❧

people actually jack off? kek. i just lightly touch a special nerve ending in my knee and i n

op nutted so hard it killed em

help me

i dont know where i am everything is so dark please someone h

okay some time has passed now and i came back to this photoset and i genuinely think this is the funniest thing i’ve seen this whole year.

1977 © Masayoshi Sukita | snapgalleries.com

AH!  ♥

As a 4 year old, this was the funniest thing I’d ever seen. I think I talked about it for days.

This is still funny to me.

lmfao just walking away at the end like fuck this shit I’m out

and they’re all bottoms

They took my fuckong teth

Not all of them.

im glad my anesthetic-induced hot take on wisdom teeth removal resonated with you guys

the amount of politicians (bill clinton, etc) who have been fired, punished, and even impeached for their polyamory is GLARING proof of institutional polyphobia. NAH im shitting you but that sure does sound like something someone here would say doesnt it

I accidentally watched this ten times.

i’m crying

It is so much better with sound. 

pep pep pep pep pep pep pep BOOMF

I’m sobbing

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?” The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.” The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.” The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.” The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.” The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?” The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.” The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk

BWAHAHAHAHAH. 

oscar isaac responding with “fucking unreal” to being stabbed in ex machina is still to this day the most relatable moment in film history