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if i look back, i am lost

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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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oozey mess
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

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@everythinginmymind0

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I met a new person shes a friend of my friend
And ı dont like her How will ı say my friend ?
Shee is very misogynistic and judgmental and I don't think she has good intentions
BUT BUT BUT
But she has cancer and I dont feel its my place to speak badly about her I dont know
And I told my friend that I got along with her but honestly I felt very uncomfortable around her We were walking together and she pointed at a random girl on the street and said Her body is nice but her face is ugly
Im in circle period
I feel idiot and uncultered and uneducated
I learn new things
AND I FEEL LIKE A GOD
I dont look for new things to learn
And AGAIN
I cant focus anything I lost this ability
I want to loved by aries sun taurus venus leo moon with aqua mars I NEED IT

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I fucking hate NATO.
Exploration of Gemini-Sagittarius axis from the lens of Sufism
Story of mevlana & shams i tabriz
Before meeting Shams, Mevlana was the quintessential high-expression Gemini. He was a brilliant academic, a master of theology, a collector of texts, and a beloved lecturer. Of course he was alwasy surrounded by books, which represents the Gemini tendency to gather facts, definitions, scriptures. Gemini is the "I think, therefore I am" stage of spiritual development.
Sagittarius doesn't care about what is written about God or truth; Sagittarius wants to experience it directly (that's why you'll see Sagittarius influenced people diving heads first into anything and absorbing the essence of it which can't be taught from books). Shams blew into Mevlana's life like a roaring Sagittarian fire, and basically sagitterrorized him in modern terms...
A story of Gemini-Sagittarius opposition;
Mevlana is sitting by a fountain, surrounded by rare, priceless manuscripts. Shams walks up and asks, "What is this?" Mevlana, feeling intellectually superior, smugly replies, "You wouldn't understand; this is knowledge that cannot be gained through hearsay."
Shams then takes the books and dumps them straight into the water. Mevlana is devastated and outraged.
Shams pulls the books out of the water, completely dry and untouched. Mevlana is stunned and asks, "What is this secret?" Shams replies "This is taste and ecstasy, you wouldn't understand."
True wisdom and integration can not be achieved through books.
Throwing the precious books into the water was Shams’ ultimate Sagittarius move. He was saying, "You are drowning in information, but you are starving for wisdom."
Shams forced Mevlana out of the Gemini lower mind (logic, reading, reciting) and dragged him into the Sagittarius higher mind (intuition, cosmic love, direct experience). Aside from their mentor-student dynamics, they became very good friends and Mevlana discovered the taste of oneness with Allah through Shams, which is how the concept of "Divine Love" was emerged. As Shams was a gateway to God and infinity for Mevlana, he was highly attached to him. After the said incident, Mevlana became utterly consumed by Shams. He abandoned his students, his teaching, and his books just to sit at Shams's feet. He was treating Shams like a new, walking "encyclopedia" of divine knowledge. His intense, agonizing attachment to Shams's physical form represents the shadow side of Gemini: clinging to the dual (twins cannot be seperated) and the tangible.
But in true Sagittarius fashion, Shams left...then he came back...then he left again.
First time he left, Mevlana was so devastated by the loss that he fell into deep grief and depression. Seeing that Mevlana’s intellectual rigidity cracked, Shams returned (partly coaxed by Mevlana’s son) to finalize the transformation. But Shams knew that as long as he was physically present, Mevlana would always look at him for answers instead of looking within. In Sufism, the bond between a master and disciple is meant to guide the student toward Divine Unity (Tawhid). Sagittarius is the sign of the distant arrow and the endless quest. By permanently vanishing, Shams forced Mevlana to stop being a "student" (Gemini 3H) and finally become the "Master/Prophet of Love" (Sagittarius 9H).
For Gemini, "Twin" is not just a friend; they are the missing half of the soul. For a Gemini archetype, losing the "other" feels like a literal death. Being mutable air sign, it takes the shape of its container. In relationships, Gemini energy becomes a perfect mirror of the partner. Mevlana didn't just love Shams; he became Shams. (This is why he named his book the Divan-e Shams-e Tabrizi which he wrote as if he were Shams).
Shams’s constant disappearing acts represent the Sagittarian archetype of the wanderer. He was a catalyst and a spiritual nomad. He didn't come to be Mevlana's permanent fixture; he came to spark the fire ans awakening. Mevlana's intense grief during these absences turned him from a prose writer into one of the greatest poets in human history and gave birth to Sufism. He wrote entire poetry books about his experiences with him
“Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment. Cleverness is mere opinion. Bewilderment brings intuitive knowledge.” — Mevlana
“The chemistry of mind is different from the chemistry of love. The mind is careful, suspicious, & advances little by little. Whereas love says, ‘Let yourself go!’” — Shams-i Tabrizi
Foundations of New Age Spiritualty
It's also important to note, Sufism laid the foundations for new age spirituality. I mentioned in my last post that Sagittarius Pluto generation is when the new age spirituality wave has reached its peak. Under any post-modern "manifestation/spirituality" principle, you find sufist philosophies. The "Law of Attraction" or the idea that "the universe responds to your vibration" isn't a 21st century invention, it is what Sufi mystics like Mevlana and Ibn Arabi were writing about nearly 800 years ago repackaged.
A core teaching of modern manifestation is that the external world is just a mirror of your internal state. It can be tracked back to Ibn Arabi’s philosophy of Wahdat al-Wujud (The Unity of Being) writings that everything in creation is an outward manifestation of a singular, divine reality. Mevlana famously wrote: "You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean, in a drop." If you want to change the reflection, you change the self.
Modern spirituality tells us that to manifest something, we must "align our energy" with it. Sufism teaches that the human heart (qalb) is a mirror.
Modern spirituality says: "What you seek is seeking you" or "Your thoughts create your reality"
Mevlana says in Divan-i Shams, “Whatever you are seeking, you are that.”
“If you are searching for a friend, you are looking at a friend. If you are searching for a piece of bread, you are a piece of bread. Understand this secret: Whatever your soul seeks, you are that.”
“The universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself; everything that you want, you already are.”
“The world is a mirror, and it shows you your own face. Wash your face if you want to see a beautiful reflection.”
“Knowledge is to know yourself. If you do not know yourself, all your reading is in vain.” -Yunus Emre (Turkmen Sufi)
(tropical)
the best thing you can do is love yourself.
Mercury observations
Mercury in the 8th house people would rather die than have an actual small talk. That is why it is hard for them to make new friends, as a vision of slowly getting to know each other before exchanging intimate thoughts seems tiring.
People with mercury in the 10th house are known for their opinions. They are usually quite sure of themselves and can be quite argumentative. Somehow it seems that everyone knows their thoughts on particular issues and loves discussing it. It can be especially apparent if the planet is in Aquarius. Both of my friends who have this placement are constantly sharing their controversial thoughts with newly met strangers without hesitation. They usually have very far left political views.
The same sign in mercury and sun usually indicates a really honest person. Those people hate lying or pretending to be someone they are not. Staying true to themselves is something incredibly important to them and they need friends who would never judge them or pressure them to change. Sometimes, this people can develop an unhealthy habit of excessive oversharing or venting. I have also met people with this placement that were a little bit too transparent about their personal opinions. I knew a girl with this placement who would openly tell someone that she doesn't like them and was visibly annoyed when that person tried to talk to her.
As a mercury gemini, whenever I hangout with my friends who all have mercury in air signs I come home literally exhausted and unable to talk with anyone. Our conversations are really vivid and can last for hours. It's hard to keep track of what's going on as we constantly change subjects, interrupt each other and make a lot of noise. I love it so much but after a while we all just go mute and stare at the wall...
That"s all...

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I think I got myself a date on Roblox
I'm talking to aqua moon are they really that bad?
Summer is about having an Ache inside your Chest and Screwing up your Sleep Schedule
The Vedic Astrology Behind The Rich: I wasn't expecting these results... (Part 1: Results)
Note: I am not an astrologer. I am a total novice when it comes to vedic astrology. However, I like spreadsheets. A little too much, maybe. Also, this article is the results which I am asking for help when it comes to interpretation, since I am not good at interpreting astrological placements.
I've seen lots of discourse among both vedic and western astrologers about 'billionaire'/'millionaire' aspects, placements, nakshatras, etc. Some have produced research studies such as Claire Nakti in her early days. Well, I wanted to see for myself what astrological placements were more common among the extremely wealthy than among the general population.
I also have to admit: I've had frustrations with Claire Nakti's earlier research studies. She slips in far too many ideological rants instead of concrete explanations for her results, especially in her oldest surveys. From what I remember, her study on 'multi-millionaires'/'billionaires' had numerous flaws: small sample size, C-rated birthtimes which are known for being ... really dicey (the Beyonce debacle, for example), and little-to-no explanation of the statistical methods she was using (how did she measure these results with? Frequency? The confidence intervals she is using for her data? P-values? She explains absolutely none of that in her wealth video).
Going away from Claire Nakti, many other sources I found about 'billionaire'/'multi-millionaire' astrological analyses did not mention any sort of data collection besides some anecdotes or guesses. For my overthinker self, that's not enough.
It was from these frustrations that I decided to take a look over at Astrodatabank's B-rated birthtimes+ and collected the charts of 200 multimillionaires and billionaires. The metric for this sample was a net worth of at least $2 million USD or more. All birthtimes were B-rated or higher; most of them were A-rated or AA-rated.
I collected these charts into a Google spreadsheet and analyzed the frequency each placement appeared in compared to estimates of the general population (chi-square test). My confidence interval is at 95% (p=0.05 or lower for results to be considered significant).
For the Ascendant, to account for differences in certain signs' ascension times, I calculated them based upon the duration each sign is estimated to arise on the horizon within the northern hemisphere---where the large majority of charts in this survey were collected from. Yes, I know this isn't the best method. Not by a long shot.
For this survey, I used sidereal Lahiri ayanamsa. I only looked at D-1 charts.
Placements I analyzed included:
Planets (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Rahu, Ketu) in Houses, Signs, Nakshatras. I also looked at Planets within the Same Sign as each other (Conjunctions/Conjoined). Planets in the Same Sign as the ASC and MC/IC were included as well.
Ascendant in Sign and Nakshatra.
Midheaven in Sign and Nakshatra.
Charakarakas, ranging from Atmakaraka to Darakaraka.
House Lords in Houses, ranging from 1st Lord to 12th Lord.
Big 3 (Sun, Moon, ASC) in Signs and Nakshatras.
This was quite interesting read.
I am sharing my personal opinions on your findings.
The prominent pattern seems to be Virgo and Cancer placements.
It’s not surprising to see Virgo as it’s earth zodiac and belonging to Artha trine and usually deals with earthy matters including money and finance.
Cancer denotes masses or public. So many famous people who deal with masses tend to have prominent cancer placements. Especially Saturn in cancer. Saturn is the karma karaka and placed in cancer is quite telling that the person might have karma related to dealing with public. Same goes with Saturn in Libra , Libra also denotes public and Saturn exalts here being the ultimate service provider.
Also Mars in Virgo seems interesting but not surprising. Virgo signifies Nukta- chini and analytical skills. Mars is a logical planet. Together the placement makes one highly logical and calculation. The combination also points to mathematics, tech, and law. Idk how many of the 200 people considered are in tech but as per current trend most of the wealthiest people are tech bros.
Mars in cancer is again not surprising. Debilitated placements in chart indicate wealth accumulation.
Out of many patterns I just wanted to touch upon these.
Yeah, there are several tech bros in here along with businessmen, media moguls, CEOs, Celebrities, etc. (most individuals in this survey, however, were not celebrities though). I did not discriminate among career fields because I wanted to see what combos can indicate excessive wealth accumulation regardless of career.
I also cannot help but think about how sidereal Virgo, and Mercury rashis as a whole, is associated with deception, and how the wealthy deceive the lower classes to fight amongst themselves. You don't become that wealthy if you don't rely on trickery, cunning and exploitation in this cruel world.
What I find interesting is how malefics and enemy planets in Cancer are what rose to significance here. Mercury in Cancer (Mercury considers Moon an enemy), Mars in Cancer, Saturn in Cancer, and Rahu in Cancer. What this is telling me is...these individuals w excessive wealth often have an inimical relationship with the masses. An example of Saturn in Cancer manifesting like this is Donald Trump.
Mercury in vedic is a child and also a businessman . Both mercurial signs I would assume are quite self serving and extremely calculative ( especially virgo). Gemini is often told to be a selfish sign(like a small child who whines about their favourite toy). Virgo actually is a mature manifestation of mercury. It is a sign of fault finding and perfectionists. So yes I agree they can be quite cunning or to put it in other words have the knack to find loopholes because they are so detail oriented. Virgo and 6th house is also the house of service so maybe many might actually have some kind of service they provide. And virgo is also a earth sign which explains the emphasis on finances ,money etc.
We can't forget cancer rules ones emotions, heart , comforts,home environment, mother. So malefics in cancer might not be great for emotional wellbeing ( idk but I feel a lot of celebrities or successful people have a messed up home life or childhood???) which might actually drive them to seek power and influence over masses eventually. Like they seek the validation from outside because they never found the emotional support in childhood (Donald Trump had a abusive father)
I want a glow up. I want to become more cultured well informed, and emotionally stronger

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Also, I don't think I'll ever experience a long, epic love story. I wonder if my heart is just shut tight?
I just want to live miles away from my family. It feels like everyone else has their independent lives, but I'm just glued to mine, wasting away. DEAR GOD, SEND ME SOMEWHERE FAR AWAY AND LET ME START A NEW LIFE.