my silent scream for help

so alone

my own system is trying to sabotage my attempts

i dont think i can do this anymore

and thats now

let alone

what i wouldnt give to have his body

or their body

what i wouldnt give to feel pretty

what i wouldn't give to look in the mirror and smile

to not feel fat or ugly

what i wouldnt give to go back to the weight I used to be

what i wouldnt give to be able to fast and starve properly

to actually lose weight fast

i dont even know why

I feel everything

I feel everything with such a force and intensity that it feels like it will consume me crush me drown me

but it is inside

contained within this singular being with nowhere to escape to

and i have nowhere to escape from it

I try to cut it out

to starve it out

I cannot talk it out

hello, sorry, not to bother you or anything, but like can we maybe talk

because I sort of feel a little bit like i might attempt to kill myself again

I dont mean to be an inconvenience and I know youre really busy so

and hopefully I seem outwardly very calm about all this but I am infact scared to death right now (no pun intended)