you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

the thing about heavy handed symbolism is that sometimes. it's fun.

brought nothing to the gun fight. whatever man

time to make a post on tumblr. surely no one will interpret it to be as offensive and bad intentioned as possible.

severely deficient in whatever vitamin makes u a person

i would rather see the information for an event handwritten in sharpie on a paper towel than see another AI generated flyer

boyfriend says I have to post something festive for christmas, so just sharing that one time he got his English mixed up when seeing Santa in a shopping mall and he shouted at the top of his lungs "oh!!! whore whore whore!!!"

this is a common occurrence, yesterday he asked me why a cushion said "fuck it till you make it" and a nearby store assistant nearly wound up on the floor she was laughing so hard

Tonight's alltimer was "the alarm went off at work so everyone had to ejaculate"

not now kitten. daddy only planned the first half of his wip, and now he has to figure out what the fuck to do for the other half.

I think people would be less suicidal if they were allowed to talk about being suicidal without risk of being sent to the Torture Dungeon

theyre saying you have to go to work again tomorrow even though you just went today

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

i block ppl all the time so my blocklist ranges from "actual fucking asshole fascist" n "post that mildly annoyed me because im petty" and if i went thru my blocklist rn i probably would have no idea why i blocked each of them but whatever