Flos

lots of internal monologue and even dialogue with oneself

social awkwardness

despite longing for connection, avoiding it because they are not used to it

or: seeking connection anywhere they can, even in the tiny interactions with employees and strangers

making their home a very comforting space since they spend so much time in it

not feeling invited to activities unless explicitly told they are, and even then doubting it

not even considering the possibility of talking to someone

feeling warmth in their chest after a good talk with someone, only for it to twist into dread and doubt later on

Diluc x gn!reader

For six years, the Master of the Dawn Winery was merely a reliable ally in the Intelligence Network, aiding your vital work as the Knights' Tactician through elegant ink on parchment. But when you finally return home to Mondstadt, Diluc Ragnvindr becomes a physical variable you cannot easily calculate.

A slow burn romance heavily inspired by Pride and Prejudice (Diluc as Mr. Darcy).

Reader: Gender neutral, Tactician for the Knights of Favonius, codename "Falcon," Hydro Vision, catalyst wielder, returning from the Nod Krai expedition.

Features: Slow burn, friends to lovers, miscommunication, some angst, happy ending, yearner!Diluc, fluff

Spoilers for the Nod Krai Archon Quest.

Word count: 2.4k

Masterlist

----------

Chapter 1: The Protocols of a Midnight Rendezvous

The Angel's Share was packed, bursting with the raw mirth and boisterous laughter as the Knights of Favonius celebrated their triumphant return from Nod Krai. The tavern was bathed in a rich, amber glow, warmed by the flickering of the wall sconces and the heat of dozens of rowdy knights tipping back their glasses.

At the center of the room's attention stood Grand Master Varka. His booming voice echoed off the wooden rafters as he recounted - and shamelessly exaggerated - the legendary feats of the expedition. Trapped securely under his massive, jovial embrace, you simply sipped your wine, laughing softly at the Grand Master's wild flourishes.

"And this one here!" Varka beamed, pushing his heavy wooden tankard towards you. "The bards ought to be composing tales around your intellect. Your wit and sheer rigor preserved the Knights countless times against the Wild Hunt. Come, Venti, exert your talents and fashion a proper tune for our tactician."

You laughed, shaking your head at the ridiculous demand. Although you really should have predicted this, as Varka never missed an opportunity to wax eloquent upon the merits of his subordinates whenever his tankard was full. His loud praise achieved its inevitable goal, instantly drawing the collective attention towards your party.

All eyes turned expectantly on the bard, who immediately sat to work, attempting to marry wit and grit into this new melody. All eyes, that is, save the bartender. From across the crowded room, you caught his steady gaze and immediately turned away. You had intended to garner his attention tonight, and merely waited for the merriment to subside before announcing yourself.

After a few hours, the bard's lively tune finally shifted into a lazy acoustic performance. 

You were at last released from Varka's heavy arm. You were always profoundly grateful for the Grand Master's endless energy and kind words - they had been your anchor during the long, taxing years away - but you were even more grateful when his grip finally loosened, and he drifted off to sleep right on top of the table, snoring softly.

Stepping away from the table, your dress uniform weighed heavy; the metal of your gauntlets pinched your arms, and the rigid shoulder guards restricted your movement. The entire day had been a relentless parade to mark your arrival, and the formal regalia had definitely overstayed.

You rubbed your hands against your thighs a couple of times, the silver Hydro vision at your hip jingling softly, before you quietly made your way over to the bar. The bartender was tending to clean glasses, his back towards you.

"Hey Owl," you started, resting your armored forearms against the dark wood of the bar.

"Falcon?" Diluc turned around, a small, genuine smile gracing his features. His crimson eyes softened as the amber glow cast across his face. There was no real surprise in his voice; his tone held a quiet, exclusive acknowledgment meant solely for your ears.

wanderer didn't enjoy being called pretty.

it was natural phenomenon, a puppet crafted from a branch of irminsul by the hands of the very electro archon herself, was bound to be flawless, composed of features revered by myth and legend.

but skin that remained pale and unfazed by the sun, or weight immune to fluctuation, were things that lacked any sort of humanity. they were unnatural, unrealistic, and characteristics no human should strive for.

dolls hardly resemble people, they were simply canvases to craft perfection instead of beauty. wanderer was completed, not born.

he knows very well of his artificial nature. he knows he cannot alter it, nor did he dwell too much on what he couldn't change. however, being called "pretty", was a jarring reminder of his inherent difference, and the absense of a heart.

so, whenever someone called him complimented his face, he didn't feel too much. he'd simply brush it off, before grunting and moving on with his day, books clutched tightly.

humans concerned themselves with 'beauty', dedicating hours of effort and an eternity of stress to pursue something that lacked a true form. it was something far too precious to subject to a singular, objective form, unlike the principles of mathematics and science. whatever 'standard' of it that existed was simply consequence of certain people being too vocal about their preferences.

wanderer had heard of dehya's complaints of her wide shoulders and muscular build, yet he couldn't comprehend why one should feel ashamed of such strength. layla kept her face down, excusing it with her dark circles, when wanderer thought they were rather pleasant, even though he hardly noticed their presence. he's overheard teenagers groan about acne and pimples, but all he saw was growth and metamorphosis, a bittersweet farewell to childhood. he wondered how proud their parents must've been.

humans are a bit dense sometimes, he thinks. and oblivious to how beautiful they can be, with a tendency to believe otherwise.

"stop saying that."

"what, that you're pretty?" you commented, poking him in the shoulder. "but you are pretty."

and for some reason, you were well aware of his inhuman nature, yet showered him with praise.

the house of daena was, for the first time in a while, empty, with the exception of you two. all that glowed were the desk lamps, and the midnight wind occasionally ventured inside through its large windows.

wanderer was skimming through his required readings, you were annoying wanderer.

"you do realise nothing about me is natural." he muttered. "that includes how i look."

you do not find him beautiful, or anything of the sort, you thought of his creator as talented. you were enamoured by the raiden shogun's craftsmanship, not wanderer himself.

you shrugged. "fake flowers aren't real. they're still pretty."

he grunted, continuing to read his book. fake flowers were also loveable.

"and." you slouched, inching closer to him while resting your head on a stack of books. "it's not just your face, y'know. bold of you to think you're handsome."

to that, wanderer snickered, before swallowing it down and turning a page.

"you're pretty because you're kind."

he disagreed, he knew otherwise. he kept reading his book, the ink words barely registering to him.

anyone who'd even heard of the balladeer and his violent ways would disagree easily.

"and you're my favourite." you added, slowly tapping a nail against mahogany. "my favourite person."

wanderer's breath hitched, and then he swallowed.

"like you finished the rest of my essay that one time. even though it was my fault i was falling behind."

he scoffed. that was because you were struggling to adapt to the akademiya and its overbearing walls. wanderer felt the same too.

"and you're a really good listener. i can tell you anything."

wanderer rolled his eyes this time. listening was hardly anything, he thought. everyone had their own life, a tale unique to them. if anything, for someone to open up is a blessing, a sign of trust and comfort.

"oh, and cats! you always pet cats."

of course he did. he adored all wildlife. cats just happened to be his favourite.

"i don't get what point you're trying to make."

you shrugged. "you're more human than you think. far more than most scholars of the akademiya. and people in general. you can yap about being a puppet all you want, but you have a heart."

finally, wanderer peeled himself from his book; he wasn't exactly paying attention to it anyways. disagreement danced at the tip of his tongue, but he refrained.

maybe it was how you glowed despite the absence of light, or the softness of your voice floating through the air. maybe it was because you said everything he wanted to hear.

but if you thought of him as human, then he must be one, regardless of his nature.

his cheeks screamed red. "you're talking so much today, what do you want?"

and lucky for him, you didn't think to stop and tease him. "you. i want you." you stood up, snatching his book, and he let you. "do you even sleep? take a break."

wanderer sighed, taking your hand. "fine, if you insist."

so through the house of daena you pulled him, promising to buy him all the snacks he wanted for working so hard. you reprimanded him for not sleeping and taking breaks, wanderer simply promised to do so from then on.

SYNOPSIS | lohen x captain!reader | may barbatos forgive him for the sins he had committed for the sake of love.

NOTE | could be derived from the ocmc series! was doing the ocmc wip when a side quest popped up lmao THIS WAS KINDA FUN YA

957 | WARNINGS | someone's being tortured and lhen and his captain are both crazy mfuckers.

this wasn't how you imagined your evening to go.

blood was splattered all over the stone walls of your basement, iron and musk filled the rigid air that circled the room and you had to swallow the spit gathering at the back of your throat to stop yourself from vomiting. suffice to say that you had seen worse than a body so mangled out of recognition, but other than the significant factor that this is your basement at your own home– there's lohen looming over the figure tied to the chair–who you assume to be the victim of his most recent shenanigans, er, crimes.

“this is most unexpected. what have you been up to?”

the victim–why are they so familiar somehow?–screams pleadingly at your arrival against the cloth in their mouth, for which lohen hits the back of their head with the handle of a knife, turning to grin at you after making sure the person is knocked out for the time being.

“my bun! you're back surprisingly early!”

“i told you i would come back specifically at this exact time. you knew i was coming home.”

his smile was as cold and lovely as frost on your windows in winter, intricate with a sense of danger and he sauntered to you with an air of blitheness. it should have brought a sense of fear, but instead, you're welcoming him with open arms as he muzzles against you. it will be a heck of a chore to scrub all that blood on his and now your clothes.

“how did your meeting go, bun?”

ah, now you know why that person looks painfully familiar.

⏾⋆.˚ : gender neutral reader, unhealthy dependence, threats of suicide, self harm, power imbalance, reader kinda sends mixed signals.

⏾⋆.˚ : He was always a fantasy to you, something you knew you could never truly have. In the end, whatever you had with him was only meant to be some harmless fun, too bad Lohen took it a step too far.

(7.6k wc)

“Among the higher ranks, who’s your favorite?”

The cool winds of Nod Krai swept through the Favonius keep, a crackling fire keeping the chill at bay. Following another swift victory against the wild hunt the knights broke out into a celebration, guzzling down kegs of dandelion wine from the latest shipment. Song and mirthful laughter filled the air as each knight’s face grew progressively more red.

A boisterous voice bellowed from within the little circle, “What kind of question is that? Obviously it’s Grandmaster Varka! The knights would be nowhere near where we are now without him.”

“Hey, that's just unfair. Grandmaster Varka is great but I personally think Lady Eula is the best! I mean she’s just so graceful.” A chipper knight with hickory hair sighed dreamily.

“Well then how about Master Jean? She’s strong and capable! She was made Acting Grandmaster for a reason you know?”

“Ugh I don’t know!” Winfried, the knight who first asked the question squinted his eyes, the flush on his face indicating he was thoroughly wasted. Suddenly his eyes turned to face you, he slurred, “What about you [name]? Who do you think is the *hic* coolest?”

“Me?” You hummed thoughtfully as you eyed the bottom of your empty barrel, seriously, it was good wine.

“That’s right you haven’t said anything this whole time, tell us!”

“Yeah yeah!”

The crowd grew overzealous as they egged on their new target, their fervent gazes impatiently waiting for your answer as they wriggled in their seats.

“Hmm, then.” you licked your lips, “Vice Captain Lohen.”

A hush settled over the once lively circle, only the crackle of the fire heard amidst the silence.

“Y-You’re kidding right?” Winfried laughed nervously, “Come on seriously who is it?”

You cocked a brow, pouting slightly, “I’m serious though?”

“But why?!” The brunette beside you shrieked, “H-he’s so scary!”

Another knight chimed in as a full body shiver ran through him, “Yeah! Once he made me do drills until I puked, and then made me do even more as punishment!

You chuckled apologetically, you felt bad for your fellow knights you really did… but, “Isn’t it pretty impressive he managed to get you to do that?”

“Huh?”

“Well you’re older than him aren’t you? The fact that he was able to rise up the ranks, get the Grandmaster’s approval, gain the authority of vice captain, and get you to train until you puked before even reaching your age. That’s pretty cool right?”

“You-!” The man exclaimed, “You’re just teasing me!”

This time you it was your turn to let out a boisterous laugh, “Sorry, sorry, I was just messing with you! Still…” you traced the handle of your mug, “Seeing his back on the battlefield brings a lot of reassurance, doesn’t it?”

“I guess… but tell me honestly [name],” Winfried let out a long winded sigh, “Are you a masochist?”

“Haha, Maybe.”

Sometimes, when you’re taking a break from drills and not needed for deployment, you take your time to observe the Vice Captain. It wasn’t creepy —well at least you didn’t think so— it was just something to keep you entertained, to pass the time, and Vice Captain Lohen was oh so interesting.

This time, you found yourself situated between a tall, jagged rock as you watched him duke it out with a Frostnight Scion that had been approaching dangerously close to the keep. There was a sharp grin split into his face as he cut into the beast with his polearm, the frosted tip tearing a screech from its chest. His movements were swift and frantic, but there was that edge of grace ingrained in them that clearly displayed his knighthood.

You were startled out of your observation from a whisper in your ear, “Ogling the Vice Captain again, [name]?”

“Gh! Winfried, how many times have I told you to quit doing that?!” You hissed as you watched your companion lean against the more hidden side of the rock.

“And how many times have I told you to not wander off without telling anyone?” He leveled a stern look at you before crossing his arms, “Anyways you should get out of here before he notices you, the last thing you want is Vice Captain Lohen’s eyes on you.”

You huffed, “He’s definitely noticed us for a while now.”

“Yeah but he doesn’t care, you should leave before he does.”

“Yeah yeah, in a minute.” You could hear Winfried audibly sigh beside you as you turned your head to face Lohen again. He had defeated the Scion at this point, now he had his polearm stuck into the sand of the shoreline, gazing distantly into the horizon. It was unlike him, the somber look in his eyes, but it’s an expression you’ve noticed he's been taking on more lately.

“Hey.” You signaled to Winfried, “Do you think… the Vice Captain might be having a hard time too, just like the rest of us?”

“What?”

“You know, maybe even someone like him is getting worn down by the Wild Hunt, his eyes just look so… empty sometimes.”

“That’s because he has no soul.” Winfried sighed, “You’re overthinking it, there’s no way a monster like him even knows what fear is.”

“…Yeah I guess.”

Just as you replied, Lohen pulled his polearm about of the sand and turned to face the rock you two were hiding behind.

“Gah quick! Let’s get out of here!” Winfried’s hand shot out to grab your arm, just as you two turned tail to run you threw one final glance at Lohen.

His dull eyes remained fixed on yours. You didn’t look away until he was a speck on the horizon.

After that encounter you tried to be more discreet with your observing, though you don’t think you could’ve possibly found a way to evade the vice captain’s sharp eye. Maybe that’s what landed you in this sorry situation.

“Looks like you’re next.”

A wooden sword pointed towards after one of your fellow knights fell to the floor of the training grounds, groaning in pain. It was peaceful that day, or at least as peaceful it could be in Nod Krai, when Lohen rounded a group of knights to ‘spar’ with. Each of them dropped like flies until finally, it was your turn.

You swallowed down the saliva pooling in your mouth before drawing your wooden sword.

Lohen laughed, “Let’s hope you put up a good fight.”

Immediately he rushed towards you and just barely managed to dodge his attack, with every movement you were stuck in a perpetual cycle of defense, putting all your strength into just deflecting his onslaught of attacks. You heard a whistle in your ear.

“Got you~”

Suddenly you felt the blunt edge of the wooden sword punch into your gut, knocking the air out of you. You doubled over, your ass falling flat on the ground when the chill of frost singed your cheek. Sticking out of the ground next to you, just shy of your shoulder, was the wooden sword, infused with cryo. When your eyes turned back you found magenta and teal staring back.

A chill ran down your spine.

He hummed, his forearm leaning onto the hilt of the sword as he bent to look down at you, “You’re pretty good, my little secret admirer.”

“Hah,” You wheezed out a thin laugh, your hand still clutching your stomach as drool dripped from your mouth, “Not very secret if I’m this open about it, yeah?”

“Oh? I suppose you’re right!” And with that he pulled the hilt of the sword and turned away.

“W-wait.” You cried, “I can… still fight.”

Before you could get back on your feet you felt cold fingers flick your forehead.

“I like your spirit, but you should know your limits. Shame, if you were just a tad bit stronger I would’ve set my sights on you.”

Your head hung low in defeat. Just a little stronger… what a pipe dream.

“You should take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

You were out on patrol when you came across Lohen again, from the freshly dead hilichurls littering the ground it looked like he was out on another excursion to ‘relieve some stress’.

And of course wherever Lohen went, you would follow.

“I could, but a picture can never compare to the real thing, now can it?”

“Well then why don’t you come down here and I’ll give you a real show.”

You were perched up on a cliff overseeing the hilichurl camp, you gave it some thought before letting out a theatrical sigh, “I think I’ll pass actually.”

Lohen merely shrugged his shoulders, “Suit yourself.”

Maybe it’s because he thought you were too weak, that a fight with you wouldn’t be worthwhile, but he gave up relatively easily. This has been your routine for a while now. Make no mistake, he still beat you black and blue when it came to training, but times like this when it was just the two of you, he let you be. A part of you thinks he’d rather not be distracted by a bigger fight, and another is telling you he just likes the attention.

It wasn’t anything serious, you know he wasn’t really interested, that this was just some passing entertainment until he finds his next fight. You weren’t expecting anything either, honest, it was just… harmless fun. Sure, some of the things he says make your cheeks burn, and sometimes your mind wanders to him, but that's all there is to it.

It was just a fantasy, he was just a fantasy.

He turns his back to you, and you find you’ve grown tired of the sight.

Your fellow knights thought your little arrangement was an absolute nightmare.

“I told you to steer clear of him didn’t I?” Winfried clicked his tongue, “Now he comes to pick on us even more!”

“He picks on you guys anyways, plus he’s not actually interested so I doubt he does it because of me, he’s probably just bored.”

You were seated around the fire once again, mugs full of liquid courage. The Wild Hunt had been more aggressive recently putting everyone on edge, drinking around a fire huddled with your companions was all you could do to settle your nerves.

Laurent sighed wearily, “You two should forget about silly things like that and focus on the threat ahead. The Wild Hunt is growing more unpredictable by the day.”

“Oh yeah, I overheard the Grandmaster speaking of a new threat on the horizon, someone named Rerir.” Winfried took a quick swig from his mug, “Well whatever, I’m sure we’ve got nothing to worry about, [name]’s sweetheart will surely take care of it.”

“Don’t call him that…” you hissed, but you couldn’t help the fond smile on your face, “I’m sure we'll be just fine.”

Things weren’t fine at all.

This new… monster, Rerir, whatever he was he was something far beyond the power of the knights. In the face of that beast, even the strongest would fall.

Even Lohen fell.

You watched them drag his broken body into the encampment, your blood running cold. When they ushered him into a private room it took everything in you not to follow after, to confirm his weakness with your own eyes. It’s been days since the assault and Lohen’s condition had finally stabilized, not to the point where he could get out of bed, but just enough to stay conscious. You find yourself hesitating in front of his room, recalling what the Frostmoon Scion who was treating him told you.

‘He’s in a bit of a delicate position right now emotionally, he may be aggressive so it’s best to proceed with caution.’

You gulped before carefully parting the curtain.

“…Vice Captain?”

Only silence greeted you, and the lingering stench of blood and medicinal herbs in the air. Lohen laid on the mattress, only a thin blanket covered his still form. From this distance you could see the various bandages littering his skin, some already bled through. His face was turned away from you, facing the small window carved into the stone of the building. You took a few cautious steps forward before being interrupted by a raspy voice.

“Get out.”

It wasn’t loud, closer to a whisper and barely there, you would have missed it if your ears weren’t trained for any sign of a reaction. You felt something shift inside you because for the first time since you’ve known him Lohen sounded so damn weak.

He wasn’t supposed to sound like that.

You let out a shaky breath, “…okay.”

Your visits after that followed a relatively simple pattern. You would try to make conversation, get a reaction, and Lohen would proceed to firmly dismiss you. Sometimes through aggressive shouts, and others with a small whisper. You didn’t mind, it was enough just to see him alive and breathing, the rejections weren't something that could deter you so easily anyways. This time, you had offered to help the Frostmoon Scions and bring a new basin of water and washcloths in their stead. As you stepped up to the entrance of his ward you were expecting the usual routine, make some small talk, he would ignore and dismiss you, and you would set the basin and cloth down and go on your merry way. Those were your expectations as you parted the curtain once more.

“Vice Captain, I brought some water.”

In response you heard a labored huff, when you looked up you noticed Lohen struggling to get out of bed. His limbs trembled as they braced against the mattress, a thin sheen of sweat layered his forehead.

Immediately you placed the basin and cloth down and hurried to stop him, “What are you doing you shouldn’t be out of bed yet-”

Suddenly, your vision distorted, a stinging pain piercing your head. Your head was whipped forcefully to the side and when you looked down you noticed a piece of… stone? It must’ve been one of the small stone statues the Frostmoon Scions kept around. As you eyed it closer with blurry eyes you noticed a patch of red and instinctively brought a hand to your head. When you pulled back, a matching red coated your fingers.

“A-ah…”

Lohen hadn’t noticed, or he might have and was too out of his mind to care. A cracked wheeze crawled out of his throat, the crimson in his eyes glowing with outrage, “Just why the hell do you keep coming back here, huh? Just to revel in my weakness?”

“That’s not-”

“Save it, I don’t need your pity! Get out of my sigh- hrk!” Before he could finish his sentence his chest convulsed and all color drained from his face. He held his hand over his mouth before turning and emptying the contents of his stomach with a shudder. You stepped back in surprise as the clear liquid pooled on the floor, and while Lohen’s body quaked in front of you, you could only think of one thing.

‘Oh, he hasn’t eaten.’

Lohen tried to steady himself and hung his head low in what you didn’t want to call shame, but it was close. He stayed silent, only his shuddering breaths echoing through the stone walls.

With a sigh you took a step back before gathering the cloth and dipping it into the basin of warm water. Carefully, you stepped forward and kneeled beside his hunched form. With steady hands you turned his head and brought the cloth to gently wipe at the corner of his mouth.

His pupils were blown wide and he grit his teeth, but he made no move to swat your hand away. He whispered weakly, “Why are you doing this?”

You hummed thoughtfully, taking a moment to think of a response, before speaking softly, “It’s nice to be able to see you face to face after only ever knowing the sight of your back.”

Something in Lohen’s expression changed at that, the slightest shift in his eyes that you wouldn’t have noticed if he wasn’t a hairbreadth away. As if finally regaining some sense, his eyes were drawn to the leaky red patch on your head. You followed them and quickly turned your head to hide the wound.

“Ah, don’t worry about this. It’s nothing compared to what you went through.”

Lohen made a complicated expression, he opened his mouth to say something before biting his lip instead. The ghost of an apology lingered in the air.

You showed him a small smile before rising off your knees, “I’ll clean this up and call for a Scion. Please don’t try to get up without assistance again, Vice Captain.”

The man only huffed before turning over and pulling the thin blanket over himself, “fine.”

You nodded and made way for the exit, his eyes still imprinted in your mind.

The Frostmoon Scions were incredibly fussy about the little wound on your head. When they asked how you got it, all you could say was ‘I fell’. It was such an obvious lie it was almost laughable; still, they didn’t question it, simply dressed the wound and told you to be careful. You wished your fellow knights were as agreeable, they simply gave you a knowing look and sighed whenever they glanced at the bandage on your forehead.

It’s been a week since then, and whenever you had free time you made sure to visit Lohen. He’s been more responsive during your visits, his usual snark tinting more of his words. The fight with Rerir almost seemed to shatter his spirit so it was reassuring to know he was regaining his confidence.

You were with him again, this time you had a ball of gauze at your side as you redressed his bandages. Perhaps it was stubbornness, but his recovery speed was impressive. Maybe he was just willing himself to get better in order to step back on the battlefield. You were speaking to him of anything and everything, just enough to fill the silence. He had been quieter than usual and it was only when you taped the last bandage that he spoke up.

“Hey.”

“Hm?”

“The knights have been telling you to leave me, haven't they?”

You choke, “W-what do you mean?”

He scoffed half heartedly, “I know what they’ve been whispering behind my back. ‘The Vice Captain has finally fallen, perhaps he isn’t as formidable as we all thought!’ Right?”

You tried to open your mouth in denial but quickly shut it when you couldn’t find a rebuttal, instead you mumbled in defeat, “Who told you that…?”

Lohen laughed airily, “I have eyes and ears everywhere, you really think I wouldn't find out?”

You barely hold back a biting remark, ‘then close your eyes and ears’

“Still…” he draws on, a sharp little smile curling his lips “You keep coming back. At least you know where your loyalties lie.”

Your brow furrowed a bit at that, "Don't be too harsh on them, morale has been down ever since Rerir’s attack. You’ve always been their shield, now that you’ve fallen it makes sense their fears are rising with no defense.” A small, teasing smile graced your lips, “That small back of yours is pretty reassuring, you know?”

“And yet, you hate the sight of it.”

You stilled for a moment before looking up to lock eyes with Lohen. Carefully, you brought a hand to brush a lock of hair away from his face, “…Even you deserve a break sometimes.”

Lohen leaned into your touch and just as you were about to pull away he held onto your wrist, his voice feather soft, “Hey, won’t you stay the night?”

You flinch involuntarily, there was something in his voice that felt… intimate. There was a small, wriggling feeling of unease in your gut, “Vice Captain that’s a bit…”

“Please.”

Vice Captain Lohen never begs, you didn’t even think he knew the concept, so how could you possibly deny him when he asked so sweetly.

“…fine.”

You were awoken to a stinging pain. Slowly you raised your head from the mattress Lohen laid on, his face turned away from you, only the steady rise and fall of his chest indicating he was asleep. Your hand laid by his side, his finger just barely grasping the tips of yours, as if he were hesitant to fully grasp your hand but refused to fully let go. You stared at your hands before gasping quietly at another sting of pain. Gently, you peeled his fingers from yours before gingerly pressing into the bandage on your head. You sighed at the wet crimson staining your fingers, your wound must’ve opened during the night.

As quietly as you could, you rose from your seat and padded towards the small mirror on the side wall. There was a basin of clear water beneath it intended for washing purposes. You leaned over the counter and removed the bandage to see fresh blood leaking from the reopened wound. There was a cloth on the counter, and after lightly dipping it into the water basin you went to dab at the wound. You hissed at the stinging pain but continued to clean the wound and bandage it, all while biting your lip trying to hold in your pained moans.

But you noticed, in the dead of night, there was no one there to bear witness to your weakness. There was no reason to hold in your pain, to keep up this strength. So you released your bitten lips, a quiet sob leaving them.

It hurts.

It hurts, it hurts, it hurtsithurtsithurts-

Like the break of a dam, tears continued to leak from your eyes. The culmination of the pain from your wound, the fear of the Wild Hunt, the frustration from your own weakness, the despair that even someone like Vice Captain Lohen could be defeated so thoroughly-

If someone like him fell, then what chance could you possibly stand in this wretched world?

These thoughts continued to fall in streams from your eyes. The throbbing pain from your head served only as a reminder. A torrent of sobs crawled up your throat as they echoed across the stone walls, your hands continuously wiping at the wetness.

“[Name]?”

You froze, a quiet hiccup slipping past your lips as you tried to turn your head away from the voice and squeezed your eyes shut. You could feel eyes burning into you as you hurriedly splashed water onto your face, praying it would cover the evidence of your weakness.

“S-sorry, did I wake you?” You tried to laugh, but it came out stilted.

There was a moment of silence, and then, “I’ve always been a light sleeper.”

Archons, he heard everything didn’t he?

It took everything in you not to rush out right that instant, an embarrassed flush burning your face. You know he could see your face in the mirror even with your head ducked.

“Come here.”

You hesitated, but eventually stepped to the stool you had been sleeping on previously, your head lowered in shame.

“Not there.”

You raised your head in confusion, only to feel your breath hitch at the sight of Lohen holding his blanket up, inviting you in.

He cooed, “Here, come on.”

“I- you can’t be serious.”

That uneasy feeling in your gut returned in full force. You were teetering on the edge of a line that shouldn’t be crossed between a knight and their superior. A threshold which you had previously thought Lohen had no intention of ever letting you pass. Silently, you wondered if this too was just a passing entertainment. If you were just something to keep his mind off his own weakness.

You… you didn’t want that, to be something to momentarily cling to only to eventually toss away.

You almost wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation only to quickly shut up at the seriousness in Lohen’s eyes. The crimson in them seemed to glow brighter in the dark and all you could do was helplessly crawl into his bed. Your back laid ram rod straight against the mattress, eyes firmly fixed onto the ceiling as you tried your hardest to ignore the heat beside you. It sure as hell didn’t help when Lohen curled into your side his arm laid over your chest.

“Vice Captain, this is-”

“Lohen. Call me Lohen, you know I hate titles.”

“…Lohen.” That sinking feeling was coming back in full force, you turned your head away from him, “This isn’t… I don’t think we should be doing this.”

Lohen’s arm seemed to wrap tighter around you, as if to prevent you from escaping, as if to prove that you had no choice in the first place, “How come?”

“You… seem to be asking for something impossible.. is all.”

Lohen hummed playfully, his finger gliding across your collarbone, “I haven’t even said anything and you’re already making assumptions. It’s not good for a knight to have such hasty judgment.”

“A knight… yes, exactly that,” you grit your teeth, he was clearly trying to play the long game. Unfortunately, you had no plans to indulge him, “I’m just a lowly knight. I can’t give you what you want Lo-… Vice Captain..”

Lohen stilled his ministrations and went quiet, only the soft tickle of his breath against your neck indicating his presence. Slowly, his lips crafted a response.

“I’m just a knight too.”

…

There was a beat of silence before you realized he was being serious.

“…Are you trying to comfort me? You? Just a knight? We both know that’s not true.” You laughed bitterly before turning over, your back facing him. Distant, but not fully gone, “Go to sleep Lohen.”

Lohen didn’t say anything, his arm still firmly wrapped around you. It was only when he noticed the steady rise and fall of your chest that he pressed himself flush against your back, his fingers lightly tracing the bandage on your forehead.

“Sorry… I’m sorry.”

His apologies went unheard.

It had been days since you last visited Lohen. You wouldn’t say you were ’avoiding’ him, but after your last encounter you weren’t exactly partial to a visit. In the meantime, you decided to take up your knightly duties which have been sorely neglected. It was during patrol that Winfried suddenly struck conversation.

“Have you heard? Apparently the Grandmaster is gathering people to defeat Rerir.”

You quirked a brow, “Is that so?”

“That’s right! No one really knows who’s helping him but the traveler is definitely involved.” Winfried grinned, his elation made sense, after all a formidable foe needed a formidable opponent and you’ve heard many tales of Mondstadt’s illustrious Honorary Knight.

You couldn’t help but smile in turn, “Then there’s no way we’ll lose.”

It was in the midst of you two laughing together that a familiar figure ran up to you.

“[Name]! Oh thank goodness I found you.” It was the Frostmoon Scion who was in charge of treating Lohen. Her face was shiny with sweat, her chest heaving as a clear sign of exertion, had she ran all the way here?

“Woah hey, what’s wrong?”

“Well! It’s that Vice Captain of yours you hear!?” You held her shoulders to steady her only to notice her abrupt appearance was less in panic and more in frustration, “He absolutely refuses to receive any kind of treatment!”

Your eyes widened a bit in surprise, “Sorry?”

She let out an exasperated huff, “I know you were only trying to help but to think it’s gotten to this point… Whenever I attempt to go through my usual routine he’s completely unresponsive and just tells me to leave! I’m sorry [name] but could you please go check up on him? We have other patients and I can’t afford to meander around his room any longer.”

“Ah that's… well I mean… I’m kinda.. in the middle of… something..” You turn back to Winfried, a bit lost on what to do, only to find him already shaking his head with a knowing sigh.

“Just go. It's just patrol, I’ll be fine on my own.”

“…thanks.”

You rubbed your temple and the now healed wound on your head seemed to mockingly throb at your predicament. You didn’t know just how exactly to face him, sure you may have indulged in this game he was playing, but that's only because you never expected anything to come out of it! After all, in what world would Lohen of all people get intimately entangled with some random knight who’s not even one of his own? You thought you two were on the same page, this… whatever this was, it wasn’t meant to get this far. As you stood in front of his room thinking of what to say to him you heard a small pained sound escape from inside. It was small, but sharp and instantly, all your thoughts fly out of your head as you quickly rush inside.

“Ghk…”

Your eyes were blown wide at the sight in front of you. Lohen was doubled over with long, angry red marks spanning across his arms. Fresh blood seeped from the wounds onto white sheets, dyeing them red, and you noticed his lips had also been bitten bloody. His hands continued to dig into the wounds on his arms.

“What are you- Archons Lohen stop!”

On instinct you made grab for the uninjured part of his arm. It was only then that he seemed to really notice your presence, his eyes immediately shot to you, his pupils were dilated and his face was drained of color. The blood leaking from his split lip was a stark contrast to his pallid skin. Despite the state he was in, his bloody lips curled into a smile at the sight of your face.

“You’re here.”

“Of course I- no just what on Teyvat were you doing?!” Your eyes darted down to survey the state of his wounds. The marks were bleeding in thin lines and upon closer inspection you noticed flecks of dead skin and blood beneath his nails, his wounds were clearly self inflicted.

“Haha… can you believe it? Those damn scions keep insisting that I need to stay in bed even though I’m already all better! Even when I refuse their unnecessary treatment they practically lock me up here. So I thought, ‘If I can’t go out onto the battlefield why not bring the battlefield here?’”

Your mouth hung wide open. You were well aware of Lohen’s lack of care for his own body— what with his partiality to poison and headstrong battle attitude— but to think it would reach this extent.

“And hey, look.” He brought a hand to stroke the newly formed scar on your head, the tissue still pink, “Now we match.”

You shuddered at the feeling of warm blood staining your cheek.

In a swift motion, you took hold of his wrist, a tense expression on your face, “Don’t ever do this again, you hear me?”

Lohen huffed lightheartedly before he noticed you backing away. You had planned to go looking for the gauze again when there was sudden tight grip on your hand.

“H-hey, hey. You know I was just joking right? If you didn’t like it I won’t do it again just- just don't leave.”

You squinted your eyes and only sighed wordlessly, “I’m just getting gauze, Lohen.”

He sucked in a breath before reluctantly letting go. I’m just a few moments you were at his side again with alcohol and wrappings. You really didn’t want to dwell on the way Lohen’s face flushed, his eyes transfixed on yours, as you disinfected his wounds. Nor did you want to think about the small, twitchy moans of what you hope is pain every time you pressed particularly hard.

It was when you had begun wrapping the clean bandage that he spoke again, “You’ve been avoiding me.”

You halted for barely a moment before continuing the motion, “I haven’t. I’ve just been busy, knightly duties and all.”

“Liar.” Lohen hummed in amusement, “You’ve been avoiding me and yet you’re more fussy over this than your own wound, what’s with that?”

You noticed his eyes flicker to the scar on your head once more, almost relishing in it. You mumble, “Well, better me than you, yeah?”

A heavy silence hung in the air. Perhaps that wasn’t.. the best choice of words. You were about to open your mouth once more when Lohen beat you to the punch.

“Once I’m out of here, it’ll be that bastard Rerir getting ripped apart instead.”

You blinked, an uneasy twist to your lips, “Maybe.”

“It will. Now…” he lifted his blanket and patted the space next to him, “You’ll stay the night, won’t you?”

He never did get a chance to rip Rerir apart.

Rerir’s defeat rang through Nod Krai along with cheers for the heroes. With the threat of the Wild Hunt officially settled the Grandmaster ended the expedition and allowed all troops to return home. A long awaited celebration was held in the Flagship, the tavern bustling with familiar figures.

In the midst of it, you could see Lohen, a smile on his lips with Varka’s large arm slung around him. He looked just as happy as the others, but you could see the tightness in his smile, the way his fist clenched behind his back, a certain hunger in his eyes left unsatisfied.

The knights were greeted just as grandly upon your arrival in Dorman Port. You watched your comrades pull friends and family into bear hugs, flowers and gifts being passed around. Many were in tears and you watched quietly off to the side.

Settling back into a peaceful life in Mondstadt was hard for most. With the constant threats in Nod Krai there was a constant need to be on high alert, now it’s hard not to flinch at the chirp of birds. Of course some struggled, but it was inevitable that sheer relief was the common consensus. You found happiness in the peace as well, finally breathing in air that wasn’t tinged with a trace of blood or smoke did numbers on your stress.

Things with Lohen on the other hand… well you couldn’t tell if they’ve gotten better or worse.

You expected him to forget all about you, to see your little relationship as a stain in his life, a moment of weakness, one to completely erase. Your return to Mondstadt came with the full acceptance of him never looking your way again. What you didn’t expect was that he’d practically be on your heel every waking moment.

“Do you seriously just sit here and… talk to people for hours on end? That's it? Where’s the excitement in that?!”

“…No one asked you to follow me here.” You had been enjoying another idyllic day in Dorman Port when Lohen had sneaked up on you, again, and decided to plop down right next to you, “If you’re so bored then why don’t you go patrolling for monsters again?”

“And leave you here all by your lonesome? Why, I would never,” he tutted, “I’m a gentleman after all.”

“Gentleman?” You snorted, “You wouldn’t know gentle if it had socked you in the face.”

You wonder if it’s you who’s gotten more audacious or Lohen who’s gotten more lenient. If it were as it had been before he probably would’ve used you as target practice for that comment. Despite your biting remark you can’t deny that he has been painfully, well, gentle with you. If you didn’t know any better you’d have thought he was afraid to lay a hand on you. The most he’s done is drag you along everywhere he went, never letting you stray too far from his side. You try to shrug it off, he clearly hasn’t been able to adjust to the change in environment like everyone else, maybe he’s just trying to cling to something familiar.

You really hope that’s all it was

“So don’t grow old on me, ok?”

His voice was like a whisper in the wind, if it weren’t for the traveler’s nod of confirmation it would’ve seemed like he hadn’t said a thing at all. You held your back firm against the wall of the cathedral, you didn’t mean to listen in, really, you just came to pay your respects; but when you heard that familiar voiced tinged with a hint of sadness you froze, unintentionally hiding yourself.

You watched the traveler walk away with their floating companion, their backs retreating into the sunset. The leaves rustled in the wind and you stayed in your spot, hidden behind the wall. You didn’t want to intrude on a tender moment but-

“Just how long are you planning to hide there?”

…of course he noticed.

You slipped out of your hiding spot, “Sharp as ever, aren’t you?”

A light laugh rang from him, “I could recognize your footsteps anywhere.”

You huffed before turning to Adorno’s grave, your expression solemn, “I heard about what happened. I…I’m sorry.”

Lohen’s smile was smaller now, more melancholic, his eyes seemed to be looking somewhere much farther away, “Well, it was due to our own selfishness that he even lasted this long. It was about time that the old man finally gets laid to rest.”

You nodded, a small smile resting on your lips, “…It’s good that you have someone else to open up to now though.”

“Huh?”

“The traveler,” you turned to where the traveler had stood previously with Paimon, “‘don’t grow old on me’ right?”

Your eyes stared wistfully into that spot. There was an unsaid ‘someone other than me.’ You were happy, really. Lohen needed someone else, someone stronger and more capable than you could ever be, and the traveler was a perfect fit. With them, he could reach out to others and he’ll realize that you were never truly that special. Just someone who happened to see him at his weakest

In a sudden motion you felt yourself being held in a tight grip, Lohen’s face buried in your neck.

“Wha-”

“You know you’re all I need, right?”

His voice trembled, the ends of his words fraying just slightly. There was a knot in your throat because this felt too damn familiar, “What are you talking about?”

“The traveler isn’t worth shit compared to you,” his breath tickled your skin, the brush of his lips against it making you spine tingle, “None of them are worth shit.”

“You- Lohen do you hear yourself right now?” You tried to pull him off but his grip remained steely, “You shouldn’t- I just meant that it’s good that you have other people to rely on!”

“I don’t care! Why do you sound like you’re trying to leave me?!”

“That’s not- I didn’t…” You could only stand there with your mouth agape as Lohen trembled in your arms. You wanted to deny it but nothing left your throat. You could only wrap your arms around him and rub soothing circles into his back. You spoke in hushed whispers, trying your best to coax him out of your arms, “Come on, don’t be like this. It’s ok, it’s ok I-” you paused before swallowing, “I won’t leave you.”

“…Promise?”

You let out a defeated sigh, “Yeah.”

“Okay…” He finally pulled back at that, instead opting to bring your hands to cup his face, “Okay.”

You bit your lip. This… this was too far, whatever was going on between you two wasn’t healthy. Air entered your lungs in short bursts as he kissed your palm.

It was high time you put an end to this.

Dear Mother,

It’s been a while since I’ve sent you my last letter. What with the return of the expeditionary force and the endless celebration I simply could not find the time. I’ve been idling my days away here and could not help but think of your face every time I gazed beyond the port.

Days of ever present danger are long gone and it seems I’ve grown accustomed to the peace within the city walls, it reminded me far too much of home. It’s been years since I’ve last seen you, and I’ve come to a realization as well.

You never approved of me becoming a knight, but I was young and ambitious and couldn’t help but defy you. It is only after witnessing true strength that I realize perhaps I was never suited for this path. I had always enjoyed sitting around a fire chatting with friends rather than fighting for honor and glory. With this newfound peace, I think it’s about time I lay this title to rest.

I plan to let the acting grandmaster know of my departure— though I suppose she isn’t the acting grandmaster anymore haha— and plan to set out to come back home. I heard you’ve moved back to Sumeru in the past year and I cannot help but grow excited to taste your home cooked meals again. Good Hunter is nice, but nothing can quite beat you!

Don't worry, you won’t be waiting too long, I’ll be there soon!

“Sincerely, [name].”

A thud echoed in the room as your groceries hit the floor. You stilled at the sight Lohen at your desk, his fingers gingerly pressed against parchment as he dangled it in the air, "What are you doing in my room?”

You thought it was strange when you came home to an unlocked door. You had shrugged it off as paranoia, maybe you had forgotten to lock the door on your way out. You couldn’t have been more wrong.

Lohen hummed, his eyes still on the paper he had just finished reading out, “Sumeru? That's a bit far dont you think?”

“…I asked you a question.”

“Were you really planning to never tell me? Or did you think I wouldn’t find out?” In a sharp motion, he whipped out his dagger, the tip pressed into the parchment before a loud rip resounded in the silence.

Your lip trembled as you watched him carefully tear away at the paper, each rip more violent than the last, “W-why…”

“You promised.” He was walking towards you now, the point of his dagger dangerously close to you, “You said you wouldn’t leave.”

Your back pressed to the door and as you slowly crept towards the handle a hand shot out to grab your wrist. You felt your bones creak at the sheer force in his grip, an aborted gasp leaving you.

“Or were those all empty words?” The hilt of his dagger was used to lift your chin, “It’s not right for a knight to go back on their word you know?”

You chuckled dryly, hoping to all the archons above that it could conceal the fear in your voice, “I’m not a knight anymore, am I?”

Lohen only gave you a blank look, his face mere inches from yours. His breath smelled of Valberries and mint and you felt your stomach turn, “You think I’d let you get away that easily?”

You wanted to laugh, there was one somewhere hidden in the crevice of your chest but all you could do was offer a shaky smile.

“Are you going to kill me?”

Lohen paused at that, his dull eyes bore into you, but he only smiled before pressing his forehead to yours, “You know I wouldn’t lay a hand on you. Not you, never.”

In an instant that hand which had your wrist in a crushing grip twisted your fingers open. Suddenly you felt the chill of cool leather on your skin as you noticed just what was in your hands.

Lohen’s dagger laid there, his fingers enclosing your own around it’s hilt.

Before you could process it his hand had pulled yours forward, the sharp end cutting into his neck. You gasped, immediately you went to pull away but his grip remained firm and there was no way you could ever overpower him.

“If you’re so insistent on leaving, then go ahead. But, just know…” despite the blade nicking into his skin, he smiled, a twisted lovesick smile that marred his delicate features, “My blood will be on your hands.”

“S-stop,” You tugged to no avail, “Lohen, stop,” he leaned in and the closer he came the deeper the knife cut into him, “Please!”

There was a steady stream of blood leaking from his neck but he didn’t so much as flinch, his wide eyes completely fixed on yours, “Say you won’t leave.”

“I won’t! I won’t so please let go-”

“Liar.” He hissed, “You’re lying again aren’t you? Just like last time, you don’t really mean it. Do you really want to kill me?”

“Archons Lohen no! I’m not! I won’t- I won’t ever leave you again ok? I’ll always be by your side, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.I’msorryI’msorry!! Please!”

Your eyes watered as you noticed him pale significantly, the crimson staining the knife a stark contrast to the chalky color of his skin. He was panting now, the blood long having soaked into his clothes, yet despite how frail he looked, his grip over your hand was relentless.

“Hehe, you mean it?”

Slowly, his grip loosened and his hand fell weakly. The moment he let go you threw the dagger to the floor as if it had burned you. You were shaking as Lohen pressed his cold lips to yours, sighing into a closed mouth kiss.

“It’s a promise then. If you try to break it… who knows what I’ll do.”

an ode left unfinished

varka x hexenzirkel! reader

synopsis : you and Varka were inseparable growing up—the kind of friends who would walk into hell for each other without hesitation. But while Varka was away on an expedition, you wert with a team of knights to investigate some ancient ruins only for it to go terribly wrong, with the knights returning with news of your death. Forced to mourn the loss of his closest friend (and crush), Varka eventually learned to live with the grief. That is, until years later in Nod Krai, he comes face to face with the impossible: you are alive.The only problem? You now stand on different sides.

! slight spoilers for nod krai's archon quest contains : wc: 4.2k+, female reader, angst no comfort (or at least, a bittersweet ending?), TW!! mentions of violence/gore, torture/psychological trauma, manipulation, brainwashing, medical experimentation, implied su1cide and body harm, grief

notes: was originally planning to upload this next week but my friend voted for the next day so update tdy it is P.S: this is my first time writing in depth fighting scenes so i hope it’s as good as i hoped. i kept rewatching frieren's fights to try to replicate something similar 🫡

II. a name thought lost

"You're going with Eroch to investigate some ancient ruins?" Varka asked, tilting his head as he looked at you through the communication mirror.

"Yeah, I figured I'd take the opportunity to look into a few things while I'm there." You smiled as you moved around the room, items floating behind you as you paced about. "A small group of knights would be there too, so it won't be just me and him."

"Oh?" Varka chuckled. "And what piqued your interest this time?"

"Eroch himself."

"Huh?" Varka blinked, surprised to hear his friend's name. "Eroch..? What about him?"

A slight frown appeared on your face.

"There's..something off about him lately." You folded your arms, "i've been seeing things in the cards Barbie gave me. Nothing clear—I'm not exactly as good as her—but enough to make me feel a little uneasy. I want to check for myself."

Varka immediately looked unconvinced.

"Cards?" His brows furrowed. "And you're planning to investigate based on that?"

You shrugged.

"Call it a feeling."

"A feeling," he repeated flatly.

"Yes. A feeling."

Varka stared at you for several seconds before running a hand through his hair with a sigh.

"[Name], what if they're wrong? You said it yourself—it's not clear. For all you know, it could mean something different."

"Or it could mean exactly what I think it does."

"That isn't reassuring.."

"It wasn't supposed to be."

Varka opened his mouth to argue back but when he saw your expression, he could only let out another resigned sigh.

After all these years, he knew exactly how stubborn you could be once you decided something was worth pursuing. The more someone tried to stop you, the more determined you became.

"Alright then," he muttured. "I won't argue with you."

The fond exasperation in his voice earned an entirely unapologetic grin from you.

"As always, stay safe, [Name]. I'll see you soon."

"Of course." You stepped closer to the mirror and gave him a small wave. "You too, Varka."

Then you snapped your fingers, and the image dissolved into shimmering fragments of light before fading completely, leaving only the landscape beyong him as traces of your magic slowly disappeared.

Varka lingered there for a moment longer, staring at the empty space where your image had been.

The two of you had said goodbye countless times before, parting ways only to reunite weeks or months later with new stories to share.

There had been no reason to believe this farewell would be any different.

Soon, he had said.

He would see you soon.

The certainty of it was so natural that he barely spared the thought another moment before turning his attention back towards the expedition and responsibilities waiting for him.

Then the messages arrived.

News of Crepus's death spread quickly, followed by the revelation of Eroch's betrayal. With every report that reached his hands, the situation seemed to grow worse.

By the time Varka returned to Mondstadt in haste, the city he came home to felt almost unrecognisable.

Grief lingered over the streets like a storm cloud that refused to pass, settling heavily upon the people he had sworn to protect.

Buildings still bore scars of recent destruction, while exhausted knights rushed through the headquarter carrying stacks of reports that seemed to multiply faster than they could be organised—every file placed before him revealed another consequence of Eroch's actions, another wound inflicted upon the nation by a man Varka had once trusted as a friend.

And through it all, there hadn't been a single news from you who had been with Eroch.

At first, he refused to dwell on what that absence might mean.

You had survived worse before.

You were part of the Hexenzirkel too.

That had to count for something.

Hope became something painful. Something he found himself clinging to despite the growing evidence against it.

Then he found Eroch.

Or perhaps more accurately, Eroch allowed himself to be found.

The man standing before him bore little resemblence to the knight Varka had once known. Whatever remained of his old friend had long since been consumed by obsession and madness.

Even then, Varka demanded answers. He wanted to know what had happened within those ruins and, more importantly, where you were.

But Eroch denied him even that mercy.

Cornered and with nowhere left to run, he chose death on his terms.

Yet even in his final moments, he found amusement in the devastation he had left behind.

"Behold!" Eroch had cried between bouts of laughter. "The great Varka has stumbled. You have failed."

Varka remembered gripping his weapon so tightly his knuckles had gone white.

Eroch had only laughed harder.

"You're only human after all."

Then his eyes gleamed with cruel amusement.

"And so is [Name]."

The world seemed to stop.

Varka understood the meaning behind his words too well.

By the time he returned to his office, exhaustion had settled so deeply into his bones that he could scarcely remember when he had last slept.

But even the fatigue felt distant compared to the hollow ache slowly spreading through his chest.

Crepus is dead.

Eroch is dead.

And now he's unable to stop thinking about the possibility that he had lost you too.

When Jean entered his office, she did so quietly, carrying a file clutched tightly against her chest.

The look on her face told him enough that part of him already wished she would leave it unopened.

Instead, she crossed the room and placed it on his desk.

"The surviving knights that were with Eroch gave their statements," she said softly. "Apparently Eroch brought them to be nourishment for Ursa..had Miss [Name] not interfered, they would have been dead."

"Miss [Name], however, stayed behind to hold it back while allowing the rest to escape."

Varka lowered his gaze to the report.

The words should not have surprised him.

Even now, he could pictire you doing exactly that without hesitation. Faced with an impossible choice, you would have chosen the path that ensured everyone else made it home.

It was the same decision he knew he would have made himself.

Jean hesitated before continuing.

"There..were no signs of her when we searched the area. The only thing we could find was blood stains that were rather..fresh."

She paused.

"And given how Ursa still managed to emerge and attack.."

Her voice trailed off, unable to complete what she wanted to say.

The silence that followed settled heavily over the room, stretching between them like something neither of them wished to acknowledge.

Jean lowered her gaze, while Varka remained motionless, his eyes fixed upon the report spread open before him.

He knew what she was trying to imply.

"You're..free to go." Varka said quietly.

Jean nodded before turning to leave, deciding to leave him to his thoughts.

Varka stared at the report for a second longer before his hand came to rest againsst the papers, fingers curling slightly against the parchment.

Was there any point in looking at it?

Because for all the witness statements, timelines, and carefully documented observations spread across the report, none of them contained the answer he wanted.

None of them ended with you coming home.

Somewhere along the years, he had begun treating the future as something certain.

No matter how far apart your paths wandered or how long duty kept you separated, he had always assumed there would be another reunion waiting somewhere ahead.

Now, faced with the silence left behind by your absence, he realised how much of his life had quietly been built upon that assumption.

The pain did not come from the words he had left unsaid, though there were many, nor from the promises he never made or the feeling he never confessed.

It came from the understanding that, somewhere along the way, he had mistaken 'later' for a gurantee.

You were gone.

And every tomorrow he had unconsciously shared with you had vanished with you.

Varka had no time to grieve just yet.

In the aftermath of Eroch's betrayal and Ursa's rampage, Mondstadt could not afford for its Grand Master to fall apart.

He had to make sure the Knights of Favonius kept up with the times. After what has happened, one can never be prepared.

The evolution of tactics and equipment can tangibly improve the combat effectiveness and survival rate of every single knight.

Yet even that didn't feel like enough.

Because if there was one lesson Varka had taken from all of this, it was that Mondstadt could not stand alone forever.

The nation needed allies it could rely on when the worst came to pass.

And so, under the mediation of the Anemo Archon, Varka took his place at the Tripartite Conference and sought support from powers beyong Mondstadt's borders.

But as he sat there, he wondered how the negotiations would have gone if you were still there.

You would have enjoyed parts of this, he thought.

He forced himself to push the feeling down quickly.

Mondstadt needed allies, and grief was a luxury he could not afford at the moment.

Only after Mondstadt's defenses had been strenghthened and every urgent matter demanding his attention had finally begun to settle did he find himself with something he had not possessed in months.

Time.

But rather than making his way down to the tavern, Varka found himself sitting down in his office before pulling out a piece of parchment and quill to begin writing:

Dear [Name],

How are you?

I suppose that's a ridiculous question. If you were here, you'd probably laugh at me for starting a letter like that.

Then again, you've laughed at plenty of things I've said over the years, so perhaps I'm not helping my case hahhaha.

Mondstadt is doing well.

On the other hand, I'm not entirely certain how I'm doing.

Do you know?

I don't think I can go back to Angel's Shares for a while...

It's not like I did anything bad but..there's just something strange.

I keep seeing you.

Not really, of course.

I know that.

But sometimes I'll walk in there and find myself looking towards the seat you've always occupy. Other times I'll hear laughter from across the city and catch myself turning around because it sounds enough like yours, even for a second.

I think it's getting to a point where the others are getting concerned hahahha—

A drop of liquid struck the parchment.

Varka frowned.

Oh.

Another followed, darkening the ink and causing the words beneath it to blur.

For a moment, he simply stared at the paper before slowly rising a hand to his face.

His fingertips came away damp.

A soft humourless laugh escaped him.

Of all the things he had endured over the years, he could not remember the last time he had cried.

Carefull setting the quill aside, he rubbed at his eyes before glancing back down at the letter.

After a long moment, he added one final line.

I think I'll stop here for today..

— Varka.

The letter was soon folded before he slipped it into the drawer beside him.

Inside rested a growing stack of letters addressed to you, each one written during sleepless nights and quiet evenings, each one carrying words that would never reach their intended recipient.

Varka lingered there for a moment, his hand resting against the drawer after he closed it.

Then he leaned back into his chair, releasing a tired breath as he covered his eyes with one hand.

The office was quiet save for the occasional rustle of papers stirred by the breeze drifting through the open window.

It should have been peaceful, yet the stilness only seemed to sharpen the absence that lingered in every corner of the room.

When Varka lowered his hand from his face, his gaze drifted towards the couch by the window.

His chest tightened.

You were there.

Seated in your usual spot, you appeared to be staring out at Mondstadt just as you had done countless times before while waiting for him to finish his work.

The sight was so painfully familiar that, for a moment, he found himself forgetting how to breathe.

There had been a time when this would have been an ordinary sight.

He would return from a meeting or a patrol and find you occupying his office without invitation, treating the place as though it belonged to you.

Sometimes you would be reading. Other times you would be asleep.

On particularly troublesome days, you would simply sit nearby and keep him company while he was forced to work through endless reports.

Oh how he would give anything to see it again.

A quiet, humourless chuckle escaped him as he shook his head.

"See?..Even now, I'm still seeing you."

Varka lingered where he was for several seconds before slowly rising from his chair. The scrape of wood against the floor seemed unnaturally loud as he crossed the room, his gaze never once leaving you.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew what this was.

Exhaustion.

Grief.

A mind so unwilling to let go that it had begun filling empty spaces with memories.

Knowing that, however, did little to lessen the sharpness of the feeling settling inside him.

"You know," he mumblled as he approached, a faint smile briefly touching his lips, "Jean would probably be concerned if she saw me now."

The attempts at humour died almost immediately.

Under different circumstances, you would have teased him—making some remark about how she should have started worrying years ago.

Instead, the room remained silent.

His steps slowed as he drew closer. The image of you remained exactly the same, gazing out the window toward the city below as though you hadn't noticed him at all.

"Are you haunting me?" he asked softly.

The question sounded ridiculous, yet he found himself continuing anyway.

"Because if you are, I think you've chosen a rather cruel way to do it."

His hand lifted instinctively toward you before stopping midway. It hovered there uncertainly before slowly curling into a fist and dropping back to his side.

His gaze lowered.

"..I should've been there."

The words emerged before he could stop them.

They had been buried somewhere inside him for months, festering beneath responsibilities and obligations and all the things that had demanded his attention since returning.

Now that they had finally surfaced, he found he could not push them back down.

Slowly, he lowered himself onto his knees in front of the couch, staring at the familiar profile that existed only because his mind refused to let you go.

"I know you wouldn't blame me," he continued, his voice growing rougher. "You'd probably tell me there was nothing I could have done.."

His eyes burned.

"But I still am sorry."

His fingers tightened against his knee as he finally raised his head and looked at you properly.

"..Won't you look at me?"

The question escaped him before he could stop it.

He knew how silly it sounded.

Yet some part of him waited anyways—for a response—to hear your voice again.

Anything.

"[Name].."

There was affection in the way he said your name, in the same way there always had been.

There was regret too—for every year he had convinced himself there would be more time, for every word left unsaid because tomorrow had always seemed guranteed.

Most of all, there was longing.

The simple, aching desire to hear your voice again and know that you were still there.

But you remained exactly as you were, your attention fixed beyond the window while the city continued moving beneath the fading light of dusk.

A shaky breath escaped him.

"Please."

The plea was barely audible.

His shoulders sagged as he leaned forward, resting his forehead against the edge of the couch. The position felt awkward and undignified, but he no longer posessed the energy to care.

Everything seemed to settle upon him all at once, crushing whatever strength remained.

"Please come back."

His voice cracked.

The words sounded childish the moment they left him, the desperate wish of someone refusing to accept reality. But he found himself repeating them anyway, his eyes squeezing shut as though doing so might somehow hold the pain at bay.

"..Please..."

The room offered no answer.

Only the distant sounds of Mondstadt carried through the open window, reminders that life beyong these walls continued moving forward regardless of who had been left behind.

At some point, exhaustion finally overtook him.

The sleepless nights, the endless responsibilities, the grief he had spent months burying beneath work and duty all converged at once, dragging him into unconsciousness before he even realised it was happening.

When he opened his eyes again, he found himself on the floor, unfamiliar voices drifting through the haze before gradually sharpening into something recognisable.

Concerned faces hovered nearby, their expressions easing the moment they realised he was awake.

Barbara stood closest, relief evident on her face as she lowered the hand she had been using to check his condition.

Varka blinked slowly, struggling to gather his bearings.

Instinctively, his gaze moved to the couch.

Empty.

The sight struck him with quiet finality that hurt far more than he expected and he couldn't bring himself to look away.

No one commented on it.

No one asked why he had slept on the floor or why his eyes looked as tired as they did.

Whether out of courtesy or understanding, they left those questions unspoken.

After everyone had left, did Venti mysteriously appear, watching him with an expression that was unusually difficult to read.

After a moment, the bard offered a small smile and folded his arms.

"I think you've done enough for now," he said gently. "You should get some more rest."

But at that moment, it wasn't the kind of rest Varka wanted.

Six years have passed since your death.

Varka's expedition to the north had stretched far longer than anyone had originally anticipated.

The threat he had witnessed within Barbeloth's scryglass had proven all too real, and what began as an expedition had gradually become a prolonged campaign against the Abyssal forces gathering beyong the borders of civilization.

Now he found himself in Nod Krai, lending his strength to the struggle against the Wild Hunt while keeping one eye fixed upon the dangers still stirring throughout the region.

The fights were relentless, which suited him just fine.

It left little room for dwelling on things he could not change.

Yet whenever the camp settled for the night and the responsibilities of command finally loosened their hold on him, Varka would retreat to his tent and sit alone beneath the dim flow of a lantern.

More often than not, he would find himself reaching for parchment and quill before he had consciously decided to do so.

Sometimes he wrote about the places he had visited. Other times he complained about troublesome knights, recounted particularly absurd events, or shared stories he found amusing enough that they immediately reminded him of you.

Writing to you had simply become part of his routine—not that he expects an answer anymore.

But after spending so many years with you woven into every corner of his life, completely letting go had never truly been an option.

Time has dulled the sharpest edges of grief, but it had never erased your absence—like an old wound that no longer bled, yet ached whenever the weather turned cold.

Even so, Varka had longed since learned that the world did not stop turning for anyone's loss. The expedition pressed onward, carrying him deeper into Nod Krai and into one crisis after another.

Rerir had been defeated, Columbina had been found, and now all that remained was the arduous task of dealing with the remnants of the Wild Hunt.

It was during those operations that Varka began noticing something strange.

He knew what usually became of those corrupted by the Abyss. He had seen enough of its influence to understand the fate that awaited its victims.

Left unchecked, they would eventually be absorbed into the Wild Hunt, their bodies and wills consumed until little remained of who they once were.

But that wasn't what was happening here.

On several occasions, bodies that should have joined the Hunt have their bodies dissolved before his eyes instead, breaking apart into countless petals that scattered upon the wind until the battlefield was blanketed in a sea of flowers.

The sight was as beautiful as it was unsettling.

What troubled him the most, however, was not the transformation itself.

It was the flowers.

Every single one of them was a cecilia.

A flower native to Mondstadt.

One that should not have been able to survive Nod Krai's brutal winters, much less bloom in the heart of territory saturated with Abyssal corruption.

So why were they here?

It was a question that sat on the back of his mind for a long time—as if the existence of these flowers were telling him something he had yet to understand.

The night that was supposed to mark Columbina's return to the moon instead descended into chaos.

The moment the first signs of an ambush appeared, everyone moved at once.

The Traveler, Paimon, Arlecchino, Lauma, and everyone else reacted without hesitation, abandoning everything to race toward Columbina's position, desperate to protect her before it was too late.

Then another disaster struck.

Explosions were heard in Nasha Town.

Varka turned sharply just as thick smoke billowed into the night sky, followed by terrified screams echoing through the streets.

His expression darkened immediately.

"You all keep going!" he shouted, his voice carrying over the chaos, "I'll handle the town!"

There wasn't time to wait for objections.

With a single motion, he summoned his claymore, teal anemo energy bursting beneath his feet.

Wind roared around him as it hurled his body forward, carrying his across rofftops and through walls of smoke until the burning streets of Nasha Town came into view.

A sharp glint flashed through the smoke and Varka moved immediately.

He raised his claymore just as a bolt of radiant energy crashed against its blade, the impact exploding into a shower of sparks that scattered across the rooftop beneath him.

The force tore through the curtain of smoke between them, revealing a lone cloaked figure standing amidst the burning streets of Nasha Town, one hand calmly outstretched in his direction.

Before the lingering sparks had even touched the ground, another spell came hurtling toward him, followed immediately by another.

The attacks flowed together without interruption, each seamlessly replacing the last until they became less of a barrage and more of an unrelenting current of magic.

Varka yielded no ground.

His claymore carved broad, practiced arcs through the air, intercepting every spell moments before it struck.

Each collision sent a violent jolt racing through his arms, the force reverberating all the way to his shoulders, yet his footing never faltered. Between every block, he searched relentlessly for an opening, but each one disappeared almost as soon as it appeared.

Whoever stood beyond the smoke possessed an absurd mastery over magic.

This wasn't reckless spellcasting fueled by overwhelming power.

Every incantation had been calculated long before the previous one was complete, woven together with such flawless precision that they dictated the rhythm of the entire battle.

Rather than defeating him through sheer strength, the cloaked figure was methodically forcing him onto the defensive, denying him the opportunity to seize control.

He clicked his tongue.

They were good.

Far too good.

At last, he spotted the smallest crack in the barrage.

Without hesitation, Varka lunged forward, swinging his claymore in a wide horizontal arc.

The strike was never meant to land.

It was a feint.

As the blade swept across his opponent's vision, his free hand shot forward, summoning his other claymore and driving it toward the opening he'd created.

It should have connected.

Instead, a mirror seem to shimmer into existence behind the cloaked figure.

They stepped backward as though the glass was nothing more than a doorway, vanishing into its surface in an instant before the blade could reach them.

Varka's eyes narrowed.

The mirror dissolved as quickly as it had appeared and soon, another blossomed open directly behind him.

Varka's pupils narrowed.

He knew that technique.

In fact, he watched how it was mastered—the same trick repeated over and over until it had become impossible to forget:

Stepping through mirrors as though they were ordinary passages, appearing where no one expected, attacking from impossible angles—it was a style unlike any other, one that demanded a high level of precision and control.

There had never been another person who wielded magical mirrors quite like this.

Instincts took over.

Varka spun on his heel, his claymore rising just as a sword emerged from the newly formed mirror.

Steel collided with stell in a defeaning crash, brilliant sparks scattering between them as the force of the impact rippled through the area.

Neither of them yielded.

Refusing to lose the momentum, Varka drove forward with all the strength he could muster. The unexpected force of his strike caught the figure off guard, forcing them back and causing their footing to give way.

As they stumbled, the hood shielding their face slipped from their head.

Time seemed to stop.

It couldn't be—

His grip loosened ever so slightly around the claymore as disbelief overwhelmed him.

The face he had carried in his heart for so long, the one he had believed he would never see again, was no longer a memory.

It was standing before him.

Alive.

prev ⋆ series masterlist ⋆ next

taglist

@suyeomiiee @mihyas-dieehefrau @cherry-miu @22022024 @felesflos @crys4l @kitorin

main masterlist

🀥 ㅤIF YOU DIED IN THEIR ARMS ⋆ ㅤㅤㅤvarious! genshin men

PREMISE ⋆ In which they find you gravely wounded, your body already giving in by the time they reach you. As they desperately try to keep you conscious and stop the bleeding with whatever little they have, the terrifying realization slowly sets in that you're slipping away in their arms.

· · ─ STARRING ⋆ Lohen, Kinich, Lyney

WARNING ⋆ death, blood, descriptions of injuries, heavy bleeding, emotional distress, themes of loss, hurt, no comfort, angst, life-threatening wound, crying, attempts to save a loved one.

NOTE ⋆ i fear the favoritism is a bit obvious here... a little angsty headcanon for the angst enjoyers! should i make a part two or a continuation where you're okay and well? ( •̀ - • ) if you feel like you've read this before yes, this is a reupload since my previous account had some trouble with the posts!

── ( 𝒍. ) lohen would refuse to let panic control him, but watching you writhe in pain would crack the composure he spent years building. He'd immediately drop to his knees, carefully pulling you against his chest while trying to keep pressure on the wound, all the while searching your injuries with desperate eyes for anything he could still do.

⋆ Alices!Apprentice!femReader , suggestive

"Lohen, don't you dare."

You barked, eyes fixed on your boyfriend—who's hands are currently approaching your...his (?) chest too close for your liking.

You ignored how it got here, why and by who—actually no, you knew that. Only someone as mischievous and evil as your mentor would do something like this as a 'little joke'.

PS: sorry if this is too detailed to ask 😭

meet me at our spot

pairing - xiao x g/n reader

content - xiao x reader who is left out, could be read as platonic, highschool au, comfort, a little miscommunication

a/n - don’t worry about being detailed! the more detailed the request the better ^_^

xiao’s adoptive father and history teacher zhongli insisted he makes some friends in his class. some kids asked him—or more like insisted that he sat with them at lunch because they apparently thought he was ‘cool’, so he accepted as to avoid dealing with another one of his father’s lectures on the importance of socializing for a teenager’s development. it’d be impossible to escape what with said father not only working at his school, but being his teacher and he felt the familiar pang of a headache just thinking of his father annoying him so he went along

despite his annoyance with the situation, one person in the group caught his eye

that person being you

you were the one person in the group who respected his boundaries, and didn’t force him out of his shell, and he found you alluring in general 

he only joined because of his dad but stayed for you. you didn’t have classes together, so lunch was the main opportunity to see you and he can’t just tell you that your friends are annoying so he put up with it

once xiao joined the group however, your friends started to ignore you, being completely infatuated with xiao.

you first noticed it when you would come to the table, and no one would say hi to you because they were busy talking to xiao. when you made a comment on how hard your test was today, xiao was the only one who turned to look at you and opened his mouth to speak before being interrupted by one of your friends asking him if he was doing anything afterschool. you tried not to think anything of it at first, they just wanted to get to know him since you all started to hang out. you didn’t want to direct your frustration towards xiao either because he was a nice person. he didn’t purposefully steer your friends away from you, you could tell that despite him being quiet he tried to include you. and quite honestly, you found him cute.

then it was the walking back to class together. your friends were all walking side by side, taking up the entire hallway while you trailed behind them like some kind of lost puppy. suddenly, they turned around and said they were going to walk xiao to class and they’ll see you later, dragging him away before he could protest and leaving you to go to class by yourself.

when you asked them what that was all about the next day, they claimed they just wanted to see what class xiao had. when you said that doesn’t explain why they had to do that without you, they said your class was on the other side of the hallway anyway. but you were already walking with them…?

you had just about enough when you found out that xiao and your other friends went to the arcade together and didn’t invite you, because one of your friends had the nerve to post a group photo on their story. were you really so invisible to them that they forgot you would see it and know they didn’t include you? or maybe they wanted you to know they were having fun without you. whichever one it was, by now it was as clear as day that they were excluding you. 

over the next few days, xiao noticed you were acting off. after the bell rang signaling lunch was over, rather than accompanying the group on their way to their classes, you would hurry to gather your things and pace to class, claiming you had an “important lesson” you couldn’t be late for for the past 4 days now. 

on the 5th day, you straight up didn’t show up to lunch at all, and xiao knew you weren’t absent either because he saw you in the hallway earlier. that was another thing, usually you’d grin and wave at him, but you kept your head down and speed-walked right past him. xiao was the only one who even noticed you were gone while the others chatted it up

the final straw was afterschool that day, you’d normally all walk home together, but when he arrived to the gate everyone was there waiting for him but you. 

Wanderer x Reader

Maybe if he had a heart he’d be able to feel it flutter. He would be able to feel what the novels describe as his heart ‘skipping a beat’. If he had a heart, he’d be able to feel it speed up past its normal pace when you first met him. His heart would’ve sped ten-fold at the first interaction. It would’ve gone past the average pace each time you kissed him, purposely avoiding his lips to leave him wanting more.

If he had a heart, you would’ve been able to feel it beating as you rested your hand against his chest when you laid next to him. You would’ve been able to feel his pulse as you rested your fingers against his wrist.

If he had a heart, he would feel a gut-wrenching ache in it whenever he saw tears fall down your face. He would feel his heart rise and get stuck in his throat as your sobs wracked from your chest. If he had a heart, maybe he would be able to spare a bit of remorse for you. Maybe if he had a heart, he’d be able to feel it ache as tears welled in his eyes as he stared at your unmoving form.

You weren’t dead. No, you were going to die though. He knew it. It was what people would describe as a ‘gut feeling’. Normally, Scaramouche wouldn’t indulge in such cliches, but that’s the only way he could describe what he felt. 

He placed his hand over your still-beating heart. He knew it wouldn’t be beating for much longer. But unlike him, you wouldn’t be able to live without a heart. If he had a heart, maybe it would beat in sync with yours. If he had a heart, he’d feel it sync to the bottom of his chest as he watched you breathe as you slept.

If he had a heart, he would’ve felt it stop as he was informed of the news. 

At least now your hearts would finally be in sync.

“Wake up for me bun,” you hear lohens voice, your eyes are still closed, you frown, wanting to stay asleep longer but begrudgingly crack an eye open.

He’s squatting on your side of the bed, his face in line with yours. “Morning sleeping beauty,” he smiles and kisses your forehead.

“Mngh…what is it…?” You ask, the longer he kept you awake the harder it’d be to get back to sleep, and you really wanted to go back to sleep.

“Wellllll, I wanted a little farewell kiss before i leave you all alone to miss me” his grin widens, his hand caresses your shoulder above the blanket.

Then your pet cat jumps on the bed with a meow! She’d heard the commotion so she came, wanting food no doubt. She was pretty fat well fed so it isn’t uncommon in this household.

“Looks like our kid is hungryyy!” lohen scratches the cats back and gives it air kisses. “Can i take my kiss so i can let you go back to sleep sleepyhead?”

“Mhm…”

He leans in and catches your lips, holding the kiss for a few seconds before pulling back. “It’s not a real kiss if you don’t kiss back ya know”

You groan and kiss him back when he leans in, “Great! I’ll be gone for a good part of the day but I should be back around 1 in the afternoon?? Think you’ll manage?”

“Mhm..” I just answer to try to shoo him away, desperate to get back to sleep and get another hour in.

He laughs and stands up, he checks and makes sure he has all he needs and heads to the room door to leave “Oh also- you’ll need to get up soon, you know she won’t stop pawing at you until you feed her!”

You roll your eyes if that’s even possible with them closed. He’s right though, once she’s found out you’re awake, she’s not gonna leave you alone until you feed her, and today for some odd reason she kept pawing at you. why not the man walking around in the house?!!

Not even 10 minutes later you sigh and get up, the cat finally jumping off of you and onto the floor, sitting, waiting for you to start walking towards her food bowl. You really need to invest in an automatic feeder…

“Okay cmon missy.” you walk to the kitchen and go to where her bowl and food mat is, you then go to the cabinet and pull out her wet food, and add a few fish treats on top, along with some pollock + salmon oil for her coat.

“Here ya go” you set it down in front of her and she runs to it, you scratch behind her ears as she absolutely devours the food.

As you stand up and stretch, fully prepared to lounge on the couch all day because you finally have a free day. Your phone rings. Who’s calling me this early?

You pick up your phone and see Eula’s name. Your stomach drops, she never calls, or texts unless there’s a job she’s wanting you to do.

“Hello? Captain Eula?”

“I apologize for invading your designated day of rest, but an emergency has compromised our eastern perimeter.”

She continues before you can speak, “Two scouts from my unit were ambushed by a pyro abyss mage near the cliffs, one has suffered minor burns, leaving the patrol route along the falcon coast entirely unsecured.”

“Captain Hertha has processed an emergency draft order, I am officially assigning you as the squad substitution. Grab your gear and report to the front gate immediately to secure the border.”

Your face falls, the day you had suddenly been planning to lounge on the couch, was ruined, now you had to go on patrol. “I understand Captain.”

“Also- the sun is brutal today, so do not dally and compromise your stamina.”

“Okay, got it.” and you hang up

You silently scream and hurry to get ready, you wouldn’t have time to text lohen about the schedule change but you’d probably be back before he did anyways so it’s not like it matters.

You get to the gate and see the other two knights, all three of you log your departure time as you cross the stone bridge. You then make your way to falcon coast cliffs.

When you guys first marched onto the grassy slopes of the falcon coast, the weather seemed manageable. The sky was clear, and a crisp ocean breeze rolled off the waves, making the initial leg of the route feel like a standard, almost peaceful assignment. Your two colleagues were in high spirits, casually checking the perimeter maps and chatting about their evening plans back in Mondstadt. You adjusted your armor, fully prepared for a routine shift, entirely unaware of how quickly the cliffs would transform as the day wore on.

By the third hour of the patrol, the heat had become completely unbearable. The gentle morning breeze had long since died out, leaving the open cliffs of the falcon coast baking under the relentless glare of the afternoon sun. There wasn’t a single tree or scrap of shade along the perimeter, and with every mile marched, the metal trim of your favonius uniform seemed to absorb more of the suffocating heat. Your leather boots felt heavy as you kept pace behind your two colleagues.

A sharp, throbbing ache began to pulse behind your eyes. You blinked hard, trying to clear the sudden dizzy spell that came, but your lungs could barely catch a full breath of the baking air.

"Everything clear on your side?" one of your colleagues called out from a few paces ahead, their voice sounding strangely muffled and distant over the grass.

You opened your mouth to reply, to admit that your knees felt like jelly and your head was spinning. But you couldn't the word=s wouldn't come out, if they did it sounded more like a whisper. You didn't want to cause a scene after making it this far into the route. You forced a tight nod, taking one more unsteady step forward, but the world suddenly tilted on its axis.

The bright blue of the sky and the green of the cliffs was surrounded by black. A cold sweat broke out across your body despite the heat, and the steady sounds of outside vanished, replaced by a high pitched ringing in your ears.

Realizing you were going down, a wave of panic hit you. You weakly reached an arm out, your fingers desperately stretching toward the fabric of your colleague's jacket just a few feet away, silently begging them to help you.

But you never made contact. Before your hand could even graze them, the edges of your vision rapidly crumbled into a heavy, suffocating darkness, and the world faded entirely to black as your body slumped limply into the grass.

The suffocating, white-hot heat of the Falcon Coast cliffs gradually receded, replaced by a soothing wave of cool air. You blinked your eyes open, your eyelids feeling incredibly heavy as your vision slowly adjusted to the indoor lighting of the Headquarters' infirmary. The faint, clean scent of Cecilias and medicinal herbs filled the room.

A shadow moved beside your cot, and you saw Barbara stepping back, lowering her hands as the glowing, blue rings of her Hydro healing magic faded into the air. She gave you a warm, relieved smile. "Oh, thank goodness, you're finally awake. Your squad members were so worried when they carried you in. You suffered a really severe case of heat stroke, but your temperature is finally-"

"Oh crap!" you whispered, your voice cracking into a dry rasp as your mind suddenly short circuited.

The realization hit you at once, completely overriding your physical exhaustion. Your heart rate immediately spiked. Lohen.

You sat up way too fast, ignoring the slight wave of dizziness that washed over your brain as you desperately grabbed Barbara’s sleeve. "Barbara, wait. What time is it? Has... has the 5th company unit returned from their reconnaissance sweep in stormterror's lair yet?"

Barbara blinked, completely taken aback by your sudden panic. "U-Uh, it's just past one in the afternoon, so yes, the main units are starting to report back to the front gates. But you need to lie back down and-"

"Did anyone tell him?" you interrupted frantically, your eyes wide with sheer dread. You had intentionally planned to keep this whole mess a secret. If you could just slip out of the infirmary before his unit returned, you could pretend you spent your entire day off relaxing at home. "Please tell me nobody sent a messenger. If I can just get back to the apartment, he never has to find out I was even on that patrol."

Barbara looked at you with a heavy wave of sympathy, her shoulders dropping. "A messenger didn't tell him... but..to be honest im sure he's already heard. You collapsing has pretty much been the main thing thats gone on recently.. I wouldn't doubt that he's already heard."

Your stomach dropped. Your perfect plan was completely ruined.

Before you could even blink, a loud slam rattled the corridor. The heavy doors were thrown open with a manic force that made your ears ring.

It's Lohen.

His eyes immediately went to the cot you were on, his face was flushed and you could hear his quiet but frantic breaths.

"Are you completely out of your mind?!" lohen barks the second he sees your face, throwing his hands up in a burst of sheer, panicked frustration.

Barbara slips out of the room, giving you both the clearly demanded privacy.

"Falcon Coast?! Midday?! You're a reconnaissance scout, not a mindless recruit! You know exactly what that terrain does to your body in a summer heatwave! If I hadn't walked past those idiot squires at the barracks, were you even planning on telling me!? Were you just gonna sit at home tonight and pretend your skin wasn't burning off? I swear, how many times do I have to say it?! You are not a sacrificial lamb for these captains to use up just to fix their own mistakes!"

"Lohen, please, just stop yelling for a second," you rasped out, your voice sounding incredibly weak as you leaned back against the thin infirmary pillows.

Lohen stopped dead in his tracks, his bright eyes were still wide with that manic, wild adrenaline, his fingers twitching as if he wanted to break something just to burn off the terror of seeing you in a hospital bed.

"I couldn’t refuse," you explained softly, holding your hands up slightly to show him you weren't trying to fight. "It wasn't a choice, lohen. I woke up ten minutes after you left, and Captain Eula was already calling. Captain Hertha signed an emergency draft order."

Lohen's jaw clenched tightly at the name. He crossed his arms, a bitter, mocking smirk breaking through his panicked expression. "An emergency draft. Of course. Because the Knights of Favonius are so spectacularly incompetent that they have to drag my partner out of bed to clean up theur mess."

"Eula's scouts got ambushed near the cliffs early this morning," you continued, trying to keep your tone as calm as possible to force his racing mind to slow down. "The route was completely unsecured. If Hertha hadn't filled the slot immediately, any rogue abyss mage could have marched right up to the eastern perimeter. They needed a 4th company scout who actually knew the Falcon Coast terrain. I was the only one available then."

Lohen let out a low, mocking scoff, but the frantic, wild edge in his posture finally began to crack. He stepped closer to your cot, his boots clicking heavily against the frosted stone floorboards as his possessive, protective instincts took over.

"I don't care about their perimeters," he groaned softly, sitting on the very edge of your mattress. His voice was still trembling with that raw, unfiltered anger, but he reached out, his large, cool hand gently coming to rest over your ankles to anchor you to the bed. "They have thousands of swords at their disposal, but I only have one you. If Hertha needs a vanguard, she can send guy out there to bake in the sun, im sure he'd rather do that anyways. You were supposed to be safe at home. You were supposed to be my one variable that didn't change."

He leaned forward, his head dropping slightly as he let out a long, defeated sigh. "Don't do it again. Next time they contact you on your day off tell them you're unavailable. I’m handling your transfer paperwork first thing tomorrow morning so you're permanently off their emergency rotation."

Barbara comes back in, well she peeked first, but you gestured her to come on in.

She checked your pulse one final time, her shoulders dropping in a soft wave of relief as she looked between you and lohen. "Your fever is completely stable now. You're clear to head home, but you are strictly ordered to bed rest for the next forty-eight hours."

She turned her gaze directly to lohen, "Vice Captain, please make sure she doesn't try to sneak off to do any training, weapon maintenance, or paperwork. Her body just needs plenty of fluids and a nice cool room. I'm trusting you to enforce that."

"Enforce it?" Lohen let out a low, amused chuckle as he stood up from the mattress. "Oh, you don't have to worry about that, Deaconess. I am going to turn our apartment into a literal fortress. She won't even be allowed to look at a pair of combat boots until tuesday."

He gives you a look, and you can already tell its gonna be a lonngggg 48 hours.

note : NOT FULLY PROOFED!! wrote before bed! thank you @cherry-miu for requesting this! i feel like with written works i have more freedom to add like little extra details!! I also changed some things so if the smau and this one don't perfectly align thats why, im sorry! if you guys don't like it ill try to find a way to fix it!! also pls tell me u guys remember guy from genshin, he's an actual knight! pls be nice!!