I’m not sure if we are meant to be but I cannot help but fall in love with the way you have buried my razor blades and planted roses bloomed from my wrists. Perhaps you are just a filler for an empty heart drunk with the promise of forever I cannot stop drinking I cannot stop thinking. You have broken me so many times and promised to be my bandaid darling, some wounds need stitches.

“i. again i try to not write about you; like trying not to feel a missing tooth. ii. when i said goodbye there was nothing i wanted more than to just kiss you. iii. do you suppose in another world where we are luckier people and the weather never gets too cold we are sitting outside of a castle in italy eating gelato and laughing iv. i’m trying not to hurt but you’re spending the day with the wrong person. v. in another garden i grow flowers without wanting to put them in your hair. we never meet. vi. am i happier there?”

“I think about dying but I don’t want to die, not even close. In fact my problem is the complete opposite. I want to live, I want to escape. I feel trapped and bored and claustrophobic, theres so much to see and so much to do but I somehow still find myself doing nothing at all. I’m wasting every second, even now i’m writing this when I should be out there, I should be living. I’m still here in this metaphorical bubble of existence and I can’t quite figure out what the hell i’m doing or how to get out.”

“I wonder who’s arms would I run and fall into if I were drunk in a room with everyone I have ever loved”

“En op dagen zoals deze vraag ik mij af of ik nog wel eens rond dans in jou gedachten zoals je bij mij doet, of dat ik er misschien langzaam uit verdwenen ben”

“Ik ben bang om u kwijt te spelen, maar je bent niet eens van mij.”

“i. again i try to not write about you; like trying not to feel a missing tooth. ii. when i said goodbye there was nothing i wanted more than to just kiss you. iii. do you suppose in another world where we are luckier people and the weather never gets too cold we are sitting outside of a castle in italy eating gelato and laughing iv. i’m trying not to hurt but you’re spending the day with the wrong person. v. in another garden i grow flowers without wanting to put them in your hair. we never meet. vi. am i happier there?”