Your One Stop Shop for Blorbofication

“Ugh. This place looks horrible.”

That was all Ember had to say. The young girl ran her own business as a freelance cleaner, doing any job that paid well enough. So when an offer came to her from a couple of realtors for $3000 to clean a two story house, of course she accepted. Those usually took two to three hours, and would be well worth it. However, she should’ve remembered there’s always a catch for these kinds of jobs. As it turned out, the house had recently been in a fire, and the inside was seared to a crisp. It seemed structurally sound, she checked with a testing whack of the door frame. No debris, but a bit of dust and soot fell. More of a mess for her, but she wasn’t about to die, so...if she was lucky she could get it done by 6.

The hours of tedium passed as they always did, and at 3, Ember had almost finished the first floor. She decided to take a quick break, sitting at the heavily-scrubbed kitchen table. She’d catch her breath, move onto the first floor, and be done with it, she thought as she wiped sweat from her ginger brow. She was about to give herself a good 20 minutes of YouTube before her eyes caught something in the corner. Getting up, she carefully approached it, scared it might be some form of animal. Gripping the handle of her broom tight, she batted at it, only to sigh.

It wasn’t anything alive, but it was still rather odd. It looked like some kind of thick black spiderweb. She paused, looking over it. She had seen these before...what were they? Oh yea! Soot tags! They showed up after fires, something to do with soot particles and low circulation. She reached up to bat them away, only to pause. She’d never actually ran into these before...was she supposed to grab them? She remembered you weren’t supposed to wet soot because that would just make it smear more….if she grabbed them dry, it'd probably be fine.

Tugging on a pair of thick rubber gloves, she reached up to the corner and spooled the soot around her hands, like some kind of goth cotton candy. Pulling her hand back down, she noted a few strands were still there, but it looked like she got most of them. She went to pull her glove off, only to hesitate. Yeesh. The thing had almost completely coated her hand, staining it with its almost ink-like form. At least she still had that other glove...she tried to tug it off with her other hand, only for the tag to almost jump to her other hand!

“The hell? Okay, maybe it’s like…..static charge or something.” She nudged the sink’s handle, almost surprised the water was still running. However, she got a nasty shock as when she tried to wash the soot off, it instead jumped further down her arms! What’s more was the realization that her thick rubber gloves had become silk and stain free, a red lizard marking the back of one. Okay, she may not be an expert on soot tags, but she knew they couldn’t do THIS!

It began to creep up her arms, the thick goo soaking her arms in dark blue fabric. Her frame seemed to tug out, a new coat of lean muscle under the sleeves. She could feel its tendrils wrapping around her, tugging her middle longer, coils causing muscle to appear along her middle. The deep blue became more and more tied to her, small accents of white manifesting along her chest to give the goo a more uniform look.

“I-It won’t come off!” She grabbed at her chest, trying to pull the adhesive off of her. Her chest and shoulders broadened, bones clicking into place. She felt it pour down her legs, growing taller as they pressed out into sleek deep blue dress pants. Even her feet weren’t immune, somewhat grubby sneakers gaining a coat of polish as they became dark black leather.

“What the hell is this stuff-mmmph!” It crept up her face, the taste of overly burnt meat coating her tongue as she was unfortunate enough to get some in her mouth. She felt the soot reshaping her face, jawline becoming sharper and more defined, brown eyes deepening to the same pitch as the soot and taking on a more stern, determined look. The most notable change was her hair, as the soot had wrapped into the fibers of her hair, charring it dark and chopping off a decent chunk.

“G-Get off me!” Her mind was so overrun with panic she didn’t even notice how her voice had changed, now that of a stern (if slightly mischievous) authoritative figure. She had been blinded by the soot, it like a thick, overly applied face mask. Her head began to spin, she assumed from the fumes the soot had to be producing.

She….no, that wasn’t right. He held his head, finally managing to find a weak spot in the soot’s grasp as he pulled it off, gasping.

“Hm?” Riza poked her head in the room, confused. “Is something wrong, Colonel?”

Roy Mustang snapped to attention, looking back at Riza. The two were investigating a house that had burned down mysterious, signs pointing to it being foul play. “No, all’s fine. I did find these, though.” He revealed the soot tag in his hand, soon scraping it into a jar. “Soot tags. They only appear when a fire is caused by an artificial substance, meaning this wasn’t some stove that just got left on.”

“Hm, that’s certainly something.” Riza took the jar from Roy, looking over it. “Nice find. I’ll leave you be to the rest of your work.” Roy scoffed, leaving his assistant to walk away. That was probably all he’d find here...didn’t see too much of a reason to burn this place down.

“Oh...yea.” He rubbed the back of his neck, awkwardly chuckling. The clerk looked him over, trying to read him for what he wanted. Decently groomed short chestnut hair, a purple polo shirt and pressed jeans, brown leather dress shoes...probably had something decently important later today. And considering what kind of jewelry he was looking at….

“You’re proposing later, aren’t you?” Griffin paused, nodding.

“How did you?...” He sighed, his shoulders slumping. “Ugh, yeah. But everything’s so expensive...I’ve been saving for practically a year and even then I can barely afford any of the good ones!” The clerk watched him as he went back to pouring over the rings, struggling between getting his loved one something they deserved and something he could pay off.

“Actually..” He perked up, holding a finger in the air as his icy blue eyes pondered a thought. “I think we might have a set of rings in the back for decently cheap, $100, $120….but they still look rather nice and are of high craft. Would you like me to see if we still have them?”

Griffin nodded, letting out a sigh of relief. “Really? Oh thanks, man, you’re a lifesaver!”

“Ah, no problem. My job is to help people find what they’re looking for, after all! Now if you’ll excuse me…” He walked off, headed into the forbidden parts of the store unknown to the commoner. After a few minutes, Griffin (who had started scrolling through Twitter) was brought back to reality by the sound of something being set on the glass in front of him, along with the clerk’s statement of “Take a look”.

Two small ring boxes were laid in front of him, one coated in red velvet and the other in blue. He lifted the red box, popping it open to reveal the contents inside. A rose gold band, with two small diamonds and one ruby crowning it. The edges of the band flares, giving it a ruffled pattern almost like creased fabric. Ooh...this would be perfect for her! He picked up the blue box, inspecting its hidden treasure as well. It was a similarly simple pure gold band, two sapphires on either side of a diamond tucked away in a golden four-pointed star. He looked back to the clerk, grabbing both of them as he fidgeted his wallet from his pocket.

“You said these were…$120?” The clerk nodded, leading to Griffin slamming the money on the counter. “Oh man, thank you so much! She’s gonna love this, I-I can’t thank you enough!” Placing the ring boxes in a bag for him, the clerk waved as another satisfied customer ran off.

The rest of the day was as normal as it could be for a day leading up to such a big event. Griffin called to double and triple-check his reservations were still in place, re-washed and ironed everything he was wearing for later, and took an intensive shower. Everything had to go perfect for tonight. Soon enough, after what felt like both no time at all and a full eon, his doorbell rang. Answering it, he was met with the face of his beloved Kelly. She had dressed similarly nicely, a long somewhat shimmery orange dress accompanied by a pearl necklace. Her blonde hair had been neatly curled at the edges, letting it frame her face in a rather flattering way.

“You look nice.” Griffin stuttered, eyes darting across the room as she chuckled.

“Thanks. You too.” She grabbed his hand, leading him out the door. “C’mon, we should get going. You said this place was expensive, and I don’t wanna miss our chance to eat $100 steak.”

The car ride over was nice, Kelly looking out the window at the late-night city’s lights. Her eyes drifted over the scenery, soon enough settling on the restaurant they had arrived at. She had known it was a fancy place, but she didn’t expect it to look quite this nice. The building had strings of fairy lights dangling from it, and as they walked in, she took note of how well everyone was dressed. She started to think she might’ve underdressed for the occasion.

“Mr. West? Ah yes, we have your reservation. Please, follow me.” The waitress led the two to an empty table, one which happened to be on the patio. A nice open space, no one else outside, illuminated by the moonlight….it was perfect. Griffin kept a hand on the two ring boxes in his pocket, waiting for the perfect moment.

Whatever was above must’ve taken a shine to them that day, as the dinner went perfectly. Their food was cooked to perfection, the wine the servers brought out was a rich palette, and all night the moon and stars were perfectly visible and bright. As Kelly polished off her second glass of wine, he gripped the boxes tighter than he ever had before and sighed.

“Hm?” Kelly placed her glass down, focusing on her partner. “Something wrong, Grif?”

“No, it’s just….we’ve been together for a while now and...you’re really important to me. I

realized I found something I don’t wanna lose. So….” He took the red box from his pocket and held it out to her, letting her see as he popped it open. “Will you marry me?”

She gasped, grabbing the box as she teared up. “Oh my God….yes!” His heart pounded out of his chest as she slipped the ring on, admiring it. He had taken the shot and hit a bullseye.

“The best part?” He held the blue box in his hands, showing its contents to her. “They’re a set. We match!” Putting his own ring on, Kelly practically pounced on him as she pulled him into a hug that turned into the two holding each other’s hands, rings resting against each other. It felt like a moment that would last forever…..until they withdrew their hands in shock.

“Ow, something shocked me!” Kelly rubbed her hand, surprised by the indignant interruption.

“Yea, me too….might’ve been some static electricity or something in the rings.” Griffin explained to the best of his knowledge. That was a thing that could happen, right? Metal conducted electricity.

“Mhm...probably. Felt a bit stronger than static, though. It was just...weird.” She unconsciously flexed her fingers to fully shake the feeling, although a new, even stranger one replaced it. Her hands began to shift, growing broader and more well-groomed, like they belonged to someone from the upper class. Though the expected tightness of the ring becoming too small for her fingers was strangely never present…

“Maybe you just aren’t taking your wine well.” Griffin chuckled, taking her hand in his in an attempt to comfort her, only to realize how large it was compared to mere moments ago. He gulped, feeling his hands become a bit more comfortable in holding hers, the change nowhere as near as drastic as Kelly’s but still something concerning. His arms tensed, swelling with a slightly toned layer of muscle new to his form. He took his hands from Kelly’s, looking over them. Sure, he admittedly never held his wine the best, but he’d never hallucinated before, and he’d definitely never actually felt it.

“Grif? Do you think someone put something in our food?” She took a longer, more well-built arm to her chest, feeling the fat layered on it melt away and replace with an admittedly not too shabby set of pecs. “Wh-What?” Her face flushed, eyes widening at the realization that whatever was happening to them had decided to shift her sex around.

“I’d like to see whatever drug can do something like this at all, let alone this fast!” He gripped onto a chair’s back, groaning as his back popped, leaving him slightly taller and, as a cursory scan of his new body would reveal, sporting a new set of abs. “Woah...this is...something.”

Kelly, meanwhile, was not as enthralled with her changes as Griffin was. She felt awkward enough in her dress already, and the cracking of her spine and toning frame didn’t serve to help. What only made things worse was the notable pressure she felt from her high heels, confirming her fears as the sides of the shoes gave, leaving her feet exposed in the cold night air. “Ugh….just kill me now….”

“Hey, cmon, don’t be like that.” Griffin pulled her into a hug, grinning in an attempt to ease her fears. “This probably won’t be that bad.” She looked up at him, desperate for some form of comfort. It was probably just the changes, but...he looked so much more handsome than usual. His jawline was sharper, his eyes had cooled to a soft smoky grey, and his formerly chestnut hair had burnt to a dark black, even changing how it was styled into a striking slicked back and spiked look. Something about it was…..familiar and comforting.

Griffin swept a bang from her face, letting him look at her shifted face. He let out a quiet gasp, her heart sinking.

“I-Is it bad?” She clasped her hands together, still feeling the ring.

“No, you’re...you’re gorgeous.” His hand rested against her cheek, taking everything in. Her face had gained this strong stoic look to it, almost statue-esque. His hair had faded to a platinum, combed into a set of bangs that perfectly framed his face and made similarly pale eyes stand out. “I...wow.” He’d never felt this strongly towards...anyone. He took one of her pearls in his hand, only to let go of it as he realized it had gained an odd fabric like texture.

Kelly watched as her pearl necklace flattened and softened, the chain around her neck becoming the same silk as the pearls now were. She brushed over it with her hands, the string now a rumpled scarf of some sort...what was the term? The word “cravat” suddenly popped to mind, albeit she didn’t know where from. Yes, that was right.

Griffin coughed as something tugged against his throat, looking down to see a bright red tie had formed around his neck. More notably, where it touched seemed to sap the red from his shirt, leaving it pure white as the still-blue edges tugged away from itself, leaving him with a formal white undershirt topped with a sapphire blue suit jacket. “Guess they have a stricter take on business casual than I thought…” He awkwardly joked as he watched the blue spread down to neatly pressed dress pants, his changes finishing with his shoes expanding slightly and shifting into dark leather.

Kelly brushed her face, slightly flushed from Griffin’s new form. …..Griffin? Was that right? No, that...that wasn’t it. What was his name, though? As she thought, her clothing underwent its own metamorphosis, bleeding into a combination of a black vest and a deep red suit jacket, albeit this one more high quality than her partner’s. The material shared its conquest of her wardrobe with her partner’s changes, as the ends of her dress wrapped around her legs into fanciful perfectly tailored wine red pants. Her shoes even got a second shot as the heels flattened to the ground, a refined pair of leather dress shoes.

“Is...is it over?” The two looked at each other, Griffin pausing at his new voice. It was young, nothing too outstanding on its own but probably could be with some power put behind it, like some form of objection.

“I...I believe so.” Kelly gasped, putting a hand to her throat as she felt her new Adam’s apple. The voice it had given her was a rather pleasing one, deep and proper, the voice of someone who really knew what they were doing. “My...this is all so….” She didn’t get to finish her thought as she trailed off, Griffin taking her hands one again.

“Not what I expected to happen tonight, either. Can’t say I’m too mad though.” Kelly blushed, Griffin’s face equally red as he leaned in for a kiss, which she gladly reciprocated. That simple act sealed the two’s fates as when they pulled back, a different, more fitting set of memories and personality traits belonged to the pair.

“Wright....must you be this extravagant?” He looked around the patio, taking in the almost storybook-like picture the two found themselves in.

“Of course. Nothing else for my Miles.” Edgeworth turned his head, leading Phoenix to giggle.

“You’re an embarrassment.” He tried to come off as his usual stern self, but the slightest hint of a smirk on his lips was his lover’s cue to keep going.

“Hey, you know how I get when drunk.”

“I suppose I do, Feenie.” Miles slipped his hand into his partner’s, only for the two of them to pause and investigate the rings they didn’t remember putting on.

“Guess I was a bit more drunk than I thought….” He looked away, rubbing his neck in that ever-so-Wright way. A pause of awkward silence, before he sighed and reconnected eye contact. “Hey um….even if we don’t remember it...would you still...you know…”