🪡brain acid🧶

4.13am

I’m listening to a video and at the same time falling asleep. I’m tired. But I hear radio chatter. And it’s so weird coz I can distinctly hear radio chatter between police officers. I don’t know what they’re saying..

Here’s the video: https://youtu.be/_HY814nJ59Y?si=HHybG9j9K6ePHcDv

i keep hearing the shower running when the bathroom is empty

hearing a lot of humming

i'm actually terrified coz my dream feel so real especially since i've been seeing the shifting video like okg sometimes i shift to my dream reality like tf

i don't know how it works but ok - it was weird coz the surroundings were solid altho at the same time it did feel like i didn't have any control

i also was in an inception where someone had reset my timeline so i was in a stasis for a good while before waking up again and having people talk to me in a foreign language that i didn't understand - there was a lot of that happening but my anchor was actually being a patron fr aidan gallagher

lately been hearing people showering in the bathroom - but the bathrooms empty

been hearing peoples thoughts (not real)

my paranoia been worse coz i be thinking they're talking to me or about me but it's not verbal, so like it's like i hear them thinking nasty things about me

2:13 PM

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something. My brain went, “Oh yeah, those are FBI mice.” Then I got a better angle and saw nothing, so my brain said, “Oh, duh, they went through a portal.”

When I was younger, so many things like this happened—basically, it’s not like a hallucination, but it kind of is???

:((

6/8/24

the bed shook

i’ve been seeing shadow beings a lot now // and hearing vocals of people i’ve never met // sometimes i’d hear my name being called or someone talking to me, without it being any of the others // i have hard delusions since being w my new partner // he knows // i have a new nose ring and i feel so pretty // i’m scared to sleep most nights in fear of the dreams and the episodes

A psychotic (meaning, without regard to reality— and if that’s not what psychotic means, please let me know so that we can remove the word) rant about current world events

If we don’t leave the US, we may get killed.. not that I’m hoping for the others to beat us.. but coz I simply do not know any better. I have no knowledge of history. I trust blindly to what I’m biased of, what I’m familiar with, what feels comfortable to me; the things that have always been there for me.. I don’t even know how I managed to graduate high school.. having DID and remembering stuff do not go well together at all, but I’m glad somehow I was able to go through those 4 years. I fear for what college may bring, fear for all of us.. fear for the future of the world if we stay where we are; silent and still, unmoving.

Hallucinations we’ve had so far

I remember when I was younger and i was sleeping on the couch, the blanket was over my entire body, and as I was waking up- I felt someone sit near my stomach and lay there, hands on my arm, as I was on my side. But, even tho I did feel a dent in the couch, when I looked— there was no dent. Earlier tonight, i felt the bed shake, I felt someone touch my shoulder, my ankle— and i kept hearing doors close; all of which I’ve gotten used to. For a large portion of my life, I’ve always had psychosis, and i thought it was normal, that everyone experienced this— but, apparently it isn’t and they don’t.

Lately, I’ve been hearing voices outside of the voices of the other alters. Very unintelligible and garbled.. idk what they’re saying.. but, I know it isn’t bad. They just sound like they’re deep in conversation with one another, and I’d rather not dissect what they’re talking about. They don’t notice me at all.. which is fine.. they like to be on their own. I’m not sure if they’ve ever wanted my attention— the latest has been me hearing things while listening to a podcast— it came like an interruption; there was TV static for a second, which cleared off, and then the voices were heard for another second, and then TV static again, then it was gone. Idk why, but this doesn’t scare me as I’ve gotten used to it from it happening again and again.

Thoughts about our DID, in relation to others // talking about our DID to our friends, others that we meet when prompted (either online of in person), and our family

Primarily, I wouldn’t know what is normal and what isn’t— mostly coz I’ve not had that gauge put in me.. meaning, I’ve not had the proper tools to discern one from the other (normal > not normal). I’ve explained this concept in therapy; how there is no “one, consistent personality”, and we all emulate everyone that we’ve met so far in the smallest degree- which, to me, makes sense in the way that magnets work.. how they attract other magnets.. and how we all have a our own magnetic field and attract other things to ourselves. Much is the same for humans; we go along our lives collecting pieces and parts of whomever we may meet and incorporate those traits in ourselves coz it’s all we’ve known how to do as children.. coz what do children do— they emulate those they favor (their favorite people), and it’s no surprise that as we grow older, we do the same.