Trapped in JoJo Hell

I've NEVER played these games and you mean to tell me there's a character named DICK. GUM SHOE??? ACE ATTORNEY WHAT THE FUCK

People, please be careful. There are also people tracking children and people and putting bids on them based on their profile pictures on whatsapp, tracking and kidnapping them. Especially young children, so please be cautious, especially parents who have their children as their profile pictures.

DO NOT CLICK LINKS IN TEXTS EVER. GO TO ACTUAL WEBSITES FOR ONES YOU RECOGNIZE AND TYPE IN THE URL. OR A BOOKMARK IF YOU HAVE ONE. DON’T CLICK LINKS IN TEXTS AND SOCIAL MEDIA MESSAGES/DMS AND EMAILS. EVEN IF YOU KNOW THE PERSON. TAKE EXTREME CAUTION. 

IF YOU’RE GUTS SAYS EH WOULDN’T DO THAT BUDDY. LISTEN. 

them: WHOA you know *gets weirdly quiet* the f-word???? you’re so sweet and cute though

me:

To which I nodded solemnly, both out of agreement, surprise and also a healthy amount of awkward fear. He nodded and went, “You get it.”

I thought that would be the end of it.

Except ten minutes later he came back and told me he found out (she’s bi) and that both of us have a shot. I said “You more than me.” because he’s attractive and popular. 

My math teacher was trying to fix the rolling whiteboard and he just offhand said “This would be easier with a wrench”

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it took paul two weeks to finally approach sally and talk to her -  the first word he said was “textbook?” before promptly dropping his on her foot.

paul always buys an extra steak after work in case mrs.o'leary decides to “drop by.”

paul refused point-blank to believe that percy was a demigod. two weeks after sally and percy told him, he decided to test it. he pretended to lose his grip on his cup of water, accidentally sloshing it all over percy. not only did percy stay dry, he also returned the water to the cup. paul was out cold for ten minutes.

paul never had the heart to repair the dents from blackjack’s hooves on his car.

annabeth and paul get along supremely well.

paul went to california for a “conference” in february but he actually kept in touch with grover and helped look for a sign of percy.

and yeah, he may or may not have teared up when he heared percy’s voice message.

he makes notes for percy to study with every night, and he occasionally drops helpful “tips” about his next exams. 

when paul first proposed to sally, she stared at him wonderingly for so long that he began to feel uncomfortable; he was taking a sip of water when she sqeaked a “yes” and paul was so surprised he choked. he spent his first fifteen minutes an as engaged man choking while his fiance rubbed his back, laughing softly.

paul was the one who suggested annabeth take percy’s room when he was missing.

paul let sally take the first dance with percy on their wedding day.

paul gifted percy an aquarium for his seventeeth birthday with a card that said “a blowfish from blofis.”

paul’s actually a great cook. he tried teaching percy once but they ended up scraping minced chicken from the ceiling and had to order chinese instead.