with her choice. it was one thing she loved about fin. nodding her hues filling with a hint of sadness. it quickly subsided before she spoke. “i guess you have a point. i’m trying to work it out,” she shrugged her shoulders. a genuine smile came across her lips. “the same goes for you. i want you to be happy as well. you deserve the best,” it was absolutely true. fin was seriously the sweetest. she could only hope he found happiness with whoever he chose. sofia was well aware of him feeling he hurt her. when really he just made her stronger. “i absolutely agree. i’m tired of zoning out in class. plus, clinics suck ass. i may just become an artist after all,” a chuckle left her lips while she went to grab her bag. fishing through it until she found what she was looking for. “i like that idea. you can keep my painting, and i’ll take yours. sound good?” she smiled while choosing a sketch of one of the school’s gardens. she had a thing for nature. “will this be ok?” she offered holding out the sketch. sofia was caught a bit off guard before grinning. “it’s been a while huh?”

            "  well  ,  if you wanna talk about it  ,  just let me know. you know i’m here for you.  ”  and it was true. wouldn’t judge sofia for the choices she was making. just wanted her to be happy. knew that they had finally moved on past what they had  &  could only hope that the she was striving to be someone that would love  &  care for her. it was what she deserved.  “  things like that are always hard to work out. just make sure you’re doing it for you. if it’ll make you happy. you know  ?  ”  almost lets out a soft laugh at her words but instead just nods. knew that her words were genuine and almost wishes he can tell her about him  &  theo  ,  but doesn’t even for a second consider bringing it up. offers her a smile instead.  “  thank you  , sof. it means a lot coming from you. i’m just glad that we can be friends. i missed being around you.  ”  he did. the awkwardness before vegas was killing him. but now it felt normal. like friends. maybe they were friends that used to be in love  –––   but fin really did believe that they could be friends. they’d always care about each other and that was just a fact.  “  that sounds perfect.  ”  smiles and nods  ,  excited to have one of her paintings in his apartment.  “  oh  ,  definitely.  ”  sets up two side by side blank canvas’ for them  ,  getting everything ready for them to paint.  “  yeah.  ”  says simply.  “  thanks for letting me bring your artistic side back out.  ”  says genuinely  ,  softly.  “  ready  ?  ”

needs to remind himself to take a second to just look at fin.   to not get too ahead of himself ( not yet,   at least ) & to memorize the image of the action he began.   theo’s face didn’t give much away,   like usual,   but that didn’t mean that inside he wasn’t feeling the heat of it all,   the itch to connect their bodies,   the brief chill of their distance.   though he thought he’d be fine if fin looking like that was what awaited him,   if he could even wrap his head around exactly how lucky he’d gotten in all of this.   maybe fin didn’t get the winning lotto ticket having to deal with theo & all his issues,   but he knew that he was the lucky one,   no doubt about that.   a breath was slow to escape as the shirt came off,   barely registering it all before hands were back on him,   right where they should be.   took only a second to mumble a,   ❛   you’re beautiful.   ❜   against his lips before he’s grabbing at fin wherever he could get his hands,   any previous thoughts of lashing out or feeling ambushed by simple questions had left.   even thoughts of how he wasn’t good enough were gone;   maybe that was still selfish of him,   to forget how he felt about himself & expected fin to not think the same way,   but he couldn’t help it.   not in that moment.   eyes glance open as he tilts his head back slightly,   noticing their spot in the room.   ❛   bed.   ❜   he said,   hands placing themselves on fin’s hips as he reconnects their lips,   feet stepping slowly towards the bed,   backing up the other male & keeping that hold on him to make sure he didn’t fall,   but mostly so he could feel the heat transfer between them.

          loses his own words at the sound of theo’s  ,  doesn’t know how to reply  –––  feels speechless and he’s not entire sure why. something about this was electrifying. a pull to be closer , a pull for more. doesn’t really have much time to think or process it before they’re kissing again. breath is heavy  &  nerves are high  ,  trying not to worry about meeting expectations. worried his lack of experience would be obvious  ,  worried he wouldn’t be good  –––  shoved all the worry away and focused on the touch against him. felt like his skin was on fire in the best way possible. despite everything  ,  fin couldn’t believe that he was in this moment with theo. someone that felt so out of his league. someone who fin would never think would be into him. still couldn’t believe that he was so lucky to have this feeling for someone. for feel like this around someone. bold  &  confident. comfortable. things that usually had to be pulled out of him. but not by theo. didn’t mean nerves weren’t still high  ,  but hands grabbed at theo  &  feet carrying him backwards  &  suddenly nothing mattered. mind clears  ,  worried only about the movement of his body  &  the hands on his hips  &  the searing kiss that he didn’t want to break. moves slowly until he feels his legs against the base of the bed  ,  body stopping  ,  arms wrapping around theo’s neck to keep himself close  ,  preparing to be lead backwards  –––  almost wants to stop and make sure this was okay  ,  but stays silent  ,  namely because he doesn’t dare to break his lips away from theo’s.