Wow I must really love making decisions against my own self interest and posting about it on the internet because what else would explain my current decision making process
But for real it’s always the late nights and being tired that makes me miss sh. Not that I didn’t used to do it for any other reason too. Like I kinda used to be the poster child who would do it for any of the reasons on the sites and then some. But now I know I want to because I’m tired at this moment. Doesn’t stop that if I’d had the supplies idve done it tonight.
Also I feel like I’m gonna burn out my support system because ik I’m exhausted of this shit. I thought maybe with learning self care I’d have to be selfish for a little while but it’s over a year and now I’m that plus less effective because I burned out and now try not to push myself as much.
I always said I’d rather hurt myself than hurt anyone else but it seems life is just full of getting hurt and hurting people and dragging my broken pieces from one fire to the next.
I feel like without sugar coating things people who feel the way I do usually end up dead. Like maybe there’s some survivorship bias pardon the pun. But like one way or another feeling bad can’t go on forever
