to william herondale, with love
you have two options when it comes about will.
you can choose to stay in the surface, to think of him as a sassy, sarcastic, superficial and selfish man who doesn't give a shit about anything nor anyone except for jem, who makes insensitive jokes and doesn't care if he hurts people.
or you can choose to know him. the little parts of him that make him wonderful, sweet, delicate and caring. and, oh, how much love will fill your heart when you realise how much he deserves to be loved.
and how much he craves it.
will is sarcastic, yes. he's funny, he pulls off jokes like it's nothing, he makes people laugh, he sings the demon pox song and makes everyone think he's a little crazy.
but he's also the kid who left his family too young because he thought he was cursed and he loved them too much.
he's also the kid who thought no one could ever love him anymore.
he's also the kid who felt terribly lonely after leaving his family.
he's also the kid who wanted jem to be his parabatai so badly he didn't care he was sick and that he would leave him too soon.
he's also the kid who didn't want people too close to him because he loved them and didn't want anything bad to happen to them. jem was different. it wasn't just because he was sick, it's because he was jem. because jem saw who he truly was when no one else did. his heart beat because jem's did as well.
he's also the man who loved to read. the man whose name will still be dancing in the walls of the library centuries later. the man who found a safe place between books.
he's also the man who was so in love with tessa he tried to break the curse after years of living like that, because his love was so pure, so deep, so real, he had to do something.
he's also the man who put his hands into the fire to save jem's yin fen, because he couldn't imagine a life without him. because he didn't want a life without him.
he's also the man who was desperately in love with tessa, but made himself scarce because he couldn't put his own happiness over tessa and jem's. because he saw how good they were to each other.
he's also the man who held jessamine in his arms when she died too young.
he's also the man who let jem go when he told him he didn't want to live like that anymore even though it would forever break him and he would take a part of his soul with him.
he's also the man who went to save tessa even when he felt his heart getting carved out of his chest when jem died.
he's also the man who learned how to have his sister next to him again, the man who went back to his parents even if he were terrified.
he's also the man who made sure tessa never doubted for a second that he was devoted to her.
he's also the man who travelled the world with her and wrote her letters to show his love.
he's also the man who made sure to love his children loudly, to tell them he was proud of them and that they weren't monsters.
he's also the man who fought against injustices in the clave.
he was also the man who died surrounded by his loved ones (because he was, in fact, so loved).
he was also the man watching jem and tessa's wedding dream since the other side of the river, being happy for them.
will was the man with a heart so big he didn't know what to do with all the love he held in it.
when someone asks me, but why do you love him so much? well, how can you not? how, when he tried to love so quietly but he was screaming, when he was trying not to care but he cared more than anyone.
will herondale was, is and forever will be the character i hold closest to my heart, the character who made me laugh, cry and love the most.
"he lies consistently. he always invents the story that will make him look the worst."
"but it was there, in the touch of his hand on her cheek, in the softness of his voice, in his eyes when he looked at her. it was the way she had always dreamed a boy would look at her. but she never dreamed up someone as beautiful as will, not in all her imaginings."
"all my life, since i came to the institute, you were the mirror of my soul. i saw the good in me in you. in your eyes alone i found grace. when you are gone from me, who will see me like that?"
"against his own will, almost, will felt himself understanding; he would have done anything, he thought, told any lie, taken any risk, to make tessa love him. he would have done— almost anything. he would not betray jem for it. that was the one thing he would not do."
"don’t you see, will? you’re a person like me. you are like me. you say the things i think but never say out loud. you read the books i read. you love the poetry i love. you make me laugh with your ridiculous songs and the way you see the truth of everything. "
"when she tilted her head up and brushed his lips with hers, he cupped her face in his hands. so many years, he thought, and each kiss was new as the break of day."
"wo men shi sheng si ji jiao," said will, and he saw jem’s eyes widen, fractionally, and the spark of amusement inside them. "go in peace, james carstairs."
"and in the shadows they’d whispered, reminding each other of the stories only they knew. of the girl who had hit over the head with a water jug the boy who had come to rescue her, and how he had fallen in love with her in that instant."
"she remembered when will had died, her agony, the long nights alone, reaching across the bed every morning when she woke up, for years expecting to find him there, and only slowly growing accustomed to the fact that side of the bed would always be empty."
"i don’t know how to live in the world as a shadowhunter without will. i don’t think I even want to. i am still a parabatai, but my other half is gone. if I were to go to some Institute and ask them to take me in, i would never forget that. i would never feel whole."
"i miss you. we miss you. someday, we'll all be together. not too soon, my angel tessa. i can wait."
...
"my name is herondale," the boy said cheerfully. "william herondale, but everyone calls me will."
