What i wanted to send to you. I was alright after writing this letter...
But we fight again in the plane. So i dont think i be sending this to him. Becuse whats on the plane was some of the things me tioned here.
Biarlah takpe simpan for xoxo kenangan. Hehe
🫠
Dear sayang, lover, husband,
Maybe sometimes talking doesnt helps us. It may become more worse and hurtful.
I hope you know that everytime we argue, it makes me sad and hurtful. I dont want to gaduh though. It alwaysncuts me deep and i cant help to cry out
O cant believe yoj said that kt was a croco dile teara. Just because you cannot cry is it?
If its crocodile tears why do my feelings.hurt and i cry? I hope you valid my feelings too.
Sometimes i wish i can speak like elysha. How she is so soft spoken in words. -well i may not know her well.. but i like it, the soft words. I hope i can be gentle and latiff too. Towards you, us and myself.
You know, theres a quote saying a husband is the leader of the house. The best of husband is the best to his wife.
I know you did (and is trying too). Which is good, alhamdulillah i do see the effort, the few weeks after the "crocodile tears" and the day we found baby crawled from the living room towards the master bedroom crying for us two
But you know i wish you could continue to be more patient and consistent in your efforts too.
It makes me wonder, why am i jarsh or not gentle or latiffs towards you? The saying says a wife mirrors their husband. Its a reflection of hoq the husband treats the wife. I hope you can be more nicer towards me. Just like the effort you always do towards your mum, i hope you give me your priorities and efforts towards me too. Which sorry to say it lacks.
So i said just now, that how you treat others, your friends, colleagues and outside is different than how youve treated me. Different. Arent you supposed to be the same person outside and inside (the one closest to you and married you?). Because if not, its in
congruent. I hope you continuosly steadfast treat me woth kindness and latiffs. I noticed that the word Sayang when you called .e is not regularly as last time (like ya i know because we gaduh and you menyampah with me).
You said whats with our relationship. Of course we're a married couple. A husband and wife. We cant be a room mate. And i dont want us to be just a room mate- i dont want us to be the the hey, hi or just talk about baby only instead i want it to be about us, how we're feelings, thinking, planning, random conversations and all.
If theres nothing for us, then why we're together right? Yea that may be true but its a wrong approach of thinking i feel.
To me, even if theres nothing... We stay! Because of Allah swt. Remember we said we wanting to marry each other because we wanting to complete half of our deen? So yes, Lillahi taa'la.
You know everytime we gaduh.. even the smallest feeling such as that time im angry and we gaduh and my feelings haywire until nak buat laundry pun omgg- remember that time i basuh baju you and i letak tepi taknak fold, or the time i only wash my clothes instead of yours- yea i know me petty-.. so yeah i had to kept reminding myself.. Lillah hi taa'la. I do it because of Allah. May Allah reward me. And when Allah rewards me i know he will give us a jalan keluar and perbaiki hubungan kita.
So yeah.. no matter menyampah, angry or sad... turn to Allah. So yeah. Of coz i/we try lah. But yeah.. eventhough there will be times of cebisan of sarcasm, criticism or hurt words still being said.
I hope and do not want to cry anymore. Sometimes talking with you i say one thing you say another thing. Like cant you just validated my feelings first? Idk i felt that whenever we gaduh selalu topic will be all over the place. So for me its hard to keep track or answer.
Theres alot of things i wabted tomsay to you like how i felt that day when your family comes and how we can go about it, or how if elt the day we went rumah your mum and me sleepingkan the baby and her remarks. Its just that sometimes when wanting to talk about this, its ada lah tak kene, like its so hard talking to you and you being defensive -of coz ah defensive i understand, but yeaaa thats the thing. I hope that soon we can discuss our relation ship goals, what we both wants, the expectations and the latiffs- yes ok insyaAllah. (Dont come to me harp again saying that time you wanted but i dont want. Its not that i dont want.. just that at that point in the ferry we were on vacation it wasnt in my mind to talk it out. And to me i thought that time, that year we're ok so yeah might not needed 'the' talk).
Is it bad if i were to say, you kerje keras² with lots of effort, tapi your efforts dalam menjaga your wife hati and perasaan mana? Ah ni sangat crude eh to say? Sorry hais. And then that vicous cycle will make me even more spiral. Entah eh.. is it because i tak healing well ke ape. Hahs and thats howni ckme about whenever i angry at you i will definitely spe t your money even more. Anyway it helps my mental abit ah me spending your mo ey so thankyou fke giving me your cards. Alhamdulillah. Semoga the more i soend your money the mkre ah berikan you rezeki lebih.
Ok nampak nye Captain flight dah suruh kene prepare for boarding. So begitulah ny feeljngs and kata²
So yeahh im sorry, pleae forgives me for my kesalahan and kata² yang tak latiff.
Oh yea, and im sorry for hurting your feelings too.
"Just because im not crying and eyes swollen doesnt mean im hurt". Doesnt mean im crying means it was a crocodile tears too. Right back you..! ;) okk sorry ni tak latiff. So yeah sorry. Both of us have different crying mechanism so yeah.
Cause hey, you are my husband and i am your wife, we're a team. We're a family. And thats why ita called marriage. Obviously, we're married and no turning back.
-sorry got typos. And words can be jumbled up. But this just what comes across my mind and i had to write it down before the words flew away. Didnt read/edit back my words thorughly. So yeah.
At a point in this lette/text it maybseem that its all about you-you, me-me kinda faults. But ahh yaa... i know i do have my fault and my shortcomings i admit that. And yeah cutting you off and replying while you talking pissed you off, but i hope you know that its just me my character. And you also i k ow your character dont like to be cut off midway sentence.
Anyway, i hope and oray it be a good trip for us. Now not justbus 2. Its 3 of us, our newest family and baby in the house.
Rababana hablana min azwajina wa zurriya ti qurrata a'yun. Wa jaalana lil mu taqina ima.aa.
May Allah grant us sakinah, mawaddah and rahmah in our rumahtangga marriage amin.
2087
jacobvanloon
dededos
kianamaiart
annaxmalina
