Raw Peach

Such a bizarre feeling it is to not want to be human anymore. To be utterly exhausted from trying to climb out of this rut that you’re not even sure actually exists. Everything and everyone seems fake, even yourself. There’s a total disconnect between your body and soul, your mind and heart. Every day you wake up wanting to scream but finding your vocal chords to be dead. You say your affirmations in the mirror, repeating “I am lovable, I am worthy, I am strong, I am smart,” again and again. Waiting for the “make it” part to begin and the “fake it” part to end. Struggling to see the beauty that you know could be out there because you catch glimpses of it in your baby nephews laugh, the smell of pine trees, the vibration between two lovers. Still, nothing feels right. Nothing feels like home.

I have never felt more not okay