Warnings: cheating, depression, suicide, death
A/N: this story is dark. its based off the song her last words by Courtney parker,
Just an average girl
She always wore a smile
She was cheerful and happy for a short while
Now she’s older
Things are getting colder
Life’s not what she thought, she wished someone had told her
Y/N used to be happy, she had a great group of friends, and a loving boyfriend. after the thing with pennywise in the summer of ‘89 they all grew closer. bill and Y/N in particular. they were always here to comfort each other, eventually they began dating in freshman year. Bill was the only person who truly loved her, her parents didn’t care for her. so when she saw her best friend, Bev, and her boyfriend bill making out in the corridor one day after school, she broke. she was sad constantly. she stopped hanging out with the losers, which lead to her being harassed and bullied more than she did before. but she just shrugged it off, because the only thing that she ever loved didn’t feel the same way.
She told you she was down, you let it slip by
So from then on she kept it on the inside
She told herself she was alright
But she was telling white lies
Can’t you tell? Look at her dull eyes
she tried telling someone about her problem, but they just said it was heart ach and she would get over it. since no one seemed to care she kept it inside mad didn’t let her emotion show. soon Eddie and Richie began to worry, they missed having your cheer around them. the entire club had gotten mad at Bill for what he and bev had done, to the point where no one would speak to him and bev until they knew you were okay.
“Y/N, are you alright?” Richie had asked one day when they saw you in the halls. you didn’t want them to worry too much about you, so you put on a fake smile and walked up to them
“Yeah, I’m alright. I’m just really busy with school work and my job so I haven really had time to talk to you guys.”
“What about bill and bev?” Questioned Eddie. you simply shrugged
“well he obviously wasn’t happy with me and he really loves bev so I guess its for the best. any way I have to go now my mum wants be back home by 5.” You said waving them off.
“Eds, there’s something off about her.” said Richie to him after you left. “Her eyes seemed sad.”
Tried to stop herself from crying almost every night
But she knew there was no chance of feeling alright
Summer came by, all she wore was long sleeves
‘Cause those cuts on her wrists were bleeding through you see
Y/N was depressed, when summer rolled around she had to hide her cuts on her, hip and wrists. she wouldn’t leave the house a lot but when she did she would come right him to her bed and try not to cry over the boy who never loved you, and left you for her best friend. she knew every thing that people at school said about her, she was a waste, cutting was her escape, she knew it wasn’t good but it helped.
She knew she was depressed, didn’t want to admit it
Didn’t think she fit it, everyone seemed to miss it
She carried on like a soldier with a battle wound
Bleeding out from every cut her body consumed
She had no friends at school, all alone she sat
And if someone were to notice she would blame the cat
But those cuts on her wrist, they were no mistake
But no one cared enough to save her from this self hate
she knew something was wrong with her but she wouldn’t admit it. nobody seemed to care for her anymore. not the losers or her family. when people did notice her, they would call her names and throw things at her, or it was to asked about the cuts.
“My cat, you know.” she would say. and they would just walk away. but they didn’t know, they didn’t know the pain and heart break she had been through. she wanted it to end.
littler did she know how bad bill felt about this and what he had done to you.
“Stan, how d-do I fix th-this with her?” he asked running his fingers through his hair.
“You cant, you really hurt her you know. she hasn’t been the same. you messed up bill.” he said sliding off his bed. then he decided he would come and see you.
Things were going down, never really up
And here she is now stuck in this stupid rut
She knew exactly what she had to do next
Just stand on that chair and tie the rope around her neck
she knew it wouldn’t get any better than this she was a few weeks away from graduation, she had applied for so many collages and all of them had rejected her. he friends didn’t seem to care for her. they wouldn’t give her a second look in the hall ways. the bullying had become unbearable. so this was the only way.
She wrote a letter with her hand shaking wild
“Look at me now! Are you proud of your precious child?”
But she knew that her parents weren’t the ones to blame
It was the world that should bow down its head in shame
She stood up on the chair and looked out at the moon
Just don’t think, it’ll all be over soon
The chair fell down as she took her final breath
It’s all over, all gone, now she’s greeting death
Her Mum walks in, she falls down to the floor
And now nothing can take back what she just saw
The little girl that she raised is just hanging there
Her body’s pale and her face is violently bare
Bill knew he had messed up, he came to apologize. he didn’t think you would take him back, he wouldn’t even take him back. but he missed your smile and cheerfulness and-. he walked into your room tou see the girl he was still in love with hanging from the celling. with a blank expression on your face. he didn’t know what to do so he called the police and explaind to them that he had just found you. tears filled his eyes and fell freely.
She sees the note and unfolds it with care
All she does is stare, “How can this be fair?”
She starts reading as the tears roll down her face
he sees the note grasped in your hand and gently pulls it from you. on it was a scribble.
he opend it and read the note inside.
“I’m sorry Bill but this world is just not my place
I’ve tried for so long to fix this and fit in
I’ve come to realize this world’s full of sin
There’s nothing for me here, I’m just a waste of space
I’ve got no reason to stay here with this awful race
It’s a disgrace, I was misplaced
Born in the wrong time and in the wrong place
It’s OK though, 'cause you’ll see me soon
You’ll know when your time has come, just look at the moon
As it shines bright throughout the night
And remember everyone’s facing their own fight
But I can’t deal with the pain, I’m not a fighter
You’ll make it through the night, just hug your pillow tighter
So let the world know, that I died in vain
Because the world around me, is the one to blame
And I know in a year, you’ll forget I’m gone
'Cause I’m not really something to be dwelled on
That’s what they used to tell me, all those kids at school
So I’m going by the law majority rules
My presence on this earth is not needed any longer
And if anything, I hope this makes you stronger
You’re the best friend that I ever had
Such a shame I had to make you so very sad
But just remember that you meant everything to me
And to my heart, you’re the only one that held the key
Now it’s time to go, I’m running out of space to write
And yes I lost my fight, but please just hold on tight
I’m watching over you from the clouds above
And sending down the purest and whitest dove
To watch over you, and be my helpful eye
So this is it, world, goodbye.”
bill’s heart had been broken, he was devastated. tears fell from his eyes as he clutched the note. he watched the paramedics carry your life less body from your house.
the next day he had to inform every one about the events that had happened. everyone was crying. this was even worse than the pennywise incident. he never meant to hurt you or anyone else. he wanted to cry and scream and punch someone. at school there were many sorrows, but none of them were heart felt.
at her funeral many tears were shed. no body really spoke and bill was the most devastated. If only I hadn’t been so selfish, this would have never happened. he went home that day and cried all he could thin about was the pain you had been going through those past few years.
soon graduation was apon them and as bill walked up to the stage to receive his diploma he spotted a white dove perched on the bleachers. he smiled to himself knowing you were okay. and that soon he would be able to have you in his arms again.
snowghoul
dededos
dailybridgerton
discoholicmusic
turnnoffyourmind
