you're so fine you blow my mind

And we wouldn’t want it any other way! Seriously, I’m sure the way that you made us look at food is going to keep Mom alive till she’s, like, 800 - if she isn’t already going to live that long because I don’t know how immortality stuff works when it’s rooted in magic and now I gave myself a headache, ouch! Okay, yay! I hate the idea of you feeling left out, but you’ve got the squad and of course you always have me whenever you want me. Cassie’ll understand, she just wants me to be happy and she knows the happiest I get is when I’m with you. I could ask! I don’t know who else she’d dance with, maybe Harry, but I’m sure she’d do it if we asked, like, super duper nicely!

Ew, I hope not, can you imagine how saggy her skin would be by that point? I love mom and like, so want to keep her forever, but at what cost, Masey Mase? At what cost? I mean, she can probably magic away the wrinkles, but that sounds so gross and Gothel of her. And with her! Like, just double checking, you guys are super happy, right? You’re not hiding girl problems from me because you think it’ll make me stop liking her, do you? She like doesn’t have to dance with anyone, as long as you don’t think she’d be super sad watching what a great team we are instead. Um, what about Zac? She’s like, bffs with Zoe and he’s like, Zoe’s almost twin but not as good?

I AM a weenie, thank you! Everyone always looks at me like I’m crazy when I say that, it’s nice to find someone who agrees. And like, no offense, but I’m super glad you and Mason didn’t end up with me and Ems either - I got my soulmate, I have no complaints. I’m not hating on anyone! If anything I’m jealous of people who are great at so many things, since I’m not particularly good at anything, and I admire them like crazy, so it literally has nothing to do with that. I’m not even trying to get you to change your mind, you obviously won’t, I just feel the way I feel about theater regardless, sorry about it.

Oh...kay. I guess I sort of expected you to like, defend your honor, but suit yourself! Well, your opinion’s still totes wrong; if people have the time and enthusiasm to do a play and it’s like, good enough for the director, then that’s what counts, not your weird made up rules about theater club.

I can’t believe Gossip Girl was written about teenagers - it would seem so much more believable as young adults, even, maybe, but there’s a certain layer of intense fiction about their actions and characters that maybe it wouldn’t have made much of a difference anyway. Every Bring it On has a romantic plot? That’s interesting, I didn’t know that - does it ever take precedence over the cheerleading plot or are they more interwoven, would you say? Oh, people write all sorts of alternative universes on the Internet, I wouldn’t doubt it. I would like that very much, though! At the very least, it’ll be something to read and I feel like I’ve been shirking on my bibliophile ways as of late, thank you, Madison.

I mean, at least the show like, sent them to college after two years? But like, drinking laws were a thing, I wish they didn’t make it seem like it’s so super easy to get a fake idea. I’m pretty sure? Like, the musical def. does and the Hayden Panettiere one def does and the first one def does and the one with Christina Milian def does? Oh, and the Ashley Benson one, too, so I’m totes only unsure about Bring It On Again because the cast is supes unmemorable and I haven’t seen it in ages. The cheerleading’s always the most important, though, for suresies. Do you count like, online stories as reading, then? Most people pretend it’s not as good as reading a real book, I don’t know why, it’s still something.

I can’t even imagine what my dads reaction to hearing that would be, so that’s probably for the best; you and I are always going to be the same age and be schoolmates, though, which I certainly hope changes the way people look at me versus the way they look at him. It’s crazy to think the next generation is going to look at me like that…but I digress, my apologies. ROAR is highly fun to watch, yes! I’m sure Lydia wouldn’t mind if you tried out but it’s very kind of you to let her have her sport, Head Cheerleader. I…don’t think it’d be weird, no? Blake and I never mind when our friends join in on activities, and ice skating doesn’t have to be datey if the situation is right; besides, Mason and Cassie are two of the most agreeable people on the planet, but you know this. Antiheroes are fascinating, I’m glad there’s such variety! It sounds like you’ve really thought this through, Madison, I’m so happy for you!

It deffo does! I mean, we always knew you were going to be the king someday, but it was easy to get to know you as like, a person and not a crown, too, since you were just like the rest of us for so long. You’re totes going to seem like an old fuddy duddy to them, it’s way better to just accept it now. But like, your friends come in pairs, right? Like, Emma and Persephone, Becca and Oliver, Amelia and Gwen, it’s never like a tricycle, just like two bikes biking on the same path. But you’re obvi right, I mean, if anything, Cassie’s what makes us a tricycle, not me. Totally -- I mean, I know I’m a cheerleader, but I’m not dumb. I def think stuff through before I decide to do it.

I mean… I guess I can come see it, I would have considered playing football if I didn’t have any better choices. And you guys do cheer really loud for us, so we could show some support back. Still… you might wanna consider actually writing that tourney musical, you’re smart enough to do that, right?

Obvi we’re smart enough to do it! Are you willing to be my tourney correspondent when I need to make sure scenes are good enough, though? I mean, you’re the captain now, there’s like nobody better than you.

Oh! Well, I recommend it, when you’re a bit older, obviously; David Foster Wallace is probably better as a late-in-life book, if I’m being honest. Gossip Girl, though, I never read, but I imagine it’s the same sort of feeling. A cheerleading musical based on high school does seem a bit more family friendly too, rather than people living in apartments or whatever exactly Rent was about, it’s true; nothing risque inherently woven into the plot, and a chance to preach same-sex tolerance and love. I love it. I thought Bring It On was more of a sports movie and less of a rom com, but regardless, they don’t always get together in rom coms so I thought it prudent to ask; the media  has enough women who love women not getting their happy ending, these potential gay cheerleaders deserve better. Why could Missy and Torrance not simply ended up together? I understand the explanation of how easy it would be to gender swap the love interest, but I watch the first movie in preparation of this conversation and I was almost sure Missy and Torrance would fall in love. 

It’s super scandalous, but the characters are teenagers so like, I read it even though it was super not stuff Mason or I would ever do. I mean, sports are totes a thing too but it’s like, comedy and there’s always a romance, there’s never a movie where the head cheerleader doesn’t get a love story too! Missy and Torrance would have been a super cute couple now that you mention it; like, I kind of wonder if someone’s written that alternative universe on the internet, I’d read it. If I find one, do you want me to link it to you? It’s like, not the same as seeing it on screen but I bet it would be totes satisfying still.

Please, like anyone could get foot fungus OR tummy issues if they’re listening to your advice! But phew, that’s good to know - nothing could change my mind about you at this point either, unless….hmm, I was going to say unless you willingly broke the twin telepathy bond to get me out of your head forever, but even then I’d probably forgive you and really really miss you! The best twins will win, like we always do #twinning! Cassie’s single friend would probably be Harry, but she doesn’t like pressuring him, but whoever you end up going with, the dance needs some twin time. We could show off our sibling dance routine and make everybody jealous! It wouldn’t be a dance if I didn’t get to dance with you. OH and we need pictures together! For Mom!

You’re right, my super healthy diet recommendations make sure that people’s bodies are in the best shape in every single way. I’d miss you like way too much if I did that, it wouldn’t just be making you suffer, it would be making me suffer too! Oh, yeah, totes don’t pressure him, that’s fine. It’s nbd, I promise; the squad and I will have a great time but I’m so stealing you for a few dances, okay? You could tell Cassie to film us so that we can save the moment forever, unless you think she’d like, want to dance with somebody else while you’re busy?

Because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to devote enough time to it! Like, sure, I could probably make most rehearsals, but the Drama Club meetings and fundraisers and stuff…it seemed like a lot. And I wasn’t ready for that much responsibility. I’d love it if it was cool to sign up whenever, but I dunno, I personally wouldn’t sign up unless I knew I could sign up for good. Super supportive is good! Maybe super supportive means more creative input which means less of a chance of it clashing with your cheer camp thingy! Don’t you and your bro do that every year? Like, seriously, can you actually get better at cheerleading at all at this point or do you just go to feel superior? Because I soooo would.

Okay, well, it just kind of sounds like you’re a weenie. Like, you don’t have any other extracurriculars, you’re just sort of too lazy to spend a lot of time on something? Super not an attractive quality, you’re lucky Becca likes you anyway. And you’re making me super glad that Mason and I didn’t end up with you and Emma, although at least she’s super dedicated to her garden. Okay, except… one play is like a whole cycle, that is for good if you’re in the play from beginning to end. Stop being so weird and elitist, it’s like you hate people who are good at more than one thing or something. You can always get better at cheerleading. You can learn new moves as they’re invented, and it’s supes important to bond with your team when you get new members to make sure you’re ready to all cheer together.

They’re longer than my torso is, like, ratio-wise! So believe it or not, my legs could be shorter! I know horses don’t go inside you, yuck, but that was a thing people believed, and it did apparently pop hymens, even if that’s like so not a real or good indicator of “virginity” - side saddle is cool looking, though, pretend you’re a fancy lady riding through town in hopes of finding a rich husband and ….well, you get the idea, it’s fancy! I get not wanting to leave the sibling but eventually you guys have gotta start looking for people or there’ll be no one left! You’ll be like the last two animals who didn’t get on Noah’s ark! You can teach someone how to do the splits?! Because YES PLEASE.

Jelly! Long legs would be amazing for kicks in our cheer routines but I just have normal length ones, it’s like my biggest flaw as a captain. I heard boys telling each other that hymens were fake! You could even dress up in a fancy gown and like, really go big with the whole thing. He’s already found a person, for now at least. I mean, Cassie’s super sweet to him so if they stay together forever I won’t be like, mad about it. But he’s allowed to keep looking, too, if it doesn’t feel right! I’d never like, get more attached to his girlfriend than I am to him. It takes a lot of time and like, stretching to build up your flexibility? But I bet someday you’ll be able to do it!

It’s a little inappropriate to say to the King of the kingdom, but I also happen to be Will, your classmate who’s totally fine with you alluding to the sex I could potentially have with my committed boyfriend - and it’s definitely worth a suggestion to him, I’ll let you know. If we watch the movie, I mean, not necessarily about the “and chill” part. Oh, I know what you mean - growing up I really liked playing ROAR and thought it would help with tourney, but the throws are completely different. It was an unlearning process, which sucked, but ultimately I think made me stronger in tourney than I would’ve been if I were coasting. Arendelle and their ice rinks are always open, though; if you end up becoming a prized figure skater as well as a head cheerleader, I think you may just take the cake as far as athletes at this school, though, most only do one sport at most. Yes, no, absolutely, being in charge takes a lot of time - I’m already curious how you’ll balance cheer and the musical at once but I have total confidence in you. So there’s more than one protagonist in Bring it On? That’s nice - a few people can all feel like the stars. It’s a mainly female cast, too, right?

Okay, phew! I mean, I totes would have never said that to your dad, but he wasn’t the tourney captain while I was the head cheerleader, or in my classes since I was a little girl. Way diff. I’ll just like assume the ‘and chill’ part, but we don’t need to talk about that part of things. ROAR is so fun to watch, though; I’m like super into watching it, I even thought about trying out for it but I’ll like, let Mulan’s daughter have her only girl thing in that, just like Gracie had the only girl thing on tourney for ages. Maybe we’ll start with like, friends just skating in a straight line; I mean, would it be weird if I went and did that with Mason and Cassie? Ice skating is kind of datey but I can so do my own thing. Totally, although one seems like an antihero at first kind of until you get to know them, I guess? You have to see the show and see but most of the cheerleaders could easily be genderswapped if more boys try out.

If anything ever could make me less awesome to you, I hope we never find out what it is! Being your fave is totes my fave occupation. Gosh, when you’re right, you’re right - Bring it On the Musical was, like, made for us! I’ll see you in the spotlight, because I’m sure you’re going to get one of the leads, if not the lead. I don’t neeeeed a date chaperone, but….are you getting a date? Because if you are we can totes double and then it’s not like you’re “taking care of me” or whatever, it’s like we’re all hanging out! Which is normal!

I think even if you got like, a foot fungus or “fell down” a bunch of mudslides everyday because you had bowel issues or something, then like, I’d still think you were the greatest; maybe nothing can change my mind at this point. May the best set of twins get the best set of parts -- um, no offense to the La Bouffs, of course. Nobody’s asked yet, but that’s okay, I can totes have a girls night with the squad. Or if Cassie has like, a single friend or something, I could go with them or whatever. It is our first prom, we should probs at least get to hang out a little.

I’ve long established with myself that I’ll never understand what normal people are like but that’s fine, I’ll stick to hearing about it through other people’s eyesss. I’m just saying the fews things I know about it, almost having signed up last year, but if you manage to make everything work and it’s way less complciated than I’m saying, even better. And even more of a chance that I’ll actually join up my senior year. How’s the process of getting it to be a show coming along?

Well, why did you end up not signing up? And would you have like, wanted to be discriminated against later on just because you couldn’t decide whether you wanted to do it or not at the beginning of the year? Because I bet you totes would have rather been able to just sign up for the show anyway. I mean, the drama teacher seems super supportive? But I don’t know if it’s going to be the spring musical or like, she’s going to do it for a summer community theater thing. I hope she doesn’t do that,, though, I have cheer camps then.

Yeah, horseback riding sounds like the least comfortable thing anyway; not to the point where it got rid of girls’s virginities like all the wives’s tales used to say, but enough to get like butt sores and stuff, which does not sound cute. I don’t think I could ride a horse unless it was, like, a pony. I would say maybe you should get a husband to not shoot, but one of the cool things about being non-royal girls is no pressure in that deparment, or at least, less, but like YOU CAN DO A SPLITS, how do you not have a boyfriend?! Eh, I usually quit before exercise becomes a habit but I’m hoping.

Your legs are like super short, so I can imagine that it’s extra hard for you. Um, what? A horse is like, way fatter than a boy part, it doesn’t go up inside of you, that’s just cray cray. You could ride side saddle like the old fashioned ladies in Anne of Green Gables and stuff, though. Ugh, I wouldn’t want the pressure to get married -- like, I’d prefer to stay with Mason as long as I can before I’m supposed to look out for like, some other boy instead of him. Can you not do splits? They’re super easy, I can try to teach you the stretching to be able to do it.

Twelve is too young for a lot of things, sadly - that was my age when I first attempted reading Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace and so much of it went completely over my head. I’m glad we’re at the age where such content is much more easily digestible for us, be it ridiculously long novels or sexualized musicals. A relationship forbidden for reasons other than gender would be amazing! It would be very much a normalization of homosexual relationships which the world could only use more of. Would the girls end up together, though? Because that matters in terms fo representation. A lot of leaders half-butt it! Not here, obviously, because Will is doing a lot of work that I applaud him for, but throughout history, if the books indicate anything - I’m glad you aren’t added to their ranks.

I’ve like never heard of that book but I know mom said I was waaaay too young when I tried to read Gossip Girl, if that counts for anything. Totally, but since all of Auradon Prep is like one gigantic school with little kids and stuff do we have to be kind of careful. Yeah, I mean, Bring It On is a romcom, the couples always get together in the end. Like, imagine if the first movie, Missy didn’t have a brother, she had a sister and that’s who Torrance ended up with instead. That kind of thing! How do people who half-butt things end up in charge anyway? It like, super baffles me.

Maybe we will! I’ll suggest it to him, at the very least, or maybe I’ll do something like that with Emma instead - she seems like she’d be more amenable to sittin gstill that long. I saw her in Ice Princess, actually! Movies that include royalty in the title called to me, even when they weren’t actually about princesses, as it turned out; it was a great flick, though. I really liked the undertones of stressing to be the best and the spirit of determination. Do you think you could ice skate if you tried? It seems to me that a lot of the skill sets from cheerleading and ice skating cross over but of course I could be really wrong. I want to be well-rounded, I do! I’m helping Becca start a literary magazine, but I could afford something more artsy, so long as I don’t have to cheerlead. I’m an athlete but only barely, I doubt I could handle the stunts. I take it you’ll be trying out for the lead?

Really? I mean, if you guys like, Bring It On and chilled maybe Blake would be into it? Sorry, is that like inappropro to say to the King of the kingdom, though? I don’t know, like ice skating seems super hard but I’m in great shape? It just depends if I had to like, unlearn cheerleading skills to be able to do it, I’m kind of old for somebody just starting, you know? I should like hang out in Arendelle more and learn just how to go in straight lines first before I start thinking about flips and twists and stuff. Oh, really? A literary mag sounds totally cool, I wish I had time to work on that too but I’m sure you remember that being a captain of a year round team keeps you busy busy busy. Totally! Any of the head cheerleaders, really, even if I get left behind at the other school and turn out to be a total backstabbing biatch.

A musical about cheerleaders? Seriously? Please tell me it at least like, heavily features them cheering at tourney games or something to make it more interesting.

A musical about cheerleaders is amazing! Not that one about tourney players couldn’t be too, but no one has written it yet, and choreographed tourney plays might be just a teeny tiny bit harder to rehearse. Sadly, though, they’re totes cheering for a football team instead, so there’s literally no tourney at all, but you’ll still come see it, right?

OMB, yay! I didn’t know I cheered in my sleep, though, I thought that was just you, but I should’ve guessed because #sleeptwinnin is so a thing! I would think it’s the theater teacher, but I honestly never paid much attention to the drama llama so I could totes be wrong. We would do such awesome rewrites, even if it has to be sexed down - we should also probably decide who we’re going to try out for because, well, would it be the most unfair to totally Ryan and Sharpay style dominate this??? Thank youuuu for being the best sister ever. You should totes join me and Cassie sometime soon, though, my Massie time is missing my Mads!

You do! You’re such an inspiration; I wish everyone on the squad were as great as you. Although then that might like dilute your awesomeness, but you’re my wombmate; could anything really mess up how totes great you are? Um, no — if we’re the best team, why should we take backstage to other people? Fair is being the best and getting the best parts, so I’m totes going to go out for one of the leads. Probs the poor girl who had to change schools and join a new team, but I could be the head cheerleader from the other school, too, and like, not be completely offended. Do you need like a date chaperone? Because I thought you didn’t want me to do that, but life is like way sadder on my own, so if it’s okay with you I’d love to.