So I’ve been having a lot of bad days lately. Days where I creep closer and closer to deciding to end everything. Days where I keep hurting myself because it makes me feel just a little bit better for a second. And I know that upping my antidepressant will most likely help with all of this. But that means I need to go back to my doctor and get them to increase the dosage because I’m currently on the lowest dose. It doesn’t really seem to be helping my depression and my anxiety is significantly worse. 

I am one of those people that stress a lot about almost everything it seems. I appear calm, collected and happy on the outside but on the inside I am freaking out. 

I’m currently studying (or at least supposed to be studying) for exams, though I’ve only got one left. But I’m stressed, depressed and riddled with anxiety, so much that I can’t concentrate on anything except drinking water (one of my goals to a healthier me) and telling myself to study. Of course this isn’t making me study any more than what I am, so what am I supposed to do? I can’t study because I’m stressed (and depressed and suffering from anxiety), and I’m stressed because I have to study. 

I thought it might be a good idea to start a new blog to share my fight against my mental health issues. Right now I am not ‘good’ or ‘okay’. And at least I’m being honest.

I thought it was time to start saying all the things I can’t bring myself to say. All the things that make me hate myself. All the things that make me cry. All the things that I keep inside. All the things that make me hurt myself. All the things I can’t deal with. And all the things that make me want to curl up and die.