— not yet corpses, still we rot.

the one & only post I will make here. I’ve been thinking a lot since last night, pondering & over all just self reflecting a bit —- I turn 34 next month, halfway to 40. I’m not particularly happy with myself & the person I’ve been in the past few months or so. How bitter I’ve been, agitated & overall a bit petty. I’m too old to be doing this & frankly makes me disgusted with my own self. I’m not in high school anymore. and I want to do better by myself + my own health.

@avaere / continued drabble response from here.

dainsleif wasn't someone who could predict the future or foresee into peoples lives, unlike his brother. all that he could give was guesses about possibilities that had a chance to maybe happen — his own thoughts based off mere observations or emotions. the twilight sword had never felt anything more then brotherly love, love for his people & those he swore to fight alongside, this had been a whole new playing field when it came to the further reaches of love or romance. something that dainsleif had fully let himself jump into without so much as a second thought.

so yes, he was in fact angry, bitter even, about how things had come to end up. no, dainsleif had never questioned rerir when it came to his loyalty — that had never even passed his mind, not once. what had passed his mind however was whether this would all be enough despite rerir having come to terms with the idea of his deepest desires not coming to fruition. the thought that stayed always in the back of his mind, on whether rerir would resent him in the future for all that dainsleif couldn't give. could a relationship thrive successfully when it came to having to let go of ones desires?

" you should know that's hardly what I meant. " the knights tone was direct while looking to the others line of sight, arms crossing over his chest in the process. dainsleif was casual in the way that he held himself there, not showing a single body motion that hinted at the anger boiling deep inside, despite how withdrawn the man made himself. the only actual hint of the bitterness that stung at the swordsmans heart was the earlier spoken words — ones spoken from the raging emotions within. it hadn't been meant to dismiss his former lovers affections nor what feelings he has for dainsleif but it would seem that was the direction it'd been taken. " your loyalty was never once in question nor was your love. that which I've given to you. all those I know to be the truth. "

dainsleif was earnest when he spoke despite the deep resounding ache in his chest which made him want to claw out the beating heart from within that cage. if only to rid himself of this heaviness weighing him down from the inside. ' what went wrong. was it not enough. was I not enough. ' is what the emotions in dains heart wanted to bring out into words but the mans lips stayed shut in a pause.

how could you know someone so intimately, one moment ... then have it all fall away the next. that weight was beginning to feel heavier with each passing second but still dain had stood there unmoving, even in rerirs cold gaze. oh, did it ache so. the twilight sword didn't say anything more, not particularly planning to give a response to the others declarations. it didn't matter what came from his mouth, what words he spoke to rerir because it'd still end in the same outcome. if not make things worse. dainsleif gradually let his arms slide apart to fall along either side of his body, keeping that gaze for a few lingering moments,

" i'll hold you to that. take care of yourself, rerir. "

gravenlight asked: “… i need your help on a matter, caelus.” flins examined a tourmaline in the palm of his hand — watching how light refracted off its surface. he let silence linger between them, almost as if what he was about to ask of the trailblazer was of grave importance … “… how can a shrimp fry rice?”

it wasn't out of the norm for the nameless to give a bit of a helping hand when it came to the citizens of the planets that the astral express visited — all a part of building connections along the silver rail. flins was one of those such people, having met the rather mysterious man sometime later after the original visit to belobog. he was quite the interesting one really when you considered that the fellow rarely spoke about himself nor gave things up easily. in the terms of speaking that was.

" hm? everything alright? " golden eyes found themselves observing the mans position & the way he seemed to zone off somewhere else in that specific moment. the pause of silence made caelus feel anxious, in suspense, at what could possibly be bothering flins this much. it had to be something rather serious?

" ..... huh. " what? did caelus hear those words right? how does a shrimp fry rice? he hadn't misheard that, that's really the question that'd been asked. caelus didn't really give much in response besides a very bewildered expression on his face. " how does a shrimp fry rice....? " oh how was he going to explain this without making this man look or feel like a complete fool. " flins, it's a type of food. pom pom knows how to whip it up if you'd like to have a taste. it is served with shrimp in it. "

I didn't put every single character under the sun on here but I've just been thinking about characters in terms of how I could see Blade with them. This is based solely on my interpretation of Blade after having done 4.3 -- holding any sort of dynamic would be difficult before 4.3 considering the end result that Blade sought for himself & the struggles he held when it comes to his past self. That is if you were outside of the Stellaron Hunters.

My whole 'could go either way??' category is more so that I could see things in either kind of dynamic whether it's platonic or ends up more then that but it'd solely be dependent on the person I plot with & what their ideas are.

Any Genshin muses listed here are going based off what I have for Yingxing / Blade’s genshin verse.

𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐒 , 𝐶𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑢𝑠.

main v. this follows the standard events of the honkai: star rail timeline including prior to the beginning of the game ( that means stellaron hunter cae would go here but I'll only use that with plotting ).

verse 2. an alternate path for Caelus on the basis of a 'what if' situation. this is following the notion of Caelus deciding to stay on the space station as a means to look more into his existence. i don't have him staying there permanately & deciding to go to the AE after sometime. you can find the full verse information here.

verse 3. caelus's career is mostly that of a streamer, focusing on many different types of content ( ie. gaming. cooking ) while holding a small part time job as a bartender at the same time.

some additional tidbits for Lohen because he has my braincell at the moment.

he has an interest in plants especially carnivorous ones or those that look beautiful but are deadly. lohen would like to visit Sumeru for an extended time just to study some of the wild life.

lohen’s given himself small doses of poison over the span of his life. this is both to build up some sort of immunity to them while having curiosity on the pushing of his own limits.

he tends to be bad about noticing any sort of wounds when it comes to post battle aftercare. it's not that Lohen can't feel the pain but relishes in feeling such things, pushing himself in the heat of battle. he enjoys the thrill of it, the adrenaline, which tends to mask those hidden & quicker placed wounds.

not mentioning any 6.6 leaks here at all but mostly just wanting to make a note of how I see Lohen at least for my portrayal. only because I've seen some fanon stuff that I'd rather turn away right now for me.

the first being that I don't see Lohen as someone whose a sadist or sadistic, I'd say that he has some tendencies but it really depends because Lohen first & foremost is still a knight. lohen is pretty open about his quirks or tendencies so it's not some secret from people on how he is. someone can enjoy combat, the thrill of battle & the feeling of adrenaline while not being some absolute psycho. my vision at least is that he enjoys being able to go neck & neck with those at the same level as him, that allows him to push himself further & further. if he can make them bleed by landing certain shots, bring that side out of them which he feels in himself, to connect with other people in this same way. if you're not that kind of way, not a person who enjoys combat, then Lohen is more likely to just not care honestly. he's not going to pursue things that bare no fruit or don't hold his interest & focus. if he's bored then that's when lohen kind of just fucks off, shrugs or generally doesn't care.

the second being, yandere. i have my own thoughts about lohen when it comes to interpersonal relationships with other people regardless of the type. my thinking for lohen is that he is loyal, nothing can change that, & fiercely so. he'd be the same with people that he cares about but not to the point of being posessive about, protective yes. that depends though on the type of dynamic & person because everyone has different styles of things when it comes to their dynamics with other people. he has respect for people, cares for people ( like mika for example ) & maybe that's odd but if it leads to a good dynamic where he can do what he loves while helping someone out. that's pretty good in Lohen's book, a beneficial relationship, & he'd be pretty respectful to those kinds of people. the man just has an ... odd way about showing his care but it wouldn't go so far as being violent or obsessive towards them since as I said. the one thing I will say which he can be borderline obsessive with is the thought of sparring or fighting with certain others, at least in the sense of asking when he gets the chance. no he won't purposefully stalk someone to constantly ask them because that won't change the answer but there are more patient ways to do so.

I know I posted about this back when I had my Varka on a solo blog but --- I do think a lot about Varka still in terms of when he comes back from the expedition. We don't know 100% all the details but considering his good night line is him saying that he'll keep watch but then backtracks because he realizes that sleeping rough ( as he words ) isn't needed anymore. Breaking those habits about like 5+ years will definitely be hard, adjusting back into a more 'peaceful' life at Mondstadt will be very difficult probably & that's something I'd love to write on. Both the settling back into life ( not purely because of this whole 'oh i hate paperwork' ) but just because it feels weird sitting still behind a desk when you've been on the move for so long.

main v. his main verse is basically the beginning of endwalker events, post ew+, dawntrail & where the game continues to keep going.

verse 2. specifically for the crystal tower raid series events, I see those happening over a span of time ( like months or so ) as opposed to a span of weeks. this only goes up until when he becomes sealed within the tower.

verse 3. holds the events of what happens during shadowbringers. this will include g’rahas time as the exarch prior to the scions coming to the first.

The dynamic in regards to G'raha when it comes to the Warrior of Light could be better described as someone that idolizes another person. G'raha has always been enthralled with tales of heroes & those who fit that hero archetype ever since his youth & the WoL is someone who fits that category to him. When it comes to them, G'raha only knows the tales about the warrior of light in comparison to perhaps their deeper personal feelings & self. It fits how a fan would see that of a celebrity, someone who looks up to & idolizes but has no deep personal connection.

The two do work alongside one another during the Crystal Tower alliance story series ( I see that lasting at least 3 months minimum ) so some connection could be made through there but that would vary per WoL muse. In Shadowbringers however G'raha does all his plans based off that which he has read in books, heard through stories & tales from other people & the fact that the WoL inspires hope among other people. He only knows the WoL on a surface level through other means instead of through the person themselves which is something that he comes to realize during the events of Shadowbringers.