In the time since Jude had last seen Rosa, heād almost set his dorm on fire by nodding off with a lit spliff, crashed a car into a brick wall (intent behind this pending investigation) and received a rather squiggly stickĀ ānā poke of a dog with socked paws and an eggplant plump snout on his shoulder,Ā āDOG IS GODā scrawled finely above. The lettering was still subtly raised, red around the edges to match the rim of his blinks. Sketching arm cast and snug to his chest, Teddy had attempted to roll him his usual abundance with little help from Judeās perfectionist backseat driving, fingers quaking enough that he couldnāt help but squint in dismay for the entire process. Heād still thanked Teddy for his assistance, though he couldnāt help but eye the line of spliffs like they were a spider thumped relentlessly beneath an obnoxiously heavy bible, eight limbs splayed and crooked on a hardwood floor. He was out back, away from the partyās hub, sat on a bench before a pond which had spawned a sizeable caviar stack of frogās eggs beneath the shadow cast by a thicket of grass. There was a candle clumsily thumped onto a saucer besides him ā a fine China plate heād stolen from a cupboard by the sink ā and wax dribbled like an incontinent member of the elderly while the flame swayed, about as graceless as Jude looked, all fractured and bruised, banana paper dangling from his mouth like an exotic jungle moth taken perch. Heād spoken to Rosa, since the rooftop ā little things, here and there ā until suddenly, like a radio tossed into of a bathtub with itās receptors fried, nothing. No signal, no communication. Then the crash, the swapping seats with a sober passenger, the shifting in a hospital bed as they asked him uncomfortable questions, each floating him up and further away. Forgive me for being frank, but you donāt seem⦠affected by this. You donāt seem to care that this could have been much worse.Ā āAlright?ā he greeted after a short delay, only realising someone had approached when he blinked upwards of the pond, gaging just a silhouette, at first ā then, swift as a backhand to the face, Rosaās name in his throat, not ready to leave his mouth but not willing to swallow and digest itself, either. His eyes drooped back to the pond, glimmering with the moon, so wet and silver he was half tempted to fish it out with a butterfly net and crack it open in a pan, suck the yolk to poison whatever sleeping werewolf he had living inside him. āCaught me doing my, uh⦠Dickens stroll of the grounds,ā he referenced the candle besides him, suddenly sorry he wasnāt wearing Edwardian pyjamas fit with a pompom tipped night cap, breezeless night doing wonders for the glowās survival. Like some deity somewhere thought he ought to catch a break, swamp marsh of his brain considered, a no manās land heād entered and never returned from, feet firmly lodged and sinking. Engulfed all the way to his neck, his eyelids. āJust saw a fuckinā⦠particularly handsome frog, leaping about in the reeds. Potential, uh⦠eyebrow lift, very striking. Member of the Hadid dynasty,Ā ās my bet. Got any, uhā¦ā Stall.Ā āFuckinā⦠Dunno whatās, uh⦠Chapstick?ā he finished like his mind had stalled, a Nokia operating on a one bar network, eyes on the pond despite their usual obligation to watch her like heād never watched anything else. There was an apology there, maybe, in his reluctance to acknowledge the need for one. Jude fumbled through these things with the long limbed awkwardness of a giant in a cottage with low ceilings, never particularly sure how to express anything, never sure if he even wanted to try. It felt like attempting fluency in a foreign language heād never learned, sometimes. Being sincere about anything. Admitting he felt things. āMight, uh⦠Might pucker up. Kiss a fella back to his true form. Do my bit.ā @excvlsiorā
When sheād been 10, Rosa had started to count. Time that passed by, how many days until her next birthday, the next Christmas - she was just so proud of herself for nailing the 8ā²s time tables, it only felt appropriate. Just when sheād run out of things to count, ways to keep an idle mind occupied, Sylvie had passed. Rosa was out of the phase now, didnāt really keep track of things like that anymore, but she knew it was 4108 days since Sylvie wasnāt her best friend. Even if she didnāt think of it like that - wasnāt that the way the world viewed it? Out of sight, out of mind had never been a phrase she liked anymore because of it. Itād been 593 days since Tatiana, and the only way she could handle that number was by reasoning it was nothing compared to 4108. It was okay, to count those days still. Sheād told a therapist once that she liked to count the days since her Big Two - a title said therapist used to refer to Sylvie and Tatiana, so Rosa knew right away she wouldnāt get along with her - and sheād said it was time to move on, drop the numbers. Rosa never saw her again. Sheād also been a bit too aggressive about Rosaās romantic past, one thatād been nonexistent up until that point. Thereād be a party thrown in the waiting lobby if she found out Rosa had subconsciously started counting the days since Jude had last sent her an oddly placed but still endearing text - endearing because any text from Jude meant he was thinking of Rosa, even if his communication skills lacked a certain affection. His attention alone was affection enough - itād taken Rosa a long time to learn that. But then the affection in the form of a picture of a Dorito chip heād named Borg ended and suddenly five days had gone by and Rosa was painfully aware of it. She didnāt want to be - it actually embarrassed her a bit, that she was - but it seemed now, that she was more attached than sheād like to admit. More attached than she even knew. Two days later, on the seventh day, a rumour mill had started. Unintentionally - Teddy had always been a bit of a blabber mouth (a thought she had in private, using the more appropriate term gossip in the face of Lana and the like), and it proved so after his fifth or sixth shot at dollar beer night earlier in the week, going on about how he drew the biggest smiley face possible on Judeās cast. Rosa had attempted to text Jude again after that, the keyword againĀ enough to prove that she had, in fact, grown overly fond, but her rumours of a broken arm and car crash going on? can i come visit, make sure ur ok?Ā went without a response. It simultaneously switched from the front and back of her mind for the rest of the week, both incapable of letting go of Jude and if he was okay, where they stood, and refusing to acknowledge it at all. There was nothing Rosa ever wanted to face, even if it seemed like she enjoyed placing the weight of the world on her shoulders. By the 11th day, she was at a party with Lana and Freya, forgetting any issues because thatās what parties were for - forgetting, having fun, drinking, the sort. And yet the second someone complained about how Jude had bumped into them, knocked their drink out of their hand onto their white shirt on his way to the backyard, Rosa was tossing back the shot Lana had handed to her, ready to go, grasping onto two ciderās sheād brought with her as she exited. Judeās silhouette could be seen from the back door, and it made Rosaās heart leap into her throat - in this moment, she was the most exasperating person she knew,Ā āCor,ā she said in response to Judeās greeting. It made no sense, didnāt fit into their conversation at all given the context of the word, but sheād been saying it since her sudden infatuation with it after Judeād blurted it before making their way onto the rooftop. Rosa wasnāt listening, when Jude went on about Dickens, frogs, Chapstick - her eyes strayed away from his face, but she still ventured to the farther side of the bench to see if what sheād heard was true, cast coming into view and finally easing away any nervous curiosity. Or making it worse - she couldnāt tell yet,Ā āHad to see - Iām nosey, and you didnāt text me back,ā Rosa didnāt mean for it to sound like a jab, but it did anyway, usual bluntness making it sound like she was purposely pushing when for the most part, she wanted to avoid,Ā āUh, no Chapstick - Iāve got lipstick, if that works. More flirty,ā sheād never worn it much before, when Lana did her makeup maybe, but otherwise had never found a shade she was particularly fond of. Now, she wore something barely there, more tinted lip balm than lipstick, but the plum tint was obvious enough she wouldnāt have to insist there was some on,Ā āHere,ā The bottle of cider held out towards Jude was almost aggressive - she was suddenly far too embarrassed by her vulnerable nicety to present the drink with any eloquence,Ā āHope Iām not imposing on your time. Anymore of your time - I know how to take a hint, but. Yāknow, I do worry. My heart has grown three sizes as of late, I couldnāt help it. Even before I heard about,ā Gesturing to his battered arm,Ā āI wasnāt sure if it was true. Some girls in class were talking about it - do you know a Dinah? She heard it from Teddy. IĀ heard it from Teddy, the next day. Heās very chatty,ā Taking a step forward, Rosa almost considered sitting down beside Jude, blabbering on for so long she forgot that maybe she wasnāt wanted,Ā āI want to sign your cast. If youāll let me. Iāve always wanted to. I didĀ give you one of my drinks, Jude - Iām officially blackmailing you into it now,ā Rosaās tone was teasing, automatically falling back into the way sheād usually talk to him, before remembering that she had reason to think she needed to walk on thin ice. Maybe that was dramatic - still, itās all she could ponder over, about a thousand things on her mind weighing her tongue down like a pressor before a swab to the mouth. It was the alcohol, in the end, that had her carefully saying,Ā āAre you okay?ā Then, quickly, knowing Jude probably wouldnāt want to talk about it despite the words slipping out because she couldnāt stop herself, not with him,Ā āLie, if you need to. Just had to ask.ā