Muffin

I finished jade city this morning and since then I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the ending especially about Anden and Shae at Lan’s grave OH MY GOD that almost tore me apart, I think Shae saw part of her younger self in Anden, lost and unsure about their worth and path.

So I have been thinking about burnout Illari like she would the golden child, she’s smart, capable, responsible and because of that everyone would have this high and unrealistic expectations of her, like they would believe Illari can’t make mistakes or mess up or whatever and so Illari would have this constant fear of disappointing the people in her life, she fears of not living up to her ‘potential’ and she would have this perfectionist mindset where she would be cruel to herself because she believes that she deserves no rest or joy, have to work harder and reach higher because that’s the only thing she knows, so until one point all this pressure and anxiety would crush her and she would experience a burnout and this will cause her to feel worthless why? Because her whole life she was a vessel for everyone’s expectations and this would cause her to feel guilty for disappointing them and anxious for not knowing what do anymore.

Sunshrine sun and moon coded but Illari as sun in a way where she feels so deeply it burst out of her, her feeling are so bright and hot they make her untouchable or too bright to be able to look at like how everyone is fascinated by how bright she can shine but they don’t know that to shine she needs to burn herself in the process, kiriko as a moon in a way she hides her true feelings and reflects other people’s light as her own, she’s afraid of her own emotions she hides them in the shadows, how no one knows her true light because no one wants to sit all night and learn about her.