Today marks my 2 week post-kidney transplantation. It has been a damn pretty tough road. But I am fighting. Brave as you can imagine. Because I have my faith and trust to the Almighty High. 

I am truly grateful that I have gotten this far with the grace of Our Lord. Also, extending my gratitude for all the people who have been continuously praying for me. Thank you, guys! Thank you, Lord! Yey!

Suddenly he relayed a very sad news. I remembered when I was still working at my previous job, he always have to go to the ER because of severe abdominal pain. He shared with us that his pancreatic enzymes were elevated but doctors haven’t found any abnormalities with his CT scans nor MRIs. I have only one diagnosis that is possible in my mind at that time. But of course I haven’t said it to him unless otherwise confirmed by the experts. 

He said after couple of months, it was confirmed then. He has been diagnosed with the most dreaded disease in the world, cancer. It is indeed a sad story. He was a very nice co-worker, a very good father and a very God-fearing person. I almost want to cry when he shared it with me. But in the good note, it was detected early. So he will be undergoing a surgery to remove the cancerous cells and praying it would help. Which I will be praying that it would be a success too.

We had a very long conversation while waiting for our turn to see the doctor. Until we reached the topic of how blessed he is to have such condition. We talked about how his faith has been tested during this battle. We have to be strong for our families, he said. We have to prepare ourselves for whatever happens. We were both talking sadly about everything that is happening and I can clearly see in his eyes the tears forming and how genuine he is with how grateful and faithful he is to Our Lord. 

For me, it was a very meaningful encounter. These kind of conversations make me realize that I who is in the path to healing is very thankful for the disease that changed my life. My illness has opened up a door of reality that a healthy person can’t understand. I know that I can’t live my life in fear because I have Him. 

It’s the matter of acceptance and strong faith, indeed. 

P.S. This entry was a draft I saved approximately 2 years ago. I thought I will be able to share this experience with a great ending but I guess, there is a better story in it. 

Unfortunately, after a year I wrote this encounter, my co-worker had found his peace with Our Lord. He passed away of pancreatic cancer. I’ve known him to be a warrior. He speaks for himself. He is kind to everyone. He is generous and soft-spoken. 

He fought for his condition for a long time for his family but God may have bigger plans for him. He left 2 small kids and a grieving wife. But I strongly believe he also left very strong lessons for them to remember their whole lives. Which is to be faithful, courageous and kind. I know it in my heart because I learned it from him first-hand. 

My Life. Yes, I smile. I laugh. I go out and play. I breathe fresh air. A lot of times, I complain. I cry. I suffer from pain and exhaustion. But I still am thankful for giving me another day to live. 

July 13 2018. It has been 24 years since I was given life into this world. 24 long years full of struggles, ups and downs, lefts and right, redirections and reroutings but despite everything, full of blessings. 

I have never been stronger and braver in my entire life. This day reminds me that despite how hard the previous year has been to me, with God by my side, I can fight it all and still live a normal life.

To wrap up how I celebrated my 24 years of existence, here are some of the photos.

Friday, July 13. Dinner with my Ohana.

Saturday, July 14. Quality time with him.

Sunday, July 15. Buffet brunch with my best buds. 

When life gives you the opportunity to check off a thing from your bucket list, you have to check them. 

Last June 17 2018, we went for a hike. It has always been my dream to be able to experience the beauty of nature in a different level. Believe it or not, I am a nature-lover person. Growing up in a city back in the Philippines, I always crave for nature once in awhile. Honestly, I find peace and freedom when I’m out in the wilderness.

But when I had my condition, I just lose hope. I thought I would never experience these kind of things that most of the normal people would do anymore. In God’s will, He gave me people who I don’t expect to help me fulfill my dreams. 

We went for a very easy trail tho, for a starter. It’s called the Makapu’u Lighthouse Trail. It has been known to be the easiest route for hiking here in Hawaii. Most family come here bringing their babies in a stroller because it is just that easy. It may sound so easy but the end of a trail is a very fascinating view. I never really expect to have such prize after that easy walk. 

After the hike, we decided to go to Lanikai beach which is just like a couple of minutes away from the hiking place. And that’s why we are so blessed to live in Hawaii because wherever you go, there are lots of good beaches you can visit and all is freeee! 

And all these I thank these guys for making it possible. 

When I was in high school, I always dreamt of working in an office. Doing paperworks, playing with numbers, tapping calculators, typing on a computer or answering calls. To become an accountant but never really expected I would be in a medical field. Blood doesn’t really matter to me but dealing with a person’s life is all that matters. Being a nurse, a doctor or someone working in the medical field is not a joke kind of a job. The sole life of a person is literally at your hands. And as a kid, I’m scared of such responsibility.

When I reached my 4th year in high school (the most crucial year where you need to decide what course you are taking for college), my family and relatives decided that I should take NURSING as to follow my cousins’ career path without considering any of my options. Reason why, because if you are a nurse, you can work abroad and you will be fuckin’ rich when you get back home to the Philippines. Well that’s how it works. Neither do they know that you need to work your butt out before earning such big of an amount. 

But still, I took the course. Well I’m one filipino child who doesn’t want to disappoint their family and also at the back of my mind to have a better future. Then time passed and of course the fact that I don’t want to disappoint my family, I finished nursing. Long story short, I got my Philippine Nursing Licensure Examination and passed it! Eventually became a Philippine Registered Nurse. I only worked for a couple of months as a Private Duty Nurse and a Medical Transcriptionist when we migrated to the US.

As mentioned in my previous posts, few months after moving here, I was diagnosed with a serious condition. What a fate right? I almost gave up with my dreams. Thinking I would never survive this lifetime. A year passed when I thought to myself, what have I been doing the past year? I wasted my days, minutes and seconds about thinking of dying so soon because of my condition brings. 

When one day, I woke up and my heart is screaming that she wants to help people. I was thinking, I need to be a nurse. I need to extend my helping hands to those who needs God’s love. I worked very hard every night after my 8-hour work to study for the exam because I believe in my heart that this is my calling. Eventually I became a US Registered Nurse. Praise to God!

I have been thru a lot. Physical, mental or even spiritual conflicts but my God resolved it with His love. I never became the accountant that I want to be when I was kid but I became a follower whose eyes where opened to what God really wants for me to be. A nurse.

Passing the NCLEX-RN exam is one of every nurse’s dream. Today, April 2 2018, I officially announce in God’s gracious name that I passed the NCLEX-RN exam- and may say that I am officially a US RN and a Philippine RN as well. 

Last year, as mentioned on my previous posts, I was diagnosed with an end-stage disease. I was on the very end of my cliff. I almost give up. I barely speak to anyone about what I have been going through. I cry in prayer every night to all these miseries. It was painful because I always dreamed of being somebody someday (yes I am ambitious).

Then suddenly I just realized that this battle is not yet over. I am still fighting, unconsciously. I woke up one day with hopes and gratefulness to Our Lord above. 

I chose to fight. I chose to live my life. I chose to chase for my dream. I learned to never give up and for in Him, everything impossible shall be possible. It did took me a very long time to achieve one of my dreams after all the challenges that came my way but I never regret to follow this long path Our Lord gave me.

If not for His grace, His faithfulness, His wisdom and His patience, I would never see and appreciate all the great things He give to each one of us. Indeed, everything happens in God’s perfect time. 

Just a quick update in my life. 

I used to work in a laboratory company for a year. It has been such a wonderful and great experience. Honestly. My co-workers have been so supportive and have been there all thru out my journey. They helped me regain strength and move forward in life. And I am so grateful for them. But as time goes by, I started to feel that laboratory work wasn’t really my thing. Then I decided to expand my horizon to a bigger challenge. I am now employed to a dialysis company (how ironic right?) helping patients who have the same condition like me. 

Yes I am not yet fully recovered from my condition but I won’t let it stop me from pursuing my dreams in life. Of course it will be hard from all the new adjustments and stresses that will come my way, aside from the fact that my body is less functional as it used to be. But of course, once again, I won’t let it defeat me. Fear was at its fullest yet I prayed and asked for strength, and it came. Now I am living my dream job and at the same time being able to give back to others. 

Disability- “a physical or mental condition that limits a person's movements, senses, or activities. It is a disadvantage or handicap, especially one imposed or recognized by the law.”

A definition by the dictionary everybody knows. But let me twist a little something in here. Let me define “disability” in my own perception and dictionary. 

Disability is a gift from Above that not everybody can have in their lives. It is given to you because you are strong enough to live with it, you have the power to inspire others with it and you can be a tool to help others to maximize the use of their disabilities for their own good and of the others as well.  

Just think of it that you are the one of the lucky ones out of billions and billions of people created in this world to have such wonderful gift. Such a privilege right? 

It was not given to you for others to feel sorry for you or for you to be the attention of the crowd. He wants you to share your story to others and let them use their disabilities to its full potential to gain courage to be able to fight off any challenges that comes their way. They may have physical or mental restrictions but they will feel accepted in a world full of judging eyes. 

2 Corinthians 5:7 “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” 

About a year ago, I was diagnosed with a chronic disease. I was in the peak of my career yet at the most devastating phase of my life. Yes, I lost the fight before. I chose to depress myself from being happy and not to live the norms. I even came to a point that I just want to end all these pains permanently. Yet Someone up there never lose hope on me. He showed me love that no one can ever give, showered me faith that uplifted my spirit to keep on fighting and encouraged me to continue to live the so-called “life”. 

And this is how my comeback begun. Because He never left my side, I felt like I still have a purpose in this wondrous earth. I felt unconditional love and I felt like I need to share His abundant love to everybody. And as I wake up each and every day with a grateful heart of yesterday and an eagerness to live today, I realize how blessed I am to be able to still open my eyes and breathe.

He never talked to me face to face yet His ways are endless. He used people to be tools to be with me in this journey. He let things happen not in my ways but in His ways. He is with me whenever I walked blindly in a path of decisions. He reroute me whenever I turned to the wrong direction. When in doubt, I call up His name, and things would happen. And most importantly, He is available 24/7 with unlimited service. How cool right? 

“Life is short, enjoy it to the fullest” "Life is short, there is no time to leave important things unsaid” “Life is short, every moment matters”

These are just some of the famous quotes we all know about life. Honestly, I haven’t been a major fan of such quotes. Before I was just like, “Yes I will live life to the fullest. Enjoy whatever things I want to do and I don’t care if life is short or long, as long as I can do and have whatever. Well, if I can’t do it today, there’s always tomorrow, so be it”. See how unappreciative I am back then? 

But as I was diagnosed with a chronic disease (as mentioned on my previous post), this quotes became like my *instant* faves and made me realized the real meaning of living. Who would’ve known I have been living this quote up until now to make me realize how I should live my life not just literally enjoying it to the fullest but with meaning and a purpose. 

It’s not that these sayings "must” be the main fuel to run your life but these are just reminders of things we are supposed to do in our lives whenever we feel uncertain or weary. For me, these are one of the ways how Our Lord communicate to us. By these, it makes me keep moving forward no matter what negative vibes come in my way. So I’m really grateful that He gave people the ability to create some sayings that can inspire other people.

As I was saying, this is your life. Do whatever things you love. Enjoy every single last bite of your favorite fried chicken or fries. Appreciate the air you are breathing. If you don’t like something, change it. If you love someone, say it. Say it before you regret you haven’t said it. Stop over analyzing things. Life is simple. Open your mind and heart to accept new things. That simple. But if you get lost at one point, never be afraid to find yourself again and start all over again. We all know, tomorrow is not a guarantee. Do what makes you happy, be with people who can give you joy and most especially love your life because it was given to you for a reason. 

And I believe that if you don't derive a deep sense of purpose from what you do, if you don't come radiantly alive several times a day, if you don't feel deeply grateful at the good fortune that has given to you, then you are wasting your life. And life is too short to waste it.