once again it’s a little bit of “ryan whelan is aussie in a way you will never understand” but ryan is not the soft hair-stroking “i love you so much baby” words of affirmation golden retriever that twitter seems to think he is. this kid is fighting for his life against 17 years of socialisation which tells aussie teen boys that asking for help or talking about their feelings or not taking a joke is the cardinal sin.
ryan who holds naim close in bed in the morning and kisses him tenderly and there’s worlds of love and affection in the gentle brush of their mouths and his heart feels full to bursting with the terrifying, perfect knowledge that this boy could do anything to him and it wouldn’t change a thing about the way he feels and says “cunt your breath fucking stinks”.
ryan who looks at naim across the table when they’re out with friends for drinks and his expression is so unbearably soft and fond that naim can’t even meet his eyes and ryan who nudges naim’s foot under the table just to make sure they’re still touching, always touching, and ryan who laughs like a lovesick fool at every one of naim’s lame jokes and ryan who slings an arm around his shoulder when they’re walking home from the tram stop and says “you’re so fucking annoying when you’re drunk”.
ryan who gets on his knees for naim at every opportunity, ryan whose singular focus and slavish worship makes naim feel like the only man in the world, ryan who runs his filthy mouth just for the pleasure of seeing naim blush, ryan who picks naim up from uni every afternoon and makes his coffee every morning and brushes kisses on naim’s neck whenever they pass in the kitchen, ryan who looks at naim and wonders if love feels like this for everyone else, like a sun inside him, like an ocean, like a flower blooming again and again, ryan who tries to say you’re so perfect, i’m made for you, i’m yours, i’d rather be dead than not be yours, but can only manage “you know i’d do anything for you, right?” and even that is so raw and revealing that he feels naked right down to his soul.
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