rewritting ╱old excuses

hi  hi  hi  !!  I’m  so  excited  to  be  here  and  join  the  group  .  I’m  phoebe  ,  I’m  21  ,  I  use  she/her  pronouns  ,  and  I’m  in  est  .  I  would  LOVE  to  plot  with  you  all  ,  so  I  will  be  sure  to  slide  into  the  dms  . 

⟨  XAVIER  SERRANO  .  CIS  MALE  .  HE/HIM  .  ⟩  though  the  mist  might  prevent  some  from  seeing  it  ,  RICCARDO  “  RICKY  ”  RIOS  is  actually  a  descendent  of  I R I S  .  it’s  still  a  question  of  whether  or  not  the  TWENTY - FOUR  year  old  POETRY  MAJOR  from  BARCELONA  ,  SPAIN  has  taken  after  their  godly  parent  completely  ,  but  the  demigod  is  still  known  to  be  quite  IDEALISTIC  &  IMPRACTICAL  .

∞

       Sebastian listens and weighs his response. He refused to have Ricky think that he was pushing him away or offer an array of doubt. He needed Ricky to understand. Although Ricky and his herbs — it’s an affair Sebastian has long since couldn’t be bothered with, why should he when it’s a lost cause? This is another matter they need to discuss, where and when, who knows. “ Maybe it would best if we stop assuming from now on, ” he reasoned, “ less thinking, more feeling. And there’s nothing tragic when it comes to friendships. ” For a moment, he considered laugher as his reaction as he’s heard Ricky’s statement. Ricky sounded serious, and that was baffling. “ And that’s because … “ Sebastian trailed off, walking next to Ricky and stopping to gaze into his eyes. “ — Oh, did you think I was only suggesting friendship? ” That was a development, and he couldn’t help but wonder if Ricky has taken less than the usual. “ I’m kind of offended you don’t want us to be friends, though, ” he added, smiling a little this time.

status:  open  to  all  location:  the  athletic center

“ ─── do you think that the spiders we kill have families waiting for them?” the raven-haired girl had slumped into the bench outside the athletic center, letting her gym back slip off her shoulder and settle behind her. “I feel like dinosaurs would have thought of us as incest’s too, so easy to squish under their giant feet, had they not all gone extinct and all. We consider humans the apex predators, but Jurassic Park showed us a whole new world.”

Status: Open to everyone, especially to those who want to elbow Anton in the face   Location: Gaia’s Grounds

When Anton Grant heard from one of his half-siblings at Hermes House that you could order a version of Starbucks’ Honey Almondmilk Cold Brew at Gaia’s Grounds, he just couldn’t stop himself and immediately headed to, for the lack of a better term, crack a cold one. It wasn’t like Anton was a huge fan of Starbucks, though. He liked going there for his almond milk fix, but when he couldn’t, he’d just go elsewhere. It was in fact more the almond milk fix that drove him to run over to the coffee shop as fast as he could, getting accidentally elbowed in the face by a random person he tried to run by. Oof. Thankfully, he managed to keep himself standing, though he did almost lose his balance. Wincing in brief pain, he smirked at the other person, impressed…for some reason. “You didn’t even move…”

There’s a saviour in Ricky’s eyes, something that keeps him afloat as he feels the weight of voicing his truth. It’s not a common place to find himself, in fact he couldn’t remember the last time that he had done so. Vincent knew that despite what he believes to be true, despite how hard he tries, that he wears his emotions on his face. A soft smile crosses his lips as he listens to Ricky speak. What was real love? Was it the soft touches, the sweet nothings whispered against bare skin, the nights spent together? Perhaps it was the selfless acts, the willingness to give oneself up to better someone else. Or maybe it was what Vincent knew it to be. Painful, ruthless, selfish. Whatever it was - it terrified him. “What does that even mean Ricky? Real love? Love leaves you nothing but solitude in the end.” Despite his words, the weight of reality that he felt looming over him, there’s still a smile on his lips as his eyes continue to map the other’s face. It drops as the soft whisper fills the room. That familiar feeling, the loneliness despite never being alone was something he never expected to hear from Ricky. “I think we understand each other.” A small admittance without using the words, bringing Ricky’s hand toward him to place a soft kiss to the back of it as the other continued to play at his exposed skin. The question takes him by surprise yet again. There’s a surprise lightness with its seriousness. He weighs up his answer, aware that the pause is sending the wrong signals but he needs to be precise. They’re not on a cliff’s edge anymore, they’re tumbling through the air and if he gets this wrong their landing is going to be anything but soft. “For tonight we’re in this together.” 

Again Vincent finds himself hurting as he listens to Ricky’s words. They feel both familiar and completely foreign but there’s no mistaking the pain. “You’re not a person that people can hate Ricky, you don’t need to keep everyone at such a distance.” His words were hypocritical but he believed them. The vulnerability that scared him seemed to be having the same effect on Ricky, the hand gripping onto him for dear life as if he let go from the anchoring effect he’d somehow lose himself. Vincent found himself pulling their eye contact, needing to look away before his eyes betrayed him. Ricky could say what he wished but Vincent knew that the way he lived his life, the decisions he made on a daily basis, that he was not a good person. Not really. He’d hurt more people than he could count for no reason at all. Even when Ricky admits to being terrified he can’t bring himself to look back. “I think that you see what you want to see in me.” He’s right though, Vincent is terrified. There’s always that cloud hanging over him. 

Thankfully the lightness returns, Vincent able to slide back into it with ease - this was where his comfort lay. “So beautiful..” He echoed with a soft laugh, the image the other painted with his words causing his eyes to sparkle a little as he pictured it. It wasn’t one he pictured for himself, not really. But the idea that people, people like Ricky, could picture him in it was enough to make him question that belief. They were in familiar territory, their bodies moving to fulfill their craving for closeness for desire. But it was entirely different - they had made themselves vulnerable and he knew that by the end of the night things were never quite going to be the same again.

it  was  only  fair  for  vincent  to  question  him  on  the  legitimacy  of  real  love  after  such  a  brave  statement  .  ricky’s  response  needed  to  be  nothing  short  of  perfection  .  he  sunk  into  deep  thought  as  he  considered  his  answer  .  pity  showed  on  his  face  ,  drowning  out  his  features  ,  hazel  eyes  glistening  with  a  certain  sadness  . “  it  doesn’t  have  to  be  that  way  ...  ”  ricky  sighed  heavily  ,  warm  breath  hitting  his  skin  as  he  held  vincent  with  gentle  care  .  ricky’s  fingers  ran  through  the  soft  strands  at  the  back  of  his  neck  .  vincent’s  state  of  mind  could  be  cause  to  split  ricky’s  heart  in  two  ,  knowing  that  he didn’t  believe  that  such  a  thing  existed  out  there  .  at  least  not  for  himself  .  “  I  can’t  give  you  a  definitive  answer  on  that  .  it’s  simple  ...  and  complicated  .  it  lights  up  your  world  in  technicolor  .  suddenly  every  fault  you  find  in  yourself  isn’t  so  loud  anymore  .  maybe  because  two  become  one  ,  you’re  not  really  certain  where  you  begin  and  they  end  .  it’s  never  lonely  ,  it’s  vulnerable  and  comfortable  .  it’s  ...  for  keeps  .  ”  it was something  ricky  wanted  intensely  ,  like  a  bee  craved  honey  .  so  much  so  the  very  thought  of  it  brought  a  light  to  his  eyes  and  a  tender  temporary  happiness  to  his  features  .  even  as  he  watched  the  smile  drop  from  vincent’s  lips  .  ricky’s  vulnerability  having  an  unexpected  effect  on  the  man  .  an  apology  almost  leaves  him  ,  but  he  swallows  it  quickly  .  allowing  the  sad  reality  of  such  a  statement  to  be  washed  away  with  affections  .   “  there’s  no  doubt  in  my  mind  that  you  understand  me  ,  and  I  ,  you .  that’s  why  I  like  you  so  much  .  ”  ricky  adored  him  all  the  more  in  this  moment  ,  soft  lips  on  rough  skin  .  ricky  hummed  as  vincent  met  him  with  agreement  .  though  ,  it’s  not  the  answer  ricky  had  been  looking  for  .  but  it  was  one  he  could  accept  .  ricky  assures  him  of  that  by  leaning  in  ,  inhaling  his  breath  as  he  connected  their  lips  in  a  delicate  kiss  .  fingers  caressed  along  the  edge  of  his  jaw  ,  dancing  swiftly  under  the  movements  .

the  room  is  filled  with  pain  ,  shared  and  comparable  .  ricky  wants  to  bottle  it  up  and  throw  it  away  .  “  they  should  hate  me  .  I’m  not  a  good  person  .  I  just  haven’t  shown  you  the  worst  .  ”  maybe  they  were  both  being  hypocritical  ,  but  it  felt  real  in  vincent’s  mesmerising  tone  .  though  ricky  had  to  choose  it  was  anything but  .  they  were  creating  a  little  world  of  their  own  and  locking  themselves  away  in  it  .  ricky  would  hold  onto  it  as  he  did  with  vincent’s  hand  ,  tightly  and  without  hesitation  .  “  it’s  a  nice  thought  ,  letting  people  in  .  but  you  keep  them  at  a  distance  too  .  you  know  why  we  do  that  .  ”  vincent’s  ocean  eyes  pull  away  from  their  locked  eyes  and  ricky  immediately  yearned  for  their  return  .  he  allows  them  to  run  ,  however  .  instead  he  opted  for  physical  touch  ,  pressing  a  kiss  to  the  corner  of  vincent’s  lips  .  “  maybe  I  see  what  I  want  to  see  .  or  maybe  ,  I  see  you  and  I  adore  the  bad  as  I  adore  the  good  .  is  that  fucked  up  ?  ”  ricky  placed  his  hand  under  vincent’s  chin  .  “  hey  ...   look  at  me  . ”  a  soft  and  demanding  whisper  .  he  knew  it  was  a  heavy  topic  ,  it  had  the  ability  to  shatter  them  both  ,  if  they  allowed  it  . 

       THERE WAS ALWAYS whispers about the children of hypnos, the powers they held and just how strong they could be, how their house was one of the most dangerous to enter due to the instant drowsiness that could overcome you. shiloh wasn’t foreign to the whispers, but something else she’d heard about her in particular was how she was this seemingly calm in the storm. the way she put people at ease, calmed them down with little to no effort, was always so baffling to her. how could someone with such a storm in her own mind, have the effect to ease others? still, there was something comforting about being someone’s safe space, and she offered ricky a gentle smile, “yeah, it’s scary, but life can be scary. as long as you have people around to take the edge off, that makes it all worth it.” she noted with a slow nod of her head towards him, nose scrunching up as her smile widened, “of course i care about you, you mean a lot to me ricky, i really appreciate you.” shiloh assured him with a run of her fingers through his locks, only slightly messing them up before laughing a bit under her breath, eyes scanning his face as she shrugs, “i guess if the people around me are happy and taken care of, that just makes me….happy? it gives me purpose, makes me feel of value, if that makes sense?” her whole life was a battle of being worth something, to feeling important to those around her for reasons deeper than surface level. her smile falters for a moment at his question, and it hangs in the air for a few beats, shiloh going back and forth on what to say, how to say it, before settling on a little nod, “yeah, i mean, sort of. it’s a mess to be honest, we’re close but i don’t enjoy it?” she offered with a purse of her lips, nuzzling into him more as she sighed, shiloh had never been the best at talking about her own feelings. “sleep is tricky, it’s complicated, but there’s peace in it somewhere. my dreams aren’t always sunshine and rainbows, but with my abilities, i’ve been able to fight them better. i would only leave dreams if i’m overwhelmed, but sometimes if it’s people i care about, i’ll stay and battle the demons with you. you aren’t alone ricky, not as long as i’m here.” sighing at the feeling of his fingers burying in her golden locks now, her eyes fluttered closed, “i’m not just saying that, i mean it. i wouldn’t say something like that unless i truly meant it.”

“  life  is  terrifying  .  that’s  why  I   hate being  sober  .  I  don’t  even  think  people  can  help  with  my  trouble  ,  shiloh  .  if  they  do  ,  well  ,  I  don’t  want  to  burden  them  .  ”  a  mournful  fact  ,  one  he  had  pondered  many  nights  .  eventually  ,  he  came  to  the  conclusion  that  no  one  had  the  capabilities  to  aid  him  .  he  was  a  lost  case  in  which  everyone  should  only  try  to  minimise  the  damage  .  it  was  difficult  to  live  with  ,  but  ricky  didn’t  allow  the  sadness  to  show  on  his  face  .  lashes  fluttered  as  he  tried  to  maintain  little  emotion  .  even  as  she  showered  affections  over  him  .  it  was  hard  to  believe  ,  ricky  was  simply  ,  unworthy  .  “  I  haven’t  done  anything  for  you  to  appreciate  .  but  maybe  ,  one  day  ,  I  will  . ”  the  honesty  slips  from  his  mouth  with  ease  .  ricky  realises  he  has  little  control  over  his  words  here  ,  as  relaxed  as  he  is  .  with  shiloh’s  fingers  tangled  in  his  curls  ,  his  mind  isn’t  occupied  with  dark  thoughts  as  it  usually  is  .  instead  ,  he  fantasises  over  the  future  ,  despite  the  slim  chances  of  happiness  .  it’s  a  little  dream  of  his  ,  resting  deep  beneath  his  chest  ,  kept  for  the  most  sacred  of  secrets  .  he  just  didn’t  know  how  to  make  it  happen  .  “  that  makes  sense  .  I  just  hope  there’s  someone  there  to  return  the  favor  .  does  someone  take  care  of  you  ?  keep  you  happy  ?  ”  he  could  only  hope  there  was  someone  being  held  responsible  .  someone  to  hold  her  heart  .

         the wild look in ricky’s eyes, the sudden ferocity that his offered hand is knocked aside — ricky reminds jason of the stray cats on campus : just as cagey, prone to scratching and just as wanting of attention even if the hissing seemed to suggest otherwise. jason does not attempt to reach out for ricky again after the rejection, standing rooted where he is, neither giving or taking as there’s a light tug on one of his belt loops. his gaze is drawn down of its own accord, lips turned down into a thoughtful frown as he watching one of ricky’s slim fingers slip through the scrap of fabric.     “ everyone’s scared of something, ”     he says finally, voice steady as he meets ricky’s brown eyes again.     “ even the ones who try to run away from it. "     it’s not a confession, not really.

        are you afraid ??      he wants to ask, but doesn’t ; that’s hypocritical. he also doesn’t try to pry ricky’s hand from it’s new resting place — he’d offered a helping hand and even swatted away, he isn’t so quick to turn back on something offered freely. and how could he when the tone of ricky’s voice is anything but MUDDLED, the note of desperation clearer than most things in jason’s life. and while food is hardly the answer to everything, it’s a start — easy and something jason is good at. a soft breath escapes into the space between them.     ” it was just a offer, “     he says quietly,     ” not an interrogation. “      a hand meets ricky’s side, meant to be reassuring, gentle, barely a grazing brief touch over his t-shirt, he pulls away, though he still doesn’t step back.     ” you can come if you want. “

-

jason’s  attention  is  pulled  elsewhere  .  his  gaze  could  be  followed  down  to  ricky’s  hold  on  him  ,  certainly  .  where  the  mere  strength  of  a  delicate  finger  held  him  in  place  ,  locking  him  in  a  glass  prison  .  to  which  he  doesn’t  attempt  to  escape  ,  despite  its  fragility  .  ricky  is  more  intent  on  keeping  a  constant  gaze  ,  revelling  in  the  small  hit  of  sick  satisfaction  he  receives  from  the  minor  downturn  of  pink  lips  .  though  jason  kept  his  emotional  balance  ,  voice  of  perfect  evenness  ,  such  a  strong  contrast  to  ricky’s  own   .  the  low  pitched  and  authoritative  rumble  of  thunder  reacting  to  destructive  lightning  .  it  was  a  nice  answer  to  an  ugly  topic  ,  that  they  all  happened  to  be  as  doomed  as  each  other  .  ricky  holds  his  gaze  for  a  moment  ,  allowing  a  conversation  to  flow  through  their  eyes  .  he  believes  he  understands  ,  for  a  brief  moment  of  time  that  is  whisked  away  too  quickly  ,  leaving  only  confusion  .  “  everyone  is  running  from  something  ,  jason  .  are  you  going  to  allow  it  to  catch  up  to  you  too  ?  ”  it’s  a  minor  slip  up  ,  an  incriminating  one  at  that  .  he  hoped  jason  would  take  pity  on  him  ,  block  any  speculations  that  likely  resembled  the  truth   .  that  ricky’s  own  fears  had  caught  up  to  him  long  ago  .  that  the  only  bearable  way  to  live  beside  those  demons  was  to  self  medicate  .  they  would  not  ever  have  that  discussion  .  not  only  because  ricky  was  afraid  of  being  seen  ,  but  because  he  had  no  right  to  lay  those  burdens  on  jason  .

        “I HAD NO PROBLEM until you started rummaging and touching my things, you idiot. you strolled up with an attitude, i matched it back, if you’re upset…that’s on you. grow up.” dax explained sharply, voice holding an edge to it that bubbled with something deeper, something darker as he peered up with a coldness in his gaze. many people would say he was a dick, heartless in nature, but the world had treated him so unkind that this was the only way he knew how to treat it back. a shitty hand of cards dealt to him changed him as he grew into an adult, “yeah, and who is that going to be, you?” he wasn’t afraid of this guy, dax had been in enough fights, a frequenter of parties, he’d come across way more intimidating people. a smirk tugged across his lips, devious in his expression as he hummed, “oh i believe in karma, me and her have met may times before and for far worse than me crumbling up you’re stupid ass paper.” dax spat back in his direction, gripping his notebook in his hand before tossing it over to his bag, “you think i’m scared of your friends? hardly. i know people in way worse corners of the world, so try threatening me again, pretty boy. i’m shaking in my boots.” and his voice was low enough to almost register a growl, anger flickering in his almond eyes as he glared at him, expression unmoving even after a laugh registered in his ears, “i don’t hide behind my ‘people’, i deal with my shit straight up. trust me, if you keep bucking up to me, this isn’t going to end well.” it seemed silly, to get so worked up over his notebook, but there were things in there that left him vulnerable. daxton ran with some sketchy people, he wasn’t afraid to send them out to send a message, and he certainly wasn’t afraid of whatever people this guy was threatening him with. if he wanted to play dirty, daxton would play dirtier. 

∞

       “ Sell it online. You’ll get some money out of it, at least, “ Sebastian suggested. It might have been said in jest, but it was a practical suggestion. He’s not entirely sure what Ricky was asking — of him and them. “ Would you like to hear the truth or a lie? ” He took a deep breath when Ricky avoided his gaze, reminded himself that they’re on good terms. “ We could be astral projecting. But I think all of this is real. ” He’s caught up to Ricky, glancing at him and nodding once. “ You need to be a little clearer with what you’re asking of me, Ricky. ” Asking would be an exaggeration. He should have said it differently. Even at this very moment, there’s still a should have between them.  “ Are we friends? ” He doesn’t cease his movement this time, walking at a brisk pace, determined to reach the end of the trail. “ — Because friends shouldn’t be pussyfooting this much, right? ” His lips curved into a smile this time, genuine when he turned to look at Ricky.

∞

“Oh.” Maddy’s cheeks starts to feel warm, warmer than ever, warmer than before. To be called nice was always something she works hard for. To be called extremely nice? She felt that was just a bit too much, that she wasn’t quite worthy of that level yet, and then she feels his flattery slither effortlessly through her already soft walls, exposing her in a more vulnerable form. As if she wasn’t already. As if she doesn’t just give that vibe right off the bat. 

Then she hears the second part. “…disgustingly so?” She squints at him, still blushing but a little less flattered and more confused. Did he also think she was disgustingly nice? Maddy has always battled with that notion, of herself teetering between pleasantries, kindness, compassion and becoming a full-blown people pleaser, a doormat. She never wants to be the latter, tries her best to stray far from that path, but she has been there before, unintentionally, and she could never tell the difference until it was too late. The comment stings a little, but she tries her best to move past it as she proceeds to help, as she always does.

“You’re welcome, but I meant, to make you feel that way, before I came along… What happened to you?” Maddy’s eyes widen in surprise when she feels his hands suddenly around his waist. She feels more, other things, stirring from within her, as if awakening from a deep long slumber, even though she has no idea what they could be, what they could mean. Her mouth opens, and though words of protest make their presence felt in her head, they’re unable to escape her lips, stopped dead in their tracks when she hears the request. He needs her. 

It only took three words, and Maddy finds herself wrapping her own hands around him, holding him not unlike a mother holds a child, or a lover keeps warm their significant other. “It’s okay, it’s okay… I won’t leave you. I’m right here.” A warm smile forms on her face as she closes her eyes and presses her cheek against his, a hand on his head caressing his hair, a hum trying to placate his fears and worries without even her slightest knowing.

ricky  is  revelling  in  the  shyness  seemingly  overcoming  her  .  if  he  didn’t  know  any  better  ,  he  would  come  to  the  conclusion  she  didn’t  take  compliments  all  too  easily  .  all  ricky  could  do  was  smile  ,  beaming  brightly  as  he  watched  her  struggle  before  his  own  eyes  .  he  wonders  if  her  emotions  were  always  so  easy  to  pick  apart  .  it  was  admirable  ,  he  decided  .  ricky  kept  his  own  under  strict  lock  and  key  .  the  feeling  doesn’t  falter  at  her  question  .  “  yes  .  but  in  a  good  way  .  it’s  just  too  sweet  .  ”  he  attempts  to  explain  ,  hands  waving  through  the  air  as  he  gestured  wildly  .  “  I  like  it  .  it’s  a  big  compliment  ,  really  .  ”  he  attempted  to  sooth  her  ,  though  he  was  in  no  position  to  do  so  ,  his  mental  state  far  too  fragile  ,  even  with  maddy’s  aid  .  she  would  be  the  sweet  and  strong  one  for  the  moment  .  the  universe  had  decided  that  when  they  crossed  paths  .

“  you  don’t  want  to  know  what  happened  to  me  .  believe  me  .  it’s  a  long  and  boring  story  .  you’ll  only  regret  meeting  me  .  ”  there  is  an  underlying  regretfulness  and  melancholy  behind  the  words  .  he  hoped  he  wouldn’t  have  to  expand  on  it  .  “  worse  than  that  ...  you  may  hate  me  .  ”  strong  arms  now  holding  her  steady  , he  felt  as  her  movement  ceased  for  a  moment  .  he  can’t  help  but  think  this  is  very  much  one  sided  .  though  ,  his  simple  words  of  ‘  I  need  you  ’  ,  had  changed  that  in  a  split  second  .  her  arms  wrapping  around  him  like  something  beautiful  and  holy  .  he  sinks  into  the  hold  ,  heart  leaping  from  his  chest  and  clinging  to  whatever  peaceful  aura  she  had  filled  the  air  with  .  “  thank  you  .  ”  he  exhaled  ,  releasing  a  collection  of  air  onto  her  bare  skin  .  arms  squeezing  her  lightly  in  unspoken  gratification  .  “  I  owe  you  ,  okay  ?  whatever  you  want  .  ”  as  if  he  had  anything  to  offer  her  .  

∞

         Ricky’s smile caught him off guard. He would’ve expected a flinch or some form of recoil. Not that bright smile. “ Yeah, uh, ” Sebastian nodded. His first instinct was to step back when Ricky held up his hand. The bracelet in clear sight now — he can easily recall the number of beads he used, where he stamped the time and date, how warm it would be because of Ricky’s body heat. “ Sentimental, are we? ” He teased, smiling this time as he walks after Ricky. “ I need to tell you something — one thing. For now.” It wouldn’t be fair if he keeps it to himself, if he doesn’t clear the air between them. “ I went freely, ” Sebastian began, taking a deep breath and gazing ahead of them. “ I like to think you did the same. That was then, and this is now. Do you understand? ” He offered another smile, playfully but gently brushing his fingers over Ricky’s cheekbone. “ But I am kind of glad you kept that bracelet, ” he added, somewhat jokingly, “ that comes with a tracking feature, too. Did I ever tell you? ”

        “well this is suppose to be a completely secure place, so i highly doubt it’s a monster. at worst it has to be a feral cat or dog.” they turn their head to look at him, eyebrows raising in question. “a bad omen? i don’t really think so. i think it’s one of those things that if you think you’ll get a negative omen, then you’ll overthink the things in your life & you suddenly see the negative things. do you have anything that a cat would want to eat?” she turns around to give him a tight & quick hug in an attempt to comfort him before lightly cupping his face. “you’re NOT going to die. even if it was a monster, you’d have time to run while it was eating me.”  they let go of his face, walking forward with their hand behind them for ricky to hold.

         are they at a standstill ?? it feels something like that, jason surprised that ricky remains statuesque against his grip in spite of the gentler hold. he does notice the calmer cadence of ricky’s breath though, a small victory if he can consider it that. ( what is there to win ?? ). it is perhaps then his move, but the momentum lies ( and DIES ) in jason’s hands unused. truth be told there’s no clear path for him from here — not one he wants to follow anyway. he pulls in a breath, lips parting.     why ??     the question sits on his tongue but he doesn’t utter it. he’s never understood ricky’s habit of seeking him out when too much time without contact passed between them and ( THOUGH this doesn’t seem to fit into that specific category ) what use would prying be ?? it’s already clear that ricky is hardly in the state he normally is, eyes too present, too raw — maybe jason can fill in the blanks himself for now.     “ it’s not about that, ”     he mutters instead. his hands finally release ricky’s wrists, space put between them once again but only enough to comprise half a step.     “ c'mon, ”     his hand hovers between them, palm up in invitation.     “ have you eaten today ?? ”

-

There aren’t many people who comment on his brains, even in a way that was intended only to flatter him, so hearing the words spill from Ricky’s mouth were enough to cause a little flutter in his stomach especially accompanied with the small affections shared in their touch. The silence, something that Vincent often finds comfort in brings with it an unexplainable warmth. The worry, the uncomfortable feelings that their current situation was bringing to the surface seemed to flatline as they lay there - their eyes searching each other for an answer they knew they’d never find. The silence was shattered with Ricky’s questions, the comfort blanket thrown as the words reverbed around the room. Are you lonely? Don’t you want to be in love? Two questions that were so much heavier than Ricky would ever understand and it takes Vincent a moment to find any words. “Sometimes those in love are the loneliest people on the planet Ricky.” As he speaks he brings a tentative hand back to the man’s cheek, lightly moving him from kissing at his neck and instead back to study his face, his fingers moving a strand of the other’s hair out the way. His eyes would betray his truth he knew that but in this moment he wanted to be able to see him. “But yes.. Yes I’m lonely.” The love question, that wasn’t one he was ready to tackle yet and he let it die by the wayside, it was hard enough for him to admit out loud how he felt and that was enough for today. It was possibly the most he’d shared with anyone in a long time, he was letting Ricky see him in ways most hadn’t and it was terrifying. Terrifying and beautiful. 

The trend continued, both men being challenged in ways that they hadn’t entered the night expecting. He can feel the tension, the way Ricky’s body goes almost rigid as he hides his face. Vincent wants to pull him back, make him look him in the eyes but he understand the need to hide and he wasn’t going to force him into anything. The rigidity is replaced with a trembling, the man who’d first entered his room returning. Perhaps they’d touched too many nerves. Ricky’s words surprise him, hurt him almost. “I don’t know where you got the impression that I don’t like you but I do. In whichever state I find you in.” Finally their eyes meet again, the next words peeling back another layer of the walls the man has up. “I’m not a good person in any state Ricky so I think I’m more than qualified to tell you that’s not true. You’re good to your core you’re just scared of it.” He didn’t know what it was that worried Ricky, why he was constantly self-medicating what it was he was hiding from that made him so sure he was a bad person but what Vincent did know was that the man he knew - he was good. He wasn’t someone who had to hide himself and the way he lit up any room he was in was a gift. “I think if boring becomes fun it is no longer boring, and that’s how I know we’ll never tire of each other. When I’m with you, I can find the fun in just about anything.” And it was true, their approaches to life were normally so different that just being around the other was enough to ensure he was feeling good. He’d never tire of that feeling. The small protest as their lips parted ignited something within him, there was almost a primal instinct that was matched as their kiss deepened. The shock of Ricky’s cold hands as they slid beneath his shirt, their legs tangling together as his own hand snaked from holding his face to the exposed skin at the small of his back pulling their bodies flush together. 

-

ricky  hates  the  tension  he  had  forced  upon  himself  ,  blindly  throwing  harsh  questions  at  vincent  .  he  hoped  the  next  words  spoken  would  be  that  of  vulnerable  honesty  ,  although  ,  he  prepares  himself  to  be  shut  out  rapidly  .  therefore  ,  ricky  attempted  to  avoid  eye  contact  ,  lips  continuing  to  ghost  over  the  delicate  skin  of  vincent’s  neck  .  only  to  feel  the  hesitant  touch  of  vincent’s  hand  on  his  cheek  ,  soothing  his  tense  features  .  his  own  ruffled  hair  ,  as  wild  as  his  eyes  as  he  is  met  with  blues  once  again  ,  once  cold  ice  now  resembling  a  warm  sea  .  vincent  is  tender  with  him  as  the  answer  is  given  ,  and  ricky’s  heart  sinks  .  he  hangs  onto  every  word  ,  lips  pressed  together  as  he  thinks  on  them  carefully  .  “  not  when  it’s  real  ,  vincent  .  ”  ricky  offered  up  softly  ,  it  was  an  inadequate  response  ,  that  he  knew  .  but  ,  he  believed  it  to  be  the  truth  .  as  he  studied  every  speck  of  blue  in  vincent’s  hues  ,  he  knew  there  was  more  to  that  answer  .  though  ,  ricky  doubted  he  would  ever  get  to  hear  it  for  himself  .  therefore  ,  he  was  left  defenceless  ,  fingers  tracing  the  lines  of  vincent’s  palm  .  “  I’m  lonely  too  .  ”  a  quiet  whisper  ,  a  shared  secret  ,  one  that  would  be  locked  away  and  kept  forever  in  the  memory  of  this  day  .  ricky  exhaled  shakily  ,  forehead  resting  against  his  .  “  I  don’t  think  anyone  else  understands  .  ”  but  it  was  different  between  them  .  he  was  gripping  desperately  to  that  connection  right  now  .  a  part  of  vincent  seemed  to  be  doing  the  same  ,  as  he  was  being  uncharacteristically  open  .  so  ,  had  ricky  been  standing  on  the  edge  ,  he  had  completely  leapt  off  when  his  train  of  thought  lead  to  the  next  question  .  “  do  you  want  to  be  in  love  tonight  ?  ”  there  was  no  harm  in  that  ,  blanketing  themselves  in  the  warm  safety  .  deep  down  ,  ricky  feared  the  answer  would  be  no  .  though  ,  he  tried  not  to  let  that  show  ,  fingertips  dancing  up  the  electric  blues  of  the  veins  peaking  through  the  porcelain  skin  of  vincent’s  arm  .

        ANNOYANCE WAS VISIBLE in the way his frame sat, shoulders tense as he rolled his eyes at the male’s excuse, “good for you, want a fucking gold star or something?” dax muttered as he finally let his almond eyes dart up to the guy standing above him, normally, this position would be rather submissive…but he kept his cool, not wavering at the way he towered over him in the moment. “oh really? no shit, thanks for the lesson, bill nye.” he smirked a bit, head falling to the side as he watched the annoyance now on the guy before him’s face, something in him satisfied with pissed someone off. it was like an itch he didn’t know he needed scratched and he shrugged, “the paper literally came over here, to me, in my personal space. it looked like garbage, which is probably is to be honest with you, so i picked it up. didn’t know that was a crime?” dax explained cooly, letting the guy get the paper off the ground now, only for him to swipe his notebook. it was enough to get him to move, quick on his feet as he ripped it from the strangers hand, “next time you try shit like that, and i’ll break your god-damn hand, we clear?” he rumbled out, low in an almost growling tone, dax had a thing about his personal belongings being taken from him. only child syndrome, perhaps, but the contents of the notebook were something personal and he stood strong as he squared his shoulders, a tight clench in his jaw as he peered something hot at the boy in front of him.