Hey Handlers, former Hound speaking. I know you asshole hate fun and snacks, but considering I just finished pasting a bunch of fuckheads who refused to feed their Hounds basic MREs and only used The Paste, I'm making this as a way to save you from your own stupidity. Let your Hounds snack, it's good for the mind and keeps them happy. And no, a single almond does not count as a snack, don't be a suburbanite beige mom with an eating disorder. Without further ado, here's the best fuckin snacks for your freaky beasties when they get hungry:
Jerky. I've ranted about it before, and I'll say it again. High protein, stimulating to eat, works the jaw to prevent the muscles from weakening, it's great! Honorable mention goes to any kind of cured meats that are shelf stable and snackable during flights, especially shoutout to pemmican for being versatile very versatile.
Trail Mix. A classic for a reason, customize it for each of your Hounds' tastes for an even better response! Trust me, making it by purchasing bulk ingredients saves you money in the long term. Also, for further brain stimulation, you can have the Hounds pack their own snack bags for missions, with supervision of course.
Peanut-Butter Pretzel Bites. I don't know what mad bitch thought of these things, but HOLY FUCK! These are a personal favorite, rivaling jerky depending on how drunk I am. Have these on a mission or off mission, and they're perfect. Goes great with beer and/or sports drinks.
Tuna+Crackers snack packs. Ok these are my absolute favourite, specifically the chili ones with an actual pepper inside. Slice some cheese up to go with them, and they're a perfect late-night snack. They do smell quite strong, but frankly, you've probably smelled worse in the kennels or Handler breakroom. Honorable mention to tinned herring fillets, delicious.
Instant hotpots. Ok, don't give these to the lobotomite Hounds, or they will make a mess. However, if you've got a Hound on a long deployment, pack a few of these alongside the normal MREs. They taste great, they've got lots of meat and veg, and they get just as hot if not hotter than the MREs. Praise be water-activated heating packs, my beloveds.
Bread. Deadass just some bread. Doesn't even need to be garlic bread, just some proper fuckin rolls and an optional spread to go with it. No notes, bread just good.
Hardboiled eggs, with optional mayo. Alternatively, just a tub of egg salad with a spoon. Godddd this shit is good when you're craving eggs and want to egg-max. I just typically put mayo on the eggs between bits and make egg salad in my mouth, because I'm a disgusting little freak. Deviled Eggs are my absolute favourite of this, and I will be bribed any day by those, because they aren't my favourite snack food, but instead one of my favourite buffet items. Yes I have multiple conditional lists, I'm a foodie.
A jar of pickles. Yes, I'm not joking, if your Hound was something tangy when piloting and you don't mind the cockpit smelling briny, give them a jar of pickles. The large gherkins are the best, and chugging a cold jar of pickle juice hits better than a sports drink I find... fuck one sec I have a jar in my fridge I need to go deal with...
And that's a list of snacks to give your pilots! Just remember: at the bare minimum, I expect to see the MREs. If I get another malnourished Hound in my hangar, someone is getting crucified by my rivet gun.
