It's Fate

He has all the support in the world, but my own mother won’t talk to me about Daylin.

I’m expected to just move on and forget that she existed - however briefly.

It's hard to not scream that you're gone at people when they tell me I don't get it I'm not a parent.

I could use some friends to chat with. I like to send animal pictures and selfies. Also like to just chat.

18+ preferred.

Add me! I’m Aelycat 

.Many things make me feel dead inside every day. 

- I wasted 7 years on what was a great relationship with a wonderful person, who since we broke it off has done nothing but bash me, call ME abusive, accuse ME of cheating on him, and leave ME with such a great financial burden that I am considering bankruptcy to get a fresh start. (Also before he moved out he told me “I bet you’ll be pregnant before the lease is up” Which leads to the next bullet point)

- I got pregnant early last year, experienced organ failure that resulted in surgery, all the stress on my body at such an early stage of pregnancy caused me to lose my child. March 8th is now the hardest day of my life, I love Daylin with all my heart and soul. Losing a child isn’t a feeling I’d wish upon my worst enemy.

- The father of said child accused me of cheating on him.... after I broke up with him? Not sure how that works, but ok? 

Now, this post isn’t intended to be a pitty party for me. Losing my child alone was enough to drive me to considering suicide. But I did NOT do that. I stuck through it, even though every day I think about her, I know that she wants me on this earth and she wants me to live on.

I spent a good 4-5 months barely talking to any humans. 

Since then, I have had SO many great things happen - despite loss.

- I met an amazing guy, who loves me for me, who cares about me and makes sure I actually take care of myself when I’m down. It may seem rushed, but we got engaged very quickly, but I have no regrets on that. He keeps me going every day.

- I realized it’s OK to be sad and grieve over the loss of Daylin, she’s my angel and I love her. But the world is going to keep moving, and I’m going to be a part of it.

- I have a great extended family, although I haven’t mentioned Daylin to them, they’re very supportive of myself and my fiance.

- I spend more time smiling than ever before. I’m rediscovering myself. And it’s WONDERFUL.

- My fiance and I decided that since he’s in his 30s and I’m in my late 20s we are going to “let nature do its thing” and not use birth control of any kind - if we get pregnant, we get pregnant. We are ready for kids, we have means to support kids - so if kids happen they happen.

I have no one to talk to. No one understand that I’m still super fucking emotional about the entire miscarriage thing.

I would be 15 weeks along.

My baby would have been the size of an apple.

Have a brain,

be able to move.

But instead my baby is an angel.

And I can’t handle it.