i can go the distance

Being the best at slacking is still winning at something at least. I was always an MVP if you think about it that way. Maybe you’ll get a baby cactus you can wear around your wrist, you’re tough enough to handle that, right? Yeah, no, I would’ve marched right up to Mount Olympus and offered to give Hercules like all my camels for the chance to take you dancing one night. It would be a death march, because I’m sure Zeus would strike me down in a second, but you could rescue me from your weird Uncle Hades so we’re good. Nah, my promposal probably would’ve been more of a rigging the scoreboard thing at the next game to ask or something, but eh, a reputation based on camels is fine but effort? Is not a good look on me.

AW, congrats, your name could have gone down in the yearbook by ‘Laziest’ or ‘Most Pathetic’ for your superlative if I hadn’t turned your life around. Pfft, of course I can handle a baby cactus, although if it starts to scratch me I’m taking it off and throwing it at someone, my wrists need to be in top shape at all times. Grandpa Zeus loves camels! Maybe. I actually have no idea if he does or not, it just would have been really hilarious to watch. Uncle Hades would love a visit from me, although if he tried to trade my life for yours, sorry, I’m leaving you right the hell behind. Effort’s a good look on the tourney field, don’t you forget it! But erasing our beautiful winning score to ask me to prom? I’d have been so pissed!

Maya: I thought you were known for your brawns, not your brains :-P

Maya: Damn you just won't quit

Maya: Maybe next fall. MAYBE. But you'll have graduated so you'll never know mwahaha

Maya: Oh, cow brains isn't that bad at least, it's nasty but it doesn't make you all seem like zombies at least

Gracie: I am, but it's prom season, which means everyone else around here is being an idiot :-p

Gracie: I'm very persistent.

Gracie: You think I won't still come back to see if whoever takes my place has let my team fall apart? :-p

Maya: Damn :-P I would've denied you guessed the right hot guy even if you did tho so good move

Maya: Stealing stuff is a more *fun* kind of effort. Earning it is...way less of a thrill.

Maya: At least it wasn't human shit, but my mom liked mixing weird potions to try to make us magic and it ended up being, like, part newt blood and part dish water and part guano and just...no thank you. Even the snails here taste good but BRAINS? Yall eat brains?!

Gracie: Smarter than your average Auradonian :-p

Gracie: Clearly proof you need to come play tourney and see for yourself how good it feels to be rewarded for hitting people with a stick :-p

Psh, heck no. I’m in high school, now is the time to waste time in that field, anyway, so long as I kick butt at something. Which I do, thanks to you. Yeah, yeah, whatever - you can wear as much or as little as you want, I couldn’t care less. It’s not like we’d be posing for senior prom pics or anything, or doing the weird wrist flower thing, so it’s not like it matters, and it’s not like I really want to go, but we’re seniors. Having a good time and leaving to have a better time sounds alright in my book. And - yeah, wow, you’re right, saying more just makes it sound like I’m a secret Tim type who wishes he’d done a promposal instead. Which I’m not. Obviously.

And don’t you forget it, Agrabah; you were like slacker central before I got to you. Somehow I have a feeling your sister’s not letting you out of the house without a flower, but sure, you tell yourself you’re not showing up with nice things for me, it’s fun to watch you kid yourself. Would your promposal have involved camels? I’ve heard they’re kind of your schtick, you’ve got a real reputation these days

A musical about cheerleaders is amazing! Not that one about tourney players couldn’t be too, but no one has written it yet, and choreographed tourney plays might be just a teeny tiny bit harder to rehearse. Sadly, though, they’re totes cheering for a football team instead, so there’s literally no tourney at all, but you’ll still come see it, right?

I mean... I guess I can come see it, I would have considered playing football if I didn’t have any better choices. And you guys do cheer really loud for us, so we could show some support back. Still... you might wanna consider actually writing that tourney musical, you’re smart enough to do that, right?

Maya: You have eyes, you know :-P The one hot one, duh

Maya: Earning isn't as much as stealing, it's like effort and effort is gross

Maya: Dude, you don't wanna know

Maya: Unless you do

Maya: In which case the answer is semi literally eat shit :-P

Gracie: This seems like a trap. No way am I calling any of my teammates hot to you, especially if I end up guessing the wrong one :-p

Gracie: Stealing stuff without getting caught is effort, too, this is just a different sort of effort.

I….have even less of an idea than you do, actually. Damn. Now I’m starting to wish I’d actually noticed anyone else in high school, but oh well, at least it’s almost over soon. But, you know, there’s another way to avoid being voted that, and that’s take an even hotter girl to prom with me - what about it, Girlcules? You want a lowkey “date” who won’t care if you don’t wear a dress and would be cool ditching early to go watch a tourney game or something? Because the future is all far off and unknown but like, prom doesn’t have to be unknown or weird or anything. It can just be chill. 

Aww, does somebody feel like they were wasting all their time on Emma and Bethany and not seeing there’s a great big world out there? ‘Because honestly, Agrabah, you at least did the tourney thing so you’re better off than a lot of people are, I’m sure. You’re asking me to go to prom with you? And I don’t even have to wear a dress? Well damn, how could I resist that last part? Throw in a trophy and I’m there; if you’re going, then I’ll seem like a real slacker on the social scene, and I won’t even have anyone to train with during the dance instead. Yeah, yeah, you’re better off if you quit talking while you’re ahead, Agrabah, don’t try to sell it so much, you almost seem like you want to go.

Okay, so I have a brilliant beyond brilliant idea: Bring It On the Musical. I know it already exists, but like why has Auradon Prep never put it on as our spring musical? It’s totes the only way to make sure all of the most talented people in school are in it, since I’m sure Mason and I would lead a flock of cheerleaders to the auditions. Thoughts, Auradon Prep Drama Club? Classmates who would be filling the audience to watch our future masterpiece? Anyone?

A musical about cheerleaders? Seriously? Please tell me it at least like, heavily features them cheering at tourney games or something to make it more interesting.

Seems to me the answer then is to get in good with the yearbook people to avoid a Gavany disaster, thanks for the idea, Champ, you’re the real one! So, what you’re saying is that you want me to win so that you can get even better? I’ll try to win, then. For you and your endless college tourney potential, because I probably won’t even play in college, I don’t think. Or I hadn’t planned on it, I guess, but I don’t know, everytime I start thinking about the future I snap the hair tie around my wrist and stop. Hmmmm, there’s plenty of demi-god guys who’d love to be fake-paired up with you. It’s all about who annoys you the most, Nicest Eyes.

Who’s even on the yearbook status? You feel free to go for that but like… I literally have no idea who those people are, I’ve never bothered to pay attention, not even when they come interrupt practice to take those annoying team pictures of us. Really? You’re probably good enough by now if you did want to, and it would be kinda cool to have some familiar teammates out there with me. But less competition for me; I’m not going to complain if you’re too lazy to get your butt out there and keep keeping up with me. Well, I don’t give any of the other demigod guys the time of day, so good luck with that. Can it really annoy me if I don’t even know who they are, Cutest Couple?

Maya: There's, like, only one dude on the team hot enough to stare at, pass :-P

Maya: Who needs trophies? It's a waste of perfectly good metal.

Maya: I could be :-P But I kinda like not having to do anything. It's a nice difference from home.

Gracie: Oh yeah? And who’s that? I gotta be prepared when you start distracting one of my teammates.

Gracie: I thought villain kids stole shit to have as trophies. What’s wrong with earning one a different way?