booboo daddy

KJ: Big words. Bro, I'm expecting the very best. Yeah, totally. You know that'll drive them crazy to not know what kind of shit we're talking about.

KJ: Anything to drive them mad.

KJ: Whenever you're available. Maybe we could like do dinner or something? How about this weekend?

Evan: First off, suppose we better start with code names for each other. Any preference?

Hey, we’re a team, I got to be useful otherwise, what’s the point?

Your purpose is to be the guy with the head of great hair and heart of gold, being my advisor is just another slick add-on. 

Dang, you’d rob the world like that? That’s just mean, Evan.

The world’s got plenty nice enough people who’ll kiss ass already, I don’t need to add to it.

The horror genre has a very loyal and very large fan base I don’t think there’s anything quite like it except for maybe sci-fi fans but that’s a whole other beast. I just call it like it is, if I see talent, I will praise it and the work and effort of you and everyone else involved with the show deserves all the praise it gets and then some. Are they really? I heard it was up in the air with the current condition of the world but if they think it can filmed safely, godspeed. I think it’s greenlit until 13 and there’s a spinoff so for the time being it’s safe to say the show isn’t going anywhere and I can’t wait to see what macabre things come out of Ryan Murphy’s mind.

I definitely belong in that fanbase...though I also belong to the really dumb stoner movie fanbase, like Harold & Kumar and Dude Where’s My Car, really depends what I’m in the mood for. Sounds like an awesome trait, and I’m personally very appreciative of it. We’re slowly trying to get things moving though the safety aspect is obviously still the most important thing. I feel like this year could be made into a season of it’s own - any excuse to get to go and film at Chernobyl, that’d be awesome.

What the fuck, haggis is delicious. 

You’re lying to yourself and you’re lying to me, Jack. You’ve just had it drilled into you for so long. We can set you on the right path.

KJ: You're forgiven, bro. Listen, they can laugh all they want. You and I both know they'll just be jelly, aye. Especially when we'll talk shit about them.

KJ: Bring them on. Cami said something about inviting you and your lady over. Perfect timing.

Evan: I'll make sure it's worth the wait, I swear. Sort of feeling like we need our own code language so they can't eavesdrop and work out what we're talking about.

Not sure we can ever recover from this heartbreak. 

I’m sure I can make you feel better within five minutes. Don’t let Animal Crossing do this to us. 

wished upon a star? sold your soul to the devil? we’ll never know, but you better be thanking your lucky stars that i’m here. they are! it’s weird, but everyone has told me that i’m going to be missing the feeling when they arrive, so i’m doing my best to cherish it. still, it’s fuckin’ weird. okay, that’s true. we’ve got a third hooligan to add to our group. 

People do tell me that my dark eyes make me look like my soul’s been taken over by some sort of demon, so I’d say more likely the second one? I was probably drunk when I did it, that’s why I don’t remember. Is it a weird, intrusive question to ask a mom if you can feel one of the kicks one day? I promise not to freak out if I can. Fuck yeah, just another person to harmonize with us on Agadoo. 

I can keep you subscribed to the “daily baby updates” text message thread. That way you can stay in the know and brag about knowing before the general public. You just have to pinky promise you won’t spill my secrets to anyone else who isn’t subscribed to the ext message thread. It’s a very elite group chat here. Wait, your mom has alien themed furniture? I’m going to need to see pictures for references and also ideas.

Oh god, that’s definitely going to raise some questions from my girlfriend when she sees I get notifications from ‘daily baby updates’, but, it’s what must be done if I want to stay current and in the know. I’m all for pinky promises, I take that shit seriously, so you got it. Nah, I’m saying she might in the attic or something, if that really was how mine was decorated, but I highly doubt it - my families pretty normal, guess I’m just the black sheep.

So does this mean I can sue Amazon for selling you a tattoo gun? Because I feel like you of all people shouldn’t have access to such a thing. Just think about all the terrible tattoos in your future, Ev. I’m going to need to see a portfolio. I refuse to be tattooed by someone without an extensive portfolio and credentials.

Yes mom, you can go sue Amazon on my behalf. Think of the terrible tattoos I have already, do you really think I care about a few more? See, I know that’s bullshit since you came home from doing Nerve stuff one day with that new one on your heel, so you can’t even pull that. Lame excuses, Em. 

Have you paid attention to anything I’ve said for the past two months? Like, at all? Sex-related business doesn’t count.

I’m gonna be honest, every time you open your mouth and something Animal Crossing related comes out my mind fills with nothing but this song. 

Just think about it this way: maybe that’s how you show the love for our friendship while we show it by preventing you from getting married again.

I wish I could argue that but honestly, that’s fair. Sounds reasonable to me. Why are you always the man with the plan?

KJ: The fuck???

KJ: Why haven't you dropped mine at my place?? Bro, we need to do this now. I haven't done that kind of stuff since I was a kid. It'll be even more entertaining now because I've got a girl to make fun of.

Cami: Never! I'm good! You should come to visit us soon and bring Billie.

Do you think it’d be easier to bear for you, if you’d take a painkiller whenever you have to give someone a compliment? 

Oh, definitely, but I don’t want to grow an addiction, so the compliments would have to get even rarer.

Right? Something about a woman who can give tattoos like that…infinitely more attractive than she was already. I hope to be as cool and badass as her one day, that’s for sure. Really? Evan, that’s a lot of trust you have in me not to just draw something stupid on you.

You’re already halfway home, so you can definitely do it. Although, you are a little naive when it comes to our friendship - who said you could do anything on me? I said you can use the tattoo gun, I’m generous, not stupid.