"Nothing great ever came that easy"

lyric of the decade is from thrift shop “walk up in the club like what up i got a big cock” this is a biblical truth.

Everyone who ever met Anakin Skywalker just walked away going “Yikes! What a mess! I hope somebody intervenes!” and then nobody ever did

Ben is Soft, Rey is Hard. He’s in his head, she turns to physicality to avoid thinking. He’s totally open, she buries everything under several layers. He’s secretly full of tenderness, she’s secretly full of rage. They’re perfectly opposing and perfectly complementing and they both perfectly contradict their respective outer cloaks of hero and villain.

I read an anecdote from someone whose African Grey didn’t particularly get along with her Amazon parrot, Paco. One night she was preparing cornish hens for dinner, while the grey hung out with her in the kitchen. He got a closer look at one of the hens, looked his mama dead in the eyes and asked, “Paco?” Then he laughed.

that is one sadistic bird 

I am slightly afraid now.

I love birds?

Parrots are people.

@oneshortdamnfuse

African Greys are like the greatest animal on the planet

When I was a kid, we had a rescued african grey called Dodi, and once I was arguing with my mum about my bed time, and the parrot (who had some very foul mouthed previous owners) just shouted at me “for fuck sake go to bed!” also whenever we hoovered he’d call us “yoooou dusty cunts” best thing was he had a scottish accent

Reblogging for Scottish swearing parrot

I almost died choked with a piece of cake because of the last one.

@farragoofwires

Colin Mochrie is the undisputable fucking king of Improv

The newscaster puns are a whole different level.