Words of an Introvert

nothing moves out here the nonexistent words get stuck in my throat i’ve already experienced the maximum here and there’s nothing left to be wrote

my life’s vibrations are all at different frequencies i think that’s why i feel so many inconsistencies the truth is my soul, my body, never feel at peace but at least now i can start to understand what that means to me figures that i’d be the one with a nonsensical melody

if i could use my tears to write you this                              i would if i could actually hand you this emotion                              i would       because i’m tired of feeling alone                         i really would

my life feels like an obligation      and at this point its a waiting game to see      will i break myself or will someone do it for me my life feels like an obligation      and my words are knives to play with      created as keys to my sanity by its own locksmith my life feels like an obligation      and i’m slowly letting the wind blow me away      just because i don’t have any reason to stay my life feels like an obligation      and i don’t want it to anymore      i just want this numb feeling replaced by something more my life still feels like an obligation

such a backwards methodology      the foeless prey searching for its predator such a wayward think to ask      the hunter to take aim with their gun such a risky loan to take      the minds’ exchangement for some peace such an easy kill to make      the pain your head creates is easily gone

my scotland bagpipes      have been dead for awhile      my own rebel stripes      are in a blood stained pile my own head hates myself      and bans it from any words      my own heart can barely help      but keeps them alive although it hurts my mind fights through all the restraints      and tries to keep the war alive      my will must push through all my complaints      so it can be pushed through the last drive my strength it steadily grows      only using seclusion to mask its power      my time is coming as the sun always rose      and my bagpipes will play even louder

i don’t like myself           so i write things down           and i try to figure things out i don’t like myself           so i do to me what i shouldn’t           and i’d tell me to stop but i wouldn’t i don’t like myself           so i lock myself away           and i end up hoping my life just fades i don’t like myself

my mind tells me to go ahead with this decision whilst my heart begs me to go the other direction if they plan to tear me apart, if that’s their mision their idea worked and i think i’ll just stick to wishing

words sung softly           as i drift into the starlight problems fall away           as i fade into the moonlight my life’s in retrograde           as i now dream of a spotlight aimed at getting rid of me           as i know i’m really not right

everything looks better under these fairy lights i’ve strung everything seems softer even if everything is wrong everything means nothing when half of it is gone everything sounds lighter when fake stars tremble above everything is a fairytale to me when my fairy lights are hung

hello everyone :) i’ve gotten a couple of asks recently asking if i’m okay or not because i haven’t posted anything in awhile. i am perfectly fine at the moment, and nothing had really happened to cause me to stop posting. at first it was because i had simply lost inspiration, but lately it’s because i’m not sure if i ever want to make a poetry book or something, and if i did, it would be upsetting if i had already posted everything on here. so in a way, i’m saving my writing for later. i would love to start posting again because everyone had such positive feedback, but i’m, in a way, scared because I feel stuck because what if i want to publish this later or what if i end up only posting things that aren’t as good? i really would like to come back though, would anyone have any ideas on how i could sort this out so that i could post good writing but still save for a book??? (just so you know, i haven’t stopped writing, only posting, so I have things I could possibly post)

Could you please tag some of your posts with #tw (trigger warning)?

you harm if only i could cut my soul let that river flow maybe then you’d understand how empty i’ve been feeling how numb i’ve become how alone that i am if i only i could pierce my mind let you see the inside the darkness and the emptiness how disconnected i’ve been feeling how lost i’ve become how confused i am maybe if everyone could see inside me they’d finally have the nerve to actually try and help

i'm resolving to stop stumbling over my own feet i'm going to finally trust what i believe it's time to let myself be free of the chains i have let wrap, choke, and bind me

you've screwed me over one too many times so it's about time i had this cancer removed even if it kills me, it has to go i cannot go on living with this unnecessary weight holding me down

i know something i don't know the reason i can never look in that window it has eyes that see into mine; my soul, beyond the curtains concealing lies i know of the demons who are lurking; of the sins that leave my devil grinning so i skid and jump around every corner i pass avoiding the unavoidable; just trying to avoid the screaming past