everett

You can call me One or Everett :T

17, 6th jan, infp

just wanted a lil space where i can post diary-esque lil stuff yessir

!!TW for venting and whatnot :L

my art blog is @thatidiots-art

my more joyous side at @onesrambles

might as well follow those if you've found this blog :P this is a side-blog, so no fbs or likes from me sorry!

:/

school wasss uhhh fine i guess? nothing notable really, sorta low energy but thats not new really

got home, had lunch and did chores before succumbing to my need to be creative so i continued some characterhub oc profiles and drew,,,,,

went groceries w my mother after her work, and then lowk when we got home, after dinner, i got the project hail mary audiobook, sat down and took an accidental short nap

:(

compsci exam was so ass, like the first question genuinely hit me like a slap in the face because i didnt fucking memorise what the number limit of an integer is brother what. the entire 90mins was pure mental torture, i blanked w something and just wrote a comment saying i didnt remember how to do smtn before continuing w the rest of the code. there were three programmes we had to check out. i didnt write jackshit in one, the other didnt work, and the last one i couldnt test because i couldnt rememebr the fuckass method

rest of the schoolday i simmered in that defeat, luckily a shorter day so i got home early.

:/

still not very present bcs of the 19th, but whatever

school was fine, got to go home inbetween again for a little

it led to my father asking why i dont wanna go to mass, and i say i dont believe in god and he was flabberghasted. i really dont know how someone doesnt realise that. im pretty obvious with my refusal to go to church,,, must be denial?

there was a lot of back and forth, even between my parents.

father told me about how he also had a phase, argued something that came very close to "how do u know how to be a good person" or something similar, asked how i dont pray for anyone, and is convinced that the way to deal with this is to force me to go to church,,,, he also said "i support everything u do, even if ur more liberal, thats fine. but i cant support this" (admittedly got a laugh out of me because there isnt anything to support???) anyway he also said its a disappointing decision, who wouldve thought

mother says even w the bad people her siblings hung around, they still stayed safe because her mother always prayed for her, tells multiple other analogies that are supposed to be relating to the topic i guess? and doesnt agree that i shoulld be forced, but sees it as god choosing the atheist path for me???? idfk she says all they can do is pray for me

it was supposed to only be a vaccination appointment, but because i had to do it anyway, it ended up also being one of those last routine checkups u have to do as a teen before not going to the kids-doctor anymore.... we booked this less than a week before, so i didnt really have time to prepare mentally???

when i got there, i had to undress aside from my tshirt and yk underwear and all, and my mother was in the room so i told her to turn round. got the usual measurements that never fail to disappoint

had to remove my tshirt when the doctor came in. OBVIOUSLy the doctor saw it, it was pretty old but still, she saw it and asked me if my mother knew WHILE my mother was in the room w her back to me, and i shook my head and doc sent my mother out.

she literally went on a tangent about how im not alone, should talk to someone and spend less time on my phone cause humans dont need phones but human connection??? fully spammed questions, like why i do it, whether i can talk to my mother, if i have friends to talk to, if i talk to them, and i just silently either shook my head or shrugged or whatnot, and like. the entire time i could only think about how i needed her to shut up because i didnt wanna be interrogated. she offered to come to her if i wanted help, and the appointment went on.

now i know good intentions and all, but i cant help but dislike her? like. i never liked her, shes been my doc since i was a kid, never liked her. and im just pissed? and embarassed i guess? like it isss sorta pathetic in a way.

D:

really pissed me off ngl

wasnt fully present for the entire day,,,

first period of school was fine, then i left for a vaccination appointment. mind u i havent been to the doctors for ages, and i never enjoyed doctors visits anyway. but something happened that just upset me for basically the rest of the week, but since its long ill put it in a seperate post :') litearlly fills me w looming dread every time i think back to it and im lowk really anxious the entire time, or at least even more than i am. i dont like the doctor. maybe thats on me

went back to school, then also had cancelled classes so i headed home.

at home, wasnt any better, i was overjoyed to have 2h of freetime before having to go back to school but it ended up being only half that time or even less because my parents had a talk w me about my religious beliefs,,, was called a disappointment, but thats not new to my ears. more about that in a seperate post too bruhhh

:(

got woken up by mother at 1am bcs she was in my room, then 2am when my father got home, then 3.40am from my alarm to check in on a twitch stream for the watchstreak, then 5.40am to get up and get ready for school, stream was still ongoing so that was my morning entertainment

was taken to school early by father so i had a good half hour to partially do the hw i didnt do yesterday

school was fine i suppose, had an upset stomach and felt ass by the end of it because my coffee wore off and the roughly 5h of sleep was kicking in

got home, doomscrolled for more than an hour before getting up and having dinner, then sitting down to watch dantdms subnautica 2 vid on the living room tv

when mother came home we watched 4eps of cunk on earth

great

didnt do any work, felt like shit, and now its past 10pm and im not sure when im going to sleep

:/

stayed in bed til 1pm to avoid going to church

managed to lock in nearly 2h of stardew valley while my mother was at church even tho i did wanna do schoolwork i was supposed to do

didnt end up doing that schoolwork and ended thr day by watching project hail mary w my mother

:)

woke slightly early to meet w friends for a flea market near us, was fun and we roamed around for a good 3h, enjoyed ourselves even w the rain and one of them and i managed to get good loot (though she did find hers for better prices,,,,)

afterwards we went to the city to have lunch, walking around to various shops for them before taking the same bus and grtting out at different stops

my mother made me go to a party we usually go to yeaarly, and theyre people im supoosed to be close with? no offense but i really am not too close w them, idk why even w shared interests theyre not my vibe. uh but i went nonetheless and it ruined my day lowk because i just. sat there. eventually opted to studying for my compsci exam on thrusday w my mothers phone because mine was empty and i didnt want to ask for a changer,,,, whatever

got home before 11pm, hung about on my phone til 2am bruh

:)

no school

made myself some breakfast then had to deal w the new paperwork for the application for the internship during my summerbreak sighhh

watched night at the museum 3, then sonic 1 and then cbgb on a discord server LMAOAOAO

uh i guess my main worry is the internship because it really is just worrying. hope it goes well? like. yeah itll be at a hospital site so hope i dont fuck anything up

:)

no school

so the lotr hangout got cancelled but had other friends i can basically consider younger sisters

i still cooked, they liked the food, we watched night at the museum 1 and 2, and when they left i watched sonic 1 w my mother

twas fine

just sorta bothered by the fact that i really did fuckall bcs all i really managed to do was cook and watch movies but whatever

also doomscrolled for a while after so i was lowk geeked

:)

school was fine, got to go home inbetween because classes got cancelled, then headed back to school when i needed to

had a nice chat w a classmate? frrriend i suppose now and a lot in common, thoigh unsurprising, we just. never had the chance to really fully talk ,,,uhhh yeah shes very chill

art workshop thing was funny asf listening to the drama kf the younger kids

went groceries for finishing lotr marathon tmrwww heheh im cooking again

at home i ate, watched yt, drew and wrote in my diary again gng very very peak

/neg thoughts today? wellll i kinda sh bcs i just been waiting for the opportunity, and then i guess the fear of not fitting in as usual, uhhh being weird and overbearing and too cringe and too pushy or too enthusiasting or too talkative or not talkative enough, plus the usual worrying about the future,,, allat stupid stuff

:/

school was alright i suppose,, pretty tired or sum, also left inbetween to deal w some documents i needa renew yessir

uhhh that docyment renewal thing was w my parents, so drive tto and fro and whatnot was judt exhausting really,,,, they slaggged of a close friend bcs shes lowk a NEET rn but idm, said she was just making herself pretty to get a guy get her pregnant to secure her for life?????? who the fuck says that about ur kids friend.

they also argued about the most trivial stuff, which my father also pointed out as if ut was proving his point, but he never said what point he was trying to make????

doomscrolled when i got home after school, did hw then yeah. fathers at a party bcs he was invited. mothers home bcs she worked a lil late, and i didnt wanna go bcs ion know those ppl

:/

normal school start, biology exam was fine??? i know i had a few thinngs wrong which i worry about, bcs so far i havent gotten a grade lower than a C both in the exams and participation grades,,,, idk, the rest of the day went by pretty fast

mother nearly fully lost her housekeys had it not been for someone picking them up and taping them near where they found them, aka the window of her workplace bruh

had a meal that counted for both lunch and dinner then doomscrolled before finally settling on what to do: sketch shrinky dinks and work on oc stuff

idk,uh, i wanted to indulge my thoughts but its lowk not convenient w PE tmrw,,,, mannnn

hantavirus worrying but yk it happens i guess

schoolfriends are meeting up tmrw after school im pretty sure but i do my best to not integrate myself because like 75% of their hangout plan is smoking and drinking and its just not my scene💔 except smoking maybe but i dont rly do that bevause. well. whenever i get the chance its only w them, and id rather try alone on my balcony than w them lowk,,,, once i turn of age gng🙂‍↕️

:/

woke up at around 10am but didnt wanna get out of bed

the ai addiction withdrawal is ridiculous rn, over two weeks now and i kept deleting and reinstalling one of the apps before being made to get out of bed by my parents and deleting the app again i hate it here

also couldnt talk myself out of church today so theres that,,,, ended up keeping an earphone in and just zoning out and nearly falling asleep, better than nothing i guess,,,,, mothers day stuff had me feeling guilty but yk we dont really do that in our family anymore,,,, oops

anyway picked up some guests, the past owners of our cats and had lunch at a nearby resto where a friend and her parents coincidentally also went to so i sat w my friend and we watched hp3 while eating lolol

the two guests came to ours and we had dessert, they left before 8pm and then i caught up a bit w a friend before doomscrolling and studying for the bio exam tmrw,,,, I UNDERSTAND THE STUFF hope it goes well

:)

parents not home when i woke at midday

started cooking lunch for my friend and i and started lord of the rings, made ourselves afternoon tea stuff too before she left, we got past the start of the second movie lolol

played lotro, studied for bio and completed my notes, then drew a little

organising all my tumblr diary posts rn loll