pirate; reblog if you are

a proud butt pirate

I LOVE JACK I. Love. Jack

And some older drawings of Atlas and Jack from 2024 which I still like

@craftykit1

wellsy wellsy wellsy, looks likes yous alls in needs of my... "expertise" again huh?

well lucky fer yous, i've been keeping my ear to the ground, and i been hearing some interesting stuff around the ol "gentlemen's establishments" (dos guys der ain't gentlemen, lemme tell yas that)

so yous wannas share dem miis of yers huh, and maybe yous wanna download some of dem hot slices of premade miis yous been eyeing fer yer DICK CITY huh?

Well the BIG MAN, he ain't havin it

yeah dats right, "online play is not supported", or as the french say: "fuck yous". Yous gotta be within spittin distance of someone if yous wanna swap miis

But dat Big Man? The fella callin all da shots?

He only thinks about keepin his ass squeaky clean just enough not ta stink, so he don't attract the pigs. Dat means he don't scrub every nook and cranny if youz get watta i'm sayin

So lets get down to business: all yous needs is the demos to tomodachi and to miitopia, no full game purchases needed

if yous never played miitopia, well i ain't gonna sit here and explain all that, go down to yer local library and look up how downloadin and sharing miis works with all that, capeesh?

so yous wanna get into dis here menu and pick the lil so and so yous wanna import right? save that lil squirt to yer Switch

now open up dat tomodachi life demo and give 'em the biz

now lookit dat, pretty as a picture huh? all safe and sound in one piece right?

now don't get all worked up, but theres a uh... theres a... uh

wadda ya call it? uh one ah dem uh...

"provisos"

So lets take the Big Man here, lets say yous wanna bring him along with that cute lil dame yous just imported right?

well tough cookies pal, all that ballyhoo ain't goin with him. All dats locked to da miitopia. yous get the cake but not the frosting, get it?

all rights, dat about covers it, don't say i never did nothing f-

what da fuck is going on with my shadow der

So nintendy is tryin to cover its ass on account of it givin all yous freaks ab-see-lute freedom to make DICK CITY a reality? yous wannas be able to upload your screenshots from your switch? Yous need to get one of these bad boys:

then you take the microSD card outta the switch and do one of these

den yous go like so

den i think yous can handle da rest ;)

anyways if anyone asks, you were never here

*slinks away into the darkness*

*slinks back from the darkness*

okays okays, i hear yous der in the back, yeah theres the...

(ominous pause)

other way

(distant rumble of thunder, wind starts whistling)

looks like we gotta spit some about the "usb-c to usb-a" cable maneuver

so if you know a guy who knows a guy who can put one of these in yer hot lil hands-

den ya gotta do the ol "one two skeedoo-it" if you know watta i mean

then you do like so

then you give 'em the ol applesauce

don't say i never did nothin for y-

WHAT DA

DAMMIT YOUS WAS FOLLOWED!

SHIT ITS THE BIG MAN!

RUN FER IT, HE'S THE MEANIST SONAVA BITCH THIS SIDE OF-

oh, wait. He just wants yous to buy his official cable if yous gonna do all dis? Big Man just wants to get paid? Fella yous got some weird priorities

...........................

*pssst* hey yous, yeah yous

shhhhh, keep it down

you little harbinger of

morning time whimsy

Due to multiple requests I’ve decided to collect all the free BioShock material I’ve shared under one post for ease of access. Because of size restrictions, some will have to be downloaded to be read, but I hope you enjoy anyways!

BioShock Artbooks/Guides

Breaking the Mold: The Art of Bioshock

Deco Devolution: Art of Bioshock 2

BioShock 2 Signature Series Guide

Art of Bioshock Infinite (Booklet vers.)

If you like the physical books better, you can buy them here: The Art Of Bioshock Infinite & Deco Devolution: The Art of BioShock 2. The art book for the original Bioshock is very rare and expensive.

BioShock Novelizations & Original Pitch Document

BioShock: Rapture (eBook) (audiobook)

BioShock Infinite: Mind In Revolt (Spanish edition)

BioShock: First Person Action Horror  

If you’d like a store-bought copy better, you can them here: BioShock Infinite: Mind In Revolt & BioShock: Rapture eBook or audiobook.

Extended Resources

Artbook Masterlist: All non-BioShock artbooks I’ve collected

to show me after making

him cum in his pants

whale but so is the guy who

bankrupted my mom

At the same time, local prince charming discovers that he’s actually very into the gothic fiance his parents have landed him with in order to try and establish peace with the local evil lair down the lane, he would never have guessed a spiderweb pattern could look so fetching on a ball gown…?

meanwhile the villain bride’s friends are all like clearly he loves you not, why do you persist in a manner that will ensure your own heart break, i mean if he was taking this seriously there would be at least three assassination attempts by now.  it’s like he doesn’t even notice that you have massive amounts of dark power to covet for his own

smashcut to

fully armored knight, clanging through the hallways in attempts at stealth, blades drawn: i’m just saying, i took an oath of protection.  this feels wrong.

prince charming: it’s not wrong, it’s celebrating cross cultural traditions for my beloved bride

knight: it’s attempted murder

Sorceress friend: Please, just get him an amulet that will double his power at the cost of his soul, no one’s worth this.

Rebellious villainess: (nearly in tears) No, he brought his best knights to the castle and tried to kill me last week, at midnight, I can’t ignore something like that! He even kicked Cathulhu!

Sorceress friend: He nudged it with his foot. And then he apologized to it. In tears.

Prince: Of course, darling - may I inquire as to what for?

Villainess: Blood sacrifice to the dark gods, you know how it is.

Prince: …

Prince: …darling, you know I support your lifestyle choices, but I must say this before it potentially happens.

Prince: I’m not all right with human sacrifice. That’s one of my boundaries. I don’t know if you do that or not, but it seemed a topical time to bring it up.

Villainess: (carefree laugh) Oh beloathed, don’t worry yourself about such things, I would never!

Villainess: (leading him off to the goat market) Only incompetents use actual humans. Skilled practitioners of the dark arts know that a goat is not only a sufficient sacrifice, but the superior one.

She arrives in diaphanous white silk edged with lace that gives the impression of beautifully tattered hems, all of it drifting gently around her on the spring breeze to give the feeling of a wraith from a haunted castle or something of the such. While not her personal cup of tea, she finds the ritual very moving, and absolutely understands why its one of her beloathed’s favorites.

One of the nobles from her kingdom, meanwhile, decides, fuck it, and just turns the prince into a frog. It takes her two minutes to find and fix him.

Villain noble: How.

Villainess: True love’s kiss, bitch.

Villain noble: (seethes)

Villainess: Are you surprised I can? It’s a common ability.

Prince: I didn’t want to assume.

Villainess: …

Prince: (sweats)

Villainess: …you’re picturing me turning into a dragon and riding on my back into battle, aren’t you?

Prince: N-no, no, of course not-!

Villainess: (drapes in his lap) It’s okay, we’d look fantastic. (sly expression) And probably scary enough to get the enemy forces to surrender without any needless bloodshed.

Prince: (sweating) Darling, are you trying to tempt me into putting you into a position where you could be injured in battle?

Villainess: A little. :3 (more seriously) But it is also on the table if we ever need to defend our throne. It’s the sort of thing that form’s for, really.

Prince: If you’re comfortable with it, then very well, it shall be added to the list of acceptable strategies.

(comfortable cuddling for a moment)

Prince: I imagine you make a very majestic dragon.

Villainess: (preening) I really do.

Prince: Perhaps we should have a tapestry done of it, then? It could hang opposite the one of my family’s crest in the throne room when we someday ascend the thrones ourselves.

Villainess: 8O! Beloathed, I would adore a tapestry of that! (cuddles further against him) Oh, and across from your family crest! That would be such a slap in the face to my parents, having a tapestry of me there instead of their own crest.

The Prince listens patiently to her frustration until she’s finished, then considers for a few minutes.

“Darling, about that banquet your family’s having next fortnight - will your cousin be in attendance?”

“Yes, he’ll be using it to lay the groundwork of his plans. Why?”

“Would it be all right if I popped in for a bit? And was rather more… myself than I usually am around your parents?”

“…I suppose it’d be all right.”

“Wonderful!” (kisses her hand) “Perhaps wear those full-arm gloves your friend got you for the event - the ones that allow you to handle blessed objects without them interfering with your dark powers?”

“Well now I’m just curious. I shall do as you request, beloathed.”

The night of he shows up to the banquet positively radiating charm, good will, and benevolence, decked out in full armor that’s glowing slightly. Oh this? It’s the ancestral trappings of one of his relatives who was a champion of the stellar deities, those who guide ones who have become lost in darkness? He’s not a holy champion himself, but he is a fully-realized warrior of light and family, so he’s permitted to wear it at times. Oh yes, he completed his warrior of light trials when he was eighteen, when on a quest and everything! That’s where he earned his sword - it’s actually a shard of sunlight, you know, not metal. That’s why he’s called Prince of the Sun and Stars sometimes - bit of a grandiose title, really, but the artists and poets enjoy playing with the imagery, and who is he to deny them, especially when Darling is so fond of the stars herself! There’s a lass in one of the kingdom’s villages doing a portrait of the two of them together playing with that motif, actually, and it looks like it’s going to to be absolutely lovely when it’s done-

And he continues to be cheerful, charming, and just the nicest, most polite guy for the time he’s there while also reminding everyone in no uncertain terms that, for as long as the forces of evil have been trying to quash the forces of good, his side has been working at the opposite. And his side tends to win more often. And maybe it would be wise not to pick a fight with Darling because he’d hate to have to do battle with a potential in-law in the path of supporting her family’s traditions regarding people who cross them…

Jerk cousin is thoroughly cowed out of making an attempt at the family-filled jewels, and Villainess’s friends are standing with her off to the side going, “Okay, beginning to see what you see in him now.” Villainess herself is walking around with on safely-gloved hand on his arm as he intimidates the hell out of everyone she knows in order to help her protect what’s hers, swooning a little bit inside the whole time.

Princess: “You like it? It’s made of giant spider silk straight from the underdark!”

Prince: Oh uh that’s really- wait, you can make clothes out of spider silk?

Princess: Yeah! It’s really tough too! You can even make light armor out of it.

The two have a several hours long conversation about spider agriculture. The prince receives spider silk under armor as a wedding gift.

This throws Villainess through a loop, people don’t tend to whole-heartedly throw their trust in others like this at her place, this is super unsettling, so she just responds in the way she usually would, “Oh? And what price are you willing to pay?”

“Anything.”

…ooooooooh that is so, so tempting, why are people in this court so earnest, don’t they realize that the reason the higher nobles are worried about her marriage to their prince is the very real potential that she could use this opportunity to cast their country and its people into a thousand years of ruin and despair, bare minimum…?! But it would make Darling unhappy if she’s too mean about this, so, “How about your dignity, then? First off, we’ll have to get you out of that dress…” (seductive smirk and cock of the hips)

Court lady: (still in tears but hands immediately go to her bodice laces to start undoing)

Villainess: (grabbing her hands) OKAY, WHOA, HOLD UP, WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF COURT, HAVE SOME STANDARDS!!! Just- just go put on something you don’t mind getting all messed up, we’re going to have to get in the moat a bit for this, and even the edges are all muddy.

Court lady: Oh. (sniffles) Okay. Thank-you.

They spend the next three hours dredging around the moat to find the right newt and then perform the right ceremony to turn him human again. He appears naked and covered in mud and court lady unabashedly flings herself into his arms, sobbing in relief this time, and it’s disgustingly wholesome and romantic.

Newt Lordling: (once he’s finished doing a bit of sobbing of his own into his fiance’s hair) Wait, aren’t you Neskatina’s friend? Could you tell her that my sister likes daffodils? Girls, and daffodils? I tried to tell her myself, but the newt thing happened before I could get past asking her to stop with the threatening letters. We- we really don’t send those around here unless we mean it, she’s been finding it a bit upsetting. Daffodils would be much better received.

Prince: She’s grateful to you and wants to be friends.

Villainess: (glowering suspiciously) Sounds fake.

Prince: She thinks you’re nice.

Villainess: Disgusting.

She still goes when Court Lady invites her on a trip to the meadows with some of the other ladies to pick greens, all of them surprised by the discovery that going out to gather flowers and useful herbs and such is something ladies from both courts do from time to time (though for very different reasons). It’s common sense to wear an older outfit that’s all right to get a bit grass- or mud-stained (ladies from the Prince’s court call them their ‘daisy dresses,’ Villainess and her friends call them ‘gathering gowns’), and Villainess is kind of shocked that the pretty nobles from her beloathed’s court do this sort of thing.

The ladies all titter, then it’s story time, because you can bet most of them have a heroic/clever/wise relative somewhere in the family tree who was born a peasant and married or gained nobility for some feat or other, and it’s fun to have someone new in the group who hasn’t heard all the stories before. Villainess is surprised again, because she does actually know some of these stories, but from the relatives of the villain involved (usually told in a ‘you’ll never guess what so-and-so’s idiot relative got thwarted over’ sort of tone). Going on outings like this helps you stay connected to your roots!

Also, Court Lady turns out to be the daughter of the royal apothecary and has a deep knowledge of the properties of various mushrooms. She even knows about poisons because they’re used in medicine sometimes. Villainess might be starting to like her as a person.

Another lady finds a patch of old teasels and braids them into a crown for Villainess, because “They’re all dark and spiky, and about the same colour as your daisy dr- ah, your gathering gown! We tend to make each other flower crowns when we go out, but I thought you might like these better.”

Villainess: …won’t they get deceptively yet horribly tangled in my hair, making the crown stay on well but an absolute nightmare to take off?

Lady: (terrified that she’s judged wrong) Yes…?

Prince: It had to have been a villain that invented it, your side’s the one that gets all clever with ropes and knots and everything!

Villainess: No no no, it must have been your side, because safe words and after care!

They are both very perplexed, but also in absolute agreement that they will not be asking their parents about this.

Villainess: Beloathed, what do you think of your father’s advisor?

Prince: Him? Oh, he’s been with the family since my father was a boy. He practically raised Father when my grandfather fell ill. We are lucky to have him with us.

Villainess: …are you aware that he’s evil?

Prince: Hm? Oh, yes.

Villainess, now a bit confused: And you haven’t removed him from the job? I would have assumed that your people would not tolerate this kind of darkness, especially so close to power.

Prince, shrugging: It’s kind of a tradition, to be honest. The King’s advisors have all been evil for… well, centuries now. It’s something that mostly goes unspoken. The position tends to corrupt people. Eventually he will reveal a daring plot, and I will defeat him to protect the light and discover something new about the side of good.

Villainess: Hmm. I suppose that makes sense.

The position in court is an open secret, and it’s actually used to teach heirs what unconditional love and loyalty looks like. Sometimes that’s of value when choosing their own followers, and sometimes it’s of value when they’re making Evil Schemes- it’s best not to underestimate the motivation of good people to defend what is theirs.

Plus, it has the added benefit of showing why the various couples and characters get along and would want to spend time together. This in turn supports the romances and friendships, and allows for even wilder scenarios to occur, since the main characters are working together for the most part.