Eve's Ramblings

sources say there are muscles in the back of my neck. and they want to kill me

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

i think every publisher should have to institute a ban on books that fail what i’m calling the “little life” and “what else?” tests

men will be like “women are humorless and unfunny” and then you ask what the men’s sense of humor is and what they find funny and it’s just misogyny.

I love the fact that Molly is introduced having extremely advanced people skills and easily sussing out everyone's strengths and weaknesses and you think he's that way cause he's just a nice guy. Nope. He's that way because he's a former cult leader who forgot he was supposed to be using these skills for evil.

all i do anymore is display symptoms

i need to change my whole life in one day. watch out world. i'm about to rearrange my furniture and cut my hair and develop new yet fully formed healthy habits all in the span of 24 glorious hours. i will also be buying groceries.

a boyfriend is a type of parasite that lives in a beautiful woman’s house and drains her life force

i think the world would be a happier place if we were all permanently stoned

the lottery by shirley jackson

hold on i have to read something real quick

dude

i hate the way fat antagonists have their weight moralized and used as a metaphor for greed and corruption and i hate the way it's overcorrected into fat people being "soft squishy friend-shaped cupcakes who look like they give incredible hugs" and i long for the day we have nuanced, interesting, and complicated fat characters and most of all i long for the day people are normal about fatness

this might piss some people off but I don’t think some of you actually ever tried to unlearn your hatefulness. you just came out as queer and decided your new targets really truly deserve it this time.

also, many women/people experience controlling behaviour and domestic violence from their partner for the first time during pregnancy. don’t risk thinking “he’s just stressed, it’ll get better when the baby comes” because it won’t. neither you and your child will ever be safe with that man. get out as early and safely as you can