يَا هَوى يَا هَوى

hi i am alive. i miss being on here so bad but like idk its just like idk what to rb n post abt n stuff... uhmmmmmmmmmm. yeah

i miss being on thmblr but its not working out for me like its not doing it gkfjfkfk

cant say this anywhere but here. anyways i have a second date w this girl tmrw n my ex also has a date. why tf does she have a date. i can have a date bcs its wtv im the heartbroken one but she broke up w me so why is she on a date she should be in her room reflecting on her mistake. im upset 😒😒😒 like good for me im trying to heal n move on but she shouldn’t be like. she should be beating herself up about what she did to me. idk i’m a little bitter n resentful lately. i miss her a lot :/ i really really do. why does it have to be like this. i’m so late on school work i risk failing 3 courses. i miss her so bad u guys its pathetic maybe idk. i miss her ): i miss the comfort of having her there n i miss having a safe space n i miss the encouragement and support n like having this constant positive presence ughhhhhhhh fuck

omg im so miserable it’s embarrassing sorry u guys just been posting negativity for 2 weeks now xxx

i dont feel good nothing feels good to me rn n i cant distract myself from thinking abt the break up n i cant stop finding new ways to blame myself even though… it isnt really my fault but im struggling to see how its not my fault. n im sick of talking to ppl about it bcs i feel annoying and i feel invalidated and its like everyone’s talking to me like im a kid who knows nothing and my arm hurts from writing in my journal. and i miss her lol. and i dont want to see anyone bcs im either not present or im talking abt her or something n i cant enjoy my time w anyone rn and i dont wanna go clubbing and go party and go get drunk!!! but its bad that im isolating myself so i rlly dont know what to do ): i just miss her n its so hard spending my weekends at home its so draining n i regress every time. n when we were tgt i would sleepover at hers every friday or saturday so at least id get a bit of time out of the house. but now im home during the entire weekend and i miss her i miss her i miss her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it’s been two weeks lol. i want to d1e

it is so humiliating to watch everyone around you be in relationships and function like a normal person seemingly so easily while ur stuck getting ur heartbroken n still having to muster up the energy n motivation to go to therapy n work on urself like i don’t understand… why not me!!! why not me. why is it so hard FOR ME!!! this isnt fair like this just isnt fair why do my friends who dont go to therapy and who dont work on themselves so proactively get love and long term relationships and stuff while im like… ive been so proactive abt healing for two years and it just… doesnt last like i wanna kms a little i don’t understand why im so hard to love i rlly hate to think about myself like this but idk like idk how else to explain it. why does no one stick like why why why why why why!!!!!

its so crazy that like. my life is real rn and i have to experience this pain and like its so much pain theres so much pain. i dont understand why theres so much pain