dancing in the dark

     “oh i don’t know it could be fun,” regulus said, looking in the direction of the grove. “you know, something to enjoy in the quiet that’s really not in your own thoughts.” he knew, like himself, there were a lot of people dealing with that here. “and a meal on top of it.”

     for once, weeks without incident, weeks without incident before the last, forgiveness asked and received for her mistake, anna could answer, “yes,” and be honest about it. she smiled at who much have caught her staring off in the distance in thought. “i’m alright. just thinking. i have a habit of staring when i think.” she shook her head. “though… now that i say that i’m sure it’s true for a lot of people.”

“shouldn’t have,” natasha repeated, nodding her head back and forth as if weighing the possibilities. “but had to. there was no other way. whether it was clint and i or anyone else… and i would choose myself to go every time.” maybe it would give her life and all her suffering, the suffering of so many people at her own hands, some kind of meaning. if redemption were possible, and she wanted to believe it was when so many people she trusted seemed to think so, that was the last thing she could’ve tried to achieve it. and maybe she had. she’d yet to build up the courage to ask if it meant anything –– if they’d really won. if her loss prevented anyone else’s. 

she knew it would be some time before anyone could feel ease with what had happened –– people like genna especially, young and full of love and kindness, always wanting to do good. she was one of the many reasons natasha did not hesitate on vormir. if her death meant bringing people like genna back, there was no better reason to die. she could see the hurt in genna’s eyes now, and she stepped forward so they stood side by side so that they could walk.

nat looked down and laughed lightly, shaking her head. “i think vacationing with tony would involve more private islands… yachts… and a lot of very cheap alcohol.” not so much anymore, she knew. he’d quieted down tenfold over the years, and with good reason. it worried her sometimes to see him so quiet and solemn, the two of them sitting alone at the avengers compound looking for miracle fixes that didn’t exist. only sometimes was she able to lure the old tony out, and it never lasted long. they were all hurting too much. 

“the best part?” natasha said, eyebrow quirked. “i looked myself up on google. can you guess what i found?”

     it was all the truth and someone somewhere could mockingly say something about the truth hurting, but it didn’t mean genna had to just accept it as the way life was. it wasn’t the way life was because beings like thanos and items like the stones were out of the ordinary, outliers in a world that really shouldn’t have to deal with them. but shoulds and shouldn’t really were only for the optimists and as time passed it got harder for genna to stay one.

     so she nodded, knowing if she’d been in natasha’s position she would have done the same. they would have all done the same. that was just the kind od people they were. doomed to self-sacrifice and guilt over the others’ self-sacrifices. all of that seemed to matter less here. there was nothing to guilt over if natasha and tony were alive and everything from home was far behind all of them. she found it easy to fall into conversation over happier things and she was sure it was because natasha made it easy.

     genna also laughed and shook her head. “i suppose once he did say he wanted to go somewhere with a ball pit and a llama,” she said, “but i don’t know if that was because pepper or rhodey told him it probably wouldn’t be a good idea or not.” though she was sure regardless he’d wanted to enough to even entertain the idea. and she was sure rhodey would’ve gone along with it well enough given enough convincing.

     she shook her head, smiling. honestly, she couldn’t find much on herself when she ever looked besides some pictures from facebook sometimes. “what did you find?”

although neuroanatomy basics were much more established now than he could have ever hoped for them to be in a life that he remembered, between the wonderful advancements that had come with new technology and dozens of years more focused on the subject, there was still so much about all of it to be learned. phenomena, case studies that couldn’t be explained by the standards established in medical textbooks. if it would take him a lifetime to unravel the secrets that came with it, then so be it. it sounded like a happy life to him.

“it is. for better or for worse,” he remarked, lips pursed for a moment. “however, on a neuroanatomical level, the brain does take some preferences for familiarity. although there is a natural inclination for new stimuli, even found in infants, our neuronal strengths come with the familiar.” the rambles came out of the man quite naturally, seemingly unaware of the fact that it was tangential. it was always easier to pick up on someone else’s mental status rather than his own, after all. “yes. yet promises all the same. how odd.”

     the other was right of course. even holmes needed the familiarity and was naturally stuck in his ways. but was he going to admit to it? hardly. was it also to a fault? he wouldn’t even admit that to himself. even the major issue that had been drummed up for him in the form of woodshore and memories he didn’t get and how it was going to change the relationship he’d come to rely on so heavily, weighed on him, but he refused to make the connection. it was worlds easier to make the connection in someone else.

     and maybe he wondered a bit about it being the case for the one he was speaking to. “one supposes there is comfort there,” he said, nodding. “and it does make my job easier at times even though it robs me of a challenge occasionally.” it stopped the unbearable challenges sometimes at the very least. “they want us here for something, but are far from candid on what it is.”

“  If I were you I would hope they don’t.  “   no good memory ever came from that place and for someone to sound like they yearned for it brought forth sharp words and a look of disbelief. newt hadn’t meant to speak at all, to wave away the strangers’ words and keep walking to whatever destination her feet guided her in ( key: aimlessly wander  ) but her nerves were frayed and he was the current target.  “   do you have an interest of going to space?  “  the question left her lips not out of curiosity but more of something else. loathing.  

     something told buzz she had a bad experience with the topic, with space and that was probably because she was blunt about it. after all, he really didn’t think he was intelligent enough to be perceptive ( even if he may be ). he didn’t comment on her statement about hoping they wouldn’t, not asking why yet. couldn’t imagine not wishing for it since it’s really what he’s hoped for the longest. “i...” he began to answer, feeling nerved under her loathing tone. “i-i do.” he frowned, looking down, then looking up at the sky. “have... have you been up there?”

—- JESS. SHE HAD TO FIND JESS. it was what she was promised, and it was the only reason that sarah had dared to venture to a place that she did not know AHEAD OF TIME. the former and FOREVER adventurer checked every place that she could think of where her fallen daughter might elect to travel to, but her searches did not turn up her only child— the stores at an outlet did not reveal any CLUES to jess’ whereabouts, and the various play places around the city were full of children who did not belong to her. HEAVING A SIGH outside of one of the MALL’S NUMEROUS SHOPS, the blonde-headed female allowed her gaze to flicker UPWARD, when she felt the stranger’s presence. their look of CONCERN was simple to denote, and if sarah had not been as CONFUSED as she was, she would have felt GRATEFUL FOR IT. “my daughter….” she began with a desperate shake of her head. “i was promised that i would reunite with her if i came to this city….” sucking in another BRAVE BREATH, sarah tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear before she spoke again. “i should have known better than to invest my faith in FAIRYTALE FANTASIES…..” 

      it didn’t take a genius or anyone with some sort of expertise to figure out that pretty much everyone that ended up here was looking for someone or something, the latter being more common. she, personally, was on a frustrating goose chase for something as open-ended as not remembering a real-life and having some less fulfilling fake life instead. but as much as her frustration was true, she couldn’t help but feel her compassion sink in as she looked at the woman in front of her. she was desperate for her daughter, just another someone this place promised that meant something to someone without much care of the consequences it caused to the one promised. “they throw around fantasies like they throw out paper here,” she said, knowing her words were hardly hopeful. she was a pessimist by default, a realist at her best. “we all got invested in them.” only the easy ones were answered or actually felt fulfilling.

it didn’t matter whether it was winter or summer, raining or the sun shining down on everything around, bone shaking and lips trembling like cold or ground melting hot outside, fleur has always preferred the outer world rather than being locked up between four walls. even back at beauxbatons as a young student she has always managed to steal some time of the day to spend it on the fresh air. despite people surrounding her all her life the only thing that made her lose feeling of loneliness was being outside, letting her feet carry her unknown ways to mysterious and new places (sometimes even straigh to the claws of danger but what can a girl do?).

being at this place made her even lonelier than she has ever felt. there was no one to hold her hand as she walked ahead of the unknown, unlike back home where she got used to bill by her side. maybe this place, this situation she got stuck in was a way of some higher power giving her a new start… or maybe a way to punish her for something. all fleur knew was that she didn’t like it a single bit and she felt like a sobbing muggle child on the first day of school begging its mother to take them back home.

walking around has cleared fleur’s head at least a bit, made her think a lot but it was the good thinking, the one when you feel like you’re going back in time and remember all the good in your life and in the world itself… the pain hitting afterwards isn’t that good. fleur stopped in her tracks as she spotted a coffee stand at the sidewalk to grab cup in the go. the bitter liquid traveled down her throat, filling her chest with a warm feeling for a brief moment. “why are we even here? what’s the whole point? — ugh, i just want to go home,” fleur spoke up her thoughts out loud not being aware of the person nearby before the spoke. “merlin’s beard !! you scared the hell out of me !!”

     before the crime had spiked up, all anduin really had to think about was home and what could possibly be going on in his absence. even if it really did go on in his absence. this place was certainly more modern than home, but he knew it wasn’t azeroth nor azeroth’s future. time and space worked so different here and there and now and he couldn’t be sure of any of it because no one gave answers even if they could. there didn’t seem to be anyone to ask since almost everyone seemed to be in the same boat.

     so he focused on the hear and now and thought of it as some new place to learn with people to even learn more from and gather things to tell people back home if they’d even believe him. he focused on worry and wrapping his head around the murders and danger in such a peaceful place that woodshore was advertised to be. he focused on rose and the feelings he had for her that were developing beyond friendly acquaintances, beyond friendship, beyond infatuation, and trying to decide what to say to her about it.

     still, his attention was caught by the blonde not far from the coffee stand he picked up his tea from, expressing frustration about this place and the lack of answers. a deep frustration he had further back in his mind. he expressed having felt the same way to her only to come to the very quick realization that she hadn’t realized anyone was there. “oh! i’m sorry,” he quickly apologized. “i really was only just... i’m sorry i should’ve made myself more known.”

Klaus wasn’t used to this, usually when he was sober it was loud, with ghosts yelling in his ear no matter where he went or how he tried to tune it out, but also Ben was always here and now he wasn’t. He didn’t like the feeling of being so alone, for once, the seance was.. alone. “God, i don’t like this.” he muttered to himself. He was fiddling with his ring, looking around. He hadn’t seen any of his family yet, but that fucking letter had promised him. He’d met god too, or… at least who he thought was god and she’d made it sound like Klaus couldn’t die, so that was a whole other thing. “Why is it when you actually want to see your family, the fuckers are never around?”

it was hard to look for plain answers in a place that was anything but. it was too easy to underestimate woodshore coming from their galaxy, seeing the technology that it lacked and it’s considerably smaller understanding of the universes and galaxies at large, but there was something unwittingly shrewd about it all. that was the only explanation for why such things were possible – people pulled from different times, after death, droids being human. “no, actually. there are two droids i know like this.” she informed him. they were grateful for bb-8 and d-o’s presence, but it was still odd.

not as odd as this, though. rey could see the small bump after staring at herself topless in a mirror even if it remains easily covered with sweatshirts and other layers, but she wasn’t dumb. she knew that wouldn’t last forever. a few more weeks, months, maybe, if she was lucky. hiding it wasn’t what she wanted to do. she just wished there was an easier way.

whether it was the force or ben, she wasn’t sure. she knew that ben wouldn’t have done it intentionally, but it was possible that he didn’t know the extent of his power, or the extent of what existed between them. “ben and i are a dyad in the force.” it felt deeply intimate to tell obi-wan that, knowing that he might very well understand the gravity of the statement. “i don’t know if that has something to do with it, but…” it felt like a possibility. her hands pressed down on her knees restlessly as she sat cross-legged, leaning forward a bit. “i know that i’m pregnant and i know what i haven’t done. and while people on this planet might associate virgin births with jesus, i know it’s not that.” their head shook with a little bit of exasperation. “but i’m scared. i’ve had dreams of myself falling to the dark side. it’s not just skywalker blood in this, obi-wan.” rey looked up at him with fear in her eyes, swarmed with a terror of rejection but knowing she needed to tell him. “it’s palpatine, too.”

      woodshore was certainly a question of a place if anything. he should feel grateful and he did, but the more time spent here was only met with more confusion and more wonders than anyone could answer. whoever was behind woodshore didn’t seem keen on answering much even if there was someone to ask. he knew he should feel less relaxed than he was because of thoughts like this, but he found them all too easy to shrug off. seeing everyone he could from home, learning what he could all seemed to fill his drive an wishes more.

     obi-wan knew what a dyad was, but that was only from reading and no one he’d met personally had such a connection. it’d felt like a legend to him at the time, but knowing rey and how he believed what they said to be true, how he felt the truth as if he could almost feel the connection they and ben had with his sensitivity returned. and such a connection that made a baby together was undoubtedly strong and chosen by the force itself to be so and true.

      he felt conflict in her too as she spoke, but not over a decision, over how she felt and ultimately he felt their terror too as they spoke. hearing their words, he understood why and the weight they held on their shoulders over something many found joy and relief in. there was so much on their conscience from what he could tell even apart from what he could sense to be true and he hoped there was something he could do to ease any burden. and the best he could do was to wrap his mind around what he heard and give them his peace in the way he knew how.

their gaze dropped down to the collection of books that the other was toting around with him, the space between her brows wrinkling. for a brief moment, rey wondered if that was more like what ben’s approach to a library or bookstore would have been like. they had told themself that they wanted to do this on their own, but now, she wasn’t sure why she was being so stubborn about it. all of this was meant to be something that they did together, after all. “it would be nice to be that decisive, i suppose,” she murmured. they had never had trouble with making decisions before, but there had never been anything in their life quite like this before. they were terrified by the possibility of messing it up. “it seems like you’ve managed to pick up quite a few things for yourself, though.”

      spock typically thought of himself as decisive, at least when it came to logic and reason and making a choice based on that. however, applying logic to this place seemed to be impossible in the best of times. he’d learned a lot, made observations, kept them all in mind, but right now, his selection of books were looking a bit like what he’d put on the cover of a pamphlet about woodshore. “it may be a bit limiting to be that decisive,” he said to them, knowing it would depend on the point of view. nodding, he glanced down at the stack of books he had next to him. he didn’t really know if his choices were anything to commend at this point. “admittedly, without much of a method though. i think it’s time to admit i’m at a loss over what this place is.”

the promise hadn’t been particularly overwhelming when frank had first received the letter. truthfully, with his head all messed up, it’d seemed nice – a little unreasonable, maybe, but so was everything else: an all-inclusive resort that didn’t come with a giant price tag involved? skeptical was putting it nicely. weird as it all was, it was pretty clear that he wasn’t the only one going through a load of shit. he just figured most people’s shit was a lot different than his own. “pretty sure that’s about the only thing that this place does,” he shrugged.

     helena’s jaw tightened, but she still nodded. she really wasn’t frustrated at anyone, just this place in general and maybe that’s what made it the most annoying. they could have promised her any number of things, but they decided to be cryptic. “i think it’s because they didn’t give me anything definite,” she said, shaking her head. she felt like it was up to their interpretation or they expected her to interpret whatever they gave her. “it would be relaxing here if they didn’t keep us guessing.” or even, as she assumed, rip them from their homes in the first place.

“You make it seem like you aren’t human.” Kristoff pointed out from where he was drinking his coffee, before quickly shaking his head. “Me and you both, I think this might be my fourth or sixth coffee today. It’s probably not good for me, but I guess it’s what happens when you have a long workday. You drink coffee to keep you awake.” A slight laugh escaped the blonde’s lips at the other’s next words with a slight shrug. “That’s a good question, maybe if everyone took a nap we wouldn’t fight each other. Then you’ll have people saying we don’t do anything but sleep.”

      pointing his finger against the counter, he said, “i’m currently human now, i’m one hundred percent sure,” he lifted his finger and pointed it on the counter a bit away from his first point, “i used to not be human. i used to feel more exasperation than tired, but i suppose that was a close enough feeling. threepio would argue that i always made him more exasperated. probably because he’s fluent in more than seven million forms of communication and can say it first to anyone that would listen.” he sighed. “i miss him.” he shook his head and sat up straight again. “i suppose that’s true, but i still hardly understand why we’re constantly tired. so much so that we drink that much coffee.” frowning, he crossed his arms. “humans have so many more choices. we could choose not to work that much and put dark unhealthy sludge milk in our body. yet, here we are, feeling like we have to.” sighing again, he shook his head, smiling. “i think i care much more about sleep than i care about what people think.”

it would have been difficult for her too, to confront several of the faces in her past, particularly with the rumors that she had heard about with woodshore bringing people back from the dead. there was so much about this place that had been difficult to wrap her mind around, but that was a particularly hard thing to struggle with. but she was desperate to see her mother again, even knowing that she was dead. woodshore was supposed to keep its promises. she needed to find patience.

“yeah, it is,” clarke agreed as her mind flickered to bellamy. it was so much easier to have him here. she had always been comfortable in his presence. they had been through so much together and she wasn’t sure that she would ever be able to form a bond like that with someone else. “you really think so?” she had always felt a pressure to do better and be better. where didn’t matter. “happiness is contagious. yeah, i’ve heard that one before.”

      woodshore had promised regulus something to hope for at the very least that he died before he could be sure he’d done. it was something near impossible to hope for, but to hope for either way. maybe he could at least express apologies to the people he knew were there. find some subtle way to get a message to sirius because he doubted he wanted to see him. and yet, maybe that was the true point, that he had to see him, speak face to face, to do anything the right way.

      he nodded, feeling hopeful at the fact. “anything is probably contagious,” he agreed, “at least when you’re not stubborn in your thoughts or how you feel about something. i suppose if one is determined to be miserable, they’ll stay that way.” it’s harder to stay determined to be happy, though he’d never been exceptionally inclined to have extreme happiness in adversity. “at least i’ve noticed from experience.”

Amy offers a slight smile though her expression is mainly filled with relief at the fact that she had found her daughter, thankfully not having gotten too far. “With everything I’ve been hearing over this whole area, it’s been about fifty times scarier to even bring your child out here. It’s strange though, I’ve been living here for a while now and nothing has ever been so bad that it got to this kind of point.” Amy responds with a worried facial expression visible upon her face.

      georgie nodded, glancing around at the people near them, some sharing conversation, some sharing drinks, some even exchanging beads in celebration of the mixed festival. it was easy to fall into the joy of it, just like it had been for every other festival woodshore had before which only let guards down. but it was also easy to remember what was going on in even the slightest moments of thought. “i’ve been here for a while too… months and i hardly suspected anything like it,” she admitted. “maybe i should have always expected any place capable.”

     bruce shook his head before he ended up laughing along with her. “it’s really not that i regret coming here because i’m remembering now,” he clarified from a previous statement, realizing he’d probably made it sound like he’d have rather not followed the letter. “and i don’t want any fake life above that.” he didn’t remember everyone, didn’t remember his life, didn’t remember clark back in his fake life. “i just think too much about what’s going on back home.”