Faihannah

My aunt’s cat is very shy and hides when there are guests in her house. She semi-trusts my parents and will at least be in the same room as them. Tonight, my dad made some progress:

I want to forget all of this… I want this feelings to go.I want to have my pieces together again because I feel my heart is a mess. I believe dear God is saving someone really good for me.

You asked me why were you the one who still made me happy even after everything. I told you; “- because of the times when you cared for me. And in some ways, I guess I still care for you.” You kept silent and said okay. That punched me in the gut. I’ve always felt that you preferred other people over me. I was never your priority. That you’ve never really loved me eventhough you came back again and again and again I don’t think you love or care for me anymore I think you’re tired of me When you kept silent after I spoke my heart out, I knew. I knew that all the things I felt was true. You don’t love me anymore. You wanted out. I was just a burden that you wish you could just shake off. But I don’t know. I’ve cared for you to the point where I tried to give you all that i could. I showed you my heart and the places that makes me the most vulnerable. I cared eventhough you pushed me away and continuously hurt me with your actions. I stayed eventhough you left. I came back because you asked for another chance. I came back with hopes and prayers that you would realize how much i loved you and that you would change. I loved you eventhough it killed me inside. I thought that maybe we were like Chuck and Blair. We had the fireworks, the drama, the understanding. But now, we’re both cold. And the harder I try, the further you go. I thought that maybe if i fought for you, you would fight for me and what we had. That’s why I fought for us. I fought and i fought. But it’s come to a time where it ends. I can’t fight for you any more because you don’t even feel the same way. You don’t want this. You want yourself, your freedom. Your own life without me. And I’ll be here, praying that I would stop loving you. Praying that I would be okay. Praying that I would be able to let you go and move on. I don’t want to love you anymore. But I do.