It's Avocado Season

unrestrained summer fun

Imagine if a like 8 foot tall guy that looked kinda like an alien species just kinda showed up at the house you rent a room in and crashed on the couch and at first everyone hated him but you kinda just accepted this weird massive kinda-human alien species thing as a part of your group even though he's like twice the size of everyone else there

Cuz that's literally happening to sea lions in San Francisco right now

Let’s have technical difficulties with mama

imagine there is one semi-redeemed dalek who works at the space dmv. they hired it because it makes lines go quicker. someone forgets their papers and instead of arguing about it, they hear a dalek start yelling PAPERWORK. PAPERWORK. and they apologize profusely and leave.

"average dalek doesn't kill anyone in its lifetime" actually statistical error. dalek todd, who works at the space dmv and has actually saved lives by providing spaceship driver's licenses, is an outlier and should not be counted

space dmv gets denied proper funding for equipment the fifth year in a row and dalek todd unleashes all his hatred onto updating all their computers with superior dalek tech so that they can process requests faster. everyone loves dalek todd. he's a joy to have in the workplace. sometimes he'll tell you that you would make a better dalek then [insert species here] and he would convert you in a heartbeat, but we think that's just his way of being friendly. if balance your coffee on top of his head when he gets mad, it heats up.

dalek todd was not involved in the time war because and i quote "THE DALEK EMPIRE DID NOT REGISTER ITS WAR SHIPS PROPERLY. SAY WHAT YOU WILL ABOUT TIME LORDS BUT THEIR PAPERWORK IS IN ORDER. I WILL HAVE TO FINE EMPEROR DAVROS TEN BILLION SPACE DOLLARS."

Unfortunately there was that time when Dalek Todd's supervisor (a semi-redeemed Cyberman) got into a heated "discussion" with him over who was better at converting other species and they both had to attend sensitivity counseling

He still has beef with the Doctor though, because he's driving around time and space without a license in a stolen vehicle that definitely has expired plates.

Okay, but a lot of books would be that long if you laid the pages out

the average printed page is 6 inches wide. so if a book is 128 pages, its 64 ft long. I dont think I own a book with fewer than 128 pages.

It's honestly not that impressive at all. Fuck pharaoh Imhotep and his pathetic short book.