i just though that i needed some place to write it but in my native language it was harder to do
so after some years now i'm again a little bit into the youtube (which back than almost saved my life haha)
and i though that i need to write up my whole story
so, i'm from russia. which is kinda homophobic, really (one of the most frightening thing for me is the one which you can google by searching "lgbt in chechnya" i suppose but that's just a part of it)
and for some part of my life i went to a christian school (it wasn't christian officially but one day i was screamed at because of i did not say properly the name of one orthodox saint and it was just like always around me). it's a long story but the things i got from this school (other from great trips around russia, i can't blame for that, i'm really greatfull though) is the anxiety, depression and the bpd which got worse during those years and i didn't even know about it
and that school gave me one huge thing which i still can't go through: the constant fear. now i have supporting people around me but it still feels terrifying to tell anything about my feels and personal life even to them which is crazy
and that's kinda.... annoying?
i just wanted to say that i'm grateful that youtube does exist but also there's not a lot of lgbt youtubers in russia and ha ha ironically the most opened of them moved to usa recenetly
i'm trying to laugh but actually it's not funny i suppose?....
