When I was a freshman, my sister was in eighth grade. There was a boy in two of her periods who would ask her out every single day. (Third and seventh period, if I remember correctly.) All day during third and seventh she would repeatedly tell him no. She didnāt beat around the bush, she didnāt lie and say she was takenāshe just said no.
One day, in third period, after being rejected several times, he said; āI have a gun in my locker. If you donāt say yes, I am going to shoot you in seventh.ā
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She refused again, but right after class she went to the principalās office and told them what happened. They searched his locker and there was a gun in his backpack.
When he was arrested, some of my sisterās friends (some female, even) told her that she was selfish for saying no so many times. That because of her, the entire school was in jeopardy. That it wouldnāt have killed her to say yes and give it a try, but because she was so mean to him, he lost his temper. Many of her male friends said it was āgirls like herā that made all women seem like cockteases.
Wouldnāt have killed her to say yes? If a man is willing to shoot someone for saying no, what happens to the poor soul who says yes? What happens the first time they disagree? What happens the first time she says she doesnāt want to have sex? That she isnāt in the mood? When they break up?
Years later, when I was a senior, I was the only girl in my Criminal Justice class. The teacher, who used to be a sergeant in the police force, told us a story of something that had happened to a girl he knew when she was in high school. There was a guy who obviously had a crush on her and he made her uncomfortable. One day he finally gathered up the courage to ask her out, and she said no.
The next day, during an assembly, he pulled a gun on her in front of everyone and threatened to kill her if she didnāt date him.
He was tackled to the ground and the gun was taken from him. When my teacher asked the class who was at fault for the crime, I was the only person who said the boy was. All the other kids in the class (who were all boys) said that the girl was, that if she had said yes he wouldāve never lost it and brought a gun and tried to kill her. When my teacher said that they were wrong and that this is what is wrong with society, that whenever a white boy commits a crime itās someone elseās fault (music, television, video games, the victim) one boy raised his hand and literally said; āBut if someone were to punch me and I punched him back, who is at fault for the fight? He is, not me. Itās self-defence. She started it, so anything that happens to her is in reaction to her actions .Itās simple cause and effect.ā
Even though he spent the rest of the calss period ripping into the boys and saying that you are always responsible for your own actions, and that women are allowed to say no and do not have to date them, they left class laughing about how idiotic he was and that he clearly had no idea how much it hurt to be rejected.
So now we have a new school shooting, based solely on the fact some guy couldnāt get laid, and I see men, boys, applaudin him, or if theyāre not applauding him, theyāre laying blame on women as a whole. Just like my sisterās friends did. Just like the boys in my Criminal Justice class did.
This isnāt something thatās rare. This isnāt something that never happens, or that a select group of men feel as if they are so entitled to women that saying no is not only the worst possible thing a woman can do, but is considered a form of ādefenceā when they commit a crime upon them (whether it be rape or murder-as-a-reaction-towards-rejection).
Girls are being killed for saying no to prom invites. Girls are being killed for saying no to men. They are creating an atmosphere where women are too scared to say no, and the worst part is? They are doing it intentionally. They want society to be that way, they want women to say yes entirely out of fear. Even the boys and men who arenāt showing up to schools with guns are saying; āWell, you know, I wouldnāt do that, but you have to admit that if she had just said yes ā¦ā
If you are a man and you defend this guysā actions or try to find an excuse for it, or you denounce what really happened, or in any way lay blame on women, every girl you know, every woman you love, has just now thought to themselves that you might lose your shit and kill them someday for saying no. You have just lost their trust. And you know what? You deserve to lose it.
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