☽☾ Straea ☽☾

JANUARY 2022

HER POV

Your alarm sounds right on time, pulling you from your dreamless sleep. Your eyes pop open as you quickly spin to your side to press snooze. As you roll back onto your back you let out a sigh, desperate for that extra five minutes. You feel the bed shift, and feel Jake’s hand reach for you under the comfort of the sheets. 

“Already?” he asks, voice still full of sleep.

You roll towards him as he opens his arms to you, pulling you into his chest. So much for those extra minutes.

“I have five–no four minutes. Shh…” you groan.

“What if you just…didn’t go…” he whines.

“I have to go…It’s the first day back after the holidays…shhhhh….” you plead.

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to…” he continues.

You press a kiss to his neck and roll away from him, plucking your phone from the nightstand and turning off the impending alarm. Pulling yourself from the warmth of the sheets you make your way over to the tall dresser, pulling out the drawer of your things and digging through it to find the items you stashed there. 

You hear him groan from the bed as he stiffens his body to stretch his legs and arms before pulling himself from the bed. 

“Fine, I guess I’ll go start the coffee…” he says, stepping out of the room. 

—

Stepping out of the bathroom, you have a fluffy towel wrapped around your body, and the warm mug that was kindly left for you on the bathroom counter, in hand. Jake is sitting on the edge of the bed, already dressed and ready for the day, down to his boots. 

“Big plans today?” you ask, grabbing your work clothes from your packed overnight bag. 

“Told Sam I would go help him with some things at his place, which I am sure will rope me into about ten other projects, but I also need to run down to the music store and pick up a few things. Other than that, not so much.” he answers, watching you dress. 

“Oh, tell him I said hi. I haven’t talked to him since…like, Christmas. Oh I wonder if I will get my new assignment today…” you say, thoughts bouncing around in your head.

“I will tell him. If you do get it, and it’s not us, call me.” he says sternly.

“Oh, yes sir…” you say facetiously.

“Be careful…” he says, raising an eyebrow to you. 

You finish buckling the strap on your heels, and stand up, smoothing out your skirt. “Okay, well, I’ll call you later?” you say, grabbing your multitude of bags and taking the last sip of your coffee.

“Would be sad if you didn’t.” he replies, standing to walk you out to the door. 

You stop in the doorway, turning to give him a quick peck as you rush by, “Love you.”

“Love you too, have a good day today.” he answers, opening the front door to let you out. 

—

Pulling into the parking lot you glance at the clock. 7:53. Perfect. The parking lot is full, and people are making their way to the front door as you step out of your car. Grabbing your coffee, and your laptop bag you stagger behind a group of people, just shy of catching the door. 

You pull your keycard from your laptop bag and hold it to the card reader. Blinking red? Huh.

You try it again. Same thing. What the hell? Someone you don’t recognize walks up behind you, seeing you struggle to unlock the doors with all of the things in your hands. 

“Hey, sorry my card isn't working for some reason.” you say, stepping to the side. 

“Oh, uh, they have been a little wonky since the holidays. Let me try mine.” he says, tapping his to the pad, and seeing it light up green. 

“We’re in!” he laughs, holding the door for you.

“Thanks, I will have to see what’s up with mine.” you laugh. 

You make your way up the elevator and to your desk, depositing your things onto the fresh workspace. You hung your purse on the hook, and sat down in your chair before opening your computer. 

You spent a lot of the morning sending over the revisions for the Strange Horizons expense documents, now that all the receipts had been provided, and as you hit send an email pinged into your inbox with an undeliverable message. Before you had a chance to click on it, your desk phone rang. 

“Hello?” you answered.

“Hey Y/N! It’s Allison, how are you this morning?” she asked.

“Hey, I’m good…Just trying to get settled back in.” you replied.

“Y/N, I’m going to need you to meet me in the boardroom in half an hour, okay?” she asks.

“Sure, no problem! Do I need to bring anything?” you ask.

“No, that won't be necessary. I’ll see you then.” she says, hanging up her phone.

Huh. That was… strange. 

You tried to busy yourself over the next thirty minutes but your mind was racing at the abruptness of this meeting, since you didn’t see it on the calendar for the day. You felt your hands start to grow clammy and your stomach start to swirl as the time dragged closer to 1:00.

As you pulled the door open to the board room you swallowed nervously, seeing the table filled with a few higher ups, and a few familiar faces, HR, Accounting, and Allison.

“Hi Y/N, thanks for coming in on such short notice.” Allison said. 

“Hi…” you said, voice shaky with nerves. 

“Just take a seat anywhere…” Allison said, tossing you a sorrowful look.

Your heart began to race as you realized that this wasn’t just a meeting your were attending, it was a meeting where you were the subject. 

“Hi Y/N, I’m Johnathan Myers, I am the head of HR here at Collective. I understand that you've been with us just shy of a year now.” he starts, and you nod your head in agreement. 

“I would just like to start out by saying that everyone that has worked with you has had nothing but positive things to say about you, your work ethic, and your dedication here at Collective. Unfortunately, something has come to light that makes my job a little bit difficult today.” he says, clicking the end of his pen. 

“We received a message a few weeks ago from someone that was working closely with the crew on your last assignment. She provided photo evidence that is directly in breach of the contract you signed with us.” he says, sliding you a manilla envelope full of photos and documents. 

You open the folder to find photos of you and Jake at various points during Strange Horizons. Times you thought you were alone. Times that look worse that they actually were. Times when things were far from innocent. 

“I see.” you say, closing the envelope. “If I may explain…” you plead.

“We will give you a chance to tell us everything, however, unfortunately based on the severity of the evidence provided not only from the photographer, but also the expense reports, the board has made the decision to let you go from Collective at this time.” he says.

You feel your heart drop into your stomach. “No, please if I could just explain…” you beg.

“I–I have known Jake, well, all of the Kiskza’s since we were children. We grew up together in Michigan. I watched their band start in their parents garage… Jake and I were in a relationship for quite some time while I was in college. I moved to Nashville and knew no one, I got a job here, and started working, realizing this was truly my passion. When Allison told me my first assignment was going to be going to work with them I panicked. I tried everything to get out of it. But it was unavoidable.” you pause, picking at your fingernails. 

“During the tour, Jake and I started talking again. Really I had no choice. After a few weeks things kind of picked up where they left off. I told him we couldn’t. I knew it was breaching my contract. Half of these photos that were taken were at times when we were hardly speaking to each other. They are telling a different story than what was actually happening, you have to believe me.” you beg.

“Y/N, this expense report from Austin, Texas shows a charge missing for crew lodging. Then again in Los Angeles, then again in Atlanta, Georgia. That combined with the photos, paints a very bad picture, you have to understand. While I am sure you never intended for this to happen this way, we have to take these kinds of things very seriously. Sadly, there is nothing further we can do for you at this point. We will be ending our professional relationship with you here today.” he says, finally. 

You feel the tears starting to well in your eyes. You knew it. You always knew. 

“I will say, however, that these young men care for you deeply. Josh called me himself to see if I would reconsider. Said that he has never had a better coordinator. The staff and crew we spoke to about this all said the same thing. It was never a question of whether you could do the job, Y/N. We just have these policies in place for a reason. We have to protect everyone involved. I’m very sorry that it turned out this way. We would be more than happy to give you any recommendations you may need.”

Josh knew? Did Jake know?

Taking one last look at the photos, you see a photo of you and Jake, standing in the rain arguing outside of that bar in Chicago. The night you both finally gave in. The night you decided he was worth any struggle you might face. Including this one. You closed the folder and slid it into the center of the meeting table. 

“Thank you so much for the opportunity. I completely understand the position you’re in and I want to thank you for hearing me out.” you say, turning on your heels to walk out the large wooden door. 

Collecting your items from your desk you leave your key card and your work computer, making sure to grab your tiny plant as you throw your purse over your shoulder. You are fighting back the tears threatening to spill over as you make a dash to your car. You open the back door, and throw all the items inside, not even caring where they land. 

You climb into the driver's seat and as the door shuts the tears begin to flow. A sob leaves your chest as the emotions seep out of every pore. Everything you worked for, gone with the snap of a finger. 

You rest your head on your steering wheel as you continue to cry, not a single thought in your head other than failure. You pull your phone from your purse with shaky hands as you press the icon to call Jake. You place the call on speakerphone, letting the shiny black device rest on your leg. 

You try to sniffle up the tears as the call rings out, but when you’re met with his voicemail you begin to cry harder. 

You toss your phone into the passenger seat, and start your car, knowing the only place you want to go is straight to Jake. You don’t even know if he’s home, but your brain is on autopilot, guiding you to your place of comfort. 

You blink away the tears as you merge onto the interstate, forced breaths still spilling from your chest. How am I going to afford my rent? How am I going to pay any of my bills? I’m going to have to leave Nashville.

Another round of sobs leaves your chest at the thought of losing everything, everyone, that you’ve held close. 

A few minutes later you are throwing your car into park as you head straight for his front door. It’s locked. You key in the lock combination and it unlocks, a chime filling the house as you enter. 

“Jake?” you cry out, voice still shaking with tears. 

You drop your things at the door and frantically search for him, “Jake, hello?” 

JAKE POV

“Y/N?” you ask, stepping out of your closet, with a wet towel in your hands. 

What is she doing here?

“Baby? What are you doing here? Oh my god, what’s wrong?” you ask, seeing her tear streaked face. You drop the towel to the ground and rush over to her.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” you ask, cupping her face in your hands. 

“I tried to… call you…” she says through sniffles.

“Oh no, I was in the shower, I’m sorry… I…” you stammer. 

“Jake…They fired me.” she says, a whimper leaving her throat.

“What? Baby, why?” you ask, shock overtaking your body.

“Because of you! Because of the pictures! Summer she… showed them, she sent them everything–” she rambles, too many thoughts trying to escape at once. 

“What?! Summer? No! They can't do that, that's bullshit! No, they don’t even know, they–” you stammer, fury filling your mind.

“No Jake! They can and they did! I signed the contract. I breached it. I’m done. I’m fired. There’s nothing I can do. I tried to explain. They didn’t care, Jake!”

“No! I’ll call them right now. I–I’ll tell them it was me. It was all me and that you didn’t… I–I….” you trail off, dragging your hands across your face. 

“This was what I was always afraid of Jake! This is exactly it. This is what you said wouldn’t happen. You wouldn’t let this happen! It happened!” she cries.

Oh fuck…

“Y/N, please, I… I didn’t think–” you start.

“Exactly! We didn’t think! I fucked up! I shouldn’t have done this. We should have waited! My career is over Jake! I am going to be blacklisted from every agency from here to LA! Do you get that? Everything I worked for is gone!” she yelled, guilt filling your body.

“I have no job! I have no way to pay my rent. Oh my god, I’m gonna have to move home…” she says, shock and realization hitting her all at once. 

“Fuck! No! Absolutely not. You aren’t leaving. You can't! I’ll pay your rent. I’ll pay your bills, I… I don't care. You know that!”

“I can’t let you do that Jake! I have no idea how long it's going to take me to find another job! If I can find another job! I’m not your burden!” she yells.

You pace the room with your fingers on your chin, “Okay, then you can…You can stay here.” you plead. “This house is plenty big enough. It doesn’t feel like home when you’re not here anyways.”

“Plus I… want you here. All the time. You know that. I hate when you’re not here.” you beg. 

“Jake, you don’t really want that. I thought you needed space and alone time and–” she starts.

“It’s the only thing I’ve wanted since I was sixteen years old!” you interrupt. “Remember what I used to say? I wanted an old house, with old furniture? The part I never told you was that you were there too. Living in the old house with me.” you say, grabbing her arms. 

“I wanna wake up to you in my bed every single day. I wanna make breakfast with you and talk about our days. Come back at the end of the night and drink wine on the living room floor...All of it. I want it with you.” you say, looking into her bloodshot eyes, starting to well with tears once again.

“You take up every ounce of space in my head...and in my heart...I learned the hard way that it’s never gonna be anyone else. It’s always going to be you. So I’m fighting this time. I didn’t fight for you last time. But now I am. I’m not letting you slip away from me again.” you say, pulling her close to you. 

“I don’t know Jake. This is… so much…I just… need some time. I need to think…I don’t even know what I want right now.” she says, pulling away from you. 

You feel your heart drop as she steps over to the window. 

“I just can’t lose you again.” you say. 

“I’m scared Jake. I just lost my job. My entire life is up in the air now. Things with us were just starting to feel right… I don’t want to move in with you because you don’t want me to leave you again. I want to move in with you because you love me and want to keep moving forward in this relationship. You know? I don’t want it to be rushed. I don’t want to force something we weren’t ready for.” she asks.

“It’s not rushed! I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I have known practically my whole life! I bought this house for us, before I ever even knew if I would see you again! I meant it when I said everything I have is yours. I want all of this to be ours. I need you here Y/N. Having you here these past few weeks only solidified that feeling. Do you… not feel the same?” you ask, hesitantly. 

“No, I…I do. I–I’m just scared. I’m mad. I’m angry at Summer. I’m angry at you. I don’t know what to do.” she says, a single tear leaking from her eye. 

“I know. I’m so so sorry baby. You have to believe me. I never thought this would happen. Just know I will do anything I can and you don’t have to decide right now…I will do anything to keep you here. Where you belong.” you say, swiping the tear from her eye.

“I think I just need to think. I need some time away from all of this… to figure out what to do…I don’t want to be mad at you Jake, but, I am. I’m hurt.” she says, pulling away.

“Okay, well…If you decide this isn’t what you want, and you don’t want to be with me anymore, I’ll let you go. I’ll respect that choice and I’ll move on. I don’t know how, but I will. I did it once. But just know if you’re in, I’m in for good.” you say. 

She turns to face you, eyes filled with sadness. “Please don’t make this harder…” she begs. 

“Tell me you’ll come back. Tell me you aren’t leaving for good…” you plead.

“I just need some space…” she breathes, gathering her things near the door. 

“Please, just tell me you love me one more time…just in case…” you beg. 

You watch her bottom lip quiver as she tries to force the words out, “I love you, Jake.” she whispers, her eyes blinking out heavy tears. 

“Fuck, you’re killing me. Ripping my heart out and taking it with you Y/N. Please, please come back, okay?” you say, holding back your own tears. 

She looks at you one last time before slipping out the door. 

As it latches shut, you wonder if that will be the last time those words leave her lips.

—

As badly as she hurt you just now, and as badly as she’s torn up, you knew somewhere deep down that she would be back. She’s upset, she’s pissed, and she’s embarrassed. You knew her, knew she sometimes overreacted with her emotions and made big decisions when she was upset, a flaw that somehow was endearing to you. 

She needed time, and she needed space. And you knew it wouldn’t be long, you hoped. In the meantime, you felt as though you needed to let loose on someone. She wasn’t the only one filled with rage over the whole situation. 

You went back into your bedroom to find your phone, finding the correct contact for Collective. They deserved to hear your piece. 

You finally found the extension for HR, and spoke with a bit of fire in your tone. You told them the entire backstory, of which they said they understood, that Y/N had given those same details. You explained how your relationship had begun many many moons ago, and that your families were so close that you shared every holiday since you were kids. 

You begged them to reconsider, pleaded with them that it was your fault, but still ended up empty handed. Before the phone call ended, you suggested that even though you understood these rules were set for good reasons, that they should seriously consider restating them, or even adding a clause for special situations such as this. Because in all reality, it was completely unfair. 

Your next order of business was to take care of the Summer problem. You dialed up the number for the label, of which you knew by heart now. 

“Hey, this is Jake. I was wanting to speak with someone in HR, I need to file a formal complaint.”

SAM POV

You felt your phone buzzing in your pocket, trying to ignore it while you hashed out the notes for a new melody on your piano. Just let it ring, you told yourself. The buzzing continued and you finally gave in, pulling it out and seeing a familiar name. 

Y/N?

The buzzing stopped and your lock screen appeared as you collected your thoughts. You haven’t spoken in so long…what could she need?

When your mind came back to earth, you hit redial, letting the call ring back. 

“Hey, Sammy. Sorry if I bothered you…” she said, voice low and somber. 

“No no you aren’t bothering me. What’s up?” You replied. 

“I- um. Are you busy right now?” She asked. 

“Uh, no, not really. You ok?” You asked, feeling concerned. 

“Um, I’m not the best,” she breathed out through a fake laugh. “Would you want to…come over? For just a little bit. I could really…I need to just, talk. I guess.” She said. 

You paused for a long second, collecting your thoughts. She wouldn’t call unless she really needed you, right?

“Yeah, sure. I can be there in just a little bit.” You said, checking the time. “Are you not at Jake’s?”

“No, I’m at my apartment, actually.” She said, voice going low again. 

Oh. 

“Oh alright, ok I’ll be there soon.” You replied hanging up the phone, wondering why she would have gone back to her place, and hoping that there was nothing really wrong. 

—

Three little knocks.

You found yourself feeling out of place as you stood on the front porch of her apartment, waiting for her to answer the door. When you got her phone call, you were surprised to say the least. It’s been weeks, and you’ve barely said ten words to each other. On your own accord, of course. You knew it was upsetting her, and you’d stepped away for a good reason, but you’d definitely left her in the dark. 

You paced around awkwardly, fiddling with the pothos plant sitting on a shelf in the corner. Finally you heard the door lock click, and the doorknob twist. She opened the door just halfway, exposing only a portion of herself. She looked upset, downtrodden and exhausted, and you immediately felt the need to comfort her. 

“You know, this plant would do a ton better inside. It hates the direct sunlight…” you trailed off, still fiddling with the browning leaves. 

The huge smile that crossed her face was stark in contrast to the way her appearance was, but it was contagious. It always was. The saying ‘her smile could light up a room’ was completely true in her case, the way her eyes smiled before the rest of her face did. 

“Well, bring it in here, then.” She said as she opened the door wider, inviting you and her plant inside. 

You walked in, feeling like you were entering a place with no trespassing signs hanging all over the walls. It was bizarre, coming back into a home where you used to feel so comfortable and welcome, but now feeling like an alien on another planet. You brought the plant over to the kitchen sink and stuck it under the faucet. 

“Just a little bit of water, not too much or you’ll drown it.” You said as you turned on the faucet, letting the soil moisten. “Spray the leaves off a little bit too, they like to be able to breathe..” you placed the planter in the wide windowsill above the kitchen sink, gently pulling the long trailing vines of leaves up to rest along the counter. 

When you were satisfied with your work, you turned around to find her leaned with her back against the refrigerator, watching you intently with her head resting in her hand. Tears had filled her eyes, and her exhausted appearance found its way to her body again. 

“Thank you, Sammy.” She said sweetly. You felt your heart ache. 

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” You finally asked quietly. She wiped her eyes, trying to dry herself up, but to no avail. Her tears were falling harder now, her chest heaving with sobs. Damn, she really is upset. “Hey, babe, what is it? You can tell me…”

She slowly walked over, reaching her arms out to wrap you up in them, taking you in an embrace that you’d missed so, so terribly. Her face buried in your chest, her breathing on the skin of your neck…You lifted your arms to hug her back, letting yourself hold her for just a second, but then suddenly feeling the wild thoughts rushing through your mind again. Too close. 

You pulled away quickly, pulling her arms off of you with a little bit of force as you stepped back. The action surprised her, making the sadness on her face even more heart wrenching. It’s killing me too, babe.

“What the fuck Sam? I can’t even hug you anymore?” She sounded pissed. 

Here came the rage again. 

“No, fuck. You can’t Y/N. You can’t hug me like that anymore.” You spat. 

“WHY? Why can’t I?!” She yelled. 

“Because! It makes me feel a way that I’m not allowed to feel anymore, okay? Feeling you touch me again is just…” you let your words hang. 

She tilted her head back, exasperated, and walked quickly to the couch. “Come here. Sit down.” She demanded. You followed suit. 

She took a deep breath as she pulled her legs underneath her. “Did I…do something wrong, Sammy? We haven’t spoken in like a month…I just…don’t know…” you watched as her lip quivered, trying to fight back an emotion she used to let fall so freely with you. 

You didn’t know what to say, you didn’t come prepared to talk about this. Though, you’d walked right into it. The way she talked on the phone, you thought something else would be discussed right now. Beating around the bush would keep things light and professional, but your insides were being ripped apart from not being honest with your other half, and telling her every emotion you’ve been bottling up for way too long. 

You sighed, deciding to just go with your instinct. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Y/N…” your words felt like they were on fire in your mouth, clawing their way out of your throat while you tried your best to extinguish them. 

“Then why are you ignoring me? Ever since Thanksgiving and after our…talk…that night on the floor, I thought we were going to be able to talk about our past like it was nothing, but…”

“Is that what it was to you, Y/N? Nothing?” You said flatly. Your heart felt like she’d ripped it out, and stomped all over it. 

She went silent, looking like you’d just slapped her across the face. 

“Of course it wasn’t nothing, Sam, god. It was…everything to me…while it was happening.” She bit back. 

“Then why did you call it nothing?” You asked, seeing if you could pull a little more from her before spilling your guts all over her couch. 

She stared at you with a confused admission, opening her mouth and closing it again over and over, trying to find the words. “I don’t know, Sam, I- Jake came back and…you know…things just, went…” 

You nodded slowly. “Yeah, they definitely went...” 

“What do you mean, Sam? We had a pretty clear agreement on everything, and how we were handling our situation…I don’t know why you’re so upset with me for sticking to it, not letting my feelings get involved.” Her voice was rising now, and she was talking with her hands. She barely ever talked with her hands, only when she was lying. 

You stopped her. “Wait, not letting your feelings get involved? I thought you didn’t have any feelings for me?” You pressed, leaving her completely silent. 

Her eyes closed, the realization of her words hitting her. She scooted closer to you on the couch, sitting crossed legged and facing you. She let her face fall into her hands as she tried to breathe. You felt your heart pumping hard in your chest, your ears going deaf. 

Finally, after a few seconds, she pulled up. She slowly grabbed your hands, taking them in hers. Her touch. It felt like electricity. 

“Sam, listen to me. I’m going to be completely honest with you, because you deserve nothing but the truth. You’re my best friend on the whole earth, and I can not live my life lying to you, ok?” She said through choppy breaths. Her hands were twisting themselves with yours. 

“Do you remember the night I woke up and found you playing piano, playing our song?” She asked quietly, the memory finding your brainwaves once again. You nodded. 

“Well, you told me you couldn’t sleep, because you were scared of the uncertainty of your future…and that completely broke me, Sam. It made me scared and nervous, for myself and for you…anyways, after we went back to bed, I didn’t sleep the rest of the night.” She admitted. You still felt confused, unsure of what she was saying. 

“Why not?” You whispered. 

“Because…because I- felt something new that night, for you, that I hadn’t ever felt…before, ever. A big, huge feeling…watching you sleep next to me.” She stammered. “I don’t know what the feeling was, it was so unexpected…but it scared the hell out of me, Sam. And I…still feel it, sometimes. Not recently, but. It comes and goes.” She became red in the face, completely embarrassed at her admission. You knew she felt guilty. 

“But I can’t feel it, Sam. I can’t. I can’t ever let it come back…” 

“Then why did you let it go away at all?” You asked quietly, tears filling your eyes, too. 

She shook her head. “You know why, Sammy.” The tears falling quickly now. 

You felt like your entire body was floating, her words dancing around in your mind, making you hate yourself and love yourself at the same time. 

She felt the same. Maybe not now, but she did. At some point in all of this, she was right where you are now. 

You decided to meet her energy. You took her hands even more tightly, clearing your throat. You suddenly felt a wave of comfort come over your body, and you felt prepared to share. 

“I lied to you, Y/N. I lied to you for a very long time.” You admitted with confidence. Her face turned from sadness to surprise, and her mouth hung open. 

“But I lied to myself, too. Listen. Our relationship, sex-ationship, whatever the hell that was, was one of the absolute best times in my life. My absolute favorite person in the world came back to me so unexpectedly, and we picked up right where we left off. Except, we allowed ourselves to feel a little more…seriously. Right? Act on the one thing we never got to experience together. We agreed that it was never anything more than just physical. And it wasn’t. For the longest time. I had suppressed all those old feelings for you, they were truly gone. Meanwhile, you and I made some of the most beautiful and mind-blowing love that I have ever experienced in my life, do you hear me? Whatever wild connection you and I have, it’s…” you paused, wanting to leave a little respect for Elle and Jake in the picture. “I sometimes wish that during our time together, I would have felt those feelings for you, because it would have made it that much more meaningful.” 

“Anyway, things changed. You got with Jake, Elle came back. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been with her, Y/N, I hope you know that. And I can see you and Jake are the same. But, at Thanksgiving, when we laid on the floor and you told me all those things…how you wanted me to be your first, and how you used to think about me, it flipped some sort of stupid switch in me. Ever since that night, my feelings for you, the real ones, came flying back at me. And they’ve overtaken me, I’m driving myself insane, Y/N.” You felt tears coming as you struggled to find the right words. 

“I’ve fought the feelings for weeks, drinking myself silly, racking myself with guilt, I feel so…ugh I don’t even know the words. That’s why I’ve been so distant. But they are back. And I don’t know what to do with them. And I’m sorry. And it’s wrong, it’s so wrong, Y/N. If Jake or Elle ever knew… I…” you stopped and trailed off, feeling like you got most of it out. 

She sat and looked at you with the strangest expression. Proud, for your admission. Happy that you felt that way. But mostly guilt-stricken, because maybe she felt the same way, too. 

“We don’t need to talk about it, ok? We don’t need to discuss, or figure anything out. I feel like, maybe, you and I are just meant to be connected in some crazy, fucked up way, and the years are going to go on and the feelings will come back, and leave again but. I’m trying my best, right now. That’s why I asked Elle to move in. I’m ready to move on with her, she’s it for me. I don’t want to fuck anything up with her. I’m fucking crazy about her…” you trailed off as the proudest smile crept its way to her face, turning into a giggle. 

“Why are you laughing?” You asked, a smile finding your face, too. 

“I love watching you talk about her. I love watching you talk about your future with her. It makes me feel so happy that you’re in love...” She went on, her words filling you with pride and heartbreak at the same time. You’d just told Danny that you were in love with her, too. 

You laid your head back on her couch and huffed out a sigh. “This is so stupid, isn’t it?” You asked her, not really looking for an answer. 

“Yeah, it really is. But, I’m glad we got it out, the both of us. Even if it was hard. Maybe now we can put it behind us. We can’t tell another soul about this, ok?” She said, laying her hand on your knee. 

“Well, Daniel kinda knows…” you admitted, biting your lip. 

“Well, fuck. Ok, he can’t tell a soul, either. Got it?” She laughed. 

“You got it, babe.” 

You brought your hand to her face, moving in closely, an action that was risky given your conversation, but you didn’t want her to even think for one second you’d abandoned her. Never again. 

“Maybe we can find each other again, in another life, in another realm…maybe we already do exist together, somewhere else. That’s why we’re always so close, but so far away all the time. We’re connected elsewhere…” you said, brushing your thumb over her cheek. “I’m so sorry I’ve been acting like an ass. I’ve just really been struggling with this.”

She smiled into your hand. “I know. I’ve felt it in the past, too. But at least we can talk about it now and not feel ashamed. We’ve got to try and move on…it’s doing nothing but hurting us. I belong to Jake, no questions asked.” 

You took a deep breath and nodded. “And I’m Elle’s. We’ve gotta go grow up now, Y/N.”

It was quiet for a bit more while you sat in comfortable silence.

“Wait, why were you sad when I got here? Was something else going on?” You asked, suddenly remembering she answered the door crying. 

“Yeah, actually. That’s why I called you. I um, I got fired. From Collective.” She said defeatedly. 

Your mouth fell open. “What?! Are you joking? Because of Jake? There’s no way, that’s not right, we signed your paperwork… are you sure?”

“Yeah, they called me in for a meeting today. Told me they had photo evidence from Summer and there was nothing they could do. I breached my contract.” She said. 

“Did you explain to them? Did you tell them the situation? This isn’t happening…” you went on, feeling butterflies fluttering in your stomach. 

“I did, I tried. I couldn’t argue with them. They made me pack up and give them my key…I was so pissed, Sam. I knew this would happen. I fucking knew it. Now, I don’t have a job, I can’t pay my rent, my bills… I don’t know what I’m going to do. That’s why I’m here, Jake promised everything was going to be okay, and it’s not. I’m so upset with him, or toward him…I don’t know. I have to figure something else out, now. Everything is so fucked.” She went on, her body language falling again. 

“So wait, you left Jake’s house and came back here after you found out?” You asked, puzzled. “Why aren’t you still at his house?” 

“I had to leave, Sam. I couldn’t be around him. He said this wasn’t going to happen and it did! I lost my job because of us being together. I needed some space to think…” she said. 

You were stunned. “Wait, Y/N, it wasn’t his fault you got fired…you got mad at him because you got fired? That doesn’t make any sense…” you went on. “Honestly you shouldn’t need to think about anything at all, you two made this decision together…not just him.”  

She avoided eye contact. She knew you were right. 

“Hey, don’t be like that to him. Come on, he doesn’t deserve the blame. You’ve gotta see that, right?” You said, trying to be understanding. 

“He basically asked me to move in with him, Sam. Because I don’t have anywhere else to go except back to Michigan. If I move in with him, I want it to be on terms where I’m not desperate, and have no other choice. I want him to want me to live with him, not need to. Does that make sense?” She said. 

You thought for a second. “I mean I guess…don’t you already stay with him most nights anyway? And have a bunch of your stuff there? Hell, Y/N, you’re lying to yourself if you don’t notice all his hints that he wants you to live with him now, and has for a long time. Think about it...” You said, laughing. “Are you serious?”

“Yes I’m serious, Sam. I need some time to think. That’s a very big move in a relationship…” she said, her attitude showing through. 

“Uh, ya think? I just asked Elle to move in with me…don’t you think I know exactly how big that feels? Why are you being like this?” You were starting to get irked with her. Jake didn’t deserve that. 

“Listen, I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’ll…get over it soon, I guess. Just need some freaking time, ok? Today has just been a lot. I can’t believe I lost the career of my dreams.” She said. 

“Yeah, ya know what? I can’t let this happen.” You said, pulling your phone out to call Josh. 

He picked up after one ring. 

“Hey, we need to all meet at the office like, stat. Can you make that happen? I’m already on my way. All four of us, yeah. Yeah. Okay, see you in a few.”

You hung up and stood up, ready to head to the office. 

“I’m gonna figure this out, Y/N. There’s no way they can do this. We contracted you already. And photo evidence? Of what?” You went on. 

“Sam, stop. You don’t have to figure anything out. It’s a done deal, there’s nothing anyone can do. I’m going to have to leave.” She said. 

“Oh no you’re not. You don’t have to go anywhere. You need to go home to Jake, and apologize for freaking out on him for no reason. We’re figuring this out.” You said. 

She stood up beside you, ready to stop you from going out the door. You put your hand to her shoulder. 

“Babe, let me fight for you. One more time, please. Let me try to help.” You pleaded. 

Her arms fell to her sides in defeat as she let you go. 

“Ugh okay, go.” She motioned toward the door. “Thank you for coming over Sammy. I’m really glad we talked finally. And thanks for calling me out on my pettiness.” She said, walking toward her front door. “I’ll go back to him, I just need some time to think. Figure some shit out. And I promise, you really don’t have to fight this hard for me.”

“We need you with us more than you think.” You said, sending her a wink. You turned around on the porch as she stood in the doorway watching you go. “You’re still my best girl, remember?”  

Josh’s words from Thanksgiving replayed in your head. 

‘Did you ever fight for them? Did you ever go to bat for them? No, you didn’t.’

So this was your time. You had to find a way to fix it. 

——

You hopped back in your car and pulled out your  phone as you backed out of the parking lot, bringing up Elle’s contact as it connected to the Bluetooth. 

“Hey babe, what’s up?” She answered. 

“Hey, I’ve gotta go to the office for a while, we’ve gotta have a meeting. Y/N just got fired.” You said. 

“Oh my god, what?! You’re kidding! Why?” She yelled. 

“Apparently Summer was taking photos of her and Jake, and she turned them into Collective. I don’t know much else, but I will probably be home late. She’s threatening to move back home.” You said, thinking about running a stoplight. 

“Shit. Should I go over to her apartment?” She asked. 

“Might not be a bad idea, babe. Be careful, I’ll talk to you tonight.” You said. 

“Okay, love you.” 

“Love you more.”

—

A few minutes later, you pulled into the office, and rushed through the double doors to the meeting room, finding Josh and Danny had beaten you there. 

“What the fuck is going on? Y/N got fired!” You screamed, yanking a chair out from the table and sitting down. 

They were both quietly sitting, nodding their heads. 

“Hello, did you hear me? Collective fired her today…” you said, slapping your hands on the table. 

“Yeah Sam, we know.” Daniel said. 

You were shocked. “What do you mean you know? Both of you knew?” You asked. They nodded. 

“For how long?! Did you know it was going to happen before she did?” You yelled. 

Danny glanced to Josh. 

“I knew, they called me a few days ago.” He admitted, hanging his head. 

“What the fuck Josh! And you didn’t think to tell us? Tell her, warn her?” You were getting more mad by the second. 

Just then, the doors opened again as Jake came in, turning and locking the doors behind him. He bounded into the meeting room, his body language feeling bigger than normal. 

He took a seat, picked up a pen from the table and began clicking it. “Y/N got fired today.” He said blankly. 

“Yeah, we fuckin’ know. And guess who else knows? Josh! And Daniel! Go ahead Josh, tell him how long you’ve known!” You motioned towards him. Jake’s face fell, and turned into something morbid. He spun in his chair, fully facing his twin. Josh wasn’t scared of Jake, and vice versa, but sometimes you could tell when they feared each other, simply because of them feeling the other’s emotions so strongly. 

Josh shook his head, running his hand through his curls. “Fuck. They called me a couple days ago. Told me they needed to let her go because she breached her contract, all that bullshit. I asked them how they had knowledge, and they said that they received photo evidence from our photographer… I guess you guys weren’t as secretive as you thought you were. They also went back and said they had proof she wasn’t staying in assigned crew lodging. Anyways, I tried everything, I swear I did. Called straight to the head of HR, told them no one did the job better than her, that it didn’t make sense to fire her. I also told them your situation was a bit more serious than just fraternizing.”

You watched as Jake stared at Josh in disbelief for a few seconds before turning his swivel chair back around to face the table. 

“Why didn’t you tell me, Josh.” Jake said quietly, you could tell he was disappointed. 

“I was going to, Jake. I swear I was. I was just trying to figure out how.” Josh said, sincerity in his voice. 

Suddenly, you noticed something on Daniel’s face. He looked swollen? “Daniel, what the fuck happened to your lip?” You asked, interrupting the conversation. 

Daniel removed his folded hands from covering his face, scooting his chair to the table. He cleared his throat. “Well Sam, that’s why Josh and I didn’t get to tell you immediately about Y/N. Josh asked me to dinner to talk about how to tell you all, and I kind of…” Danny stopped, looking to Josh. 

“Daniel got into an altercation. With Andy.” Josh said flatly. 

You and Jake simultaneously fell back into your chairs, completely shocked by that statement. 

“WHAT?” Jake yelled, not holding back any of his rage at this point. “With Andy? A fight. You got into a fight with him. Where?” Jake began to stand up. 

“Josh and I were in a restaurant on the other side of town, trying to figure out how the hell we were going to tell you about Y/N when I saw Andy walk by. I got up immediately, ran after him. He got away from me, even as I was chasing him down. He rounded a corner and went down an alley. We cornered him, asked him why the hell he was here, what he wanted. Told him we knew he’d been following us, following her.” Danny explained. 

“Yeah, he said some fucked up shit. Guess Danny let him get the best of him. He knew a bunch of other shit, too, like personal things about Daniel. They ended up having it out on the concrete. We told him he needed to stay away from her, from all of us or else we were going to move to more drastic measures.” Josh went on. “Jake, I honestly think now might be the time for those drastic measures.” Josh bit his thumbnail. 

You could feel the same rage that Jake was feeling, boiling up in the pit of your stomach. How long had he been back? Why didn’t they tell you? What else did he know? 

“So you’re telling me you’ve both known he’s been back for more than 24 hours, and neither of you thought to text Sam and I 911? The thing we all agreed on, if we ever saw him again?” Jake was staying as calm as possible, but his voice was beginning to become louder, laced with venom. 

“Did the both of you forget that he could get to her at any given moment if I’m not there? Hell, or Elle? The one thing I asked of everybody…” he was yelling now. “I can’t fucking believe this shit!” He was pacing around the room, you could feel his nerves radiating off his body. 

“And now I won’t even be there to protect her, since she’s fired. I won’t even know where she is half the time!” He yelled, throwing his hands above his head. 

“Jake, please, man. We were trying to tell you. Shit just got…so fucked up.” Daniel said. 

Jake leaned his hands down on the table, looking directly at Daniel. “A text, Daniel. That’s all I asked for. And neither of you could be fucking bothered with it.” He continued to walk around the table. 

“And you know what the worst part about all this is? She left. We got into a huge fight, because I told her I wouldn’t let her get fired. And she trusted me. Now look where we are. She won’t answer my phone calls, texts, nothing. I don’t even know where she is. Just gone.” He sat down hard once he got back to his chair. “I’m gonna fuckin’ lose her again, I just know it.” 

It was silent for a few beats. “She’s home, Jake. At her apartment. She’s fine.” You said under your breath, treading lightly. 

You could feel his eyes boring into the side of your head. “Oh great. So she’ll talk to you then, huh. Did she call you? Go crawling back to you like she does every time we fight?” 

Fuck. 

“Jake, now come on. Please. She was upset as hell. She will be fine, she just needs to figure some shit out. Imagine if your entire career got ripped out from under you. You’d be fucked up too.” You dismissed his insinuation, trying to focus on the bigger picture. “Elle was going over to her apartment to be with her. She’s not alone.” 

He shook his head, forcing his tongue into the sides of his cheeks as his mind raced. You were starting to worry about him finding Elle, now, too. 

Jake finally spoke. “Listen. If we are gonna make this work, I need us to be on the same fuckin’ page. All the time. Can we do that? I need to trust you three. One hundred percent. It feels a bit like we’re starting to forget that.” His leg was bouncing hard up and down. 

His words hit you hard. You nodded to him. “Yeah. No more bullshit.” 

“Jake, it wasn’t my place to tell her about the job, or you…we were trying to figure that part out in the most professional way we could. She needed to hear it from them. Imagine how awful it would have been if I had to be the one to let her know she was fired?” Josh said. 

“All of it is all of our place, Josh. We’re a unit, no individuals. Do you get that? We’re family.” Jake responded, not making eye contact with him. 

Josh nodded, and so did Daniel. “Yeah. Family. Okay. I really am sorry, brother.” Josh said quietly. 

“I’m sorry, too.” Danny admitted. 

Jake grinned for just a second. “I hope he looks worse than you, Danny.” 

Danny took a deep breath. “Well, there’s a little bit more, Jake.” He said, rubbing his hands on his knees. “He pulled a knife on me.”

“Are you kidding me?” You said, in complete disbelief. 

He shook his head. “No, threatened me with it, too. And…right before we left, he told us to enjoy our time with Y/N, because our time with her is limited.”

“That’s why I think these drastic measures need to be taken soon, Jacob.” Josh added. 

Jake’s eyes grew wide. “What the hell does that mean?” 

You felt your stomach turn. Limited? Andy could truly get fucked. 

“Don’t know. Honestly, he was probably just talking a big game. He probably knew she was getting fired, with how much he was saying he knew about us. It was so freaky.” Josh said. 

The table went quiet again as everyone’s heads spun. “We need a game plan. Josh, do you have the photos?” Jake asked. 

“Actually, I do. They emailed them to me, after I requested them. I had to do a little convincing, but after I told them that they were photos taken with a company owned camera, without your immediate consent and without either of your knowledge, they softened up a bit.” Josh pulled out his phone, flicking through his emails. “I haven’t looked at them.”

Jake took the phone. “Come around me, I want us all to see them together. No secrets.” He took a deep breath as everyone crowded behind him, and he opened the attachment. You felt a pang of something in your stomach, jealousy at what you were about to see? But you pushed it away. 

Jake flipped through the attachments, various darkened photos of them in close quarters, holding hands, standing in the rain together…one looked like it was taken between the seats of a plane, another through a window of a crew trailer. 

“Mother fucker…she was watching you guys.” You said in disbelief. 

“Yeah, damn good thing I fired her ass already.” Jake said. 

“What?”  You all said in unison. 

He chuckled. “Yeah, when Y/N got home and told me, I immediately called Collective to try and talk them out of it, too. Told them everything. That we grew up together, dated in the past, that we’re very seriously involved, even lied and told them we lived together. Let them know it had all become serious again after she was hired, and I’m the one they should put the blame on, not her. They didn’t take my plea, either, of course.”

“Anyway, I called the label and told them we would like Summer to be let go effective immediately. Also told them to flag her for inappropriate sexual advancements to myself, with witnesses. Not sure they were expecting that one, but. I’m not sorry I didn’t consult with you three about that decision. I’m sure you all agree we couldn’t trust her. Also I can’t believe Collective never got the photos of us ice skating…I was positive a fan was going to leak that shit.”

“Yeah, I’m not arguing with you about that move. Her photos were great, but. This is overstepping…” you added, wondering what else she may have photographed in her time with the band. 

—

JAKE POV

Pushing back from the table, you stand and pull your keys from your pocket, “Alright, so we’re done here?” you ask.

“Is there anything else we can do?” Sam asks.

“No Sammy, I think they have done enough, don’t you?” you say pointedly.

“Jake, come on…” Daniel replies.

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” you say, and with that you are walking out to your car.

Slamming the door shut you push the keys into the ignition and pull out of the parking lot. You slide your phone out of your pocket, hoping to see her name on the screen but you’re met with nothing. 

You swallow nervously as your mind starts to wander, filling your brain with visions of her leaving, and her parting ‘I love you.’

No. Fuck this.

You hit her contact and hold your phone to your ear, letting the tone ring out. You tap your fingers on the steering wheel, anxious to see if she will answer, but again you are met with her voicemail. 

You drop your phone into your lap as you bite the inside of your cheek. Just give her time. She will come around. Right?

Pulling into your driveway you quickly throw your car in park, and jump out, the streets quieter than usual. You take a look around as you head up to your front door, enter your code, and step over the threshold. The house is cold and empty. You swear you can still hear the echoes of your fight earlier. 

Walking straight to the kitchen you pour yourself a drink, and make your way back to your study. You set your drink on the coffee table before stretching out on the couch, grabbing the book you started a few days ago. A few minutes pass, and though you’re reading the words on the page you can’t focus, the nagging feeling of your phone in your pocket driving you mad. 

Is she okay? Is she still at home?

You sit up, taking another sip from your glass, letting the liquid burn down the back of your throat. It isn’t long until you start to feel yourself relaxing. You try to pick up your book again, but still, it’s not sinking in. You toss it back onto the table with a sigh and you place your hands behind your head, staring up at the ceiling. 

How can you fix this?

You stand from the couch, making your way upstairs and into your guest room, where your little studio had been so lovingly crafted. Sitting down at the table, you open the leather sketchbook, letting your fingers glide across the cluster of stars, as you pull a perfectly sharpened pencil from the cup. 

How did you used to do this? How did you start?

You put the pencil to paper and began outlining. You had a vision in your head, and you let your hand guide you as you began to fill the page with your ideas. By the time you feel like you’ve accomplished a rough outline your eyes flick to the clock on the wall. 11:43. 

You flick off the lamp, and stand from the chair, closing the sketchbook. Your heart twists as you see her words scrawled across the first page. You let out a sigh, and make your way back downstairs, locking the door and setting the alarm. 

Stripping yourself of your clothes, you crawl into your bed, and grab her pillow. You quickly turn off the lights and place your phone on the nightstand. You breathe in the scent of her on the sheets and as your eyes grow heavy you wonder what you could have done differently, that could have made her stay.

—

The faint knocking sound causes your eyes to spring open. Am I dreaming? You sit up in the bed, listening in the pitch black bedroom to see if you hear it again. You glance at the clock. 1:20.

Knock, knock.

Who the hell?

You slide out of bed, and realize you’re only in your boxers. You grab your pants from the floor and pull them on in a shimmy as you step into the hallway making your way to the front door. You disarm your security system, and clear your throat. 

As you open the front door, your eyes widen as you see Y/N standing on the porch. 

“Y/N, what are you doing? It’s so late…How long have you been knocking?” you ask.

“I’m so sorry Jake. I…I know it's late. I’m sorry I woke you up. I tried to call you, but you didn’t answer.” she says nervously. 

“I probably slept right through it… Come on, come inside. How long have you been out there?” you ask.

“Ten minutes maybe? I was about to give up.” she says, stepping through the doorway. 

You shut the door behind her, locking it and making your way back to your bedroom. 

“I…” you pause. “...I missed you. I tried to call you. Text you… I was worried about you.” you say quietly. 

“I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was just so… mad. Maybe not even mad, more, embarrassed that you saw all this happen. I just needed to go be embarrassed alone, which actually turned into a lecture from Sam, and then Elle.” she laughed. 

Music to your ears. 

“A lecture?” you questioned.

“Kind of, yeah. I think I am just a really big idiot. For some reason I convinced myself that you only wanted me to move in because you felt like I had no other option and you just felt bad for me or something. I felt like the situation was forcing your hand. But now, I realize how stupid that is. I feel like subtly you’ve been asking me to move in for a few weeks.” she says. 

“Y/N… I didn’t ask you to move in because I thought you had no other choice. I asked you because I love you. I want to see you, here, everyday. Sure, maybe I never flat out asked, but I think I was just waiting until I felt like it was the right time for you. Until I felt like I knew if I asked you, there would be no hesitation in your response. So, yeah, I did ask you today, but only because I love you and care about you and don’t want you to ever have to worry about paying your rent, paying your bills, moving home… any of that. Just live with me. We will figure out the rest.” you finish, running your hand over her arm. 

Her eyes meet yours, blinking slowly, “Okay.”

“Okay? Okay yes? Okay you’ll move in?” you ask, a grin spreading across your face. 

She smiles back at you, “Okay yes, I’ll move in with you.”

You pull her into your chest, wrapping your hand around her head, you place a kiss to her hair. “I love you so much. I swear you’ll never have to worry about another thing, ever again.” you promise. 

“I love you too. You know I couldn’t stay away from you. Not for long.” she whispers against your chest.  “Can we…go to bed? I think today was the longest day of my life.”

You pull away from her, lacing your hand with hers before pulling it up to your lips. “Let’s go to bed. Our bed.” you say with a smile, pulling her down the hallway and through the door. 

—

SAM POV

As you push the front door closed you find the house still lively, even for the late hour. 

“Elle?” you call out, listening to hear a reply.

“I’m in here Sammy!” she yells, indicating she’s in the sunroom. 

You set your things by the door and make your way through the house, flipping a few lights off as you go. You step into the sunroom, and see her lounging across the couch flipping through the pages of a magazine. 

“Hey babe!” she says, sitting up from the cushions. “How was your meeting? Everything okay?” she asks.

“Honestly, no. Y/N got fired, and I thought maybe if we all met up we could figure out a plan or something to change their minds. But, the company just wouldn’t budge. She broke her contract. But then, it evolved into something else entirely. Something else way bigger and…” you pause, “I need to talk to you about something.” 

She puts her hand on your leg and looks at you, eyes full of concern. “What Sammy?”

You run your hands through your hair, and swallow nervously trying to find the right combination of words. “Well, Andy is…back.”

“Y/N’s ex, Andy?!” she shrieks.

“Yeah… has been following us around for a few months.” you confess.

“Sam, what?! Does–Does Y/N know? Oh my god?” she panics.

“No! She doesn’t. And you can’t tell her. Jake will be furious. He hasn’t told her.” you beg.

“Sam…This is… a bad idea. She…she is going to be furious. Livid, even.” she says.

“At first, I agreed with Jake. Maybe it was just a random one time coincidence. But then we started seeing him at more and more shows…It stopped being a coincidence. He was in Michigan just a few weeks ago. Followed us here to Nashville too.” you offer.

“What?! How do you know that?” she asks.

“Josh and Danny got into a fight with him a few days ago. Roughed up Danny’s face pretty good. Pulled a fucking knife on him…” you pause. “That’s why Jake doesn’t want her to know. He doesn't want her to live in fear at her every move.”

“Sam. This is not going to play out how you all think it will. She is entitled to know about this. He can’t protect her all the time…” she says sternly.

“I know, I know. Which is why I am telling you. I want you to know. I want you to be safe and aware of your surroundings when I’m not with you. I mean… you were there that night at the bar too. He hurt you too.” you plead.

You can see her mind replaying that night as a tiny crease forms between her brows. You take her hand in yours and kiss her knuckles. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you until now. Josh told us we should tell you both immediately but, we didn’t. I realize that was a mistake and I hope you can understand why I did it. I love you so much Elle, I just…want to protect you, you know?” you ask.

“I’m not happy with you, Sam. I’m sad that you didn’t tell me. I’m more sad that you guys haven't told Y/N, though. She is going to be so upset. I really think she deserves to be aware. If he pulled a knife on Danny, imagine what he would do to Y/N. She needs to be able to protect herself if one of you guys isn’t there, you know? However, I get why you didn’t tell her. It would stress her out so bad… I get it, I do, really. Your intentions were good. It’s just a double edged sword.” she says. 

“Can you forgive me?” you ask. 

“I will. I just need to be mad for a little bit.” she says. You feel your heart drop a bit, but you know she can’t stay mad at you for long, even if she should.

“Promise me that you won’t tell Y/N. Let Jake do it?” you ask.

“I…can’t promise that Sammy. She’s my best friend…” she trails off. 

“Please Elle. I… just need you to promise me.” you plead.

“I will think about it. I just think Jake needs to say something, quickly, because it seems like he’s becoming more empowered the closer he gets to her. God, haven’t you guys ever watched Criminal Minds?!” she says.

You laugh and nod your head, “Yes…Yes and you are right. I will talk to Jake. Kind of…nudge him to tell her. Promise.” you say.

“Thanks baby.” she says, voice dripping with sweetness.

“Okay…We good?” you ask, nervously.

She leans over and presses a kiss to your lips, “We’re good, babe.”

“I’m gonna go take a shower, you staying in here?” you ask.

“Is that an invitation?” she replies.

“Mmm…Always…”

ELLE POV

You flipped the shower handles to extra hot, just how the both of you liked it. Sam’s shower wasn’t the best setup for two people; it was a little bit cramped and on the smaller side, but you always made it work. You stood in front of the mirror, tossing up your long waves on top of your head and wrapping a tie around the messy bun. 

Sam stood behind you in the mirror, already shirtless and eyeing you while you worked your hair. You smirked at him as he caught your eyes, and you watched as he pulled his shorts and underwear off, letting them fall to the floor without ever breaking away from your stare. Suddenly he was pressed against your back, his hands softly searching your body, feeling your curves underneath your oversized t-shirt. 

He reached to the hem of it, pulling it up and over the swell of your breasts, resting the shirt on your chest while he brought his lips to meet your neck. He kissed slowly, sensually, leaving a wet trail from your shoulder to right under your ear. Your arm flew up to tangle in his messy hair, and you pulled on it slightly, something that drove him absolutely insane. 

“Mmm…pull it again, baby.” He murmured into your ear. You obliged. He snaked his hand down in between your breasts, lightly trailing his finger from there to your navel, and then into your panties. His finger slipped between your folds, teasing you with every move he made. His hand was warm on your already yearning core, and you were begging for more of his touch. 

You leaned back into him, feeling his dick hardening against you. He picked at the hem of your t-shirt again, this time pulling it up and over your head. He switched sides, kissing the opposite side of your neck now. 

Fuck, if you weren’t still so upset with him, you could really give him a show right now.

“Sam…” you said, feeling breathless already. 

“Hmmm?” He hummed into your ear. 

“Have we ever had mad sex?” You asked. 

He popped his head back up, detaching his lips. “What?” 

“I’m really still upset with you…I mean, we’re good but, I’m still pissed. I can hardly look at you right now…” you said, seeing where your words would take you. “And it’s really hard because…you’re really fuckin turning me on right now…” 

“You can hardly look at me right now, hmm? That’s interesting.” He breathed, removing his hand from your underwear. “Let’s get in the shower. Wash fast.”

A few minutes later after a boring and quick shower full of no touching at all, but more avoiding each other’s looks, you were towel drying off in the bathroom. 

“Still can’t stand to look at me?” Sam asked. 

You shook your head. “I really am still pissed, Sam.”

“I know it.” He paused. “Still very fucking turned on, too?” 

“Unfortunately.” You admitted. 

You walked out into the bedroom, feeling him following close behind. He walked over to your drawer, and pulled out a soft scarf, one you saved for the warmer months. 

“This will help you not have to look at me, since you can’t stand me right now.” He said pompously. 

“Sam, are you really going to blindfold me?” You said, feeling like the situation could be either silly as all get out, or extremely sexy. 

“No babe. You’re going to blindfold you.” He pulled his hair into a loose bun at his neck, pulling at the sides to loosen it. You knew what that meant. He dangled the scarf in front of your face. “Unless you want me to leave, and you can just take care of yourself…”

You thought for a second. “Mmm, no…I think I want your help…” you took the scarf from his hand, giving him a dissatisfied look of defeat as you walked over to the bed, sat on the edge, and wrapped the scarf around your eyes. 

“Is it tied nice and snug?” He asked. 

You nodded. “Mmhmm.”

“Good. Tie it tighter.” He demanded. Cocky fucker. You huffed, and took the two trailing ends of the scarf and tightened them just a bit more. “There, happy now?”

“Oh I’m happy, but I wanna make you happier…” he said. 

You felt the bed press down beside you as he sat, pushing you slowly backwards onto the bed. He quickly undid the towel that was tucked at your chest, exposing your naked and half-wet body. 

“God baby, your body is just….” He trailed off, clicking his tongue. Suddenly his hands were underneath your armpits, pushing you to the top of the bed. You giggled at the surprise, still unable to see anything at all. You felt his body leaned over yours, his tongue drifting slowly from your neck, to your nipples, to your hips…all the places he knew made you writhe. 

“Please Sam, hurry up…” you breathed as he teased you for what felt like hours. 

“Calm down, love, let me show you I’m sorry…just enjoy…” 

Finally he grabbed your knees, pulling your thighs apart with force, and flipping your legs over his shoulders. His mouth immediately buried into you, wasting no time at all teasing anymore. 

“Shitttttt Sam…” you breathed as he moved his tongue as deeply as he could inside you, before pulling it out again and moving directly to your clit. The surge of pleasure that flooded you was blinding, already feeling so close from being ready for him earlier. 

Suddenly you felt full, as one of his digits entered you as well, slowly pushing in and pulling out as his tongue worked up top. You couldn’t help it, your back arched up, changing the point of contact for his tongue. Your hands met his hair, pulling from his ponytail and loosening the strands. “Mmm babe, I wish I could watch you right now…” you stammered. His free hand massaged the inside of your thigh, his thumb pressing hard into your skin. 

“No peeking…” he growled without disconnecting his mouth. 

After a few more minutes of torture, bringing you to the brink and then pushing you away again, he pulled back, still working his hand painstakingly slow. “Here’s the deal babe, I can add another finger for you, or I can fuck you. Take your pick.”

You lifted your blindfolded face to him, silently wishing you could see his soaked face, messy hair, and snarky expression in the light of the room. 

You breathed a heavy sigh, thrashing your head back down on the bed. “Fuck me Sam. Please.”

“My pleasure, love.” You felt him move to his knees, taking you and flipping you around to your stomach. Ah, your favorite. 

He forcefully yanked you up by your hips, and pressed his hand to the middle of your back, signaling you to arch hard for him; this was his favorite visual. You put your face in the sheets, and walked your knees apart a bit, giving him the perfect angle. “That’s it, baby, right there for me.” 

It was seconds until his mouth was on you again from behind, spurring you on even more. He stayed there for a little bit until he broke away, placing himself between your legs, teasing your entrance. 

“I should’ve blindfolded you, it’s not fair you’re the one in trouble but get to see this whole thing…” you said, turning your head to face him. 

“Hey, you agreed to it. Face back down, or I’ll stop right here.” He rumbled, giving you a fair warning. 

“Erghhhh.” You whined, placing your face back down. His hands were on your hips again, massaging them sensually as you became more and more aroused. 

You felt him begin to tease you again, only allowing himself a couple inches inside before disconnecting and teasing again. You whined again, a pitiful sound that showed him you were begging for him without even using any words. 

Finally he lined up, pushing all the way inside, bottoming out with his hands gripping hard on your hips. The feeling made your mind go numb for a few seconds, feeling him already dusting by your sweet spot with the first thrust. 

“Goddamn baby, you’re so perfect…” he said through a stifled moan as he stilled himself inside you. 

“Show me Sam, show me how perfect I am…” you said. “Please, go.” 

You were fully begging him to pick up the pace now, your body pulling him further inside you on its own accord. He continued his thrusts, seemingly deeper and harder each time. You could tell he was enjoying himself as much as you were, given the dirty sounds filling the room. 

You felt his hand to your back again, pushing it down toward the bed lightly but forcefully, pressing your stomach all the way down. You kept your back arched as best as you could with the new position. Legs sprawled to the sides, he laid his body weight down on your back, the two of you pressed together flat into the mattress. He remained inside of you, but this new position brought his face beside yours, giving him access to kiss the back of your neck, back, and shoulders. 

Instead of thrusting now, he could just grind, moving in tiny circles as your bodies glided together. “Hop up for a sec,” he said, grabbing a pillow to put under your stomach. Fuck yeah. That helped the angle, giving him space to move a little better while still buried deep inside you. 

“You feel so fucking good baby, so warm and wet for me…” Sam said, brushing your hair from covering your face, his voice directly in your ear and sending shivers down your entire body. He bit into your ear lobe, eliciting a hiss from you. You did your best to squeeze him, as you felt yourself getting closer. He snaked his hand underneath you, finding your clit right off the bat, giving it rough but calculated swirls with the tip of his finger. 

“God Sam, yes…” you howled as you felt yourself reaching the peak, the white heat touching your every nerve ending. You arched just a little bit more, pressing your ass into him and grinding your hips with his to give him a little instigation. 

“Yes keep doing that, please…I’m there too baby, fuck…” he said through his teeth as his grinding became more harsh and erratic. 

“Please don’t stop…I…” you breathed, your words falling away. 

Finally, the two of you reached your releases together, the room filling with obscene sounds as you felt him fill you, deep and hot as you rode them out together. 

After you both came down, he let his entire body weight fall on your back, staying sandwiched together with his hand still attached to your heat. 

“Baby, you’re soooo…” he trailed off. “Fuckin perfect. I swear.” 

He removed himself, flipping you back over to face him. He gently lifted the scarf from your eyes, and you blinked a few times to readjust to the light. You met his eyes, full of love and lust and pure adoration. “I love you more than I could ever explain. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you the truth.” He admitted. 

“S’okay, babe. I will move past it. Just don’t ever keep anything like that away from me ever again, okay? I’m dead serious, Sam.” You replied. 

He held up his hand. “I promise. I can’t lose you. Not ever.”

You laid for a minute in silence as he peppered your face with slow kisses. You had to tell Y/N. Tonight. You’d text her when Sam goes to bed. This isn’t fair. 

You’d made up your mind, and you were going to tell her about Andy. You didn’t care for the repercussions from the guys, or from Jake. This had to end here. 

— 

JAKE POV

“I don’t know what you’re not getting Josh, it’s a simple key change.” you spit.

“I’m doing my fucking best, Jacob. Cut me a break, we have been at this for four hours.” he replies. 

You turn back to Daniel, “Again.” you instruct, waiting for him to count in. 

As the sound roars to life, you wince as Josh misses the mark yet again, but this time you keep playing. You shake your head at him, annoyed that he can’t seem to get it right. You finish out the song, and place your guitar in the stand. 

“I’m gonna take a break, I’ll be back. My hand is fucking killing me.” you say, making your way out the door. 

You find yourself outside, leaning against the building holding the flame to the tip of a joint. 

You inhale the earthy flavored smoke, and let it fill your lungs as you watch the cars pass by. A few minutes later Josh is stepping outside to join you. You scoff at him when he holds his hand out for the joint. 

You begrudgingly pass it to him, crossing your arms as you lean back into the brick.

“So you’re pissed at me. Is that it?” he asks, blowing out the smoke.

You turn to look at him, deadpan, “No, what would make you think that…” you reply sarcastically. 

“Cut the shit Jake. You know I wasn’t intentionally keeping shit from you. You’re my goddamn twin for Christ sake. Everything was… fucked up. I didn’t even know what to tell you first. Or even how. I was… trying to figure it out.” he offers.

“Something. Anything…” you reply. 

It’s quiet for a few minutes, the two of you passing the dwindling joint back and forth. 

“I’m sorry, Jake. I know you are in a tough spot with her losing her job. I don’t think any of us really thought it would happen. Then, the whole Andy thing… That dude is a fucking creep Jake. He freaked me out. I… don’t even know what to do.” he confesses. 

“It’s okay…I’m not really mad. Just… disappointed. Like you said, you’re my twin…I trust you more than myself sometimes. If I can’t trust you, what do I have left?” you ask.

He nods his head, “Yeah. No, you’re totally right. I fucked you over. I should have told you first. It won’t happen again. I promise.” he says, eyes full of regret. 

“We’re good.” you say, offering him a tight smile. 

“You sure?” he asks.

“Yeah. She uh… she came back. Last night. Like one in the morning. She agreed to move in with me.” you say nervously. 

“Move in?” he asks, shocked. 

“Yeah, she was freaking out, man. She was saying she was going to move home and shit. There’s no way. I can’t do this without her anymore. I was going to like, officially ask her or whatever in a few weeks after things settled down a bit, but then all this happened and she said that, so I asked her. I panicked. I couldn’t lose her again, you know? Anyways, she left and said she needed space, apparently talked to Sam, and to Elle, then showed up last night, and said okay that she would move in.” you said. 

“She talked to Sam?” he asks.

“Yeah, that's what she said…” you replied.

“Huh, sounds like you owe him a big fucking thank you for whatever he said to her.” he says. 

“Yeah…you know, you’re right.” you answer, opening the door to the studio, and letting him walk in. 

“Where is that lanky fuck?” you laugh, letting the door shut behind you.

—

Pulling into your driveway later that night, you see her car still parked and you can’t help the smile that parts your lips. As you slip into the front door, you hear her in the shower, humming along to a song, playing loudly from the speaker in the bathroom. Your chest tightens when you realize that this is something you’ll get to hear everyday. You’ll get to see her fresh from the shower, wet hair and plain faced and gorgeous. It won’t be a commodity, it will just be your life now. 

You place your keys in the dish, and kick off your boots. You head to the kitchen to grab a beer, and position yourself on your couch, scrolling through the options on the TV. You feel your phone buzz in your pocket, and you pull it out seeing a new message in the group chat.

Sam:

4:47pm: Why don’t we just hire her as an assistant? She would be in direct employment through us. Do whatever we need her to do. Be with us at all times…

Daniel:

4:49pm: Can we do that?

Josh:

4:50pm: Yeah. We absolutely can do that. Fuck why didn’t I think of that.

Sam

4:51pm: That way she is still “working” and doing the job she loves, without the bullshit contracts and still getting to tour with us.

You:

4:52pm: This would be the best case scenario. That way she is also with us… 

Josh

4:53pm: Shit I didn’t think of that either… Yeah. I will call Aaron and talk about logistics. I’ll get back with you. 

Daniel

4:54pm: Good idea Sam

You:

4:55pm: Thank you Sammy

Sam

4:56pm: We can’t do this tour without her. Our outfits would always be fucked!!

Daniel

4:57pm: Lol

“Oh my gosh! Jake! You scared me!” she says, stepping out of the bedroom. You shove your phone back into your pocket and laugh. 

“Sorry my love, I figured it would be more scary to tell you I was home while you were in the shower.” you smile.

“What are you doing?” she asks, sitting down next to you on the couch. 

“I don’t know. I never use this thing…” you say, pointing the remote at the TV. 

She smiles at you as you lift your arm, motioning for her to lean into your side. “Oh, we could order in and watch a movie?” she suggests.

You turn to face her and press a soft kiss to her lips, “Whatever you want, lover.”

—

After a box of pad thai, a movie, and a few episodes of a show you don’t even know the name of, you both find yourself drifting off on the soft leather couch. 

“Baby, let’s go get in bed. We are both falling asleep.” you say.

She forces her eyes open and throws the blanket off the two of you, pulling herself from your side. “I just sleep so good all curled into your side like that. S’my favorite.” she yawns.

“We’re like ten feet from the bedroom and then you can resume the position. Go ahead, I’m right behind you. I’m just gonna lock up.” you say, helping her from the couch. 

She sulks off to the bedroom as you take the leftovers to the kitchen, and lock all the doors. Soon enough you are wrapped in your linen sheets with your girl curled back into your side. You placed your phone on the nightstand and turned off the lamp, letting your eyes close as you wonder how life could get any better than this. 

—

Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.

Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.

Your eyes squint open, hearing the incessant buzzing next to your head.  You roll to your side and pick up your phone seeing an unfamiliar caller ID.

“Fuck…” you groan. “Fucking people, leave me alone…”

“Hello?” you ask, answering the call. 

“Hi, this is April with Sonitrol Security. Is this Mr. Kiszka?” they ask.

“Yeah, this is he…” you reply, voice hoarse.

“Mr. Kiszka, we received an alarm signal at your office building. We are calling to confirm whether this is an actual break in or a false alarm.” she states.

“No. None of us are there, it’s not a false alarm.” you say, sitting up in the bed. 

“I will dispatch right away, can you please confirm your four digit passcode and your password?” she asks.

“Oh yeah, it's 3102 and the password is Disraeli.” you answer. 

“Excellent thank you Mr. Kiszka. The authorities are on the way to the premises. It would probably be helpful to meet them there to file paperwork.” she adds.

“Thank you.” you say. 

“Thank you, have a great evening.” she says, ending the call.

Fuck. What the fuck?

You immediately get up, and put on the clothes you kicked to the floor, dialing Josh’s number as you pull your shirt over your head.

“Answer asshole…” you groan.

The calls rings to voicemail, and you curse as you buckle your belt. You try Sam next.

“Hello?” his voice is still half asleep.

“Sam. Wake up. There was a break in at the office.” you state simply.

“Our office?” he asks, confused.

“Yes. They just called me and told me to meet the police down there. Get dressed and meet me there. Please.” you ask.

“Shit. Okay. See you in a minute.” he says, ending the call.

You press the contact for Daniel, making your way to the other side of the bed. You sit at the edge as you hear him answer.

“Jake…” he groans.

“Hey. The security company just called me and said there was a break in at the office. I am going down there right now to meet the cops. Sam is on his way, and Josh didn’t answer.” you say.

“Shit, seriously?” he asks.

“Yes.” you answer.

“Okay, I’ll meet you there.” he says, ending the call.

You shove your phone into your pocket, and shake her shoulder, “Hey…” you whisper.

She turns on her side and her eyes crack open.

“Hey, I have to go to the office. There was a break in. You stay here, go back to sleep. I will be home soon.” you say, pressing a kiss to her forehead. 

“Be careful…Love you…” slips tiredly through her lips.

“I love you, be back soon.” you say, closing the bedroom door.

As you lock the front door behind you, you make your way to the car, seeing the dashboard read 4:50am. Who the fuck breaks into an office?

The roads are empty at this hour, making quick time to the office as you pull into the parking lot.

There are 4 police cars parked out front, along with the office manager's car. Daniel pulls in a few seconds after you, as you are making your way up to the front door. 

“Hello sir, what can I do for you this evening?” the cop says. 

“Hey, uh, my name is Jacob Kiskza. This is my office. I got a call we had a break in and to meet you here.” you reply. 

“Oh, yeah, great. So, looks like there was a break in. Someone took a rock to this side window here, and busted it out. Inside is a pretty big mess. You guys may need to take a look around and try to take inventory on what's missing.” he says.

Fuck. Why didn't it occur to you that they probably stole shit?

Sam walks up seconds later, still half asleep. “We have to go look inside to see what’s gone.” you said, stepping through the front doors. 

The place is a bit of a mess, you can tell that the storage cabinets were gone thorough and things were missing. 

“Has anyone talked to Josh?” you ask, stepping around the piles of cords on the floor. 

“I called him roughly twenty times as I drove over here, he did finally answer.” Sam said.

“Is he coming?” you ask.

“Yeah, he was on his way.” he replied.

“Tech equipment was cleaned out.” Danny says, making his way back over to you. 

“The conference room laptop is gone too.” he adds.

“Fuck man, what loser did this shit…” you scoff. 

“Jake…” Sam says from across the room. 

Your eyes flick over to his, suddenly full of sadness.

You look to where he is standing, right next to the kit. “Oh fuck… don’t….don’t even say it…” you plead, walking quickly to join him. 

“God damnit!” you yell, smacking your hand on the wall. 

“Of every fuckin’ thing in here it had to be that!” you continue.

Your very first SG. The one you learned on. The one you picked out with your dad, what feels like a million years ago. You always knew you should have kept it at home with the others. You put too much trust into this place. Now, she’s gone. 

“Jake I’m sure we’ll find it, I bet–” Sam starts.

“We will never see it again. I guarantee it. It’s fucking gone.” you pause, seeing Josh walk through the door. 

“What he fuck is going on here?” he asks.

“Some piece of shit broke into the office.” Sam says. “His guitar is gone.”

Josh looks over to you, knowing full well, how important that guitar was to you. “The one dad bought?” he asks.

You bite your lips together, “Yeah…” you reply solemnly. You run your hand over your face, cussing through a breath. 

“Can we pull the footage?” Daniel asks, pointing the camera in the corner of the room.

“I think they are already trying. I talked to the office manager a minute ago. Said they would text me the footage.” Josh answered.

“I can’t fucking believe it.” you said, staring at the empty stand. 

“We have to make a list of everything missing so that we can talk to the insurance company. Jake, I know you don’t want to hear it but, we have to keep looking to see what else is gone.” Josh says.

Sam and Danny walk away, continue to take inventory of the collection of rooms, as Josh walks over to meet you. 

“We will find it, Jake. I promise.” he says, placing his hand on your shoulder.

“It was my first one. First one that was really me. Really mine, you know? Thought it was safe here. If I knew I would have kept it at home with the others.” you say. “They are going to pawn it like it’s some cheap piece of nothing. It has no meaning to them. They don’t even know…”

“We will find out who stole it. We will get it back.” Josh promises.

You turn to look at him, and nod as you step away from the scene of the crime.

An hour or so later, you are wrapping up with the police who will be waiting for the footage pulled from the cameras. You all collectively agreed that you will be pressing charges as soon as the person is found, and charge them to the fullest extent. 

It’s close to daylight as you pull out of the lot, the sick feeling in your stomach still present as you head back home. Sure, it’s just a guitar, but, for most of your life it was your number one. Your only one. 

As you step through your front door, the light is just starting to peek over the horizon. You leave your keys in the dish and your shoes by the door, returning to the dark bedroom, with a sigh. 

“Hey babe, is everything okay?” her soft voice drifting towards you.

“Hey baby. No, not really. Someone broke in. Stole a bunch of stuff. Stole my guitar.” you reply.

“Your guitar? Your fancy one?” she asks.

You smile, “No. Not the fancy one. I keep those here. It was actually my first electric. My dad bought it for me when we were kids.” you answer.

“Oh, Jake. I’m sorry. I bet we’ll find it soon.” she says, rolling over to face you. 

You strip your clothes back off, and place your phone on the nightstand, ready to go back to sleep.

“I’m not going to lie. I am pretty upset about it. I’m not sure I will ever see it again. Maybe one day though.” you sigh. 

Your phone buzzes before you even have a chance to get back into bed. 

Josh

5:56am: Attachment - Video

Josh

5:57am: Jake… I think we know who has your guitar. 

As you let the video play your breath hitches in your throat. Surely not? You try your best to zoom in on the footage, trying to make absolutely sure. Suddenly your phone is buzzing in your hand. 

“Hey.” you answer.

“Dude, it’s fucking him. Tell me you see it.” Josh says. 

“Yeah I see it. Was just trying to zoom in and make sure.” you reply.

“No! I know that face anywhere. It’s him. He is fucking insane.” he says. 

“You’re right about that. I will call you later, okay?” you press.

“Later.” he says, ending the call.

You slip into the bed, and turn to face her. “It was who?” she asks. 

You feel your heart stop for a second as you scramble to respond.

“Oh that was Josh.” you answer. 

“No. I know that. He said, ‘it’s fucking him’. I heard it.” she says, sitting up on her elbow. 

“It’s so late. Or early. Whatever. Can we talk about it in the morning?” you ask, hoping she will concede. 

“Who was it Jake?” she asks. 

“Y/N….” you plead.

“You know. You know who it was. Why won’t you tell me?” she asks.

“Because I… I don’t want to freak you out! I…” you stammer. 

“Why would it freak me out Jake?” she pauses, standing up from the bed. “What did he mean it’s him? It’s who? Someone I know? Someone you know I know?” she says, raising her voice.

“Y/N, baby, please. Just calm down. I can explain.”  you say, sitting up and raising your hands to her. 

“It’s fucking Andy, isn’t it. Isn’t it Jake!” she yells, visibly shaking, even in the dim light. 

“Fuck, Y/N. Please. Just… Fuck. Yes. Okay? It was. It was Andy. He threw a rock through our window and stole a bunch of shit.” you answer. 

“How does he know where your office is, Jake?” she yells.

“I don’t know. I… don’t know. He has been around.” you confess.

“Around?! Around where!?” she says, backing herself into the wall.

You rub your hands across your face, shaking your head. What the fuck do I do?

“Well, the first time….Austin. Then, in LA, then–” she cuts you off. 

“I’m sorry, Austin?! As in Texas? Where we were in fucking October, Jake?!” she screams.

“Baby, I thought it was a fluke. We all did, we thought he was just in the crowd by coincidence or something…” you plead.

“We all?” she stops you.

You release a sigh knowing you just opened a whole other can of worms. “Yes…We all saw him that night. We didn’t say anything because we didn’t want to scare you.” 

“Jake are you fucking kidding me?! You all knew!?” she replies.

“I wanted to tell you… I–I just was more worried about keeping you safe. Keeping you away from him. Who knows when this even really started. After Austin we just started actually seeing him, and actively checking for him.”

“Jake this is….” she says waving her hand in the air. “This is why all the extra security, and the rushing back to hotels, and the never letting me go anywhere alone…. Suddenly it’s all making sense… this has been happening for months, right under my own nose. You lied to me!” she yells. 

“I didn’t lie, Y/N. I just didn’t tell you that we saw him.” you reply.

“That’s the same fucking thing as lying to me! Where else did you see him Jake...” she asks.

You sighed, completely conceding to her questions now. “We saw him again in LA. Then, at Thanksgiving, you thought you saw him. I knew it had to be him. Then that weird shit at Christmas….and the texts…” you said shaking your head. “He got into it with Danny and Josh the other day in a fucking alley. He threatened them! How was I supposed to tell you that without freaking you out!?” you ask.

“You’ve known for months, and you just weren’t going to tell me? Those weird unknown number texts? Those were him? Oh my god, he’s stalking me isn’t he? That day I swore it was him at the shops… You let me think I was crazy Jake! After I told you everything? How could you?!” she asks, cries busting forward from her chest. 

“I… I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. I was just trying to protect you!” you yell. You quickly regain your composure, knowing full well that she was already scared. 

“After your nightmare in LA, I was…torn up. I just wanted to keep you safe from him. Imagine if I would have told you then, that we’d seen him…you would’ve been so terrified at every turn… We didn’t even know the extent of his stalking yet. I just… felt like it was better if you didn’t know. Which is stupid, and wrong and I am so fucking sorry, I just didn’t know what else to do. I thought we could handle it without getting you involved.” you beg. “We went about it all the wrong ways, and I know that now, and I feel so stupid, I’m so sorry Y/N. We shouldn’t have kept that from you. It wasn’t our place.” 

“No, you absolutely should not have kept that from me. Jake this is so beyond messed up. You lied to me. Deceived me. How can I ever trust you again?” she says, grabbing her things and shoving them into a bag. 

“Baby, no. What are you doing?” you say, rushing to her side. 

“I can’t stay here. I won’t. I won’t stay with someone who lies to me. Someone I can’t trust. You said you loved me. This isn’t love Jake. This is control… and deceit!” she snaps. “I can’t even look at you, I'm so mad.”

“Y/N, please. Don’t go. Just stay. Talk to me. We can figure this out.” you beg, reaching for her hand. 

“No. Don’t touch me! There’s nothing to figure out. You’re a liar! What else have you lied to me about, huh!” she yells, ripping her hand from yours. “All of you…lied to me for months! And Sam?! He knew too? And didn’t tell me…” she trailed off, her actions in a frenzy. “How can I trust any of you?! Does Elle even know? Because he fucking put his hands on her too, if you even remember. God this is so fucked up.” 

She grabs her purse, digging out her car keys and finding the key you gave her yesterday. She fumbles with it, unlooping it from the keyring and tossing it across the room. “Keep it. I don’t want it!” she yells as the key bounces off the floor, clanking around until it finds its place in the corner. 

You shudder at the sound. “Y/N, please, just sit for a second. He broke into our office, who knows where he even is now? He could be out there waiting for you!” you say.

“I can handle myself!” She screamed. “I’m not a child, Jacob!”

“He pulled a fucking knife on Danny, Y/N, okay? He’s dangerous! He isn’t fucking around!” You tried not to yell, but you needed to drive that part home. 

“You don’t think I know he’s dangerous, Jake? Were you the one that had to hide bruises on your arms for months? Got your head bashed into a wall at a crowded bar? Hm? Hid yourself in a bathroom while he tried to break the door down? Not to mention all of the hundreds of other stories I haven’t even told you about because it makes me sick to my fucking stomach to even think about them?! There’s more, Jake. There’s so much more.” She shifted her weight, shaking her head. 

“I’ve taught myself how to be on the lookout. I know what it feels like if he’s in my presence. I walk with my keychain in my hand constantly in case I ever have to use my self defense weapon. I’m not stupid, Jake.” She shoved the last of her things into her bag. 

“I understand, baby. I’m so sorry…please just don’t make any irrational decisions right now.” You begged. 

“Irrational? Irrational!? How am I supposed to act Jacob? You just told me that my highly abusive ex is stalking me, and has been for months. Not only that but he is threatening you, my friends, me… and everyone knows except for me? You think that’s okay?!” she screams. 

“No! I don’t think it’s okay, but I didn’t see another way!” you yell. 

She throws her bag over her shoulder, wiping the tears from her eyes, as she reaches around her neck to unclasp her necklace. 

No... 

“No. Y/N. Please, don’t do this. Please…” you beg, watching her slide the pendant from her neck and tossing it onto the bed.

Your eyes well with tears, as you watch hers fall. “Jake…I don’t know what to say. I never thought you’d hurt me like this. You were the one person…I thought I could trust…” she trails off. 

You rush over to her, grabbing her face in your hands. She turns her face away from you, her cheeks wet from tears. “I am so sorry. Please…please don’t go. I promise you can trust me. I love you. I love you more than anything. We will figure this out. I…I’ll do whatever it takes…” you wrap her in your arms, a one last ditch attempt to physically hold her to you. 

She pulls out of your arms, “Let me go. I have to go.”

She hurries out of the front door, only the chime ringing through the house letting you know she was ever really there. 

You collapse onto the floor, unable to hold your own weight up. You clutched the tiny daisy necklace in your hand, knowing you really lost her this time. 

—

How many times is she going to leave before she’s gone for good? 

You sat collapsed on the floor, sitting with your head in your hands and your elbows on your knees for what felt like hours, running over the past five months over and over in your head. You should have told her. You should have given her warning. Josh was right. 

But you didn’t, and it backfired in a way that you weren’t sure you were going to be able to clean up. How could you apologize your way out of this one? Was it even possible? It felt like all of the blood had drained from your body, and you sat lifeless on the rug of your bedroom floor, letting yourself feel the guilt completely. 

Suddenly your phone buzzed on your nightstand, a single text notification that woke you from your self-pity. You drug yourself up from the floor, reaching for your phone and hoping it was her. 

Sam. 

You swiped the text open, finding a fairly long message from him. 

Sam

7:21am: Y/N just called Elle…sounded pretty bad. I told Elle about Andy yesterday, I’m guessing she sat on it for a day and didn’t tell Y/N, either. I know you guys got into it pretty badly, and she left. Just go chase her, Jake. Gotta make it right. 

Comprehending his text was proving to be difficult. It was blurry through your tired, glassy eyes, and you were so exhausted it felt like you’d been hit by a truck. But he was right, you had to make this right. Everything was your fault, and you hated yourself for fucking things up, again. It was now or never. Losing her for good might kill you. 

You stood up, putting your clothes back on and wiping your eyes free from the wetness that had collected in them. You hadn’t really cried, just let yourself feel way too many feelings at once. You ran to the front door and put your shoes back on quickly, grabbed your keys from the dish, and sprinted down the walk to your car. 

You felt like you couldn’t get to her fast enough, like something was pulling you toward her again. Something intense. You dashed through the morning commute traffic, whipping in and out of lanes and backstreets on the quickest route to her. 

She’s not getting away again. Not ever. 

——

HER POV

You slammed the door to Jake’s house a little harder than intended, but you couldn’t care less. You made a dizzy mad dash to your car, hitting the unlock button on your keys way before you even got there. The tears were falling hard, and you felt absolutely obliteratingly sad. When you finally made it to the driver’s seat, you locked the doors behind you, stuck the key in the ignition, and started the car. One last look to Jake’s door gave you nothing but a worse feeling; you half expected him to be running after you. 

You pulled off down the street like a bat out of hell, trying to make it to the safety of your apartment as quickly as you could. Everything is falling apart. 

Your phone was still lodged somewhere in your purse, so you blindly dug through all of the other items you’d thrown in there before you left Jake’s house. After you finally grabbed it, you opened the lock screen, being met with a photo of you and Jake huddled together on the couch, smiling cheek to cheek, a selfie you’d soon be deleting. 

You’d gotten a text from Elle late last night, but you were already asleep. ‘Call me’ was all it read. You hit the phone symbol on her contact, listening as the tone rang and rang, with no answer on the other end. 

Shit. 

You needed her. You needed to tell her. She deserved to know that Andy was back. Or, did she already know?

You sped through traffic and finally pulled into your apartment parking lot. You pulled into your spot, turning the car off and sitting there, unable to pull yourself out. The comforting feeling of your vehicle was always something that made you feel safe; a little home away from home where you could let all of your emotions fly, and no one would ever see. 

What is happening? Why is this all happening? Your best friends in the world whom you’ve loved and trusted your whole life…not even having the decency to tell you your stalker was back with a vengeance. The love of your life didn’t even bother to inform you…well, not love of your life anymore, you don’t suppose. 

After another good and hearty cry, you pulled yourself from the driver’s seat and grabbed your purse. You’d get the rest later. You just wanted to lock yourself in your bedroom, turn your phone off and shut the world out. And that’s exactly what you were going to do. 

Before you could leave the lot, Elle was calling you back. 

“Hello?” You answered, voice scratchy from crying. 

“Hey, hun. You okay? Sorry I missed you earlier...” she said. 

You sat back down in your car. 

“No, not really Elle. Andy is back. He has been back for months. He’s following me again. And get this, all the guys knew it, and none of them told me. Apparently he’s been coming to shows since September, sneaking around in the crowd and everything. Did Sam tell you about the break in last night? And Jake’s guitar getting stolen?” you pause. 

“Well it was fucking Andy who did it. Ugh I don’t know Elle, I’m so mad and feel so betrayed, I left Jake’s. I’m back at my apartment now.” You went on, your words spewing out. “I’m honestly not sure if I’m going to go back, Elle.” You sighed.

“Did you know? Did they leave you in the dark, too?” You asked, holding to hear that she hadn’t been hiding it from you too. 

“Sam told me yesterday, and that’s why I texted you last night. I was going to tell you. They hadn’t told me either, Y/N. Probably because they knew I wouldn’t keep their secret.” She said quietly. 

“Fuck. I can’t believe I missed your text, I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do, Elle. I’m so infuriated.” You confessed. 

“You have every single right to be mad at him, Y/N. Mad at all of them. Without a doubt. That was not a good decision on their part. I completely agree with you.” She said. 

“Okay, so I’m not crazy for blowing up?” You asked. 

“No, you’re not crazy this time.” She giggled. “But no, I’m actually pretty fucking mad at Sam, too. This should not have been something they kept from us. Not in the least.” She said through a sigh. 

“You’re right.”

“Go inside, hun. Take a bath, cool off a bit, I’ll call you later.” Elle said, her voice laced with comfort. 

“Okay. I will.” You said. 

“Oh, Y/N? You know Jake didn’t mean to hurt you, right? He would never intentionally hurt you. None of them would. He had good intentions, hiding this from you…though he went about it the wrong way. He was just trying to protect you like he always has. Don’t shut him out, okay?” She lamented. 

You sighed. “I’ll try, Elle. Love you.” And you hung up the phone. 

Again, you grabbed your purse and locked your car door, and headed down the short sidewalk to your apartment door. Your stomach suddenly began doing flip flops, you felt lightheaded and dreadful, blaming it on the severity of the situation hitting you all at once. You reached the porch, and fumbled with the keys, dropping them on the wooden porch with a clank. 

“Shit.” You mumbled, reaching down to retrieve them. Before you could grasp them, they were kicked across the porch underneath you, your only means of self-defense sliding across the wood into the corner. When you stood, you were met with a familiar face, one you could live a million lifetimes not ever seeing again. 

“Hey there, gorgeous. Happy to see me?” The tall, blonde haired, light-eyed man you’d once loved, now standing on your front porch, eyeing you like a piece of meat he wanted to devour. 

“Andy, what the fuck are you doing here. Get the hell off of my porch right now.” You seethed, suddenly feeling helpless and defensive at the same time. 

“Oh now, I thought you’d be excited to see me? It’s been so long, you know. Thought we could catch up…” he said, slowly taking steps toward you. 

You felt a lump growing in your throat. “No, it hasn’t been long.” You swallowed, trying to stay strong. “I know you’ve been back. I know you’ve been following me all over the country.”

“Hmmm…your rockstar boyfriend and his compadres finally tell you their little secret? Damn, I didn’t think it’d take them this long…” 

“Andy, I told you to get off my property, please. I’m going inside. I need you to leave.” You said, your breathing becoming more rapid the closer he got to you. 

“But I just got here, baby. Can’t we just talk a little bit?” He said, flitting his eyelashes to you. This was absolutely not the same man you fell in love with all those years ago. He had changed, exponentially. 

“No, I don’t want to talk to you. Please leave, or I’m calling the police.” You warned. 

“Hah, the police? You think I’m scared of the cops?” He scoffed. 

“You should be, I know they’re out searching for you right now…we know it was you that broke into the office and stole all their stuff….you should’ve stolen the security cameras, too, if you wanted to stay hidden.” You spat. “I thought you were a little smarter than that, Andy.” 

For a split second, you thought you saw him flinch, a minute expression of second-guessing himself…perhaps feeling a little bit of fear? You capitalized on it. 

“Actually, after the cops identified you, we told them you’d been stalking me for months, told them the severity of it…they agreed to drive by multiple times a day to do wellness checks on me here, especially today when they know you’re in town.” You pressed. 

His eyes began zipping back and forth in thought, he licked his lips continually and he ran his hand through his hair. Who even is this man?

“Let me go the fuck inside my house, Andy!” You yelled. 

Suddenly he had his body pressed up against you, your wrist clenched in his hand, and the sharp blade of a knife pressed against your neck. 

“Shut the fuck! Up! Y/N! Do you ever stop fucking talking?!” he screamed.

You could feel the cold metal on your jugular as you swallowed, trying to contain yourself as you stepped back, catching your breath in pure terror. 

“You’re going to listen to me now, do you understand? Everything I tell you to do, you’re going to do without argument. Or else this knife will be put to use.” he threatened. 

You consented, nodding slowly with the blade still to your throat. You shouldn’t have pushed him. He walked you to the edge of the porch, and instructed you to pick up your keys, and find the correct one to open your door. 

“Don’t even think about it…” he growled in your ear as he noticed your self defense keychain hanging from the ring. 

You winced, seeing it so close but unable to use it. You prayed someone would walk by and see you, but your apartment door was hidden well, in a concave part of the building tucked away from sight. 

You nervously found the key, and he walked you back to the front door. Your hands shook as you slipped it into the lock, turning it to release. 

“No fucking funny business.” He said as you entered the large studio style room, dropping your keys and purse on the table by the door. Your heart was racing a million miles a minute, and your brain was wild trying to think on your toes at every TV show you’d ever watched, every bit of self defense you’d ever learned, and trying your best to stay calm while outsmarting him. 

When you got inside, he turned and closed the door behind him, walking you over to your small dining table. “Sit.” He demanded.

You did as he asked, placing yourself gently in a chair, eyes scanning the table for anything you could find in case you needed it. Immediately, he pulled a small zip tie from his pocket and tied your hands together in your lap. Nothing new here, unfortunately. 

“Why are you here, Andy? What do you want from me?” You asked. 

He pulled the opposite chair close to you, taking a seat and facing you. “Mmm, don’t you remember all the good times we had, baby? Back at college, spending all that time together?” 

He pressed, taking the knife away from your throat, and tracing it down your cheek. “Don’t you want to be that way again? Just you and me, like old times…”

“We were really crazy about each other, weren't we Y/N? Had such great times together…made beautiful love…” the knife continued to trace your features slowly, gently pressing into your skin every few seconds. 

“We were, Andy. But that was years ago. And I don’t know if it would be considered making love, all those times you forced me…and all the other awful things you did to me. I didn’t forget.” You said bravely. 

“You don’t think I loved you, Y/N? Of course I did…everything I did I did out of love, don’t you understand that? My temper sometimes just…got in the way. But you always forgave me, didn’t you baby? Always came crawling back to me…you couldn’t resist…” he spattered. 

The closer he got to your face, the more you could tell that he’d been drinking. Of course. His actions didn’t mirror it, strangely enough, but you could smell it on his breath. 

“Don’t you miss the love we made, Y/N?” He asked, trailing the knife down your arm, onto your side and finally up and down your bare legs. You felt your heart rate spike at the strange contact, the blade gently scaling the sensitive parts of your legs. 

“There’s no way he gives it to you better than I did…no way he can fuck you better…don’t you remember, Y/N? Tell me…tell me I was the best…” the blade of the knife turned suddenly, piercing a deep slit in your thigh. 

You winced at the pain, blood immediately dropped down the side of your leg. “Fuck Andy! What the hell is wrong with you?! Get the hell away from me!”

You began to scream, too stunned to move your arms, or push him away at all. Your vision began to go blurry with nerves and fear, you felt your body begin to try and protect itself, fight or flight coming into play. This feeling was one you had felt a hundred times before with him, every bone in your body preparing itself for whatever physical or mental infliction he was about to drop on you. 

“Tell me I was the best for you! Tell me I’m better than he is! Tell me, Y/N!” He yelled in your face, spit escaping his mouth. 

“You weren’t, Andy! You never were. He was always the best, a million times better to me than you could ever think about being!” You yelled, but fairly calmly, deciding to not match his insane energy. 

He stood towering over you, pushing down hard on your shoulders and pinning you to the chair against the wall. “Don’t you fucking move Y/N or I swear to god you won’t leave this apartment!” He yelled, his liquor soaked breath spitting in your face. 

“I’m not fucking scared of you Andy! Not anymore!” You yelled back, using all of your body weight to counteract him, standing and shoving yourself into him. You brought your knee directly to his groin fast and hard, momentarily stunning him into pain. He fell to one knee, grabbing himself and choking. You used that opportunity to try and get away, but he’d fallen right between you and the table and a mess of chairs, so stepping over him was your only option. 

So you took it, leaping high over him as best you could with your hands still tied. He grabbed your leg while you were in mid air, pulling you down and into the table, your face hitting the edge of it as you fell. You put your hands to the floor to brace yourself for the fall, but his pull was too fast, and you hit your head hard on the floor. 

“You bitch!” He screamed, as he crawled over top of you on the floor, pinning you down again. You couldn’t move, all his body weight was holding you down. You felt blood dripping from your nose and down the side of your cheek, and you finally gave in and looked up at him as he held you down. He was crushing your chest and your lungs, making it hard to breathe. 

Your vision was blurring again, your breaths low and shallow as he crushed you. You fought with everything you had in you. He reached over, finding his knife that had fallen to the floor. The last thing you saw before you closed your eyes was the glint of the silver blade flashing off the twinkle lights hanging in your kitchen. 

They look like…stars… 

Your brain began to go fuzzy, the lack of oxygen taking effect.  You winced, preparing yourself for pain. 

Suddenly, you heard your front door swing open, the knob hitting into the wall with force. “Hey, get the fuck off of her!” 

Jake. 

It stunned Andy, temporarily taking his attention away from you. Suddenly Andy’s weight was off of you, and your lungs were able to fill with air again. You inhaled sharply, choking and catching your breath as your vision returned. All you heard was a loud crash as you watched Jake tackle Andy across the room, their bodies flying into the wall in a mess of flailing limbs. 

Deja vu. Somehow, after a few seconds of fighting, Andy rolled in the same manner that he had just had you in, sitting on top of Jake as he pinned him in the corner of the wall and floor, Jake fighting and screaming beneath him. 

“Well, well, well…if it isn’t little Jakey here to rescue his lady. You here to get your ass kicked in front of your girlfriend again, Jake?” Andy seethed as he hit Jake with an open palm across the face. 

You watched as Andy took his blade again, this time holding it against Jake’s throat, his other hand across his neck, fingers digging in and squeezing. Jake’s legs squirmed and kicked below him as you listened to him fight for air. His hands were pounding into Andy’s sides and face, his legs flailing and hitting into the floor, but to no avail. Andy had him pinned. 

You were stunned, planted in one spot unable to move. All the fear and panic that Andy had driven into you for so many years crashing back down onto you. You’d been his puppet, dangling from his strings for years on end, the way he lived in the very back crevices of your brain, making you fear for your life at every turn. 

You finally made it to your feet, stumbling in pain from your harsh fall. Your eyes met Jake’s as he silently pleaded with you. His face had gone bloodshot, the life falling from his eyes as his movements began to slow, and his eyes began to close. Finally, his limbs steadied, his body falling still. 

No. 

Not fucking today, Andy. 

You grabbed at the chair that had fallen to the floor, your hands still tied tightly at the wrists. The back of the heavy wooden chair was sturdy, thankfully, and you took it in your grasp as best you could. In a fit of rage and adrenaline, you lifted it high behind you, and forcefully pulled it down onto Andy’s back and head with all of the strength you had left in your body. 

It knocked Andy sideways off of Jake as he screamed out in pained surprise. He turned to face you, but you were already ready, the chair lifted high above you again. You crashed the chair onto him again, pushing him from his knees to his stomach. This time, you made sure it would hurt. 

Jake coughed and gasped beside you, air filling his lungs again as he gripped his throat. Andy was knocked out. You dropped the chair and you fell to your knees next to Jake, trying your best to see if he was okay, with your hands still tied. 

“Baby, baby talk to me. Jake! Are you okay!?” You patted his body and face as he came back to. “Jacob, talk to me! I’m right here…” 

He looked at you with his eyes wide, quickly nodding as he sat up and took you in his arms. “I’m okay, I’m okay baby.” He stammered, his voice still shaky and his breathing labored. As the two of you regained composure and let your heart rates settle a bit, you both looked to Andy, passed out on the floor of your kitchen. 

Jake slowly stood up, walked over to him carefully, and grabbed the knife from the floor beside him, still bloody from cutting your thigh. He walked over to you then, grabbing your hands and pulling you to your feet. He took the blade between your wrists, cutting the zip tie and freeing your hands. 

“Thank you.” You whispered. “Let’s get out of here, he won’t stay unconscious for long. We’ve got to call the police.” 

The two of you walked outside to the porch, and were met with tons of flashing blue lights and sirens. Three cars had responded, all of the officers were jumping out to run to your door. 

“How did they know?” You asked Jake. 

“When I got here, I heard you screaming inside. I dialed 911, told them your address quickly, and left my phone in my pocket. They must’ve heard the whole thing.” He stammered out. You glanced to his neck, already turning purple from Andy’s hand. 

The officers approached you, asking a thousand questions in a blurry 15 seconds. You and Jake told them the gist of the story as best you could, and two officers went inside your home while the other stood with you. 

“An ambulance is on its way, both of you need to get checked out, ok? Don’t take this lightly, it seems you were both deprived of oxygen for enough time to make it count.” He said. You both nodded, agreeing that it probably wasn’t a bad idea. 

“I saw you earlier this morning, right? At the office with the burglary?” He asked Jake. 

“Yes sir, the guy inside is the one we identified as the one who stole everything.”

“Hmph. Well, I hate that these were the circumstances, but your office is pressing hard charges. We’ve got him, now. You won’t see him for a very long time.” He went on, and you felt immediate relief at his words. 

“Oh, and ma’am?” You looked at him, “Good job apprehending the intruder. You did half our job for us.” You nodded as you looked back to Jake, a tiny smile forming on his lips. 

“Sir?” Jake said, gesturing to Andy’s knife on the banister. 

The officer nodded. “I’ll get an evidence bag.” 

The two of you sat down on the porch steps, hand in hand and head to head as you listened to the ambulance sirens approaching. The sun was beating down on your faces, and suddenly everything that had happened to you in the past week was minuscule in contrast to what happened today. Though you still felt some sort of resentment toward Jake, and you still didn’t know how to process it or what was going to happen with you, it paled in comparison to what could have happened today. 

He took your hand in his, fingers intermingling as he brushed his thumb on your skin. 

“You saved my fuckin life, Y/N.” He whispered, kissing the side of your head, holding his lips there for as long as he could before pulling away. 

Your heart fluttered as you took a deep breath, pulling yourself closer into him, “No I didn’t, you were just gonna pass out.” You laughed. 

“No, I think you really did, baby.” He said quietly. 

For a while, neither of you said much, just basked in the comfort of being there, present and alive, with each other. But you couldn't help the nagging feeling at the back of your mind. Turning to face him, you let your eyes meet his.

“Jake, I think we need to talk…”

.

.

.

.

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DECEMBER 2021

JAKE POV

Your eyes open, dry and scratchy, the morning light peeking in from around the curtains. You blink the sleep away and roll to your side, seeing her still asleep next to you. Her hair is splayed out behind her on the pillow and tangled in the straps of her silky pink tank top. 

You resist the urge to reach out and touch her, wanting to let her sleep in for once. It was her birthday after all. You laid there for a while, scrolling through your phone, making a to-do list of all the things you needed to tackle before dinner tonight. 

You gently pulled the blankets off of yourself, tucking them around her, as you slid out of the sheets and padded to the bathroom. You quietly shut the door behind you, before turning on the shower to let the water heat up. It was shockingly cold in Nashville this week, with a cold front pushing through, dragging the temperatures down into the twenties. The tile of the bathroom floor was cold on your feet, sending a chill through your body. 

You brushed your teeth as you waited for the water to steam up the bathroom, smiling as you caught sight of her toothbrush in the cup with yours. It is what you told her you wanted, right?

Placing your toothbrush back into the cup, you stripped off your boxers and your t-shirt and threw them into your clothes hamper before stepping into the steamy water. 

Closing your eyes as you let the water wet your hair, you tried to decide what you were going to make for her birthday dinner tonight. The both of you decided on a quiet dinner with just each other, before the chaos of Christmas ensued. You couldn’t think of anything better than having her all to yourself, spoiling her in every way possible. You had hidden her gift very well, almost forgetting yourself where you stashed it. The nervousness was growing in your chest at the thought of giving it to her. Would she really like it?

You opened your eyes reaching for your shampoo bottle only to be met with the sight of hers sitting next to it. Again, you smiled to yourself seeing her things mixed with yours. Slowly but surely more of her things were appearing in your everyday life, making their way into your routines. It felt real. It felt like she really wasn’t going anywhere this time. She was here. 

Scrubbing the suds into your hair you closed your eyes letting your fingertips dig into your scalp. As the bubbles rinsed down the drain you lost the battle with yourself, finding your hand reaching for her body wash and flipping the cap to smell the familiar fragrance you’ve come to love. But it wasn’t lost on you that she suddenly started to smell like your body wash instead of her own, and as your bottle grew lighter, hers remained the same. But you wouldn’t tell her you noticed. You’d just keep buying it, in hopes that she would keep using it, wordlessly telling you she loved you.

As you spun the handle the water stopped and you pulled the clean towel from the hook, pressing the soft fabric to your face before wrapping it around your body. You stepped out wondering if she was still asleep, and tried to figure out how you were going to convince her to not join you on your errands. You knew she would want to join you, but you couldn’t ruin the surprise.

After a quick shave, you opened the door and stepped back into the bedroom, seeing her in a different position than you left her in, but still asleep nonetheless. You couldn’t remember the last time she slept later than you. A grin settled on your lips as you slipped into the closet and pieced together an outfit for the day. A few of her things hung in the closet and you found yourself wondering what your closet would look like with all of her things inside. Surely brighter with a lot more color, but more than that, it would feel full. She would inevitably take over your half of the closet, and you’d gladly let her. 

Pulling on your coat you turned off the light and shut the closet door. You made your way over to the side of your bed, seeing her completely tangled into the mass of feather pillows and linen sheets. You sat gently on the edge of the bed, brushing the hair out of her face as she stirred beneath your hand. 

“Good morning….” you whispered.

You were met with a groan, as her hand searched for yours. Her hand was warm, still shrouded in the heat of the sheets, as she twisted her fingers into yours. 

You leaned down to whisper in her ear, “I’m going to run to the office for a bit, but I won’t be long, okay?” 

You hated lying to her, but you knew it would be better in the end. 

“You’re leaving?” she asks, voice thick with sleep.

“Just for a little. But I will be back soon, I promise. We can do whatever you want when I get home.” you offer.

“Also, happy birthday my love.” you say, pressing a kiss to her forehead and standing from the bed. 

“Thank you, love you.” she replies, rolling to her side to look at you.

“I love you. I’ll be back.” you say, slipping out the bedroom door. You carried yourself upstairs and into the guestroom, opening up the desk drawer and digging around for a few minutes until you spotted the old tattered notebook. You pulled it out and flipped through the pages, smiling to yourself as you saw the old memories flash by. You closed it and made your way back downstairs, placing it into your backpack and grabbing your keys from the bowl by the door. 

Stepping out into the cold air, you feel the goosebumps form on your skin as you make your way to your car. You knew you had a few things to get done today, and not a lot of time to do it, so as you threw your car into reverse, you hit the road determined to make this her best birthday yet. 

—

You rapped your knuckles against the wooden door a few times, knowing good and well Sam was still in bed at this hour. You shoved your hands into your pockets and waited, staring off down the street as one of his neighbors walked their dog. You couldn’t hear any stirring behind the door, but you saw his car in the driveway. After a few minutes you pulled your keys from your pocket, and found the dull looking gold house key he gave you when he moved in. You had only used it a handful of times, the last time being the morning you found him with Y/N.

As you twisted the lock the door opened, and the house was silent. You walked down the hallway to his bedroom door, knocking gently a few times in hopes of stirring him awake. 

“Sammy…” you called into the crack of the door.

“Jake?” he answered, voice groggy.

“Yeah, come out when you get a second.” you replied, making your way into his living room. You grabbed one of his acoustics from the wall, and took a seat on his couch, gently strumming as you waited for him to join you. 

A few minutes later, a disheveled looking Sam sauntered into the living room, pulling a shirt over his head. “Why are you in my house so early on a Sunday morning…” he asks.

“I need a favor from you.” you reply, setting the guitar down on the couch. 

“Okay…” he replies, tilting his head. 

“You remember that notebook I used to carry around back in the day. I would write in it all the time…” you ask.

“Yeah, the one you would never show us…” he answers bitterly.

You laugh, “Yeah that one. I never let you guys see it because it was just all ramblings and shit I wrote about Y/N. Drawings, and affirmations and stuff like that. But mostly, it was songs. All songs I wrote about her, all through those years.” you explained.

“Okay so…How do I play into this?” he asks, waving his hands.

“There are photos in the notebook. Old ones, from our days at the lake, the nights we would all fall asleep together on the couch, all that. Before everything…” you paused. “You always took those photos. Back in Chicago, you forced us to take that picture together…”

“Oh, yeah! I just got all that film back a few weeks ago.” he replied. 

“Yeah. I need it. For this notebook. I’m going to give it to her for Christmas– and before you say anything, yeah maybe it is kind of lame but I think she will like it. I have some special stuff to put in it.”

“No, Jake…I actually think you’re right. She’s going to love it. Think about it. If Flower Power and You’re The One made her cry, imagine what a book of songs about her is going to do to her.” he trailed off laughing. 

“I have collected up pictures from all the way back, and was hoping to get my hands on the most recent one, the one you took, to finish it out.” you said.

He smiled at you, nodding his head as he stood up and walked into the kitchen. He pulled a white envelope from a shelf and started going through the pictures, pulling the one you requested and returning back to you. 

But what he hands you is actually two photos. The one you asked for, the both of you side by side, your pinky twisted with hers, and one that you didn’t even know existed. The two of you tangled together on the couch, fast asleep in each other's arms. An almost exact recreation of the photo that got you through those first years of touring. The last minute addition as you slipped out the door. The photo that lived in that note book for years.

“When did you take this?” you asked, running your finger over the glossy image.

“The Fourth, sometime early. Something like one in the morning?” he answers.

You furrowed your brow as you looked at him.

“I snuck off to talk to Elle, came back a while later and found you two like that. Snapped the photo. Knew it wouldn’t be long.” he smiled.

“Thanks Sammy, I– I don’t know what to say, other than thank you.” you said, placing your hand on his shoulder. “This will be perfect.”

He smiled, and nodded. “Isn’t today her birthday?” he asks.

“It is, which reminds me I have about a thousand other things to do.” you laughed.

“Better go, sounds like you have a full day…” he says, standing from the couch.

“I do. Thanks again. For everything. You know….” you trail off, hoping he was catching your drift.

“You’re welcome.” he says, a look of genuine love painted across his features. “Make her happy.”

You nodded as you stepped through the front door and closed it quietly behind you, making your way back to your car with a heart full of pride for your little brother. 

—

You pushed the shopping cart through the aisles racking your brain for an idea of what to make her for dinner tonight. You knew all of her favorites, but you wanted to do something different. Something you hadn’t done before. Letting your eyes scan over the produce you start to gather a few different vegetables, placing them in the plastic bags as you go, your brain beginning to formulate a plan. 

You make your way down each aisle, collecting the things for your makeshift pasta, filled with all of her favorites, smiling to yourself as you select each item. Making your way back to the front of the store you pass the alcohol, and stop yourself. You collect three bottles of wine, and a bouquet of local wildflowers, and decide that your shopping is complete. 

You make small talk with the cashier, explaining that everything was for your girlfriend's birthday and suddenly you found yourself blushing saying the words out loud. You could talk about her for hours, but for now, a few minutes would do. You slid your card through the reader and collected your receipt before heading out the door, flowers in hand. 

After one last quick stop you pulled into your driveway, ready to unload the car full of items. As you spun the lock on your front door you could hear that she was up and about milling around in the kitchen as a record spun in your study. You grinned as you dropped your keys in the dish, and hummed along to the chorus of the song as you walked into the kitchen. You placed the bags on the counter as she spun around to meet you. 

“Well there she is…” you smiled.

“You’re back! That wasn’t too long.” she replied. 

“Got you something…” you said, handing her the bouquet of multicolored flowers.

Her face lit up as she took in the vibrant colors. 

“I thought wildflowers were a little more fitting for you. Don’t know why, but they just felt like…you.” you said. 

“Me? A wildflower?” she teases.

“You. You’re beautiful, wild, and free, and even in the most… unlikely of circumstances you always find a way to bloom. A thing of pure wonder.” you offer.

“So poetic, Jacob…” she laughs, “Thank you…”

“I’ll buy you flowers everyday if I can see you smile like that.” you smirk.

“Oh hush, what else did you get?” she asks.

You lay your arms over the bags, not wanting her to peek at your surprise, “Nothing, shoo, shoo. I’ll be done here in a minute. Leave the flowers, I will put them in a vase for you.”

“I can do the flowers, I–” she begins, but you abruptly cut her off. 

“What gift is a bouquet of flowers if you have to do all the work to see the reward?” you say.

She smirks, and hands them back to you, sauntering off down the hallway in her silky pajamas. 

You spend the next few minutes trimming the stems and placing the flowers into a vase, displaying them proudly on the kitchen table. You put away the ingredients for dinner, and heard the record come to a stop. As you made your way into your study, you saw her standing at the turntable, ready to flip the album. 

“A good choice, one of my favorites…” you offer. 

She turns away nervously flipping the black vinyl, “I just heard of him a few months ago… Sam…showed me…” 

Of course.

“He has good taste. Wonder where he got it from?” you rub your chin knowingly as a smile sneaks across your lips.

She turns around to face you as the music starts up again. “He’s always wanted to be like you, you know…” she says, wrapping her arms around your neck.

You settle your hands on her waist and pull her close as you nod your head. “And I love him dearly for that...”

“What would you like to do today? Anything you want.” you say.

“I think…I’m going to take a shower, since someone decided to have one without me this morning, then I thought I might go do a little Christmas shopping.” she answers. 

“You want to go buy gifts for people on your birthday?” you laugh.

“I do it every year. A birthday is only really special if you can share it with the people you love. What better way to share it than to buy them gifts?” she says.

“You are one of a kind, my girl.” you smile back.

“But, that being said, you can’t come. I also might get a pedicure. Haven't decided yet.” she giggles.

You reach into your pocket and pull out your wallet, flipping through for your debit card, “Well, here… Take this, get your nails done too.” you say, handing her the shiny plastic card.

“Jake, no… I can get it… I couldn’t possibly…” she shakes her head, pushing your hand away.

“Baby…please. It’s your birthday…” you plead.

“Jake, that’s your money! I can’t accept it.” she begs.

You grab her hand and pull her down next to you on the couch, “Y/N, listen to me. I’m only going to say this one time, so listen, okay?” you pause, twisting your fingers with hers, “Everything that I have… Everything… is also yours now.”

“Jake–” she starts.

“Ah, ah, I’m not done…” you interrupt, “I’m no millionaire by any means, but I live pretty comfortably. We will live comfortably, as long as you let me do that for you. I want to do that. Don’t want you to ever worry about anything. The money that comes with the job is just an added bonus to getting to do what I love. Okay?” you ask, treading lightly. “So please. Let me buy your damn pedicure. Let me spoil you a little bit. You deserve it. Plus, you know that if you were letting me come with you I would just pay for it anyways.” you smile cheekily.

She leans over and places a kiss on your lips, a smile growing on her face. “Fineeee……” she trails off. 

You bring her hand to your lips and kiss her knuckles, “Thank you. Now, about that shower…” you say, raising your eyebrow. 

—

As the clock hand slips over another hour, you anxiously prep the vegetables you bought earlier, knowing she is on her way back to you and will walk through the door at any second. The card is signed, and the gift is wrapped, sitting next to the flowers on the table. You must have rearranged the card and gift twenty times, anxiously waiting for her to finish her day of shopping. 

You were able to keep yourself occupied all day, spending some time reading, practicing, and doing a few household chores you’d been neglecting. But when she sent you the text that she was on her way, you sprung into action to begin prepping the dinner you had planned. 

Tossing all of the chopped vegetables into the pan, you let them saute as you filled a pot with water and set it to boil. You heard the chime on the front door sound, and you couldn’t help the smile that snuck up on you. You threw the kitchen towel in your hand, to rest over your shoulder as you shuffled to the door to greet her. 

“Alright, let’s see...” you said.

She held up a few bags, and spun in a circle, the scarf around her neck catching the wind as she spun. She dropped the bags on the floor, and held her hands out to you, showing a dark crimson shade coloring her short fingernails. 

“One of my favorite colors…” you say, flicking your eyes to hers. 

Her cheeks are pink from the cold air outside, as she smiles, “Almost like… the exact color of your guitar, huh?” she winks.

You let out a small laugh, as your fingers tickle her sides, “Oh you think you’re cute? You think you’re funny? Huh?”

Her laughter rings through the house, perfect and echoey, before she calms down and wipes the tears from her eyes. She lets out a deep breath as she regains her composure, “I actually did try to find the color closest. I know it’s not the same color as your number one, but your number two made for a better nail color.” she laughs. 

“It has a name, you know…” you say, returning to your vegetables, stirring them with the wooden spoon. 

“What does?” she asks, leaning her elbows on the island. 

“My number one. The brownish one…” you answer. 

“And what would that be…” she asks. 

You chuckle softly, “You’re going to laugh…It’s gonna sound stupid…” you trail off. 

“Tell me….” she presses, “I won’t laugh.”

“I like to refer to it as ‘The Beloved’…” you answer. 

“You going to elaborate on that, or…” she jokes. 

“Well, that specific guitar is the one that got me to where I am now. It was a loan from a place in Chicago. I had never heard anything like it. Had to have it, until…I saw the price tag. At that point we hardly had two pennies to rub together. But, the owner, Andrew, told me to take it. Pay him for it when I could. He believed in me. In that guitar. Trusted me. Y/N, I’m telling you that day changed the trajectory of my career. I did eventually pay him back, with interest. Been collecting them ever since, but nothing will compare to my first girl.” you answered.

“Jeeze, sounds like I have some competition.” she giggled.

You pour the pasta in the water, and add some salt before turning to look at her, “No, there’s ‘The Beloved’, and ‘My Beloved’. Huge difference.” you wink.

“And I’m guessing the ‘My’ takes precedence?” she asks, cheekily. 

“For as long as you want the title…” you say with a smirk, turning back to your cooking. 

“What are you making for us?” she asks.

“Pasta Primavera. Has all of your favorites in it.” you reply. “Should be ready in about 10.”

“Okay, I’m going to go put this stuff away, and I will be right back.” she smiles, her voice trailing down the hallway. 

A few minutes later as you are plating up the pasta, you hear her return back to the kitchen. You quickly grab two wine glasses and pour up two overly full glasses of her favorite white. 

“For my lady…” you say, extending the glass to her, letting your finger brush hers as she accepts. 

You walk over to the table, pulling a chair out for her, and ushering her to sit. You grab her plate and silverware, setting it down in front of her, before grabbing your own and joining her. 

“Happy birthday my love. To many more…” you toast, tapping your glass to hers. 

The pasta turned out far better than expected, both of you agreeing to keep this recipe in rotation for nights when neither of you knew what you wanted to eat. It felt very domestic in a way, planning meals for the future. Every part of you was screaming to ask her to move in, but you knew it was too soon for her. At least you thought it was.  For now, you would just let her come and go as she pleased, which was mostly her spending almost every night with you, but to her, having her own place made her feel more secure. You were fine with that, you even understood where she was coming from. But the fact still remained that you wanted her here, always. 

You cleared the plates from the table, and topped off her wine, before taking your seat next to her once again. 

You sipped your wine, pursing your lips together as you turned to her, “You ready for your gift?” 

She grins and nods her head, as she places her wine glass back on to the table.

“Go ahead…” you say, gesturing to the bag. 

“I saw this, and…I knew it was made for you. I hope you love it.” you smile nervously. 

She begins to pull the paper from the tiny purple bag, and you can feel your heart rate start to increase. She makes her way to the little black velvet box, and looks over to you. You nod your head for her to keep going, and as she begins to open the lid as you feel your heart pounding. 

As the lid opens fully, you hear her breath catch. You swallow nervously, as her fingers run across the tiny metal pendant. A single white daisy, missing one petal, sits on a thin silver chain. 

“Jake…” she breathes, almost a whisper. She turns to you, eyes filled with tears as she wraps her arms around your neck. 

“She loves it, she loves it not?” you ask playfully, kissing the side of her head. 

“She loves it! She loves it! Jake, it’s perfect. It’s beautiful I, I—” she stammers. 

“Here, turn around.” you say, grabbing the small box from her hand. You remove the necklace from the box, and take the clasp between your fingers. You brush her hair over her shoulder, and bring the necklace around to the front of her neck. 

You let your fingers rest on the back of her neck as you work to fasten the chain around her. 

You let it go, and let it lay flat against her skin, before pressing a soft kiss to her neck. 

“Do you remember the night in Bridgeport… I asked you to hold my necklace during the show?” you whisper against her skin. 

She nods, turning around to meet you face to face. You let your eyes travel to the perfect daisy situated at her collarbones. You reach out, letting your fingers grasp it, centering it against her skin as you continue, “You came to my room, wearing it. It was so…perfect. Almost told you to keep it. Liked seeing you in something that was mine.”

“This is so so much better. My daisy. My wildflower.” you breathed, letting your thumb trail over her cheek bone. 

“I love it more than I could ever tell you. I’ll never take it off…” she promises. 

“I love you more than I could ever tell you.” you reply. 

“Show me…” she breathes, placing her hand on your leg, letting it slide towards your hip. 

“Show you? Want me to show you?” you say, grabbing her hand and pulling the both of you to stand. 

“Mhmmm…” she hums, pressing a kiss to your neck as she begins to walk you backwards out of the room. 

You turn and lead her down the hall to your bedroom, shutting the door behind you as she strips out of her clothes. You close the curtains and turn on a lamp as you begin to rid yourself of your own clothing, working yourself a few times before meeting her gaze.

She throws herself backwards onto the fluffy sheets, her matching set luring you in. How the fuck did you get so lucky?

“Come on, it's cold…come warm me up…” she whines.

You crawl onto the bed, hovering over top of her, looking down to see her shiny new necklace collecting around her throat.

“So pretty…” you whisper, leaning down to nip at her skin.

You feel her hands come up around your waist, fingers digging into the skin at your sides. 

“Tell me what you want, baby.” you groan, feeling yourself growing increasingly harder as your eyes travel over her body. 

“I want you… Want you to throw me around a little. I love when you get a little rough with me.” she says nervously.

“Is that right?” you smile smugly. 

She nods, “But if you don’t touch me in the next five seconds I am going to burst.”

You cup your hand over her heat, feeling the soaked through lace on your fingers, “Where? Here?” you ask.

“Yes, please Jake…” she begs, arching into your palm.

“What if I don’t want to be rough with you? What if I want to be sweet and gentle and slow?” you ask playfully, running your fingertips under the hem of her panties.

“Okay whatever you want, just keep going, please!” she whines.

“Tsk, tsk…so eager.” you say, hooking your fingers into the fabric and tossing them to the floor. “I’ll give you what you want, my love. Just how you want it.”

You feel her shiver beneath you, and you grab the comforter pooled at the foot of the bed, pulling it over the two of you. Your fingers trace the lines of her bra, the lacy blue fabric a perfect compliment to her skin. You lower your mouth to press open mouthed kisses to the swell of her breast, dragging your tongue across the lace edges of her bra. 

She’s breathing heavily now, her chest heaving into your mouth. You snake your hands underneath her, unclasping the hooks of her bra and sliding her arms out of it. You return your lips to her chest, before taking a nipple into your mouth and swirling your tongue around the hardened bud. Your hands grip into her ribs, holding her in place beneath you as she breathes heavily. 

You drag kisses across her tits, sucking the underside of her perfect flesh into your mouth. You suck on the skin, releasing it with a pop, and you smile at the faint pink mark left behind. 

Her eyes study you, “Do it.” she says. 

Your eyes flick to hers in question. 

“Do it. Leave a mark. Show me who I belong to.” she purrs.  

Fuck.

You reattach your mouth to her breast, sucking a perfect purple mark into her delicate skin as you hear her moan at the sensation. 

She drags her hand up to the side of her other breast, pointing at the skin above her nipple, “Here…” she breathes.

You shift your weight to focus on her other side, first kissing the soft skin before taking it into your mouth. With another mar to her skin you feel her hand sliding between the two of you, resting on her hip bone, “Here…”

“Baby…” you question.

“It’s winter, no one will see. No one but us…” she begs. “Don’t you like it? Seeing me all marked up with pretty little love bites from you?”

You let out a groan at the thought. 

You wind your fingers into hers as you lower yourself over her body, letting your tongue travel over her stomach and swirl at the apex of her hip bone, sucking the skin into your mouth. You hold onto her hips, pulling her impossibly closer to you as you hear her whine into the dimly lit room.

As you pull away you see the deep purple mark settling into her skin, matching the two you left on her tits. 

She reaches between the two of you, grabbing your cock in her fist, pulling you towards her, “Now, from the inside…”

“Jesus Christ…” you groan. Her words are almost enough to send you over the edge. 

You grab your base, sliding your tip through her dripping folds, collecting the wetness before rutting into her with a grunt.

Her hands grip into your ass, pulling you further into her, where you’re sure you felt the place where she ends. “Baby…fuck…” you breathe. 

You pull back, sliding out of her, before starting to snap your hips into her in an unrelenting fashion. She’s writhing beneath you, holding back the moans that so desperately want to escape. 

You grab her chin with your fingers, snapping her face to meet yours, “No, fuck that. Let me hear you.” you say, forcefully pressing your pointer and middle finger into her mouth. 

Her lips close around your fingers, sucking them further into her mouth as her tongue swirls over them. You can feel your dick twitching inside of her, as you bottom out time and time again. Her mouth opens and a loud cry escapes her lips as you meet her cervix with a gentle brush. 

“God damn, I felt that.” you breathe. “Don’t want to hurt you baby…”

“No. Again…” she begs, garbled from your fingers.

You pull your fingers from her mouth and place your hand on her shoulder, pulling her down for more leverage. As you continue, rhythmic whines leave your sweat drenched chest, your eyes trained on her tits, bouncing with every meeting of your bodies. 

“I can’t believe you’re mine…” you groan, snapping your hips into hers forcefully. You grab a pillow from the headboard, and pause your movements, tapping her side so she will lift her hips. You quickly slide the pillow underneath her. Just as she settles back into it, you let out a devious laugh, and use all your strength to swiftly spin her onto her stomach. You adjust the pillow beneath her waist, and as she settles onto her forearms, she turns to look at you over her shoulder.

You let your flattened hand connect with her ass, watching the skin ripple on impact, “God damn…”

She gasps, and wiggles her ass silently begging you to come back. You grab her right leg and hitch it up near her waist, before pressing back into her with a groan. 

This new angle is bliss, and with the slight incline of her hips, you find yourself brushing her g-spot with every stroke. You begin long calculated strokes into her, bringing her to the edge of her release, as she chants your name into the sheets below her. 

You can tell that you are close, and as her walls begin to flutter around you, you scoop your arm under her stomach and pull her up to her knees. You pull her back flack against your chest as you continue to fuck up into her. Your hand finds purchase around her throat, her daisy charm pressing into your palm. 

With a few more pumps of your hips, she is teetering on the edge. You bring your left hand around, placing it flat against her pelvis, pushing hard into her skin to bring her closer. “God, I’m there baby. Right fuckin’ there. You feel me?” you ask.

Her walls start to contract around you and you know she’s about to let go, and with a little added pressure from your fingertips to her throat, you growl into her ear low and dark, “Give me what’s mine…”

With a gasp, she tightens around you, her body stiffening in your arms as you work to hold her up as you let go with her, flooding her with your release. You groan her name as the bliss washes over you, both of you caught in a moment you never want to leave. 

She pulled off of you, and spun to your front, wrapping her arms around your neck as she pulled the two of you down into the sheets. She immediately connected her mouth to yours, letting her tongue slide into your mouth, as you spun onto your back. You pulled her on top of you, and let your mouth part from hers. 

“I love you, Y/N.” you breathed, still panting. 

“I love you Jake. Forever.”

“Stay here.” you said, pulling away from her and slipping out of the bed. You made your way to the kitchen, and opened the fridge, pulling out the single vanilla cupcake you bought from her from her favorite local bakery, just down the street.

You removed it from the pink cardboard box and placed it on a plate, inserting one single candle and striking a match. 

You cupped the flame as you entered the bedroom, gently humming the tune of ‘Happy Birthday’ as you saw her face light up and her eyes fill with tears.

“Jake…” she cried out, sitting up in bed.

“I know it's almost midnight, and it’s not a peanut butter and jelly, but it’s from that place you like. You don’t even have to share. All for you, my love. Happy Birthday.” you said, holding the plate to her, as she blew out the candle. 

She swiped her finger through the frosting and tapped your nose with a giggle, before pressing her lips to yours. 

You smiled at her and knew you wanted to spend every birthday with her for the rest of your life.

—

HER POV

Finally, a little bit of normalcy again. You made your way into the office with a little pep in your step, halfway excited to regroup and recenter at your desk. It feels like it’s been years. 

Your hands were full with your purse, work bag, laptop, coffee, and keys, and you struggled to get the door open without dropping at least one thing. You walked by the front desk worker Jenn, giving her a sweet smile and wave after not seeing her for a while. 

“Hey Jenn! Good to see you!” You said as you passed her. 

“Oh, hey, Y/N! Yeah, good to see you…” she looked surprised to see you, then went directly back to work on her computer. 

You made your way through the maze of hallways and offices, finally finding your old trusty desk, and as tiny and hidden as it was, it felt like home. You placed your laptop down and opened it, connecting back to the wifi. You opened your emails, expecting to find at least 50 or so to file through for the day. Instead, your inbox only held five unread. Wow, that’s odd. 

You flipped through them, taking your time and trying your best to update yourself with the company’s monthly newsletters. After a half hour or so, you realized you’d only seen three or four people walk through the office, none of which stopped to speak. It was oddly quiet for a Monday morning. 

There was tons of paperwork to be filed, and you knew that you had to go and finish up every single report for each show. Your day would be busy, but drawn out nonetheless. Though you missed Nashville while you were gone, you found you’d grown to love being on the go; bouncing between hotels, bossing the guys around, and taking care of everything backstage. 

You began to think about your next tour assignment, and who you would be working with. The thought made you anxious and you knew being away from Jake was going to prove difficult. But, this career is what you have always wanted, and excitement quickly overtook your anxiety. 

“Morning, Y/N! How was tour?” A familiar voice startled you from your daydreams. Jeffrey, another coordinator that started about a year and a half before you, came and sat on the edge of your desk, coffee mug in hand. 

“Hey Jeffrey! It was amazing, had a blast. Actually learned so much.” You said, stretching your arms above your head. “I’m so ready to find out where I’ll be next. Speaking of…I only came back to five emails…is that normal?”

He pushed his glasses up from the bridge of his nose. “Uhhhm, it can be! I think…maybe they just didn’t have much to pass along to you?”

You glanced back to your inbox. “Maybe…you’ve been on three tours, right?” You asked him. 

He shook his head. “Mmhm.”

“How much time was there between your assignments? Did you normally get your official pairing email like, months in advance?” You asked. 

“Um, the company typically sends you notification of your next assignment at least 3 months before the first show. And all my assignments were back to back, if I remember right.” He said, sipping his coffee. “I think it also depends on demand, and how many coordinators are hired at the time.”

Three months. You were still kind of in the correct time frame, but in the grand scheme of things, their first show was more like two and a half months away, if you were looking at it realistically. 

You looked back to your laptop with a puzzled expression. 

“Don’t worry, it’s the holidays. I’m sure things are just...busy.” Jeffrey said. “Your email will come.” 

“Thanks Jeffrey. Oh, have you seen Allison?” You asked, remembering that you also have had little to no contact from her the past few weeks. 

“No, but I think she’s coming in later.” He slid off the desk, shaking his coffee mug toward you. “Gonna get a refill, talk to you later!” 

You continued your day as normal, answering what few emails you had and trying to reorganize your work life as best you could. Lunch time rolled around quickly, and you decided to see if Jake wanted to grab something to eat. 

The phone rang out, and you heard his sweet voice answering the phone mid-laugh. 

“Hey baby, what’s up?” He chuckled. 

A huge smile crossed your face hearing him happy. “Whatcha laughing at?”

“Josh is an idiot, nothing new. What are you up to?” He said. 

“Was gonna see if you wanted to get some lunch, but sounds like you might be tied up?” You asked. 

“Ah, actually, Josh, you wanna go eat?” He paused. “Care if he joins us, babe?” 

“Of course not, he’s always welcome.” You said. 

“Ok, but we’ve gotta come back. We’re in the middle of something really good. It might be one of those late nights.” He said, laughing again. 

You knew exactly what he meant. When those two got together, it could be hours upon hours until they got their thoughts on paper. 

“Hey, I’m not trying to interrupt your process. Just trying to feed you!” You said, an idea popping into your head. 

“We’ll meet you at your office in ten. Love you baby.” 

“Love you too!” You hung up the phone, knowing that tonight might be the perfect night to execute your idea for Jake’s Christmas present. Well, the first half of it. 

Your plan was to transform a little upstairs space in his house into the art studio he never got to have. The area was untouched, basically being used as storage at this point. So you had been quietly cleaning it out and moving things around slightly to make room for a large table in front of the window. Plenty of natural light and a nice quiet place he can get away from it all. 

You’d finished up a quick lunch with Jake and Josh, and they were hastily heading back to the car to get back to work. 

“What exactly are you guys working on?” You asked Jake as you walked through the parking lot of the restaurant. 

“Ah, I don’t know, actually. It’s always just something, ya know?” He giggled. “Sometimes when we’re writing, we can both tell when something really good and solid is happening. And this is one of those times. It’s a feeling we both get and we have to stick with it until we hash it out. I think Sam and Danny are coming, too.” He went on. 

“Ah, must be serious then!” You grinned as he took your hand and leaned you against the passenger door, bringing his face close to yours. He lifted his sunglasses to meet your eyes, and gently pressed his lips to yours. 

“It’s very serious…” he whispered as a side smile threatened his face. He laid another kiss to your mouth before pulling away. 

Josh honked the horn, rushing him on. 

“How about you go back to my house after work? So that I can have something to look forward to when I come home…” he said as he reached for the door handle and raised his eyebrows. 

“Hmm, I suppose I could do that.” You answered. 

Perfect, you were already going anyway. But now you had an even better excuse than the lie you were going to have to make up. 

“And how would you like to find me when you return, sir?” You asked, turning on the sass. 

He brought his mouth to your ear. “In my bed, wrapped up in my sheets, with absolutely nothing on. Think you can do that for me, baby?” He growled in your ear before kissing the side of your head. 

Damn. 

“Yeah, yep I can do that.” You breathed as your eyelids fluttered on their own at the raspy sound of his voice in your ear. You wanted to surprise him with his gift as soon as he walked in the door, but this plan sounded a bit more intriguing at the moment. His gift would be there after. 

“Oh, Jake! What’s your security passcode?” You remembered that you actually had no idea. 

“I’ll text it to you.” He said as he climbed into the passenger seat, sending you a wink before they pulled away. 

After leaving the restaurant, you went back to the office to finish up your tasks for the day. You planned on leaving just a little bit early to make it to the craft store before they closed. The list of duties dwindled, and you opened your email to check it again. Nothing. Maybe this is normal for a coordinator right after a tour...no plans to be made, no deadlines to meet. Maybe everything just wraps up. 

Suddenly, you heard Allison’s voice traveling through the front door of the office. She came in through the hallway, seeing you at your desk. 

“Hey! Long time no see!” You called to her. 

“Hey Y/N, how was everything? Did you have a good time?” She was uncharacteristically cool. 

“Yes, it was amazing. Everything was very smooth.” You stood up, walking closer toward her. “Hey…I wanted to thank you for letting me have this opportunity right off the bat. I really love this job, and I feel like I’m getting my footing being so new. I just wanted to say thanks for all your help and guidance through it.” You said. 

She looked at you with a tiny smile. “You’re welcome, Y/N. I’m glad everything was smooth for you. Hey, I’ve got a bunch of stuff to do, I’ll talk to you later?” She scrunched her nose as she waved to you, and then she was gone. 

She’s awfully busy. 

After a couple more hours of work, you closed your laptop and placed all your things back into your bag before you grabbed your purse and keys, and headed out to your car. You had all evening to create Jake’s Christmas present to perfection, and you intended on doing just that. 

The craft store provided. You found tons of felt tip pens, ballpoints, paintbrushes, acrylics, and tons of colored pencils on sale for the holidays. But you knew that was just the start. He would eventually fill his table with sketch pads and canvases and all types of media before long. You couldn’t wait to see his face tonight. After seeing his face when he finds you in his bed. 

You rushed home to your apartment quickly, running inside to grab some clothes and things for the next day or two. Five minutes later you were back on the road, trying to beat the workday traffic and make it to Jake’s house to get started. 

You pulled in his driveway and unloaded the bags. You reached into your pocket and grabbed your phone, bringing your texts from Jake up to key in the numbers to his security system. It was double locked down. Wow, can’t be too safe, I guess.

You suddenly felt giddy being in his house all by yourself. It was always so comfortable, homey and welcoming, but it felt different without him there.  You ran up the stairs and dumped all the bags onto the floor. You stood back, assessing the room and how you wanted to arrange it. You pushed the big wooden table that was already there to sit in front of the window, satisfied when you saw the dimming sunlight hitting the tabletop perfectly. 

You took a minute to unpackage all the pens and pencils, placing them neatly in cups and containers. The giant sketch pad went in the center of the table, the felt tips to the right. The paints went on a little shelf toward the wall, and all brushes fit into a tall glass that you’d found downstairs in the pantry. 

Last but not least, you pulled the single most important part of the gift from your bag. You’d special ordered a thick, black leather-bound sketchbook for him, with a gold imprinted image of the Little Dipper right in the center. You grabbed one of the metallic pens from the container, opened the book, and wrote on the inside:

Christmas 2021

Nashville, TN

Merry Christmas to my one and only. I hope you’re filling this book with all your beautiful art for years to come. 

I love you, and I’m so proud of you. 

You signed your name at the bottom with a tiny heart, and placed the book standing up on its end right in front of the window. 

You stood back, admiring your work and arrangement. Still needs something. 

You ran downstairs and into the basement, rummaging through old cardboard boxes for something you knew he had to have somewhere. You felt a bit intrusive, but it was for a good reason. 

Ah, jackpot. 

You stumbled upon a box of old Christmas decorations sitting in the corner collecting the tiniest layer of dust. He had mentioned you helping him decorate his home just a little for Christmas, but everyone had been so busy that you hadn’t had the time. You pulled out a strand of white lights, and bounded back up the stairs. 

Hanging the twinkly lights across the top of the wall and down by the windows was exactly the finishing touch the little studio needed. It looked perfect. Clean and organized, everything in its place only to be destroyed and utilized by the artist that was going to throw himself into the space in no time. He was going to absolutely love it. 

You pulled your phone from your pocket to check the time. 6:30. Jake would most likely not be home for a few more hours, so you decided to rummage through his kitchen and fix a little something for dinner. 

Chicken and rice, perfect. As you stirred the concoction together in the pan, you found yourself feeling overwhelmingly happy to be making Jake’s dinner in his home. How domestic of you. It’d never dawned on you that this could be your life, one day. It felt strange, given his lifestyle, and your ever-changing new lifestyle. But, it felt right. It felt good to be here, doing this for him. 

You knew he would still be a while getting home, so you decided to dig in. After you were full, you opted for a shower to rinse off the day, before hopping into Jake’s bed to wait for him to come home. You let the mirror get steamy before stripping off your work clothes and climbing inside. You smiled when you saw all your things in the shower next to his, still ignoring your own body wash and instead using his. You wondered if he’d noticed yet. 

It was nearing eleven o’clock when you heard the security system beep, alerting you of Jake’s presence. You must have drifted off after your shower, finding yourself exactly where he wanted you, undressed and tangled up in his sheets. You suddenly felt antsy, excitement bubbling up in your belly for some reason. It felt a little bit odd to be waiting for him like this, taking up his space. But he asked you to. And you loved him, so you did. 

You heard his keys clank in the dish by the door, and his footsteps coming down the hallway. 

“Honeyyy, I’m home!” His voice bellowed into the house and echoed off the walls. 

You suppressed a giggle as he opened his bedroom door. 

“Hey there, sweet thing.” He said as he tossed his things on to the table in the corner, and began undoing his already halfway unbuttoned shirt. 

“Hey darlin’. There’s dinner if you’re hungry!” You replied through a yawn, rolling over to face him. 

He began unbuckling his pants and let them fall to the floor, kicked off his socks, and flipped off the light. 

In seconds, he was under the covers with you, his still-cold hands grabbing at your body as he entangled himself with you. Immediately connecting his lips to yours, and pulling your leg up to hitch across his…his fingertips burying themselves in your thigh and working the muscle. It felt like his entire body was heated, a stark contrast to his cold fingers. 

“I am hungry…but dinner can wait.” 

He rolled his body so that you were on top of him, knees at his sides and mouths still connected. He brought his hand between you, immediately pressing his icy fingers to your warm center. The temperature change made you squirm, chills immediately covering your body. 

He tapped the backs of your thighs, signaling you to move toward the headboard while he moved lower toward the foot of the bed. 

“I need an appetizer first. Climb up, baby. Hang on tight.” 

You giggled and put your hands on the headboard and sat low on his face, letting him take you on one hell of a ride. 

——

The two of you quietly climbed the stairs, still completely nude from your earlier escapades. You were too excited for him to see his gift, so you grabbed his hand and pulled him from the warmth of his bed to go upstairs. When you approached the door, you turned him so he was facing it, brought your hands to his eyes, and covered them tightly. 

“Ok, no peeking! Open the door.” You whispered from behind him. 

He blindly felt around for the doorknob, finally finding it and twisting it open. You shuffled him forward to the back of the room, making sure not to bump him into anything. 

“I’m nervous.” He laughed. “Is something gonna jump out and scare me? Because I am very naked…” 

“No, I promise.” You reassured him, smiling hard. You stood him directly in front of the table, taking one last look to make sure everything was in place. 

“Okay ready? 1, 2, 3!” You pulled your hands from his eyes, and came around beside him to see his reaction. His jaw fell slack, his eyes scanned the table, and he let out a tiny exasperated huff. 

“Baby, are you serious? This is…wow…” he breathed as he walked closer, taking everything in. 

“You used to be so into this, I figured, why not give you a place to maybe pick it back up again? If you wanted to, of course…” you stumbled. 

He grazed his fingertips over the books and pens, picking things up and inspecting them gently. 

“It’s...absolutely perfect.” He met your eyes, a genuine look of happiness adorning his face. “Thank you, so much babe. I’m so excited.” 

You watched as he looked through everything again, waiting for the leather sketchbook to catch his eye. 

When it finally did, his eyes lit up, and he immediately reached for it. 

“What’s this?! You’re kidding...” his voice was full of excitement, his fingers slowly drifting over the golden constellation. He opened the front cover and read your message, his face softening at the sentiment.

“Just a little something special, wanted you to have something nice.” You grabbed at your daisy necklace, latching your fingers onto the flower as you spoke. He put the book down and brought his hands to cup your face. 

“Y/N, this is so perfect. How did…how did you know I was actually thinking about going to the craft store and getting a few things? Ever since our conversation in my parent’s basement…and looking at our old posters…I’ve kinda had a hankering to pick it back up again.” You smiled as he brought his lips to yours. “It’s like you read my mind. Thank you, love.”

“You’re so welcome, Jake. I hope you create the most beautiful artwork here.” You pressed your lips back to his. “But, until then…” you pulled away and laid your naked self across the old vintage couch in the corner, dramatically posing yourself. “I want you to draw me like one of your French girls…” 

He threw his head back and laughed, joining you on the couch. “Okay Rose, I can try, but I’ve never been good with charcoal.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck.  “Well, practice makes perfect, hm?” 

——

You woke up fairly early the next morning, finding yourself wrapped up in Jake’s arms, still neither one of you with a stitch of clothing on. You were facing each other, your arms draped around his neck. His face was still relaxed and poised, his lips just barely open as he breathed. His eyes danced behind his eyelids, darting back and forth as he dreamed. You could stare at him for the rest of your life…

“Jake….baby wake up...” you whispered, hating to wake him from his dream. You tapped his lips with your fingertips, and gently tickled his face as he started to stir. “We’ve gotta get on the road.”

He rolled and stretched, letting out a groan. “Josh will be late anyway, five more minutes?” 

You giggled as he cuddled himself into you, nuzzling his face into your neck as he took a deep breath. “You always smell so good.” He mumbled, still half asleep. “Let’s let them go home. Me and you stay here…” he was drifting off again. 

You let him snooze for a few more minutes until his phone started buzzing on the nightstand, earning a grumble from his chest. “It’s fuckin’ Daniel, just let it ring. He’s just waking me up.”

“Ah!” You said. “Did fuckin’ Daniel forget that it was literally my job for months to wake you guys up? Does he have no faith in me?” 

He laughed into your shoulder. “You’re off the clock, babe.” 

An hour later, you were all packed up and waiting for everyone to pick you up; you’d decided to rent a car again to fit everyone together in one vehicle. 

“You excited to go home again?” You asked Jake as you sat at the kitchen island sipping your coffees. 

“Yeah, I am. I never thought I would be, again, but. I’m itching to get back there for some reason.” He said, giving you a knowing smile over his mug. 

“Good. Me too. Hey, is Sam okay? I haven’t talked to him in a while...he’s been weird toward me since Thanksgiving.” You asked him. “Gosh, it's been almost a month now…”

“Yeah, he’s okay! Seems very normal to me, actually. Why is he acting weird?” He asked. 

“I’m not sure.” You took a deep breath, feeling comfortable enough with Jake to have this conversation. “We kind of… talked about our...little span of time together for the first time since it happened. We hadn’t really brought it up because, well...” you signaled between the two of you. “Was a little bit of a serious conversation...I don’t want to bury it like it never happened, I guess?”

“I think you guys should talk about it, no need to keep it hidden away. I get it. Sometimes the past comes up in conversation.” He answered, trying to make you feel better. “Did he get upset with you for bringing it up?” 

“No, I don’t think so.” You chose not to tell Jake every detail of the conversation, seeing as how those were secrets shared in confidence between you and Sam. “But ever since that night, he’s been almost ignoring me.” 

Jake put his head down in thought. “Maybe he’s just…trying to concentrate on spending time with Elle? They seem really happy, maybe he’s giving you space? Still not an excuse to ignore you, though.” 

“Yeah, it’s okay. Elle and I talked too, I’m just glad we keep everything out in the open and there are no weird feelings. I just hope Sam isn’t upset with me over something…” you went on. 

Just then the horn honked out front, and the two of you stood to grab your things. You pulled your suitcases to the front step while he dumped your coffees into the sink. 

“I’m going to go make sure all my windows and doors are locked, I’ll be right back.” He said. 

“Babe, you’ve already done that like, twice. I think it’s okay…” you said, watching him dash down the hall. 

“Can’t ever be too safe, love!” 

—

Arriving back home in Frankenmuth was almost an exact repeat of Thanksgiving, tons of rounds of hugs and tears. It felt good being back again, and even better knowing you had longer to stay this time. It was still a week until Christmas, and you’d planned on staying a couple of nights with your parents, too. 

Sam didn’t speak much to you on the long drive, only jumping in on conversations and answering your questions in agreement. He wasn’t being rude, just…distant. Not your normal Sammy. It had been going on long enough. And staying in this house all together again is what normally brought you closer. You decided to talk to him about it as soon as possible. 

Karen and Kelly had cooked a big dinner, and after stuffing your faces, you all retreated to the garage instead of the basement. You and Elle took your normal spots on the old couch, cuddling up together like you always had. Suddenly, Danny came bursting through the door with two cases of beer in hand after visiting his folks for a bit. 

“You just can’t stay away from us for too long, can you Daniel?” Sam asked, plugging his dad’s old bass into the crackly amp. 

“Uh, no. I can’t. Plus I need to hit something. Really hard.” He slammed the cases of beer on the ground, ripped open a box, removed a can and chugged its contents. “Might as well take it out on my shitty old kit.”

“Uh oh, trouble in Heidi paradise?” Jake asked with caution. 

“Always trouble in Heidi paradise, bro. Her flight was supposed to arrive tomorrow morning. Had plans to go get her and everything. She called just now and said she couldn’t find a flight and didn’t want to drive. Just another line in her laundry list of bullshit excuses.” The room went quiet while he finished the beer, and crumpled the can up. “Let’s play some fuckin’ music.” 

“Yeah, let’s play some fuckin’ music…” Josh glanced at you and Elle, widening his eyes with surprise. You watched as they messed around, playing nothing that made sense at all.  You felt bad for Danny; you used to hang around with Heidi a good bit back in the day, but never really enough to get to know her too well before everything happened. 

“I haven’t talked to Heidi in ages…” Elle said into your ear over the music. 

“Neither have I. But seeing how she treats Danny all the time, I don’t think I want to.” You responded, laughing. 

You looked over at Jake, watching as his fingers worked tirelessly over the strings, walking around the garage slow and calculated. It was always so funny watching him play here or at home as compared to when he was on stage. His body language did a complete 180 as soon as he got in front of a crowd, leaning his body back, flipping his hair and yelling along with his instrument, completely taken by the sound he was creating. Watching him on stage was like watching another version of him that only existed when he was enraptured by the music and energy of the fans. Here, at home, he was quiet and normal, calm and cool. 

You watched as they did their thing into the wee hours of the morning, your memory flowing back and forth to many years ago as compared to now. Who would have ever thought? 

Elle had begun to drift off with her head laid across your lap, your fingers pulling through her waves mindlessly as you watched them begin to put their instruments to sleep. 

Sam came over quietly, taking Elle’s hands and pulling her up to stand and walk with him back to the house. He met your eyes for the tiniest second, giving you nothing but a shy smile. You’d had it. 

“Sammy.” You said quietly. You waited until he looked at you fully.  “What did I do?” You were almost tearful. 

His face filled with surprise, then instantly fell. He shook his head. “You didn’t do anything, Y/N.” he said dryly, dismissing your question. He sent you a tiny wink, signaling that you would talk later. 

Your stomach instantly went into knots seeing his expression go from surprise, to sadness, to forced reassurance. You knew him. You knew him so well that you could communicate with nothing but looks and body language. It had only been amplified after you slept with him. He was lying. 

“See you all in the morning.” Josh yawned. “Big day in town!” 

Jake came over quietly, noticing your upset stature. He lovingly wrapped his arm around you, and you were off to bed. 

——

The next morning, you joined everyone for a light breakfast in the kitchen before making the final plans for the day. 

“Ok, so, let’s finish helping mom decorate the tree, then Bronner’s around noon?” Josh said. 

“Yes, then you kids are going ice skating, aren’t you? Tell me you’re going ice skating…” Karen added, knowing it had been years since you all had skated at the rink in town. 

“I think that’s the plan, Momma.” Josh said. 

Jake turned towards Karen, “Where’s the old box of ornaments? Have you gotten them down from the attic yet?” 

“No baby, you’re the only one who was ever brave enough to go up there and get them every year.” she answered wistfully. 

“Well then who got them down the years I wasn’t here?” He asked passively. The room quickly fell silent. Jake stopped and turned to meet everyone’s eyes. You watched as the group suddenly became uncomfortable. 

“Who got them?” He pressed, and was yet again left in silence. 

“You’re telling me no one went up there? No one got them?” Jake’s words caught in his throat when he realized. 

“You…you guys never decorated the tree?” He spoke through a strained voice, pain written across his features. 

It was silent for another beat before Karen spoke, “It never felt right without you here, honey. It was always your thing….Braving the scary pull-down staircase to the attic. It was your job since you were little…to go get them.” She replies quietly.

“Didn’t feel right, someone else going to get them, so we just…stuck with lights.” Josh continued. 

You wondered why every Christmas you came home that their tree wasn’t adorned in hundreds of old ornaments like it was when you were little. Just the colorful twinkly lights. It was because Jake never came home. He never went and got the box. Because you were there in his home. 

You met Jake’s eyes, both of you feeling simultaneous overwhelming guilt that you’d come so accustomed to feeling as of late. He gave you a tiny smile. 

“Well, I’m here now. And I’m going to the attic.” He said, turning and pulling the old string to drop the steps from the ceiling. 

—-

A couple hours later, Jake held your hand as you strolled through the giant Christmas store, looking at decorations and gifts and the like. He had happily stopped to take a few photos with fans, and you wondered if they had seen the other three guys anywhere in the store. 

“Thank you for taking our pictures, you guys are so adorable together!” the girl said to you as you handed her phone back to her. 

“Oh, you’re so sweet! You’re welcome! Happy holidays!” You replied, continuing your stroll through the store. 

“See anything we need?” Jake asked nonchalantly as your mind began to wander. 

“Jake, do you ever wonder what would happen if your fans posted pictures of us together in public, and Collective saw them online?” you asked.

He paused for a second, obviously thinking. Quickly, he turned around and went back to the girl, stopping her and having a quick conversation. She smiled and nodded, and he came running back. 

“What was that?” You asked him. 

“I asked her if she would care to make sure she didn’t post any photos with you in them, that you preferred to stay off of social media. She said she absolutely respects that and not to worry.” He said. 

You breathed a sigh of relief and nodded. “Should we…stay separate tonight?” You hated to even ask the question, but the thought had honestly never crossed your mind. He bit his lip, taking it into consideration. 

“If you think that would be best…we can blend ourselves together with the rest of the group?” He answered. 

“Maybe, just in case. That’s the last thing I need is someone posting sneaky pictures of us and Allison finding them...” you replied, sadness taking over you that you might need to stay in hiding a little bit. 

“Alright baby. Let’s go find everyone. You just...stick close to Elle.” He said. 

“Okay. Thanks for understanding.” You said, sending him a wink. 

“If anyone understands, it’s me, love.” He quickly took your hand for one last squeeze before exiting the store. 

—

Once you found the group, you positioned yourself close by Elle, telling her about your predicament. 

“Shit. I didn’t even think about that, Y/N. Well, stay with me. We can go get some fudge?” She said. You nodded in agreement.  

The rest of the day was spent meandering in and out of stores, avoiding Jake but sharing sweet smiles to one another when you’d pass. You managed to pick up some extra wrapping paper, and a few gifts for your parents throughout the day. It started to get dark, and you could feel snow coming in the air. The streets were filled with people, and the true Christmas feeling was taking over your senses. You wished you were walking the streets with Jake, but Elle was a very welcome replacement for now. 

“Do you know what Sam is getting me for Christmas?” She asked, taking you by surprise. 

“Um, no I don’t actually. And if I did, I wouldn’t tell you?” You said, laughing. 

“Ugh, I hate surprises. I always have. And you know he’s always messing with me, so he keeps telling me he’s getting me these outlandish gifts whenever I ask him. I’m already getting a pony, a Lamborghini, and a million gumballs.” She said, shaking her head. 

You burst out laughing. “Elle, you’re so funny. Of course he’s not going to tell you, silly! He’s going to surprise you.”

“I knowwww, but. I just know it’s still going to be something goofy.” She whined. 

“Why do you think that?” You asked her. 

“I dunno, he’s been acting a little weird lately. Nothing bad, just kind of, distracted since after Thanksgiving.” She said. Ah. So it wasn’t just you, then. 

“Don’t worry Elle, I’m sure he’ll get you something spectacular.” You reassured her, hoping that you were right. 

She pulled her phone from her back pocket. “Oh, they’re heading over to the ice rink now. Let’s go! They’re going to have fans everywhere…I’m sorry you can’t skate with Jake…” she trailed off, her face falling into a frown. 

“It’s ok! I’ll just stick with you. We will be near each other and that’s good enough for me.” You smiled. 

——

The guys were all waiting at the rink, leaned against a table sharing a giant pitcher of beer, intertwining their arms as they sipped from the glasses. 

“Hello, ladies. Find any treasures today?” Danny asked you. 

“Yes, a few actually! We took our bags back to the car already. Are we skating?” Elle said. “And where are our steins, you beer hogs!”

“Geez, demanding little lady!” Sam scoffed. You laughed at their discourse, quickly catching eyes with Jake. It felt like you were flirting again, watching each other from afar like you did when you’d all come here and skate as kids. His face blushed when you smiled at him, the cold air blowing his hair in front of his face. 

You all quickly and privately shared another pitcher of beer before heading over to rent some skates. You stuck by Elle’s side, ignoring Jake the best you could while fans approached them to take photo after photo. When you finally were all laced up, the alcohol had begun to hit your bloodstream. Yikes, it had been years since you’d skated on this rink, let alone put a pair of skates on. But, it was like riding a bike, and your legs remembered how to move without even a thought. 

Elle took your hand as you did a few loops to get used to the ice. You laughed together, sliding and slipping and falling. Your face was red with the chill of the wind, the alcohol, and from laughing so hard you couldn’t breathe. 

After some time, you and Elle both found yourselves sitting in the middle of the rink, exhausted and worn out. 

“Elle, I’m sorry you can’t be back in your hometown for Christmas.” You admitted to her. 

“Ah, it’s okay. It honestly feels almost exactly the same, remember?” She grinned. “Except for the cold, of course. All that’s missing is my dad. But, I have you guys. And you’re more family to me than my actual family ever was anyway.” She leaned back on her gloved hands, looking toward the sky. 

You suddenly felt sad for her, but happy at the same time that she had found Sam. You realized right then that he had better not ever hurt her, or else he would have to answer to you. 

“I’m glad you’re my best friend, Elle. You’re like the sister I never had.” You said finally. 

“Don’t get sappy on me, Y/N!” She said, shoving her shoulder into yours. 

“I’m serious!” You laughed. 

“I love you, too.” She said after laughing through her sigh. 

“Now go skate with Sam. He’s looking for you.” You said, nodding your head toward the group. 

She stood up, holding her hands out to help you up. “I know your job is riding on it, but if I were you, I wouldn’t spend another minute not shouting your love for Jake from the rooftops. He’s crazy about you, Y/N, and I know you are about him too. Fuck your company if they find out. Life is so short. God forbid people believe in true love anymore, hmm?” She said matter of factly before skating away. 

You made eye contact with Jake from afar as he stood by himself and watched you, people crossing quickly back and forth between your lines of vision. He was stoic, handsome as ever, and looking at you like you were the only person in his realm. You felt a fire burning in your gut, churning away and turning your brain into fuzz. You felt like the space between you was miles long, and in that moment you knew nothing but closing it. 

Your legs began carrying you quickly, gliding with ease across the ice towards him. You zeroed in, keeping your eyes glued to his as you got closer. 

Fuck it. 

You got within ten feet, five feet, two feet…your heart was racing a million miles a minute. 

Finally you crashed into his sturdy, waiting arms like a freight train, lips pressed into his like nothing else mattered in the world. He pulled you in tightly as you gripped your hands around his cheeks. You kissed him with fervor for a few seconds, not caring who saw. Finally you felt his lips turn into a smile on yours, giggling into your mouth as you came back down to earth and realized what you’d just done. 

Finally you separated, meeting his eyes and feeling almost everyone in the entire rink’s on the two of you. 

Suddenly the whole group erupted in cheers, yelling loudly and pushing their fists into the air. 

“About damn time you said fuck it, Y/N!” Elle yelled, coming over to hug the two of you together. 

Jake looked back at you, smiling ear to ear, still holding on to your hips. 

You grabbed his face, pulling his forehead to yours. “Yeah, fuck it.”

——

You skated for just a little while longer, holding Jake’s hand as you went round and round. Something had switched in you when you heard Elle’s words. Life is short. You were completely head over heels in love with this man, and you wanted nothing more than to show the world.

“You guys ready to go home?” Josh asked, skating up to the two of you. 

“Yeah, I think so. Been a long day.” Jake answered. “We’ll meet you back at the skate rental.” 

Everyone turned their skates in and headed back to the parking lot, ready to crank the heat up and head home. Danny started the car and let it warm up while everyone filed in, taking their seats and shivering in the cold cab. 

“Turn the heat up!” Josh called from the back. 

“The engine is still cold, idiot. It’ll be like blowing A/C. How long have you been away from Michigan?” He yelled back as he climbed into the driver's seat. 

You found yourself sandwiched between Sam and Jake in the middle row, Elle choosing to sit up front with Danny. Jake naturally placed his hand on your knee as he looked out the window at the houses decorated with Christmas lights. You felt Sam sigh heavily. 

Finally, you got brave enough to turn and look him right in the eyes, raising your eyebrows in question of his attitude. He shook his head, looking out his own window. What the fuck? 

“I think I’m going to have some tequila when we get home. Anyone want to join?” Josh asked the group. 

“Yeah, actually, that sounds excellent. I’ll join.” Sam answered almost immediately. He crossed his arms over his chest and sat back. Ok, he’s definitely being weirder. You couldn’t wait to get home and out of this car. 

As the car pulled into the driveway, you could see the breeze whipping the trees around gently. Everyone filed out and was walking down the walk to the front door ahead of you when you felt a hand grab yours, pulling you back toward the car. 

You turned to find Jake, spinning you around to look back down the road the way you came. 

“Look, baby.” He said as he pointed over the hillside. Through the dim streetlights, you could see giant snowflakes beginning to gently fall to the earth, slowly making their way toward you in tiny wisps. 

You turned your head up to the sky as the big fluffy flakes fell onto your face. “Wow, it literally just started snowing, didn’t it?” You asked. 

“Yes, it did.” Jake said as he took you in his arms from behind. The snowflakes had gathered into apple-sized clumps, falling slowly and silently to the ground. “It’s gonna stick, too.” You could already see it piling up on the grass. 

You both stood and watched in wonder, your head rested back on him as he swayed with you. “It looks like the sky is falling, doesn’t it?” You asked him as you watched in amazement as a thick fog began to fall, making the space between the earth and the sky appear much smaller. He brought his lips to your ear. “Yeah, it really does...” he whispered. 

“Babe, I’m really proud of you, for what you did tonight. It felt…really nice not having to hide you and ignore you.” Jake finally spoke quietly, squeezing you in his arms. 

You let out a sigh. “I’m still not sure I made the best decision, but…” you turned and faced him, bringing his cold cheeks into your hands. “I don’t care, Jake. I love you, and I want everyone to know it. I don’t want to pretend anymore.” You admitted, watching his lips form into a smile. 

“I love you too, baby. And I truly don’t think it’s going to get back to your company. And even if it does, we will be okay, you will be okay.” He answered reassuringly. You nodded your head in understanding, feeling confident that you were safe. 

You continued to watch the steadily falling sky and sway in Jake’s arms, taking in the beautiful moment with your beautiful love, feeling thankful he pulled you back to experience it with him. 

——

SAM POV

Tequila. The perfect holiday drink.

Ok, not really. But. It was the best choice to get you on the fast track to getting very drunk, so as to maybe get your racing thoughts out of your head for a little while. 

It was still happening. Ever since your stupid dream about you and Y/N hooking up a whole month ago, your mind has been secretly muddled with thoughts of her. Some days you thought the feelings were going away, but then they would come back full force. A pull toward her, a need to be near her, ever-present and unyielding. And it sucked. 

You wanted to rip your brain out of your own skull, trade it out for a stranger’s, pull your own heart from its strings in your chest and throw it off the closest high cliff. Those old feelings you had for her were back, though you told her they were gone. It hurt to lie to her, to your best friend. But there was absolutely no way you’d tell her this. Ever. You were disgusted with yourself and your emotions. 

Elle was there. Elle was tangible. Elle was beautiful and perfect and yours. And you were wild about her. She was more than everything you could ever want in a partner, saving you from yourself day in and day out. Keeping you in line, on your toes and on the straight and narrow while simultaneously inspiring you to be the very best version of yourself, playful and youthful and free. She loved every facet of you. And she accepted all of you with open arms every single day. And it hurt. 

What hurt even worse was that you couldn’t help it. As much as you tried to suppress it and forget about it, there Y/N was, the person you knew the best in the world, being positively head over heels for your brother, and he for her. And it hurt your soul like a dagger to the chest. 

So, tequila. 

You wanted to hug Josh for suggesting it tonight; for some reason watching them skate together made your unreasonable jealousy spike to a high level…and then when she publicly kissed him in front of God, 100 of your fans, and everyone? You felt like passing out. Everyone cheered for them, finally so happy she felt comfortable being open about their relationship. But you stood back and watched, seething silently as your girlfriend hugged them both. You felt like you were in the twilight zone. And your self loathing was only growing. 

You’d managed to get fairly intoxicated with Josh, the two of you gathered in the basement passing the bottle back and forth while Elle slept sprawled out on the couch beside you. 

You were surprised Josh was letting you drink with him, as things were still a little tense from Thanksgiving when he confronted you about your dream. You hadn’t spoken to him much since then, still feeling embarrassed and upset about your altercation. Actually, you had hardly spoken to Y/N either, feeling as though space between you was the best option until your weird headspace subsided. 

“Are you still mad at me for pushing you last month?” You finally asked, handing the bottle back to him. 

He took a swig. “Nah, I’m not mad at you. I was just pissed off.” He set the bottle down. “Listen, just make smart decisions, okay? Think about this six months from now, and where you want to be, and where you want Jake to be.” He was whispering, in case Elle were to wake up. “Do you want to jeopardize everything? You’re happy, he’s happy right? And vice versa…” 

You nodded, looking at Elle with her face half buried in the couch. 

“S’just fucked up dude. I can’t force it away. It came out of nowhere and my brain is in overdrive. I hate myself right now.” You admitted to him. 

“I can tell you’re going through it. I’m not going to yell at you, because I can see that you’re already doing that to yourself. Just think about it this way…would you rather lose all three of them completely, or be happy with her being in your life for a long, long time? Just not the way you want her to be?” He asked. 

You thought for a second while your thoughts swam in your head. “I can’t lose her, Josh.”

He pursed his lips together, studying your expression. “Can't lose who?”

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. 

Your phone was ringing on the table. It took a few seconds for you to realize what was happening, the tequila taking more effect after Josh got you in your feelings again. 

“It’s Daniel. What the fuck is he calling at 2am for? Hello?” You picked up the line. 

“Hey dude. I know it’s late but have you looked outside? We got so much snow, man.” Daniel responded. 

You hopped up from your seat to peek out the window. “Holy shit! We really did! That was quick!”

“Do you guys want to go sledding at our spot?” Daniel asked. “I know it’s late but we used to go every Christmas, and it’s not snowed like this in years…”

You looked over to Josh. “Josh and I are the only ones up, but I think we could make that happen. Give us 30 and we’ll meet you there.” 

You hung up the phone. “What was that about? Where are we going?” Josh asked. 

“Did we forget that we go sledding every Christmas or are we just too old to have fun now?” You replied. 

You squatted down to shake Elle awake, gently saying her name as you ran your hand over her face. “Baby, wake up. We’re gonna go sledding, do you wanna come?” 

She stirred awake, sending you a scowl. “What time is it?”

“Way too late. Or early, not sure. But I promise you won’t want to miss this.” You told her as she sat up and began rubbing her eyes. “Josh, you go get the tub of snow clothes, I’ll go wake up Jake and Y/N.” 

“Thankfully I’m too intoxicated to say no to this!” Josh yelled, slapping his hands on his knees. 

“Be right back, Elle. Try to wake up a little. This is a tradition we kind of forgot about...” you told Elle as you turned to dash up the stairs. 

A few seconds later you landed at the top of the stairs, feeling excitement growing in your bones. You slowly approached Jake’s bedroom door, knocking a few times then listening through the door. You knocked a few more times then slowly opened the doorknob, sticking your face in with your eyes closed. 

“Jake…hey! Wake up!” You said into the room. 

“What? What the fuck do you want?” He said, his voice groggy. 

You opened the door a little further. “Are you two decent?” You asked. 

“No we’re not fucking decent you asshole, what do you want?” He said threateningly. 

“We’re going sledding at the spot. We’re leaving soon. Wake up, Daniel’s meeting us.” You said. 

“Oh my god, I forgot we used to go sledding every Christmas!” You heard Y/N say, making your heart flutter. “Let’s go Jake!”

A few minutes later, they sleepily joined you downstairs, and everyone began digging through the old tub stuffed full of snow pants, bibs, long johns, hats, and gloves. 

“Wow, how old is this stuff?” Elle asked, pulling up a pair of bib overalls over her sweatpants. 

“Mom and dad have been collecting this stuff for years. Those were mine, actually!” Josh replied to her, smiling and pointing to the old tattered pair of coveralls. 

“Yeah, make sure you layer up, babe. It’s gonna be frigid out there.” You warned her. 

When everyone was dressed in their layers, you all trudged upstairs to find snow boots. 

“I can’t believe you drug me out of my warm bed and away from my hot girl for this…” Jake said, sending you a joking smile as he pulled on the ankle-high boots. 

Your stomach sank. “Hey, you didn’t have to come...” 

“I’m just kidding.” He said as he took the back of your neck in his hand. “I never turn down a good time.” 

“Shh! Don’t wake up your parents!” Y/N said as Josh opened the door and barreled toward the garage, looking for more alcohol and the old sleds, you presumed. 

“You going to snowboard, Jake?” You asked him. “I couldn’t find my old boots…”

“Yeah, I found mine. I hope I still remember how.” He laughed. 

After manning everyone with sleds and snowboards, the five of you took off walking down the road through the knee-deep snow, high stepping your way toward the special spot. Everyone had grabbed a sled, and Jake had even grabbed a few trash bags for even faster trips down the hillside. The snow was still coming down, and showed no signs of letting up. You had truly missed this. 

“So where exactly are we going?” Elle asked the group as she came to your side. 

“There’s a spot right off the road about a quarter mile this way, we’ve been sledding here for years. There’s a cutoff right between some trees that leads down a huge hill, straight into a clearing surrounded by a bunch of pines. Perfect layout for sledding. And, this snow is heavy and wet. Once we get it packed down, it’ll be like riding on ice.” You told her, feeling out of breath already from the harsh trek. 

Her eyes widened. “Riding on ice? Won’t we like, go too fast?” 

“Yeah, it’ll be like a frozen chute.” You cheesed toward her. She hugged into your side, with only her eyes and nose peeking above her scarf. 

“I’m excited.” She breathed, pulling harder into you. 

When everyone finally made it to the spot, Danny was already there waiting. 

“Took you guys long enough!” He called through the thick snow, leaning on his snowboard. 

“Oh fuck off, you don’t have as far to walk.” You said back to him, pushing him down into the snow. 

He quickly hopped back up, tackling you to the ground, which was only a few feet to fall into the fluffy white powder. The two of you tussled in the snow, finally rolling all the way down the steep hill and landing at the bottom in fits of laughter. 

“You asshole.” You laughed as you stood, reaching your hand out to help him stand again. You both looked up to the top of the hill to the rest of the group laughing as you knocked the snow off yourself. 

“Who’s next?!” Danny yelled. 

The group continued to take turns traveling down the hill, Jake and Danny trying their best to teach themselves how to snowboard again. Elle and Y/N finally got the hang of steering the saucer sleds, carving out a flat pathway and packing down the snow in such a way that you didn’t need sleds anymore. 

Thankfully, Josh and Danny had both remembered to stick plastic quarter pints of liquor into their jacket pockets, so you continued on your high from earlier. It was nearing 4:00am, and everyone was still having a good time romping in the snow. 

At one point, you found yourself alone at the bottom of the hill with Y/N waiting as everyone caught their breath after walking to the top. The snow had begun to lighten up, and she plopped backwards onto her seat, looking up into the darkened sky. You watched as her eyes flitted open and closed as the tiny snowflakes met her face. 

“You going to talk to me now that you don’t have a choice, Sam?” She asked suddenly, not moving her eyes from the sky. “I can tell that you’ve been ignoring me and avoiding me. But, would you look at this... Us sitting here alone. In an awkward silence.” She finally met your eyes. 

Shit. 

You knew this was coming sooner or later. You pulled the bottle from your pocket, nipping at the head before passing it to her. Your eyes had blurred and your movements were in slow motion; you’d allowed yourself to get way too drunk. 

You truly didn’t know what to say to her. You couldn’t tell her the truth, that would ruin literally everything. You weren’t mad at her, but it probably seemed that way from the outside. Your stupid emotions had taken hold of you, and they weren’t letting go. So you stayed silent, afraid to say anything at all. You felt like you were about to combust. 

“Alright then. Suit yourself. I thought we were able to talk through things, after all our years of friendship but. I guess not.” She said, standing back up to meet Josh who had started coming down the hill. She turned back around to face you, her face almost in tears. “Look I don’t know why you’re mad at me, and I’m sorry if anything I said to you at Thanksgiving was overstepping any boundaries, but I just need you back Sam. I need my friend. Please don’t shut me out, ok?”

Her eyes bored into yours, searching for any type of reprise to show her that you were still in there somewhere. After a long pause that felt like hours, you finally choked out the only words that came to your mind. 

“I’m still here, Y/N. I promise.”

Josh came tumbling off the hill, hitting the bottom at a high speed. You watched as she helped him stand, the two of them laughing and gripping at each other’s arms for balance. 

Behind him came Danny, finally getting the hang of his old snowboard and making it to the bottom in one piece.

“Hey, let’s build a fire! I’m freezing!” He said as the rest of the group landed nearby. 

“Yessss, that sounds wonderful. Please please please. My hands are about to fall off.” Elle said through chattering teeth. You immediately went to her, wrapping your arms around her and moving your hands up and down to warm her. 

“Aw, is Georgia having a hard time staying warm?” You teased. 

“Be quiet, Samuel, and help your brothers build us a fire!” She laughed. 

You and Danny took on the task of heading into the woods to find kindling while the rest of the group worked to clear the snow away from the ground on the edge of the forest. The thick pines and evergreen had shielded the snow from piling too high here, making a bed of dried pine needles the perfect spot for a campfire. 

As you traveled deeper into the woods to find the driest wood, you could tell Daniel was struggling to start a conversation. 

“Just say what you need to say Daniel, I know you’re trying to tell me something.” You slurred. 

He stopped walking, turning toward you and stopped you in your tracks. 

“I broke up with Heidi earlier.” He said, the words falling from his mouth quickly. 

You were stunned. “Oh, shit man. I– are you okay? What happened?” 

He sighed heavily, pulling his arms above him to rest behind his head. 

“I don’t know, dude. I called her three times today before she finally picked up. I just wanted to tell her Merry Christmas...ask her what she was doing tomorrow. But she couldn’t even hear me overtop of the music that was playing in the background of wherever the hell she was. Didn’t even try to step outside to talk…say she would just text me…nothing. Just got off the phone with me really quickly. Said she’d call me later. Well. Later never happened.” He let his arms fall as he turned to keep picking up broken sticks from the forest floor and pile them in your arms. 

“It was just snowballing, you know? Left and right, our relationship has become one-sided. I don’t think she loves me anymore, man. I dunno. I’m kinda over it, to be honest. So anyway, I got my shit together and stopped feeling sorry for myself, picked up the phone and called her back. She answered, and I told her it was over. I was done. Honestly feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.” 

You felt horrible for your friend, feeling unable to give him any comfort when he needed it most. “Fuck, man. I’m so sorry, are you alright? Do you wanna talk about it?” You pressed. 

He shook his head, piling more sticks into your arms. “Nah, nothing to talk about really. Maybe later, once I get over the initial shock. So, rain check on that. So many years…down the drain…” he trailed off. You stood in silence, feeling truly proud of him for holding himself together. 

“Anyways. Enough of my drama. We’ll save it for later. Tell me what the fuck is wrong with you?” He asked. Damn, you were afraid of this. 

“Nothing is wrong with me, Daniel.” You lied. 

“You’re lying.” He answered. Hah. Okay. 

You turned behind you, checking to make sure you were still alone. You took a deep cleansing breath, the cold air hitting your lungs. 

“Did Josh tell you to talk to me?” You asked him. 

“Mmm, he mentioned that you were acting weird and that maybe you needed to talk. But, no. I noticed too.” He said. 

You shook your head. “Then you probably think I’m a fucking idiot too.”

He walked up to you, landing a few more sticks into your grasp. “I’m not stupid, Sam. I’ve seen you like this before, when we were younger. When you were…you know..” 

You felt rage boiling up in your gut, horrible unreasonable rage at no one but yourself as Daniel brought into light the thoughts you had barely spoken to anyone. 

“When I was what, Daniel? Hm? Feeling things for  Y/N? Because yeah, I guess it kind of looks that way again, doesn’t it?” You spat. 

“Sam. You can’t. You do understand that, right? You literally cannot. She doesn’t belong to you anymore.” Daniel said through his teeth. 

“Aha, no shit! I’ve been fucked up for a month because I’m so damn confused at why I’m feeling this way again. I didn’t ask for it! God, you don’t even understand...” You continued. 

“No, I don’t understand, Sam! Why don’t you explain it? Because I don’t see why you’re having such a hard time with this.” He said, raising his voice. 

“Because you’ve never been here, man!” You yelled quietly. 

“Been where, Sam?!” he snapped.

“Been in love…with two people at the same damn time, Daniel. Okay? Have you ever felt that? Every single day I’m falling more and more crazy in love with Elle, while fighting my demons trying to stop falling back in love with Y/N!” You began pacing beside him, trying to keep your admission quiet under the cover of the trees. “It’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. I know that. But I can’t deny it. It makes me feel absolutely insanely guilty, constantly. So yeah. I’m sorry if I’ve been an asshole.” You turned and began walking back toward the edge of the woods. 

“Sam, stop. Listen to me. You have to end this right now. If you fuck up things with her and Jake, the band is over. Dunzo. Do you get that? He will never forgive you this time. Not to mention your relationship with him. And with Josh. And with Elle. This is not just your future you have to think of here, you hear me? I love you, man. But you actually need your ass kicked for even thinking that you could make that work.” He laid his gloved hand on your shoulder, looking into your eyes to make sure you heard him loud and clear. 

Fuck. 

“Goddamnit. Yes. I hear you. You’re right, and I know all these things. I’ve just, really been going through it. I feel like you really should kick my ass for it. It might help.” You said through a half-hearted laugh. “But I hear you. And I heard Josh when he told me, too. I’ve just...got to try harder. For Jake. Elle doesn’t deserve this. She deserves all of me.”

“She deserves the fucking world, dude. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you.” He joked, taking a few of the sticks from your arms. “Y/N is always going to love you. That much was proven the minute you, her and Jake could forgive each other and live normally again. But you need to show her the type of love she needs. And that’s being her best friend again. And, you need to show Elle, too. Step up and be a man for her, you know?” Daniel went on. God, when did he turn into an expert on relationships?

You sighed heavily. “Thank you, Danny. Seriously. I needed to hear that. Tough love, I guess.”

“Did you just call me Danny?” He asked, puzzled. “You’ve literally never once called me Danny in almost twenty years…”

“Yeah, sorry. I’m still a little intoxicated. But. I think you cleared my head a bit, man. Seriously… I think I know exactly what I need to do.”

The two of you returned to the group, hoping they didn’t notice you were gone for a little longer than you should’ve been. 

JAKE POV

The room was cold when you woke up, even through your long sleeve shirt you could feel the chill in the air. You turned to your side, seeing Y/N still asleep next to you. You placed your hand on her cheek, to see if she was as cold as you were, but to your surprise, she wasn’t. She was warm and soft, and wrapped in your old flannel pajamas you never thought you’d see again. 

You snaked your arm through hers, pulling yourself closer into her, hoping to leech off some of her warmth. You nestled your head into her neck, breathing in the scent of her, still a little smokey from sitting by the fire last night. As you laid there with her, feet tangled together in a mass of cabin socks, you thought back to last Christmas. Sitting alone in your house, sipping a glass of brandy as you watched the flames crackle in your fireplace. Wondering if that was how the rest of your life was going to be. Sitting there alone, thinking back on the days when you didn’t even know you had everything you ever wanted. You wished you could tell him that his luck would change, and that next Christmas he would be home, with the love of his life, tangled up with her in his favorite old pajamas. 

Your eyes must have fluttered closed because the next time you opened them, she was stirring next to you, swiping the hair out of your face. 

“Well, hello…” you groaned.

“Good morning lover. It’s Christmas Eve…” she grinned.

“Mmm, that it is. Did you have fun last night?” you asked, clearing your throat. 

“More fun than I’ve had in a long time. Did you?” she asks.

“Oh yeah, definitely a story for the kids one day…” you laugh, but a flash of panic washes over you when you realize what you’d said. You sit up, and rub your chin, “Anyways, what do you want to do today?”

A pink blush had crept over her cheeks, “Well, I have to wrap a few gifts, and I told your mom I would help her bake. I think my parents are coming over later tonight too. What do you have planned?” she asks.

“Not much, just need to finish up a few things, wrap a few presents. Then I have a long standing tradition of helping my dad with the mulled wine…” you answer. 

“Oh my gosh, I haven’t had that in years!” she says.

“None last year?” you ask.

“They didn’t make it last year. Haven't made it really at…all…since…” she trails off. 

You wrap your arms around her and pull her in for a kiss, “Damnit. Well, we will have it this year. All you want.”

—

A few hours later, you watch from the couch as she sneaks down the stairs with her perfectly wrapped boxes, piled high in her arms.

“Need some help, sugar?” you call up to her. 

“Nope! You stay there, and no peeking.” she giggles. 

She makes her way over to the trimmed tree, and distributes the gifts underneath. 

“I thought Santa was supposed to come tonight?” you ask, cheekily.

She pops her hip out and places her hand on her waist, “Aren’t you a little old to still believe in Santa…”

You laugh and shake your head, “Anything I can do to help?” you ask.

“No, just make sure you pour a little extra Brandy into the wine tonight...” she winks, returning back up the stairs. 

Josh joins you on the couch, after completing his last minute errands, finishing out the end of the movie you were half paying attention to. 

“Did you finish it?” he asks.

“Finish what?” you reply, turning your attention to him. 

He looks over his shoulder, “The notebook?” 

“How do you know about that?” you ask.

“Sam told me?” he says, realizing he slipped up.

“Figures. But, yeah, I finished it up this morning when she was down here with mom. Turned out pretty good. I think she will like it. I know it’s cheesy or whatever, but…I think it was always meant to belong to her.” you say.

“Goddamn Jake, you have gone completely soft.” he quips.

You throw a pillow at him, to which he returns with another pillow in your direction. 

“Boys!” your mom calls from the kitchen, hearing the noise flowing out of the room. “Basement or front yard if you’re gonna fight. You know the rules.”

You both laugh and continue to silently throw pillows at each other, trying to see who would crack first. 

After a few minutes, your mom peeked her head around the corner, and both of you immediately stopped, “And by the way…I’m happy you’re home.”

—

You watched as your dad poured the dark red wine into mugs with the ladle, as you added the orange slices and cinnamon sticks to each one. You grabbed two of the warm mugs and made your way out into the living room, seeing everyone talking and laughing on the couch. You began distributing the fragrant wine to those who wanted it, and after a few minutes everyone was sipping away at the festive beverage. 

You took your place next to Y/N on the couch, wrapping your arm over her shoulders as she leaned into you. ‘White Christmas’ was playing in the background, arguably your favorite Christmas movie, but you hadn’t seen it in a few years. Never really feeling the Christmas spirit, home alone. The fireplace was roaring as you all drank and reminisced on years past. The house was filled with love and laughter for the first time in years, and as you glanced out the window you watched the snow start to fall. 

You leaned over, and whispered into her ear, “Look, it’s snowing again…”

“Didn’t you get enough of the snow last night?” she giggled, cheeks pink from the wine.

“You know, it’s something I never thought I would miss, but being here at Christmas with snow falling just seems…right. Want to soak it in before we go back to Nashville.”

A while later after another round of drinks, and a heartfelt round of goodbyes, and see you tomorrows, everyone is making their way home before the snow gets much worse. As the door shuts behind them, you all return to the kitchen, standing around making plans for tomorrow. 

Y/N makes her way into your arms, clearly feeling the alcohol in her system, as she wraps her arms around your waist, “I want to make a snow angel…” she giggles into your neck.

“What are we waiting on? Let’s go…” you say, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the door. 

You grab your empty mugs and deposit them into the kitchen sink, before grabbing both of your coats from the tree by the door. 

No one even notices the two of you slide out the front door, pulling your jackets on, and zipping them closed. The temperature had dropped significantly since this morning, and you were both shivering from the wind. 

“Go ahead, you first.” you smile, gesturing to the fresh fluffy snow.

Next thing you know she is laying down into the freshly fallen flakes, gliding her arms and legs to make a perfect snow angel. 

“Oh, take a picture!” she says, digging around in her jacket pocket for her phone. 

She reaches out to you, and you grab the ice cold device, putting in her password and opening up the camera. 

You snap a few photos of her, before joining her on the ground, pulling her close to you and taking a few more. You knew these would be something you would look back on in years to come. 

You stand back up, and just as you go to lock the screen of her phone, it buzzes in your hand. Instinctually you look down at the notification, and you furrow your brow as you see the message come across.

Unknown

9:47pm: Don’t you just love Michigan at Christmas time? 

Fuck. 

You open the message and block the number, swiftly deleting the text before handing her phone back to her. Luckily the wine had made her a little less aware of her surroundings, granting you enough leeway to delete the evidence of the unwanted message.

You look around for any sign of him, knowing that if he sent that message, he knows exactly where she is. As you look you see nothing but darkness blanketed by snow. Your skin crawls at the thought of him here, watching, and suddenly you want to get out of sight. 

“Let’s go inside, baby.” you urge, pulling her up from the ground. 

You usher her in through the door, and take her wet coat from her, before making your way upstairs. The both of you change out of your cold wet clothes, opting for warmer, flannel options to warm your bones.

She crawls into bed, with a yawn, hugging the pillow to her chest as she reaches for you.

“I’m sleepy baby…” she yawns, as you pull the comforter up over her shoulders. 

“I know sugar, that wine will do that to you.” you laugh, smoothing her hair over her head. Her eyes start to shut, and you kiss her cheek. “I’m going to go down to the basement with Josh, okay? You come down there if you need me. I won't be long though.”

A garbled ‘love you’ leaves her lips, and you smile, knowing that tomorrow you finally get to give her the gift you’ve been working on for weeks. 

—

Leaned back in the recliner, you strum the heavily worn out strings of your dad’s old acoustic, as Josh rambles on about something from the couch. 

Sam and Elle joined you for a while, but Elle surrendered to the same fate as Y/N, nearly passing out in Sam’s lap. After promising he would be back after putting her to bed, you and Josh knew better, and you were right. He didn’t return, leaving just you and Josh to burn the midnight oil.

The two of you just existed in this space together, feeding off of each other in a way you always have. You didn’t have to say much, just being near each other was enough. It was harder to come by now that the two of you lived separately, so when the opportunity arose to recharge your batteries together you always took it. 

“I’ve been thinking about what you said. About going back to our roots…” he said, quietly.

“Yeah?” you said, turning to look at him. 

“I think it's brilliant. I already have ideas swirling around…” he trailed off. 

“Can I…play you something?” you ask hesitantly.

He nods, and you sit up a little straighter, playing the beginning notes to a song you wrote months ago. 

The melody rang out through the small basement, the emotion palpable with every note. The chords bending and weaving into a delicate string of perfectly placed moments. The bridge tugs on your heart strings, the feeling behind it still so raw and fresh. As you finish out the final few notes, it grows softer until it's complete.

“Fuck Jake… that was…I don’t know what inspired that, but we need to dig deeper and see what else we can get.” he said, struggling to find the words.

“It doesn’t have a name yet. I just know it’s… about her. She caused that one.” you pause. “It’s lived in that notebook for a long time.”

“I think… I would like it to be on the next album. If we do go with the whole roots thing…” you confess. 

“Do you have any lyrics in mind, or…” he asks.

“I haven’t gotten that far yet. How do you find the words to describe the situation I found myself in? How do you put to paper how someone can bring you back to a life you thought you lost? Something you searched for, waited for, never knowing if you’d get it back? Letting lifetimes pass before finally seeing a shred of hope…” you pause.

“I just… have a feeling about this one Josh. I think we need to see it through. You’ve always been able to put the words to my feelings, and I… need you for this one.” you plead.

“You’ve kind of done this with every album…wrote your feelings into a song for her…” he ponders. “Why stop there though?” he laughs. 

“What do you mean?” you ask, placing the guitar on the floor.

“Well, how many songs have you written for her? Five, ten, twenty?” he pauses. “What if you went bigger than that?”

“Like, how?” you ask.

“What if you, I don’t know, dedicated the album to her or something…” he rambled.

“I doubt everyone would be on board with that…” you laugh.

“It’s your band Jake. Always has been…” he said. 

“I don’t know, I…” you pause. “I love her so much, I can’t stop myself from writing about her. For her. To her…”

“Just think about it. Maybe we don’t even say anything. Maybe we just pick a title that resonates with you. With both of you.” he says, shrugging his shoulders.

“Yeah, maybe. I will think on it.” you reply.

“What better gift than something that will live on long after we are gone….” he says dramatically. 

You nod your head. He is right, what better gift than something that will last forever. 

A while later you dragged yourself back up the stairs and quietly crawled into bed next to her. She stirred slightly, feeling you join her, and cuddled into your side. You’d grown to love this. Her, attached to your side as you slept. You found yourself feeling almost empty on the nights she wasn't there. Tossing and turning all night without her presence, deeply relishing in the nights she was.   

You pulled her closer to you, practically sharing a pillow at this point. Her skin was still warm from the alcohol, and you could feel her breath on your neck as she slept soundly in your arms. You closed your eyes as you held her tight, and for the first time in years, you couldn’t wait to wake up on Christmas morning. 

HER POV

Christmas morning was always your favorite…waking your parents up as early as you were allowed to by sneaking in their room and jumping on their bed until they grabbed you and pulled you under the covers with them. 

‘Did Santa come, babygirl?’

‘Yes! And he ate ALL the cookies I left out for him, too!’

Times had changed as you’d gotten older, but you didn’t feel sad about it. You’d planned to spend the next couple of days with your parents to make up for a little lost time. 

Waking up on Christmas morning with your love was something new, that felt ancient. You’d woken up with Jake on Christmas this way before, but it still felt innocent back then. Now, it felt real. Waking up any other way wouldn’t be right. 

You forced yourself to wake Jake up from his sweet slumber again, the both of you coming to life with a little bit of impatience to get downstairs with everyone. 

You poured your coffee as you watched Sam hand out gifts from under the tree one by one, a genuine smile on his face that you hadn’t seen in weeks. 

There was a tiny knock on the door as Danny came in, followed by his family and your parents, carrying piles of wrapped boxes and gift bags. 

“Merry Christmas, everybody!” More hugs and more coffee, more gifts handed out and more sweet stories being told. It was traditional in the family that everyone opened their gifts individually, so as not to rush through too fast. Karen and Kelly had used this method to keep their young kids from ripping and tearing into presents, and it had stuck around. 

“Ok, Josh, you first. This is from me.” You said as you watched him dig into the bag and pull out a long narrow box. He unwrapped it, revealing a whole slew of incense and a brand new burner. “Oh my gosh! Yes! I was almost out! Thank you, Y/N.” He walked over and kissed your head, smelling each stick as he did so. 

“It’s from the store at the end of the road, they still hand make them! Oh, check the bottom of the bag.” You said. He pulled out another box and removed the lid. He pulled out a long string of beautifully strung white and tan mala beads. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. He put it on immediately, adoring the beadwork and the tassel at the bottom. “It’s perfect. Thank you.” His smile seemed to radiate. 

Next was Danny. You’d gotten him three vinyl records that you knew he would love, and a new cleaning kit, of which he was very excited about. 

“Hell yeah, Y/N! I’ve actually been searching for this one! How did you know?!” He exclaimed, his gorgeous smile making your heart do flip flops. 

Elle was next. A brand new pair of sunglasses that looked absolutely perfect sitting on her cherub face, and a piece of paper with a written note. She read it aloud. “This is a voucher for one girls’ trip to visit Helen, Georgia. Whenever you want. Ahhhh!” She stood and ran to you, hugging you hard in her arms. “So we’re really going to go? Just us? We’re gonna have so much fun! I can’t wait to make all the plans, and show you around. Oh man, I’m ready to go!” 

Sam’s gift was simple; he’d always been the easiest to shop for. It felt strange, him opening it in front of everyone when you hadn’t really spoken to him in so many weeks. A leather camera strap with some extra rolls of film, a soft old oversized sweater you’d found while thrifting, and last but not least, a necklace with the Aries zodiac sign on a silver chain. You knew he’d love it when you’d seen it at a flea market back over the summer. 

“Wow, Y/N. Thanks, girl. These are all excellent.” He sauntered over and gave you a small side hug, very different in comparison to the normal full-body embraces he usually gave you. “Maybe I’ll wear this necklace on tour...”

“You’re welcome Sammy. Yeah, maybe you could.” You gave him a soft smile. 

Last but not least, you let Jake open his. Tons of extra art supplies, and a thick navy blue corduroy coat you’d found the day you found Sam’s sweater. 

He immediately slipped it on, finding that it fit perfectly, and he would now be ‘wearing it every single day’. You didn’t doubt him. 

Lastly, you gave him a circular box with a lid. “Hmm, this is interesting...” he said, inspecting its outside. He slipped the lid off to find a perfectly worn-in black hat, wide brimmed and already looking like it had been to hell and back. His eyes grew wide with excited surprise, and he grabbed it up immediately, sitting it on top of his bed-head hair. 

“How’s it look?” He asked the room, turning his head side to side. 

“Damn Jake, that looks good. That might be your new signature piece!” Elle said. 

“Does it fit okay, babe?” You asked. 

“Perfectly, I swear.” He moved his head quickly from side to side. “Thank you, my love. I’m ecstatic about this.” He pecked you on the cheek. 

Elle was right, he did look really good in that hat…

Next, Jake handed you a shoebox, all wrapped up in old newspapers, taped haphazardly together and wrapped in a twine bow. So very Jake of him. 

The smile on his face as he watched you unwrap it was like a kid waiting for his turn at the ice cream shop, overly giddy and excited to get to the good part. 

You lifted the lid off to find more newspaper. You uncovered the contents, finding an old and tattered spiral notebook, the edges torn and ratty, things sticking out of the sides, and the thickness way more than a normal notebook should be. It looked fragile, and you were scared to touch it. 

“Get it out of there babe! Take a look!” He said, shaking the box. You were sure it would disintegrate into a million pieces at the slightest touch, but you persevered anyway. 

It looked like a normal notebook you would have had in middle school history class, full of notes and doodles, but the red outside cover had been ripped in half at some point, and taped back together with black electrical tape. There was a circular stain of some kind on the front, like a cup of coffee had leaked over the edges of a mug and set directly on top of the notebook. The metal spiral was bent, and had come unspun a little bit from its holes in the paper. The initials ‘JTK’ were drawn on the front in black ink pen, and there were tons of tiny scribbled little dipper constellations all over the back cardboard. 

You looked at Jake with a puzzled expression, unsure of what to think. 

“You don’t have to look through it all right now, but you can skim through…I’ve had this notebook for as long as I can physically remember. It’s where I first started writing songs, and guess who my muse was? Remember that book full of songs I told you about? This is it.” He peered at you from the tops of his eyes, his black hat still perched perfectly on his head. 

You smiled shyly, slowly flipping through the pages of written sheet music, pencil sketches, lyrics, poems, and clippings from magazines. You flipped to a page with an old dried up flower stem, gently taped right on the inner edge of a page. 

“Jake, no way. Is this…”

“Oh, yeah. The daisy that fell out of your hair that day we jumped in the lake, where we remembered we used to play ‘she loves me’...” He answered. 

“Oh my god, you kept it? How in the world–” you were completely stunned he was able to swim back to shore, and keep it in his possession after all this time. 

“It didn’t have any petals left, so I just tucked it behind my ear, and put it in my car when we went back. It rode on my dashboard for a long time until I could get it back to this book.” He explained. 

Everyone had diverted to their own conversations at this point, giving you some privacy. 

“Jake, this seems…really personal…are you sure you…” you asked, feeling like you were reading his private diary. 

“Yes, I’m sure. There are probably twenty five songs written in there, more or less. Some of them are complete, some aren’t. Some are on our albums…” he smiled hard at you at that last part. “This is where it all started, and I want you to have it. I can play you some of them when we get back to Nashville.” 

You grinned from ear to ear. “Wow, Jake, this is…so perfect and so meaningful...thank you...” you felt overwhelming emotion come over you, as you sat there and opened what was basically his heart, right there in a cardboard box. 

“Here, check this out.” He flipped to near the back of the book, landing on a few pages with photographs glued in. 

“This is the first one I ever had of us when we fell asleep in the basement all those years ago. It sat on my desk in my room for ages, until we went on tour and I kept it with me. That’s why it’s all ripped and bent…then I brought it home and glued it in here. Seems like it needed to live in this book.”

You smiled as he flipped the page, his fingers confidently turning the paper between them. 

“This one is the one Sam took of us in Chicago. Remember, we weren’t speaking when he took it?” He laughed. 

“Yeah, then you took my pinky and told me you still loved me...I almost passed out after he snapped the photo.” You admitted through a laugh. 

“Well, you look happy, at least.” He smiled. “This one is the most recent of when we fell asleep on the couch together again on the 4th…thought it was cute it was on the same couch as the older photo. Like time repeated itself.” 

“This one is of a rainbow I literally pulled the car over to take a photo of, the day we left to drive back home for the Fourth of July. I hadn’t been up that early in ages, and it made me think of you. I didn’t even know you were coming back home, too, remember?” He asked, his mouth close to your ear now. 

“Yes, you got so mad at Sam.” You laughed. 

“I did...” he laughed too. “These are just some random ones of flowers and dewy leaves from my morning coffee walks in my yard...” 

“Your what?” You asked. 

“I like to go outside early in the mornings and walk around and see what cool things I can find while I have my coffee. Started doing that right before we went on tour...the rainbow was a bit of inspiration…” he went on. 

“We can look through the rest later. There’s probably a million stories in here. I’ll tell you all about them one day.” He put his hand up to brush your hair, giving you a genuine smile. 

“Jake, this is truly the best. Thank you, babe.” You said, bringing him in for a tight embrace. “I love it so much.”

After everyone had opened every gift and drank way too much coffee, things started to die down as everyone sat gathered in the living room, sprawled on the couches and all over the floor. 

“What a perfect Christmas. All my kiddos and friends in one place again…I didn’t think we’d have this until we had little grand babies running around!” Karen said, cuddling into Kelly on the loveseat. You felt yourself blush at her words.

“Oh, wait! I forgot one thing.” Sam said, springing up from his seat on the floor and running into the next room, returning quickly with his hands behind his back. He walked over to Elle, sitting back down on the floor in front of her, and pausing to meet her eyes. A silence fell over the room as everyone watched his actions. 

He slowly pulled his hands from behind him, presenting her with a tiny cardboard box with a red bow on top. 

“What’s this, Sammy?” She asked him, sitting up to take the box. 

“Just open it...” he said, watching her with hope in his eyes. 

She slowly and gently took the lid off of the box, wrapping her fingers around a small gold object that sat inside. 

Her mouth fell open as she looked up to him, tears filling her eyes. 

“It’s a key to my house. I…want you to move in with me. If you want to, of course…” he said bashfully. 

She stared at him with her jaw on the floor for what felt like an eternity while the rest of the room held their breath waiting for her response. In seconds, she had her arms wrapped hard around his neck, pushing him backwards as she peppered his face with kisses. 

You felt your heart swell with pride for them, but also felt a twinge of something else…you flicked your eyes to meet Jake’s, but he was already looking at you. He held your gaze while the two of you silently spoke, your heads both filling with wild aspirations that you prayed one day would come to life. 

“Of course I want to move in with you, dummy.” She said through a laugh. You watched as your two best friends looked at each other with more love and admiration than you’d ever seen either of them have for one another. 

Finally Sam was standing up for her, making big moves in his life, and you had never been more proud. 

HER POV

Later that night you took your seat at the table next to Jake, flanked by Elle, and the rest of the ever expanding group of people you called your family. This Christmas had been one of the greatest you’d ever spent around this table. The love that filled the room was undeniable and you found yourself basking in the warm and comforting feeling swirling through air as laughter rang through the house. 

Much of the dinner was spent with Jake’s hand resting on your leg, his thumb swirling patterns into the sheer black tights. You would occasionally rest your hand on his, feeling his fingers grasp into yours as he spoke of plans for tour, new music, and the like. His brothers joining in jovially, assisted by the ever flowing bottles of wine being passed around the table. 

As dinner came to an end, you could feel the warmth in your cheeks, and you could see it in his. The perfect red blush painting the apples of his cheeks. His lips slightly stained and his eyes glossy. 

Everyone began to make their way back to the living room to continue their conversations around the tree, but as you stood, Jake grabbed your hand and leaned into your ear, “Come with me…”

You followed him through the dining room, through the kitchen and to the back door. He grabbed your coat and held it up for you to slide into, before pulling on his own. He opened the back door, and you both slid out into the cold Michigan air. 

“What are we doing out here?” you asked, gripping your hand into his. 

“I have one more gift for you…” he answered, blinking slowly. “But this one isn’t shared. This one is just for us.”

“Wasn’t the last one just for us?” you asked.

“I mean, yes. But They all knew about it. I didn’t tell anyone about this. Only you and me.” he replies.

He removes his hand from yours, and pulls out his phone, flicking through the pages of apps, until he finds the one he is looking for. Opening it as secretly as he can, you watch his warm breath swirl into the cold air. 

“Okay, here we go.” he says, looking up into the sky. He grabs your waist and spins you around to face away from him. He pulls you backwards and rests his chin on your shoulder as he brings the phone in front of you. As you glance down to look at the phone you see a screen with coordinates.

“Can you find it? Where is our little dipper?” he asks, directing you to look up at the sky.

You both spin around looking for it, and you catch sight of it. “It’s right there!” you say pointing to the cluster of stars. 

“Okay, now…” he pauses, holding his phone camera up towards the sky. The screen refreshes and zeros in on an area. “Do you see that? Let me double check…” he says, referencing his phone.

“Okay, yeah, that’s it.” he says excitedly.

“What?” you ask, confused. 

“Look at the tail of the little dipper. Count over four places, then down, one, two…” he says, pointing at a glowing white star, almost flickering in the dark sky.

“Yeah? I see it…” you ask.

“It’s yours. I bought it for you.” he whispers into your ear. 

“You what?!” you ask, spinning to face him, eyes quickly looking back to the sparkling sky. 

“It’s yours. All yours. I…bought it for you. The closest one to the little dipper I could find. I have the paperwork, and regist–” you cut him off, pressing your lips to his, ice cold from the frigid air. 

A single tear sneaks out of your eye as you let the feelings rush over you as you pull away from his lips. “You–You bought me a star? Jake…” you cry. “I–I don’t even know what to say…I…”

“They would all be yours, if I could…Maybe I can’t catch them for you, but I can give you one to call your own.”

“Ours.” you correct, a small smile forming on his lips.

“I know it’s not something you can hold in your hand, but…I just thought…” he trails off. 

“Jake…I love it. It’s the best gift I have ever gotten. You’re so…thoughtful, you know that?” you said, another tear falling from your lashes. 

“Don’t cry…” he begs. 

“It’s happy tears. I just can’t believe I get to love someone like you. There’s no one I would rather share this life with. I’m really so thankful I’ve gotten to wake up to you these past few days…” you say, blinking back the tears.

“I can’t believe I get to love you. Merry Christmas my love.” he replies, kissing your cold hands. “And, you know… you can wake up to me every morning, back home, if you want.”

You turned in his arms and as you both stared up at the twinkling star, your thoughts drifted back to the other morning and the comment that slipped from his lips. 

“I know…Jake?” you breathed. 

“Hmm?” he hummed in response. 

“Did you…mean to say that… the other morning? About…telling your kids stories?” you asked nervously.

“Why do you ask?” he questions.

“Well…I just thought…I don’t know. I guess I just never imagined you wanting kids.” you replied. 

“Honestly, I never really saw that life for myself. Figured I would be ‘the eternal bachelor’. I’d have my music and my brothers and that would be enough to get me through. But, recently…I have been feeling like that won't ever be enough. Not now that I have you. I want everything with you. Whatever you want, I’ll give you. But I only want that with you. So, I guess what I’m saying is, yes. I did mean it. Not right now, but someday.” he answers. 

You smiled at him and nodded your head, “Someday…” you whispered, the wind carrying your words off into the perfect sparkling night.

—

JOSH POV

The drive home left you all weary and ready to sleep in your own beds. Returning to Tennessee was a drastic change in climate. While it was still cold in Nashville, it was nowhere near as cold as Frankenmuth. You had to admit you were growing more accustomed to the southern temperatures. 

You spent a few days home by yourself after you all returned, just lounging and watching your favorite movies, with no one to interrupt or give their opinions. A rain storm had moved through, providing the perfect ambiance as you pressed play on the remote. The score began to play in the background as you relaxed into the plush cushions of your couch. 

Thunder rumbled in the distance and the trees swayed outside of the windows, a sense of calm washed over you, but that would be short lived as your phone began to vibrate on the pillow next to you. 

You picked up your phone and flipped it over to reveal a familiar name on the screen. You slide your finger across the screen and held the phone up to your ear. 

“Hey Allison! Long time no talk! How are you? How was your holiday?” you asked, cheerfully. 

“Hey…Josh. It was good, it was good. Hey, I…just need to speak with you…I have the unfortunate job of calling you with some news.” she said, hesitation in her voice.

You sat up straight from the couch, resting your elbows on your knees as you listened. 

“Sadly, the board has come to the decision that Y/N’s employment with us will be terminated effective next week. We will have to deny the request paperwork you sent in back in October.”

“I’m sorry what, now?” you ask, heart pumping out of your chest.

“Well, it was brought to our attention that she has been in non professional relations with one of your band members...And as you know, that is against our company policy and in direct breach of the contract she signed.” she says. 

It’s exactly what she was afraid of. 

You are unable to find the words to speak, your mouth suddenly dry. “I–I…It came to your attention?” you ask, confused.

“We were… provided with undeniable evidence… that she was in fact breaching her contract with someone on your team, yes.” she answers.

“Allison, it’s Jake…He and Y/N…they… we have known each other our whole lives… it’s not what you think… They–they’ve been…” you stammer.

“The manner in which it manifested is unfortunate, I’ll agree. If Y/N had been up front about their relationship in the beginning maybe the contract could have been altered…things could have been different. But unfortunately that is not the case, and now, the board has to take action to find a resolution so that all parties are taken care of. Because of this decision, that means we will be actively looking for a new coordinator for you. If there’s anyone else yo–”

“No. It’s her. It has to be her, Allison.” you say, cutting her off.

“Josh. I’m sorry…The board has made their decision and the paperwork is done. We will be letting her know next week.” she says. 

“No, please. There has to be some way to fix this… If they can just explain…” you beg.

“Josh, I’m sorry, there really isn’t anything you can say.” she explains. 

“Who else knows? Has anyone spoken to Jake…” you ask.

“No, you were our first call.” she says.

You let out a grateful sigh, “I see, well. Let me tell Jake, if you don’t mind.” you ask.

“Sure, and listen Josh, I’m really sorry. I really liked Y/N, unfortunately rules are rules, and in a business like this, they exist for a reason. I will be in contact with you next week to go over a few new potential coordinators.” she says.

“Great.” you quip.

“Talk to you then, bye bye.” she says, ending the call.

You threw your phone to the end of the couch, cursing into the air.

Your mind was spinning. You were pissed off, confused, and defensive. How could this have gotten this far? This is exactly what she always feared, and it was actually happening. 

You couldn’t let it happen. You had to take matters into your own hands. You quickly retrieved your phone, pulling up the contacts to get back to the correct chain of command. You decided to skip right over all the reps, and go straight for HR. You hoped they knew who you were. 

After buzzing through a couple of transferred calls, the phone rang out to the head of HR for the company. You cleared your voice as you stood from the couch, and began pacing around the house. 

A voice picked up on the other end. 

“Hello, this is Johnathon Myers, how can I help you?”

“Hello Johnathon, my name is Joshua Kiszka, I’m with Greta Van Fleet, one of the bands that your company works with. How are you today?”

It was silent for a beat. “I’m good, Joshua, thanks. Uh, I’ll be honest, I’m not sure I’ve gotten a direct phone call from a band member in a very long time…I know who you are...Is there something I can help you with?” he asks. 

Nerves coursed through your body. You cleared your voice again, “Well, I hope so, sir. You see, it’s come to my attention that our on-site tour coordinator that I specifically requested is being fired. Um, I’m not sure if you’ve heard...”

“I have been made aware of that situation, yes.” he answers, shortly.

“I was calling to see if there was anything you could do, anything I could do to change that decision, and keep her with us.” you ask.

“Well Josh, I know you know why we made the decision to terminate her employment, she breached her signed contract and broke company policy by fraternizing with a band member. It’s not something we tolerate as professionalism and we were forced to come to a resolution.” he says.

“I understand that sir, but… I’d like to explain that she did excellent work for us, Mr. Myers. She never missed a beat, kept us all on track, truly one of the best coordinators we’ve had thus far, it’s not an easy job, I’m sure you know, and the situation between her and Jake is more complex than it seems.” you continued.

You heard him sigh on the other end of the line as you tried plead your case. 

“I fully understand and respect your policies, sir-” you start.

“But she didn’t.” He interrupted you. “We have photo evidence, Joshua.”

You thought for a second. “Photo evidence? Of what? From who?”

“The two of them together while on tour when she should have been staying in the assigned crew lodging. Your photographer turned in photos of her and your brother acting…unprofessionally, from as far back as September.”  He replied, aggravation growing in his voice. “Listen, I’m really not even supposed to be talking to you about this, but you’re our main point of contact, so just know she will be notified soon. I’m truly sorry you’re losing a good coordinator, but my hands are tied. I’m just doing my job. The paperwork has been signed.”

“So there’s nothing I can do?” You asked, feeling extreme defeat, your heart racing. 

“I’m sorry, there isn’t. Please contact me at any time if you have any other questions concerning the band. Have a good day, Mr. Kiszka.” The line clicked. 

“Thanks…” you said to no one. 

Fuck. You dipped your head low into your hands and fell back on your couch. She is going to be devastated. 

You sat for a few minutes racking your brain. You got the idea to call Danny, knowing that he was always the voice of reason. You clicked his contact and waited for him to pick up. 

“Hello?” his voice rang through the line.

“Hey, you wanna go get an early dinner? I’m starving. And I need to talk to you about something.” you reply.

“Yeah, man. Sure. Give me half an hour?” he asks.

“I’ll pick you up.”

——

Forty-five minutes later you and Danny were waltzing into the tiny backstreet restaurant, one that you’ve found you can hide away from fans fairly easily. 

You made small talk, asking how things were going after getting back home from Michigan. But as the conversation reached a lull, you sat back with a sigh.  

“Alright, what did you need to talk to me about?” Danny asked as he leaned one arm over the back of his chair and sipped his cocktail with the other. 

You leaned back forward, folding your hands on the table. 

“They’re firing Y/N.” You said quietly. 

He nearly spit out his drink. “What?! Why? You’re kidding me!” 

“No. They called me and told me she breached her contract by being with Jake.” You replied. 

“Shit man. This is what she was terrified would happen. Damnit.” He said, shaking his head. “Is there anything we can do?”

“I already tried. I went straight to HR, to the top of the food chain. Nothing I could say helped.” You said. 

“So she doesn’t know yet? Jake doesn’t know?” He asked. 

“No, not yet.” You replied, defeat and guilt filling your gut. 

Danny sighed deeply, putting his face in his hands. “So this is why she hasn’t gotten her next assignment yet, huh.” he asks, voice thick with realization.

You nodded. The two of you were silent for a few minutes while you picked at your food, suddenly losing your appetite. 

Danny pushed his plate away. “Wait, how did they get proof? Don’t they need solid evidence?”

“Yeah, he told me they have photo evidence of them acting unprofessionally while we were on tour, just the two of them, I guess. I don’t know.” You said. 

“Photos? So… Summer took those photos?! With her company owned camera? You’re telling me she…followed them whenever they were acting ‘unprofessionally’, and took photos of them without their immediate consent? Without their knowledge?” He said, dumbfounded. 

You hadn’t quite thought about it like that. “Yeah, shit. I guess you’re right. It would’ve had to of been her…what a sheisty…” you bit back your words. 

“Yeah Josh, she was… kind of a bitch. Hitting on Jake like that all the time in front of everyone…She physically touched him more times than I could count. But Y/N is the one getting fired? Sounds like some petty jealousy bullshit to me.” He spat, crossing his arms across his chest. “I’m telling you right now that when they learn about this, Jake will want to see those photos.” 

You nodded. “Yeah, fuck, he definitely will. What should we do, should we… tell them? I don’t know…”

He shook his head side to side. “I mean, yeah, I think we should, but we’ve got to–” he stopped talking, quickly whipping his head to look out the window to the street. He stood up quickly from his chair, almost knocking it backwards. He made a mad dash to the front door, with you on his heels. 

“Daniel, what? What is it?!” You called from behind him. “Where are you going?”

He continued out the front doors, and turned to look down the street. You pushed through the double doors, finding him a few buildings down already. 

“Where the fuck?!” He held his arms up in question, spinning around. You were walking to him still confused as ever, you could hardly keep up with him. 

He kept walking, then suddenly darted right down an alley. You took off in a full on sprint following after him. Next thing you knew, you heard his voice, threatening and loud echoing off the sides of the brick buildings surrounding you. 

“Hey, motherfucker! Turn around! Come back here...” Danny yelled. When you finally caught up to him, you looked down the alleyway to find it blocked off by a fence and dumpsters. 

And there standing in front of it all, was Andy. 

You watched as Danny walked toward him quickly, bowing up and confronting him. 

“Stop fucking running from me, you coward! Turn around and talk, I just want to talk.” Danny said. 

You made your way to stand beside him. “Oh well… if it isn’t my sister in law’s stalker! Back again to follow us around, asshole?” You said, nerves coming into your throat as your spat, you could feel the rage flowing off of Danny’s body onto your own. You’d both been waiting for this. 

Andy stood silently with his hands in his pockets, just looking at the two of you. “Hey, fellas.” He finally spoke, smiling and showing his teeth. “What a pleasure seeing you here in my new hometown! In an alleyway, nonetheless. If I would have known I’d been seeing you in such a rough part of town, I would have dressed nicer, being in the presence of rock and roll royalty.” He seethed, laughing to himself. 

“Shut the fuck up, man. We know you’ve been following her...we’ve seen you at shows all over the country. So, do you have a problem or are you just turning into that big of a fan, hm?” Danny said, stepping closer, meeting his energy. 

Andy stepped closer to him, not needing to crane his neck much to meet him, as they were about the same height. 

“You’re making an awfully serious accusation my friend...stalker? That seems like a really big word…” Andy said in an almost whisper. 

“Yeah, stalker. We’ve fucking seen you. We aren’t stupid. We know what you did to her all those years ago, so don’t play fucking dumb.” You added, trying to break him down. 

“You’re right Josh, it takes one hell of a man to put his hands on a woman over and over…no matter how much she asked him to stop...” Danny added, putting his face dangerously close to Andy’s. 

Andy stepped backwards, calm and cool as ever, laughing to himself, “It’s really cute watching you two come at me in an empty alleyway without your scrapper brother Jake here to defend you. How is his hand these days, anyway?” 

Danny stepped toward him again, forcing his back into the dumpster. “Oh, you son of a bitch... I am not scared of you...you best believe that.” Danny said through his teeth. You could feel the situation heating up, and you were half tempted to let it continue. 

Andy clicked his tongue, “Tsk tsk, you going to put your hands on me now, Danny? That wouldn’t be a good look for your pretty little drummer image. And I know Jake wouldn’t be too happy to hear about that either. Does Y/N know I’ve been coming to your shows? I really am starting to become quite a fan…speaking of Y/N, how are her nightmares? Haven’t heard her screaming in quite some time…” 

Danny couldn’t take it, he shoved his back into the dumpster even harder, practically begging him to react. “You really are just fucking crazy, aren’t you?”

Andy lurched back, shoving Danny backwards. “How’s the single life, Daniel? You enjoying fucking around Nashville?”

Danny came at him again, forcefully shoving his shoulders back. “How the fuck would you know about that? What else do you know, huh? Tell me what else…” 

Andy stumbled forward at the counter effect, pushing into Danny’s chest. You remembered the night in the bar, that Andy could fight. But, Danny could too. 

“Hey, stop it Daniel! He’s just trying to get into your head! You’re giving him what he wants…” you yelled. 

Danny stumbled backward at the force, and finally snapped. They began fighting, an almost exact replay of that night in the bar. You jumped between them, trying your best to pull them apart but not having any luck. They fell to the wet ground in a fit of fists. It was blurry and quick, but Danny held his own, having just a bit more reach and stronger arms than Andy. You caught sight of Danny’s face at one point, covered in blood and a busted lip. 

“Tell me what the fuck else you know! Why are you here?! What do you fuckin’ want?!” Danny yelled, looking as though he was trying to end the fight and hold Andy back. 

“I know a hell of a lot more than you think…” Andy said, finally standing up and separating himself from Danny’s hold. Quickly, Andy reached in his pocket and flipped a shiny silver object out, wielding it directly toward Danny, within inches of his throat. “…But I really don’t think you want to find out, do you Daniel?”

Danny stepped back at the sight of the knife. “You really are a fucking child, aren’t you Andy?” He wiped the blood off his lip as you stepped between the two of them again, holding your hands up to them both to attempt to de-escalate the situation. 

“We’re fine Josh, he won’t do anything with that knife. He isn’t that stupid.” Danny said as he spat blood on the ground in front of him, both of them panting and out of breath. Andy’s eye was already blackened and his cheeks were scuffed and bleeding from rolling on the asphalt. 

“Just leave our families the fuck alone, do you hear me? Stay away from us, or we’re going to be forced to do something a lot more drastic than this... Fuck, we probably already should have...” You said as you took Danny’s arm pulling him as you began to walk away. 

Danny walked backwards watching him as the two of you made it back out of the alleyway, seeing Andy hop up a few stairs, open a door on the side of a building, and begin to make his way inside. 

“Oh, and uh, hey…” Andy called back to the two of you, “Enjoy Y/N as much as you can... Your time with her is… limited.” 

And with that, he threw his head back in laughter and disappeared into the building. 

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