playtime's over

Dawn gave him hope.

Hope for a better life. One far more fulfilling and content than he ever imagined.

Was this a dream? Was he still dead by Voldemort's hand?

How their lives worked and weaved themselves in the most beautiful tapestry of their journeys, until they finally met, was something Severus wondered every single day since. She was his touchstone. His beacon. The light he so desperately needed to claw out from the dark that took hold of him for so many long, lonely, and dreary years.

They were neither ready to meet each other sooner, as there was far too much they needed to overcome seperatetly, still.

Her heart beat against his, skin to skin. Soul to soul. He could only wonder where she was sooner within his life, but her love touched his heart in such desperste salvation. The one person whose kindness and patience waited for his soul to begin its healing, and let him to a new future.

That's all he ever wanted - someone who understood him, listened, and loved him through his pain, despite the faults that remained.

Severus stared deep within his now stone cold cup of black coffee, as if willing the endless gentle pools to swallow him whole. The large antique clock echoed in the corner, grating upon his already freyed nerves. Around him, the Christmas feast rang such sickening joy to those who did not know.

Could not know.

His finger subtly traced over the faint scars left behind in the wake of the Vow, taunting and teasing away all sense of hope. All sense of will. Burned forever by duty.

This could truly end him. A deep wish within himself didn't mind the possibility, but he was no coward.

Absolutely fucking not.

His eyes darted lazily to Albus cheerily conversing with Minerva two spaces down, as if their grim conversation months prior never took place. His eyes then darted to the older man's freyed necrotic hand, barely hidden away amongst his colorful robes.

How did Albus expect him to not be bothered by it?

He knew what he must do, but it filled his soul with impossible dread.

Blank. Blank. Mind empty. Retain emptiness!

A dimmed light upon the mantel flickered quietly, casting obscured shadows across the cold stone, and taunting shadows across his face.

Too much light highlighted more than Severus Snape could bear.

The gauntness of his hollow cheeks, devoured of nutrients. His sallow skin craving life. His cracked, dry lips, starved of fluids except the celebratory wine shared with his most hated hours ago. Darkness clouded his eyes - endless tunnels of emptiness of his own making.

He had to. The other option was a sentence worse than death, and he wasn't ready for that just yet.

The sharp quill scratched in sync with the ticking of the clock, passing time with each agonising breath as midnight approached with vigor. The office - once housing the great Albus Dumbledore - now became his only sanctuary.

His refuge.

Which Carrow would walk through the door, demanding his attention? What new victim would Greyback claim and ravish before his eyes? Which cry from a student would deafen his ears, helpless, and bound by duty?

His eyes had to remain empty. His heart as slow as his methodical breaths. Nothing behind his eyes could give himself away. There was no room for error, nor ill-judgement. Each enemy accepted as his colleagues, and those who fell under his unwanted reign as headmaster.

He would not surrender even if the aged stone of the Hogwarts walls crumbled before him.

Every breath - every sharp inhale and tremoring exhale - acted as a reminder of his life and why he was still here.

Why he was doing this. For her.

...For Lily Potter.

....But at what cost?

....Someone can't function in the morning without caffeine.

Just a colored version of my sketch ❤️💚

These two lovebirds 👌🏻

It definitely made my shippy heart sing!

Shoutout to @exlibrisseverus for her amazing elezen Snape 👌🏻🥹

Hello everyone ❤️

I just wanted to write you guys a bit of an update. It's been something I've wanted to do for a while now, but it's been challenging to write much of anything lately.

The last few months have been extremely difficult when my mental health took quite a significant nosedive. My 'lows' used to be very short-term, but this time my lows have remained, and have been for quite some time now. So I took a step back from social media, and even communicating with friends on all platforms. My brain fog has been so problematic, that holding any kind of conversation proved quite the task. Please do not take it personally - it's been an effort waking up, showering and going to work, and for the rest of my time, my brain just shuts off. My silence is just my way of healing.

On the subject of that, I know I have been so behind in Light of Mine, and posting updates. Trust me, I think about it every day, and each time I feel so guilty for my lack of writing in these last several months. I guess writers burnout contributed to that too, and have been writing non-stop since 2020 when I started Whatever It Takes. I need to keep reminding myself that I have written over 800K words to this AU, so I've been learning to give myself some grace and patience over that.

I tried to practice drawing instead when I haven't been able to write, but that has not been very successful either. My mind and any creative avenue have completely muted themselves, and formulating any coherent words has not been easy for me. I mean, this post is probably the longest thing I've written for a few months. Even still now, my mind is numb, foggy, and just not myself.

I really do miss writing Severus and Dawn, and Severus and Harry, and I have soooo much left to write, and so many exciting things upcoming that I one day hope to share. Light of Mine is not abandoned and never will be. This time has just ended up being an unplanned break. I figured trying to force myself to write something I won't be happy with will reflect and show my struggles with my readers, and I don't want my writing quality to lose what it has because of it. So right now, I am just going day by day, in hopes I feel well enough to start writing again.

I do however want to do a special shoutout to a beautiful friend @exlibrisseverus who has showed me such great kindness, patience, and friendship over this last month and half ❤️ You've been such a comfort to talk to when i've been feeling rough, and you help remind me that I am not alone. I adore our chats of all kinds, and getting to know you as a friend. You've definitely been a light for me this year, and words will never be enough to express my gratitude and for not giving up on me 😭✨

I hope to be back around soon, but not just yet. I just wanted to leave you a little update for whoever reads or follows me.

You have also become a very precious and dear friend to me, whom I would not want to miss in my life. I am deeply grateful to have met you and to have had the opportunity to get to know you. ♡

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your time and also for your support and care, especially on difficult days. I am so glad to have met you and found a wonderful friend in you, thank you so so much for everything. ❤️

Snape makes a secret toast 🥂 -