hi i have a new hyper fixation every month

it's nothing official or high stakes and shane's around people he knows so is looser and less Hollander™

which obvi means this is the best time to mouth "fuck you" over and over while flipping his husband off as he tries to make ilya break and either have to start over or just not be able to keep his composure

meanwhile ilya is just !! "no!! turn this camera!! he is-NO DON'T STOP DOING IT NOW. DO IT AGAIN."

*WILDLY fake innocent confused face* "do?? what?? you sound crazy right now."

*camera swings back to ilya*

"well, even with my husband being annoying and mean to me, we are still set up for-NO!! HE IS DOING IT AGAIN!! CATCH HIM!! SHOW THE WORLD WHAT SHANE HOLLANDER I-NO!! DO NOT ACT INNOCENT NOW!!"

every single player just passing behind him and handing him their stick with "hey, you mind?" "hollzy, hold this for me, please?" until he's holding like. a fucking BOUQUET of hockey sticks in one arm.

still SO focused. not breaking at ALL.

shane is expertly holding like 15 hockey sticks at once and the thirst comments are like "wow, i never noticed how big shane's hands are. i wonder how they'd look wrapped around my—"

shane is carrying a teammate in full hockey gear like it's nothing -> "oh he can carry me wherever the fuck he likes" -> "shane hollander if you read this im free on Thursday night and would like you to throw me around. Please respond to this and then throw me around on Thursday night when I’m free”

ilya inevitably ends up having a minor crash out on social media. “i know my husband is hot but his hands are for ME he is carrying and throwing ME. stop thinking about him. he is not free on thursday or any other day. stop asking”

@maplerosekisses

OH MY GOD

shane knows all of the team's kids so never reacts UNTIL the one day he's handed someone's relative's baby they brought to the game

which means the one (1) time shane ever breaks from an interview on camera is to register that he's holding A Mystery Baby, shift babby to look at them better, and SO seriously go, "hello, who are you?", get a squeal in response, and in the same tone go, "well, that doesn't really answer the question."

Ilya: that's not true! I did! In the shower!

Shane: I introduced myself to you at world juniors!

Ilya: that wasn't a move! That was normal introduction!

Shane: Ilya, baby, when have you ever known me to initiate a social interaction with a stranger?