Fawn Forever

Hi! I love your art! Do you do commissions?

I’m 18 tomorrow, or actually, I’m 18 in 13 hours and 59 minutes, i thought by now I’d have more stuff figured out, that I’d know what I’m doing with myself, that’s I’d know who I am, but the truth is, I don’t know anything, not what I’m doing or who I am, I’m not even sure anymore who I want to become. I think throughout our childhoods we have this big image in our heads of what we’ll look like all grown up but I just don’t, I think my biggest fear is that I’ve had it too good for too long and something bad is going to happen, like I’ve committed some sort of sin for not knowing myself. It’s funny how as a child I dreamt of being an adult, how I was so excited about growing up but now I wish I could go back, wish I’d have savored the moments I had while I still had the chance. Life feels as though it will end the second the clock strikes 12, like everything I’ve built myself upon will crumble beneath the weight of my fear, I know this fear is warranted and normal but the way I’m feeling it it feels like a sin, for is the joy of growth not supposed to feel like the sun on my shoulders? It’s summertimes now but my mind feels as though it’s stuck beneath the snow and I can’t help but feel like it’s my own fault, as if I was the one who buried me last winter, afraid of what the future holds so I’ve ignored it as long as I could, tomorrow that time will catch up to me and I think to myself. Will I feel it all or nothing at all? Will the weight of my fear chain me down or give me the motivation to break away? Part of me doesn’t even want that, I’m safe and content and atleast semi happy as I am now so why change it? Maybe I’ll lock myself away and pretend to be 17 until I’m ready