Fighting For Democracy & Fighting Trump/Musk DOGE

Hi yall, I’m an alcoholic and I relapsed and I’m trying to get back to sober me and it’s really freaking hard but I’m being honest with the support I have around me that I did fall off the wagon and I actually reached out to another person in recovery and I came clean to my supporters that I relapsed and I feel better, a lot lighter. Idk why I’m posting this I guess because if anyone else reading this and is questioning or struggling with their consumption of alcohol and if it’s a problem that they aren’t alone. Not every AA meeting is going to be your solace, or where you finally feel seen and finding that place is also a journey like the entirety of AA. That’s all I’ve got but I’m doing this bc journaling on my physical notebook isn’t helping me like the way I need it to so yeah, I’m turning to tumblr because it hasn’t let me down since I was in high school so here I go. Thanks for reading.

Hey in case your brain is being a liar and mean, you’re valid and you’re not alone.

So my brother asked me how I’m doing. Short answer, not great. Truth be told, I completely unraveled and came undone at the seams. Utter panic. Shear panic. Panic I haven’t experienced in a really long time. I told him I’ve been stressed since I was 12, and before then, hence the by I was professionally diagnosed with a stress induced ulcer in the lower parry of my intestines. You know what he said? “Sarah, that tells me you’ve never worked through any trauma or stress or discomfort since you were 12 years old. Don’t you think it’s about time?” I’m 29 now. And I’ve ran for so long, and I’ve hidden under every bottle I can get my hands on, all of the weed because it makes my nervous system reset and allow me to live in a state of calm verse a state of constant flight or fight. I was diagnosed with PTSD several years back and I still don’t know the full reason or extent of it. I got the diagnosis, I went to my next 2 appointments and then quit because I didn’t want to open that can of worms. Unfortunately, I’m closing in on the day where I am going to have to dive in and really face what my true anxiety is rooted around. My brother and his partner are going to make it a dry house when I enter into alcoholism recovery. My brother is who also rescued me and took me in and who is ensuring I get the help I need, with the assistance of my lovely bestfriend who sounded the alarm that I was severely not okay. They make me want to live again. I don’t know how I want to live as in I still don’t know what I want to do for a living or where my place is in this world or my purpose but they believe in me so much an I trust them so they obviously something in me right? Alison really has changed my life bc she’s seen me at the absolutely rock bottom and she always shows up. She’s always there for me. I cannot describe how that has healed my inner child of fear of abandonment. It’s crazy. I never thought she would be friend after I went to college. I thought for sure she would fade away just like everyone else. Except, she didn’t. She stuck with me. Alison, if your reading this you saved my life so many times but I really just want you to know, I would sacrifice anything for you. If I needed Julia’s chasers first born son for some witch ritual, I would make sure I had him there. Because you wouldn’t do anything less than that for me. And every cell of my body loves you for it. I can feel your love on my body which is crazy but I swear it to be true because I can feel you and almost hear you when I’m really honest to god 4am not okay, I feel your presence like a guardian angel with me when I’m at my saddest most vulnerable. I love you endlessly.

Real quick. Do you ever slip a nip an tell her she’s gorgeous? Because you should. Don’t be embarrassed. Be proud of her confidence!! U go girl

I currently have 81 unread text messages and 3 voicemails I haven’t listened to. I can’t even read or respond to text messages. How pathetic.