#tw negativity

if you're attractive, you just "haven't found the right partner"

if you're unattractive, you're just "coping"

if you're hetero, you're a "closeted gay"

if you're homo/bi, you're just an "attention seeker"

if you're sex positive or sex neutral, you're a "liar"

if you're sex negative, you're a "prude"

if you speak out about acespec issues, you're "entitled"

if you don't speak out about acespec issues, you're "invisible"

if you're cis, you're "not queer enough"

if you date the opposite gender, you're "not queer enough"

if you're trans, your asexuality "doesn't matter"

if you date the same gender, your asexuality "doesn't matter"

if you're SA'd, it's "your fault"

if you're a sex worker, you're "deceitful"

if you write about asexuality, you're "boring"

if you write smut, you're "fake"

if you try to find community, you're "attention seeking"

if you keep to yourself, you're "narcissistic"

And those aren't even the real life issues that asexual people face on a daily basis. We can't even talk about our real life because simply trying to exist online and trying to build communities is downright near impossible all on its own.

Today I went for a walk to the park and saw that the hill I called bluebird hill because I would often see them there singing, eating and hanging out in family groups has been destroyed. I don’t mean just stripped of vegetation but destroyed. No hill left.

When I moved to Nazareth I missed home but I was also impressed with the numbers of bluebirds I saw here. There were at least 8 breeding pairs every year, probably more, and you could hear and see them often in the east side of town and up near the Indian Tower.

Over the years their numbers have decreased, one place where they nested was turned into a parking lot for example. I could still find some here and there but I have to go looking. Earlier this year a stand of great black locusts that hosted a nest every year was cut down. Now today this spot where you could see them fluttering and singing from March on is just gone. The fox used to hunt there too, for mice for her kits.

I try to keep this blog a positive place because there is still so much beauty and wonder. But when you’re out noticing cool things you also see them being destroyed. This has happened so much and I usually keep it to myself but maybe it’s important to mention it once in a while. This is how species disappear from an area: usually not by purposeful extermination but by destroying the things they need one by one until they can no longer survive, death by a thousand cuts.

Wearing coquette/scenecore/comfy cute clothes: 😃👍✅️

Owning plushies and soft blankets: 😃👍✅️

Watching kids shows like Bluey and MLP and Gravity Falls: 😃👍✅️

Doing crafts: 😃👍✅️

Revisiting nostalgic stuff: 😃👍✅️

Taking baths: 😃👍✅️

Listening to soothing music: 😃👍✅️

Journaling and coloring: 😃👍✅️

For some reason, when you tell people you're an age regressor?:

// IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT SOMEONE IS WRITING, i'm gonna break it down to you really simple and easy. the person writing it and their partner? don't really GIVE A SHIT. or need to give a shit. period. it isn't your job to go around policing what other people plot or write with one another. mind your own business. if you don't like them? block them. simple as that. imagine.

purity culture doesn't belong in fanfiction, fiction, non-fiction, anyone's god damn radar. weird how people who simultaneously claim to be so openminded and supportive of creative freedom also think it is okay to harass someone over what they are doing on their free time with someone else and it harms no one. cause if it does?? again. the block function is right fucking thereeeeee! use it. curate your experience. that's what we're here for. if someone wants to write weird, gross, kinky shit? let 'em. does it mean they're doing it in real life? idk i write about serial killers, murder, fighting in a war, all that jazz. have i done any of that? nope. it's called FICTION for a reason. warning someone you care for about a potentially toxic person or content you know they won't want to see is one thing. giving a heads up is always great to help a friend. what isn't is thinking you got any kinda right to tell the creator what or what not to do. or their friends who or who not to write with. the BALLS man!

if you truly support freedom of creativity, don't strap on some kinda purity pushing, clutching pearls, fascist-esque high horse (yeah i went there cause that's what you're acting like) and try to tell grown ass adults who pay their own bills and have their own god damn problems they're here to escape from or boredom to fill in whatever oddball little way they wanna. stay in your lane. they'll stay in theirs. i promise. ZERO number of them want anything to do with anyone who does what i'm freakin' talking about.

me included. there's the door. please let it smack some sense into you on your way out.

New day, new comic about the same stuff

Your triggers are socializing, decision-making, and tight clothing. Don't do too much of any in one day.

The first thing to go is the mask. You will slip into a more authentic version of yourself ... whether you want to or not.

You will start feeling fatigue, and smiling will be more difficult, but the high of novelty dopamine during whatever you're doing will drown out this initial signal.

Without further warning, you will go into shutdown mode. You will get quiet and straightfaced. You're much too polite to tell someone. (btw people can tell that you hate being there, you're not slick)

You will feel trapped ... like the Animal. Like you must get out. Possibly pacing around the enclosure.

When not moving or unable to move, your mind will be scurrying from wall to wall trying not to accept the fact that it is in fact Trapped

When Trapped starts to sink in you have an hour tops. Your fidgeting will increase and stimuli will begin causing you pain. This is when you stop being Polite and start being Assertive because the next thing to go is your speech.

Words become difficult, but not impossible. They take more effort but you don't really know what's going to come out. If you don't end this now, you will have to choose between saying something you do NOT want to say or being silent.

If you continue to push past the blaring alarms going off in your head, People begin Asking Questions, especially "are you okay." Stop lying to them.

Processing words that are spoken to you becomes nigh impossible. This will frustrate you and push you deeper into the meltdown. Request space and quiet with the words you have left.

You cry without speech OR spew venom uncontrollably during meltdowns if you tip past the boiling point. You shrivel like a prune or explode like a volcano. It depends on the trigger.

You mostly say things that hurt people during the volcanoes. You hurt your own feelings. Unfortunately, all of it is true. None of it is productive ... but it must be purged.