hellish intentions

Jay Reatard

thinking about this person from my past who reached out 5 years ago (after years of no contact) for a very general "apology".

he reaches out, i take time out of my day to listen to him feel sorry for himself while still admitting nothing. i wonder why this is worth anyone's time. i think about how many men i've cared for in life, to whom i have only served as a mirror. as i listened to him talk, i felt used.

he mentioned being on tour, so i weakly suggested that he let me know when he's in town so i can support his band. he says "yeah..." in a sad way that tells me he will not. i wonder why i let the same people continue to break my heart even after they are no longer in my life.

"They were great, really cool people to hang out with. Mikey [Way, bass] was always smiling and in a good mood. Gerard Way was always really friendly.

We were touring together in summertime, and it's weird to see that guy in daylight - it's like when you see Davey Havok from AFI in the sunlight - and you think, 'There's something wrong with this, this isn't right!' My Chemical Romance would be sound checking, and you'd see Gerard in the middle of the daytime with shorts on. He has very ladylike legs. Very slender - but bony also.