finleytmยท:
ย ย ย ย ย there werenโt maybe times that fin had ever acted quite like this. even after slater told him they shouldnโt do thisย โโโย there wasnโt any anger. he just let it happen. since thenย ,ย fin has done a lot of work on himself including letting himself get angry. would he regret how heโs treating slater right nowย ?ย absolutely. he wasnโt a rude person regardless of if it was deserved or not.ย ย โย yesย ,ย because you hurt me. donโt try to tell me you did me a favor. you were doing yourself a favor. not me.ย โย canโt help the way the words come out. canโt help but to be madย ,ย even after heโs been given plenty of time to heal from it. as slater speaksย ,ย fin get only feel himself getting madder. nothing is helping. nothing slater could say would make this easier. maybe he just needed to be sober and thinking clearly about this. wanted to hear him out but he never got the chance to really express any of this. not to him.ย ย โย you canโt say shit like that to meย !ย you act like that makes it better. you said we shouldnโt. you let me think you didnโt want to be together. and you just ended it. ended everything. so donโt act like it was mutual.ย it wasnโt.ย and now suddenly you think we canย ,ย whatย ,ย be friends because iโm moved onย ?ย ย โย feels weird to say the words. doesnโt want to tell slater anything about theo. despite the anger and the alcohol coursing through himย ,ย fin was starting to soften. knew that slater cared. knew that there was no malicious intent behind this. maybe he just wanted forgiveness but wanted to give fin time. in truthย ,ย he hadnโt felt that upset over the situation anymore until seeing him. until talking to him.ย ย โย i know.ย โย itโs the first sign that fin isnโt completely angry at him.ย ย โย i know you areย ,ย slater.ย โย he did. knew that were had to have been a good reason.ย before i broke it.ย words his harder than he thinks they willย ,ย shaking his head. the closeness wasย a lot. just seeing slater was a lot. didnโt make this current situation any easier. fin was still sure of himselfย ,ย but the idea of being slaters friends again meant telling theo the one thing he had chosen to not tell him. it was a lot to think about.ย ย โย a distraction would be nice.ย โย mumbles is softlyย ,ย eyes refusing to meet slaters. and then finallyย ,ย they do.ย ย โย i donโt hate you.ย โย sounds sure of himself.ย โย i tried to hate you. for the longest time i just wanted to hate you.ย โ it was true.ย ย โย but it never worked. i couldnโt hate you. i donโt.ย โย wants to say more but he stops himself.ย ย โย but that doesnโt mean i think we can be friendsย ,ย slater.ย โ
slater was aware this was out of character for fin,ย also knew maybe he didnโt know fin just as well as he thought anymore. time had certainly passed between them, the smallest of hints now that there was someone else there now taking his place, doing things he used to. wasnโt something he should think about, it elicited a weird sense of happiness and hurt. couldnโt quite comprehend what it was in him, he did know that there was aย place in his heart feeling pain, the way fin looked... spoke to him. heโd brush it off, he asked for it when he stopped what they had, knowing if fin hated him at least heโd move on easier.ย โ did i? you think ruining the best thing i had was a favour to myself. interesting if you ask me. trust me the only person i was doing it for was you because it wouldโve been more selfish of me to keep us going then do what was best and end it. regardless of how i pretended i felt.โ was usually so composed, so blunt and honest but even these words came out frantically. was sure fin would be able to feel the emotions dripping right off him, tensions running high between them. was certain the weight of peoples eyes were starting to shift between them but the last thing he wanted was a fight, especially with fin.ย โ fin iโm just trying to be honest. you should probably just tell me to go, and i should listen. right. i know i did, but thatโs.. itโs not what i was feeling at all. i know, i didnโt realise how easily youโd believe it. iโm sorry fin fuck, i know itโs not fair to ask or to want that. i didnโt think... it was even going to affect you that much, i didnโt think... you wanted us that much.. thatโs the truth, i thought i was doing it before you ever really got.. attached.โ couldnโt admit that it was what he wanted, that even if he knew he would never have fin like before, heโd take anything. it just wasnโt something he was sure fin could do. a quiet passed over them, he was a little too late, the apology should have come sooner. had always been afraid.ย โ i wouldnโt be here if i didnโt. i just wanna fix this us. i donโt want to think every day.. that youโre out there hating me.ย donโt know why but that.. hurts to think about.โ slater nodded, accepting the subtle offer.ย โ wanna just go talk out there..? feel like people are starting to stare. and i could use a distraction too.โ knows better than to take a step too close, as if things werenโt difficult enough between them.ย grabbing the drink sitting between them as a buffer he made his way out. eyes looking back every so often, those words, however, had him catching his breath, turning back to find his eyes. โ what..?โ it was a surprise, even though someplace in slaters heart told him maybe fin was just hurt it wasnโt hatred. tonight convinced him otherwise. โ would it have been easier for you if you did..? i wanted you too, or i thought it did. but i donโt anymore โ knew exactly what was coming next, anything else wouldโve been wishful thinking.ย โ right. because of our past..? itโd mess things with theo too right? โ
